Archive | 2010

Birth Witnesses

Birth Witnesses

In this so-called Age of Information, we have iPads and smart phones, mega computers and micro chips, and a world of knowledge at our fingertips. We are not limited by the resources in our community when we can reach out to virtual communities that span the globe with the touch of a button – forums full of ideas, innumerable news sources, websites for all schools of thought and up-to-the-minute research from leading experts in every field.

So why, then, are new and prospective mothers still so naive when it comes to the act of childbirth? Why, despite our best efforts to educate ourselves, are we still in the dark about the whole process until those contractions hit and we begin the journey through labor ourselves? I, myself, was included in this group, although I did everything I could think of to educate myself prior to my daughter’s birth. I read books on what to expect, took classes hosted by my hospital, toured the birthing facility, joined an online forum of moms, and Googled everything I could think of related to pregnancy and birth. I spent months practicing Hypnobabies for a natural birth, discussed my wishes in detail with my doctor, and, after studying ample examples and recommendations, formed a ‘birth preferences’ list for the doctor and hospital. I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want when it came to birth. At the same time, I knew my “plans” would likely not go as expected, but was prepared to make informed choices along the way. I had ideals and contingencies, preferences and plan Bs.

However, when all was said and done, I found myself totally unprepared for the experience of labor itself. I had read about contractions, witnessed videos of women in labor, seen and practiced techniques for comfort and relaxation. None of that prepared me for the anxiety and unknowns that flooded my mind as my body began its natural next steps. I realized just how little I knew about the hours ahead. How uncomfortable I would feel with nurses and midwives going about the “day to day” routines of their jobs, and by doing so how secondary I would feel to the process. How defenseless I would feel to contradict or decline an expected treatment, especially under the medical staff’s disapproving glares, and with no one to support clueless me and my equally unknowing husband. While a doula certainly would have helped in easing my fears and strengthening my resolve, I think my inability to grasp what I was a part of, indeed, the central part of, would have still left me bewildered and terrified in those hours.

After my daughter’s birth, I found myself struggling to comprehend what had just happened to me. Although everyone assured me this was a fairly ‘normal’ labor, I had no point of reference on which to base that comment. I realized the short video clips online and in class captured only key moments in a much longer, more complex and nuanced process. Those huge gaps left in my knowledge of labor are what left me so unprepared to defend myself and my baby against treatments I didn’t want, didn’t need, and had previously decided against but found myself, in the moment, succumbing to. I tried discussing it with my mom, who explained that she’d felt the same way when she had me (her first child). She concluded the only way to truly understand birth was to experience it yourself.

The only way to understand birth is to experience it yourself. The ONLY way? That comment stayed with me, haunted me. I became a doula after my daughter’s birth because I wanted to be able to provide women with support and knowledge that could give them a different experience, a better memory than what I had. I just couldn’t believe that there wasn’t a way to understand birth at all except to experience it firsthand. Certainly there wasn’t always this fear and unknown around birth that we each face today. Not always. I began studying that idea. What about other cultures? What about our culture, historically? What about The Farm? There wasn’t always this myth and mystery about birth! I realized there was a time (and in places, there still is) when women banded together for births. Mothers, sisters, cousins, daughters, aunts, friends. They came together and comforted, guided, soothed, coached, and held the space for one another during birth. These women didn’t go in it alone – they were surrounded by women who had birthed before them. Women who knew what looked and felt right, and what didn’t. Women who could empathize with them and empower them. In addition to that, girls and women were raised in a culture of attending births. Daughters watched mothers, sisters and aunts labor their babies into this world. They saw, heard, and supported these women for the long hours of labor, so when they became mothers themselves, the experience was a new, but very familiar one for them. Birth wasn’t a secretive ritual practiced behind the cold, business-like doors of a hospital. It was a time for bonding, learning, sharing and sisterhood. Girls learned how women become mothers, and mothers helped their sisters bring forth life. It was a sacred and special part of the birthing process that has become lost in our institutionalized, over-medicalized, isolating and impersonalized system today.

While I certainly don’t expect us to throw our entire system out the window in favor of simpler times, I think the rush to technology and medical advances certainly left some essential elements of birth in its wake. Elements such as women supporting women. Listening to one’s body. Intervening only when necessary instead of as a matter of protocol. And perhaps, most importantly for us all, the community aspect of birth. This has lead me to believe that in order to truly educate ourselves about birth, to improve the way we birth, and the way we prepare for birth and prepare our sisters and daughters for birth is that we need to provide the women we love (especially those of childbearing years) the opportunity to witness and participate in our births, because only when you are present for a labor and birth can you begin to fathom the process, the emotions, the physiological changes that one goes through. If we can allow women the chance to witness and share in our births – the way it was done historically – and how it is done now at sacred places such as The Farm – we can give them a chance to prepare for birth in a way we were never able to. They can see firsthand the role of a midwife or doctor (and the roles those care providers don’t play). They can observe the benefits of a doula, they can have the opportunity to doula themselves – caring for and soothing a woman in labor. They can observe the power of changing positions, the instinctual side of birth that leads each woman to listen to her inner voice to bring forth her child. They can witness the time, energy and atmosphere it takes to birth a baby. I truly wish that more women were invited into the birthing setting by close family or friends so they could witness normal birth and understand it as best they could before they do it themselves. This is one of the keys, to me, to normalizing birth for every woman.

As a ‘birth survivor’ myself, I understand the trepidation some women feel at including more people in this personal and – unfortunately for some – traumatizing event, and I respect that, but I would like to offer a few thoughts about opening your birth to ‘birth witnesses’. First of all, my initial reaction to the way my daughter was birthed was “that was not how it was supposed to be!” followed shortly by “I don’t want anyone I know to have to suffer through that humiliation, degradation and pain!” Those sentiments led me down the path of trying to discover a way to share with the women I love what childbirth could be, and what it should not be. My best answer is to let them witness a birth experience and let them form their own opinions about what works for them and what won’t, so that they can be better equipped going into the experience themselves – empowerment!

My second thought for you is to think of those women you would want to share this experience with – do you have a younger sister? A daughter, niece, or friend who may one day become a mother? Don’t you want to offer them the best opportunity for a great birthing experience? Think of the presence they will bring to your birth, in turn. These are women whom you love the most in the world. They are going to be calming, happy, supportive presences in your birthing place (and if they’re not, I recommend they not attend). These women want to see you succeed. They want what is best for you and your baby. They are going to know you better than any doctor or midwife or doula, making them naturally better able to comfort you and support you. Their love and warmth will be a welcome and helpful addition to your birth, as well as an educational experience for them. And, if you, like me, were scarred or traumatized by your first birth, that type of love and unconditional support might be just what the doctor ordered, so to speak.

Like all things in this life, I don’t believe there is a universal approach to anything. I don’t think that inviting birth witnesses into one’s labor is right or necessary for everyone, nor do I think that every woman must witness a birth to be adequately prepared. For most women in our country today, though, I think there are many benefits – to the laboring mom and to her support team. If you do want to invite birth witnesses into your experience, I recommend you consider the following as you prepare for your birth:

Think about where you are birthing and how many people are able to attend. Many hospitals have limits on the number of people who can join a woman in a delivery room, but you may be able to rotate some of them in and out, giving a few women a chance to participate. Some birthing centers are more flexible, especially if you explain your intents, and your home of course is the an ideal option for including birth witnesses.
Think about who will best help you as well as who most will benefit from the experience. This is YOUR birth after all. Your needs must still come first. If there is someone whose presence may cause friction or tension, you may not want to include them. Birthing mothers need calm and relaxation.
Consider inviting witnesses no matter if you’re planning on a natural birth, an epidural, induction, or other intervention. There is something to be learned from every birth experience, so don’t discount your ability to help because of the way you choose to birth. It is the physical presence at a birth that offers more to women than the type of birth. They will form their own opinions about what they are comfortable with while watching and learning from you.
Talk to your witnesses beforehand. Let them know you’d like them at your birth and why. The idea of being present with birthing women has become a strange one for many people since it has fallen out of vogue, and explaining that they can help you by being present, and that you’d love for them to be there to witness your birth may warm them up to the idea.
Consider hiring a doula. The doula can become a support for you, your partner and your other attendants, offering explanations and information, ideas for support, and helping to control the atmosphere and activity in the room so that it is ideal for your birth.

In the end, do what is best for you and your family. Remember, the point of including birthing witnesses in the experience is to help you and to help someone else. Even if you invite just one friend, a sister, or a niece to join you, you are helping to transform that woman’s view of childbirth and offer her an experience and education that she will carry with her for the rest of her life. If we all became birth mentors for just one woman, think of the tremendous change we could affect for the next generation of birthing women.

Bonnie Padgett is a proud mother and wife, and an active member of the birthing community in Atlanta. Bonnie is the owner of La Bonne Mama, which offers labor doula services, childbirth and newborn care education, birth art and placenta encapsulation services. For her next birth she is planning a homebirth and her sister, sister-in-law, and niece will be invited to share in the experience. You can visit her online at www.labonnemama.com, or www.facebook.com/labonnemama.

Choosing Birth Witnesses

Dec30

“Please, choose your birth attendant and place of birth carefully. Search hard for the attendant that you connect well with. You and your baby deserve to be treated with utmost respect and dignity. There are attendants who believe in the sacredness and sanctity of birth. You may, however, need to act as a detective to find them.” –Janice Marsh-Prelesnik (The Roots of Natural Mothering)

This quote resonated with me because of the final line—I am very familiar with that feeling of needing to be a “detective” in order to unearth the kind of care needed/desired/deserved by my family (in various areas, not just birth care, but certainly with regards to birth). I shared the quote via Facebook and a very interesting discussion was sparked about the value of inviting women (other than formal birth attendants) to witness our birth experiences—sisters, friends, nieces. A commenter named Bonnie shared her ideas that one of the very best ways for young women to learn what birth is really like is to be invited to witness a real birth. And, that this may be one of our most transformative keys to making true and lasting changes in our current birth culture. I was fascinated with her ideas and invited her to write a guest blog post about them. She graciously agreed and her wonderful article is soon to follow!

I was going to invite my younger sister to my second birth for these reasons and then I decided not to (“voting” for my preference for a very small amount of birth witnesses over the value of her witnessing the birth), but as I read Bonnie’s thoughts I felt a little sad about my decision. That said, I feel very, very private about my births and it is really important to me to have no one extraneous present. My first baby was born in a birth center and in addition to my husband and the birth center doctor, also present was a doula, a midwife/assistant, my best friend, my mom. It was too many people for my taste and looking back over his birth, it is one of the things that I wish would have been different. My second baby was born at home and I had a midwife. I also had my husband, my mom, and my first son present (my mom’s main job was to hold him and to take some pix). This felt like a much better, smaller match for me. My third baby was a second trimester miscarriage and he was born at home unassisted and just my husband present. Later, a friend who is a doula was very, very helpful to me with postpartum care/doula stuff. I am due in January and having another homebirth and I am hiring a doula this time (same doula as third birth), with the primary purpose being immediate postpartum help (“washing the bloody towels and bringing me tea” is how I define it). I do not plan for her to be present until shortly after the baby is born. I will also have my mom on picture duty and kid-duty if they wake up. I am having mixed feelings about the kids, because I don’t mind them being there if they wake up on their own, but I am struggling with the idea of waking them up and possibly having cranky or otherwise disruptive witnesses in the room! Of course, baby could be born during the day time, which would totally change the dynamic I have pictured in my mind.

Anyway, I know you will enjoy Bonnie’s post and I’m so excited to share it!

Birth Quotes of the Week

Dec27

“…a tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future….a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.” (adapted from a quote by Agnes M. Pharo)

Happy New Year!

‎

“Understand that the tremendous energy going through you during birth is the same sort of power as the force of ocean waves moving towards shore. Know that just as a bird knows how to build its nest, and when to lay its eggs, you too will build your birthing nest…” –Janice Marsh-Prelesnik (The Roots of Natural Mothering)

“Open hearts, strong hands. Be present, listen, feel her, trust your instincts. And remember–I have birthed my children…she will birth this child her way, with her power, be with her and let her feel your faith in her.” –Jennifer Walker (quoted in Adela Stockton’s new book, Gentle Birth Companions)

“We are living in a time where many birth peeps start out in passionate service to birth work, inspired by a Calling. But without elders to harness that passion and slowly cultivate it to grow a strong inner container so the new birth peep can learn to hold the psychic power of birth, the hard work and… unrealized dream of making a difference gradually morphs that passion into keeping a job or career…” (from Pam England’s blog post about Where are the Birth Grandmothers…)

‎”Doulas are just women who really, truly care about other women, on a major level.” –Linda Quinn (quoted in Adela Stockton’s new book, Gentle Birth Companions)

“Childbearing integrates a woman’s mind and body in the most intense way and brings on an existential crisis. However, this crisis is instructive rather than destructive. It forces a woman to rethink the meaning of her life, and to deal with the imminent, inevitable changes of lifestyle and family roles.” –Elizabeth Noble (Childbirth with Insight)

“Do not force nature, do not insult it, for it is as if you were to open the ears of corn to make the stalks grow.” –Chinese Medical Review (1852) (via Lamaze International e-newsletter)

‎”Every pregnancy and birth has something to teach us. Every one is important. Every mother and baby deserve whatever is truly best for them with respect and dignity.” —Preparing For Birth

“The more pregnancy is lived like an illness, the more it becomes in itself a cause of illness.” -Michel Odent, MD, Birth Reborn (via Mothering Magazine e-news)

“I used to have fantasies…about women in a state of revolution. I saw them getting up out of their beds and refusing the knife, refusing to be tied down, refusing to submit…Women’s health care will not improve until women reject the present system and begin instead to develop less destructive means of creating and maintaining a state of wellness.” ~A Woman in Residence, Dr. Michelle Harrison (Delightful Pregnancy & Birth)

“It is necessary for some women to risk total reclamation, to risk the direct and intentional use of power, in bold, even outrageous ways. It takes only a minority of women to alter present reality, to create new reality, because our efforts are more completely focused, more total.” –Barbara Starrett

‎”Please, choose your birth attendant and place of birth carefully. Search hard for the attendant that you connect well with. You and your baby deserve to be treated with utmost respect and dignity. There are attendants who believe in the sacredness and sanctity of birth. You may, however, need to act as a detective to find them.” –Janice Marsh-Prelesnik (The Roots of Natural Mothering)

“I know myself linked by chains of fires,
to every woman who has kept a hearth.
In the resinous smoke
I smell hut, castle, cave,
mansion and hovel,
See in the shifting flame
my mother and grandmothers
out over the world.”
–Elsa Gidlow (quoted in The Politics of Women’s Spirituality)

Posted in honor of the Winter Solstice.

Helping a Woman Give Birth?

Dec24

“One cannot actively help a woman give birth. The goal is to avoid disturbing her unnecessarily.”

– Michel Odent

I shared this quote on my Facebook page and it generated enough comments that I feel it is worthy of a blog post of its own! My original thought upon sharing the quote was this:

I’m not actually sure what I think of this quote–-isn’t it possible to actively help a woman to give birth?! I’m thinking of doulas, whose active support and hands-on loving care sometimes makes the difference between having a labor that “progresses” and one that results in a cesarean (because mother has been lying in bed hooked up to monitors—though, that would invalidate the second part about not disturbing her…)

It is true that no one can physically do it for her, but the “active” word confuses me, because I believe one can take an “active” role in a birth and that it is possible for that to NOT be a bad/disturbing role, but to be a sustaining role…

A commenter on the CfM page shared her excellent interpretation: “I believe what Michel may be saying here is that no one can do the work of a woman’s body. We can support her emotionally/physically but we need try to avoid other disturbances such as medical interventions, speaking during contractions, a disruptive atmosphere, etc.” Perhaps I personally became too hung up on the word “active” and did not pay enough attention to the words “avoid disturbing,” which is really the crux of the matter. And another commenter added this: “No one can do the miraculous job of a woman’s body in labor when left to do what it’s going to do. That being said, I birthed with my midwife and my sister as my doula. No one touched me and I needed nothing other than an occasional, ‘you’re doing great.’ had I had anymore of a difficult labor I’m sure the supporters I had in place would’ve been as hands on as I needed them to be!”

And, I really agreed with this point from another person who said: “Although this may be true about one woman or even most women, it shouldn’t be stated as such a generalization, because some women really DO need active help, whether it be emotional, spiritual, or physical.” This comment echoed my own thoughts. I do not actually have the context for his quote, so I’m not sure what he may have gone on to say after it, but I think it is awfully “rigid” in its own way (it is just the reverse of the type of rigidity that we so often see from medical providers!)

Personally, I’m a hands-off birther and have no interest in people “supporting” me actively (other than my husband) as well as wanting no one to talk to me during birth, but having heard some challenging birth stories lately where it really seemed like the women were being “undisturbed” when they really could have benefited from some hands on/active help, I am pondering lately the role of “help” in birth and when not-disturbing can become neglecting. I think it is possible to be so invested in one’s own dogma and philosophy about natural birth that we can continue sitting on our hands when more active assistance is useful. I’m not talking about emergency situations here—I have yet to meet a midwife who didn’t respond quickly and appropriately in an emergency—I’m talking about the “variations of normal.” The really long labors, the slightly malpositioned babies, the mothers who experience an extra level of pain above the seeming “norm,” the women who become exhausted and just need something else—it doesn’t necessarily need to be a medical intervention or something drastic, but it does need to be something from outside herself, because her own resources are tapped. I have heard two beautiful, strong, wonderful women’s stories of cesareans recently that have prompted these thoughts—the stories were eerily similar even though the women do not know each other, gave birth in different towns, and had different midwives. In both the stories the element that seemed like it was missing to me—and, yes, I know deeply and truly that “a million factors, seen and unseen” [Pam England] go into a woman’s unfolding experience of birth and that it is almost impossible to “deconstruct” the event with full accuracy postpartum—but what was missing to my ears, was that element of hands-on, semi-directive active support and suggestion making. There are a wide variety of “tricks” that can be tried rather than waiting until a mother is completely depleted and then moving to a transfer and a cesarean.

Maybe some of these tricks might seem too “hands on” for some and, yes, they are mildly, or even significantly interventive (I’m thinking here of all the little methods of turning a malpositioned baby, up to and including, manual rotation of the baby’s head—yes, this may be more hands-on and disturbing than we would like in an ideal world, but—duh—isn’t a cesarean even more so?!). Can a midwife be so attached to a specific mode of hands-off, knitting-in-the-corner-care that she neglects to step it up a notch and try some of those model-bridging techniques? While I deeply believe in the knitting-in-the-corner approach and that is all I feel I need with my own births and that is also what many women need, I also know from the power of story that some women do need an additional level of care—a “bridging” level. Something not as dramatic as a hospital intervention, but something more than, “some labors are long, keep going.” My thoughts about a bridge reminds me of a friend of mine who was able to be helped immediately postpartum with a pitocin injection rather than having to transfer to the hospital, while another friend—lacking anyone appropriately trained to call in—had to transfer. It also reminds me of my own experience being helped by a midwife six days following my third birth (second trimester miscarriage), after I discovered the placenta was still being held in my body via some membrane through my cervix. The only option the medical model was able to offer to me was to go to the ER for a D & C. However, a midwife (with whom I had no prior relationship, but who was called in by a midwife I do know) was able to gently twist it loose and remove it—yes, this was indeed “hands on” and a small intervention (as well as uncomfortable), but it was just the “bridge” between types of care that I desperately needed and for which I remain intensely grateful!

There can be a specific element of “smugness” within the natural birth community that has been gnawing at me for quite some time. A self-satisfied assumption that if you make all the “right choices” everything will go the “right way” and women who have disappointing or traumatic births must have somehow contributed to those outcomes. For example, I’m just now reading a book about natural mothering in which the author states regarding birth: “Just remember that you will never be given more than you can handle.” Oh, really? Perhaps this is an excellent reminder for some women, and indeed, at its very core it is the truth—basically coming out alive from any situation technically means you “handled it,” I suppose. But, the implicit or felt meaning of a statement like this is: have the right attitude and be confident and everything will work out dandily. Subtext: if you don’t get what you want/don’t feel like you “handled it” the way you could or “should” have, it is your own damn fault. How does a phrase like that feel to a woman who has made all the “right choices” and tried valiantly to “handle” what was being thrown at her by a challenging birth and still ended up crushed and scarred? Yes, she’s still here. She “handled it.” But, remarks like that seem hopelessly naive and even insulting to a woman whose spirit, or heart, has been broken. By birth. Not by some evil, medical patriarchy holding her down, but by her own body and her own lived experience of trying to give birth vaginally to her child.

Of course, even as I’m having all these thoughts, I read a very disturbing story about a “power birth” experience in which the mother experienced very violating hands-on care involving an intense and violent amount of manual cervical dilation from a homebirth midwife. Maybe the midwife’s perspective was that she was providing the bridge I speak of, but that was NOT what the mother experienced.

And, then this afternoon I read a very thought-provoking post about birth rights, in which the author makes the point that, “Actually the natural birth paradigm, and its paraprofessions, are patriarchal. ‘Empowering women’ is by definition patriarchal because there is an assumption she isn’t already empowered.” There is a reason I chose “Celebrating Women” as my tagline/motto rather than “Empowering Women” and that is because I share the sentiment—I believe birth is an empowering event in women’s lives, but that outside people can’t do the “empowering” for her. I believe education and information are empowering also—when the woman seeks it out and integrates the information into her own being and her own “right way.” However, what I want to do is celebrate women—because they are already super awesome cool and worthy of celebration just as they are 🙂 The blog author also points out something interesting: “A childbearing woman’s locus of control firmly placed, by mommy-businesses, outside of the woman herself, and into the hands of western medicine model, or the natural birth model. There is a paradox in both paradigms. And our women suffer. And our girls need a future.”

When we replace medical experts with “natural” experts, the result is the same—the woman herself is not the power source and she tends to credit other people (or methods) with her own “success” (or with her own feelings, period).

However, the blog post also states: “I can say this: if I am lucky enough to be alive when my daughter, Miles, pees on the stick, I will go with her to the abortion clinic, to the elective c-section, to the pump-station, to the OB, to the midwife, to the hospital, to the shrink for meds, to the ends of the earth without judging her, without comment, without interference, but with witnessing energy of my ancestors, of all the women who faced the dilemma of life and death the moment they realize the full scope of reproductivity. That, is her birth right.” I do not actually agree that without comment is the best approach, because women are very powerfully influenced by a variety of forces around them. If natural birth proponents keep their mouths shut or act like all choices are “equal” choices, then that is actually withholding information from women and denying her the opportunity for fully realized decision making based on her own heart and her own needs. (I wrote some more about this theme—why birth activists should not stop sharing their stories—in a post a couple of months ago: Conclusions About Listening.)

I know I’ve meandered through several ideas in this post and maybe I’ve come around to a different point or subject than I initially began with, but these are the kinds of things that are on my mind during my “free time” this holiday season! I want to close tonight with a relevant, integrating quote from Elizabeth Noble in her Childbirth with Insight book:

“Birth is always the same, yet it is always different. Like a sunset, the mystery is also the appeal to those who get up in the middle of the night to attend laboring women. While the sequence of birth is simple, the nature of the experience is complex and unique to each individual. No matter how much any of us may know about birth, we know nothing about a particular labor and birth until it occurs.” (emphasis mine)

And, I would add, even after the birth maybe we don’t know as much about it as we think we do. Truly, in the end, each birth remains a unique mystery. A journey of its own. And, women have the right to define their own experiences in their own ways.

Story Power

Dec22

“The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.” –Muriel Rukeyser

I have written before about the role and power of story and birth and I have an article pending publication on the same subject. In a not-about-birth anthology I finished recently (The Politics of Women’s Spirituality), I read the following from Carol Christ:

Women’s stories have not been told. And without stories there is no articulation of experience. Without stories a woman is lost when she comes to make the important decisions of her life. She does not learn to value her struggles, to celebrate her strengths, to comprehend her pain. Without stories she cannot understand herself. Without stories she is alienated from those deeper experiences of self and world that have been called spiritual or religious. She is closed in silence. The expression of women’s spiritual quest is integrally related to the telling of women’s stories. If women’s stories are not told, the depth of women’s souls will not be known.

While she is writing about women’s spirituality, I think what she says is very true of birth as well—if women’s birth stories are not heard, the depth of women’s experiences will not be known (and the birth machine will keep on rolling). I also hear women apologize for telling their birth stories “over and over” or, “for continuing to talk about this.” BUT, I believe that telling the story over and over is how we process and integrate the story into our lives. It is how we make it our story and integrate the lessons from it as well as making it make sense within in the context of the rest of our lives as women. Without telling the story in this manner, there is a gap left behind (or, sometimes a wound). Telling the story multiple times does not indicate “stuckness”—on the contrary, not telling the story leads us to a “stuck” place (I think I get this idea from Pam England, but I’m not completely sure).

So, as long as we’re talking story, my favorite books of birth stories are:

The Power of Women by Sister Morningstar

Simply Give Birth by Heather Cushman-Dowdee

Journey into Motherhood by Sheri Menelli

Adventures in Natural Childbirth Janet Schwegel

And, my own birth stories are available too:

My first son’s birth story is available here.

My second son’s birth story is available here.

My third son’s birth story is available here (warning: miscarriage/baby loss).

—–

On a somewhat related note—this time not about sharing stories, but of hearing too many other voices—I did just enjoy reading a blog post from Jennifer Louden called “static free authenticity” that describes something I complain of feeling:

Humble suggestion number one: Turn off Everyone Else’s Broadcast
When it feels too hard to hear you among all the other yous out there, you aren’t suffering from multiple personality disorder, but you may need an Internet fish bowl break.

I say “fish bowl” because everyone’s voices and big plans and ideas can create a sort of invisible fish bowl that hems you in – without you necessarily noticing it.

I describe it as being so filled with the voices of others that it is difficult (or impossible) to hear the still, small voice without. Or, alternatively (when thinking of my own written contributions to the world) as contributing to the neverending cacophony of voices clamoring to be heard.

Speaking of Jen Louden, in another post (this one about depletion), she quotes a woman as saying: “Women get into a cycle of depletion and they’re afraid to step out of it, because then they would be freed up to actually take action on what they really want. They are positive they won’t be able to create their heart’s desire. So they stay busy or scattered or overcommitted so they never have to try.”

I see a lot of truth in this also.

Book Review: The Power of Women

Dec22

Tonight I realized I apparently never posted my review of The Power of Women to this blog, but instead had it only on the CfM blog. Since I love the book, I decided to remedy the situation immediately!

The Power of Women
By Sister MorningStar
Motherbaby Press, 2009
ISBN 978-1-890446-43-7
201 pages, paperback, $29.95
http://motherbabypress.com/

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE
https://talkbirth.wordpress.com

Occasionally, a book comes into my life that touches me so deeply that I am at a loss for words. The new book, The Power of Women, by Sister MorningStar, is one of those rare books. A treasure. A gem. A rare jewel. A delight. These are the words that do come to mind. However, superlatives—though true—do little justice to describing the actual book.

The Power of Women is a book of “instinctual” birth stories told through the eyes of a gifted and sensitive midwife. The stories are from her perspective, not the mother’s. Each story has either a lesson to share or is a glimpse into that deep inner wisdom and strength found in birthing women that is so easily ignored or dismissed in our modern birth culture. This book is good “word medicine” and the empowering stories within it shine a light to help other women trust their instincts. This light also helps other birth professionals rediscover the magic and mystery and wonder of birth and women.

The Power of Women also touched me in a special way because the author divides her time between my own native Missouri and a birth center in Mexico. Some of the stories shared take place in each location (more from Mexico). I found it delightful to discover the power of my own Missouri midwifery activist friends represented throughout the book. Familiar names and faces graced the pages for me and it was a treat to experience that connection.

The book consists of twelve chapters, each containing 5-9 different stories each. The stories themselves are not long, narrative birth accounts, but are moments captured brilliantly for the glimpse of powerful truth they share. Some are only 1/2 page in length–but the depth in each is great. The chapters are titled things like “Stories of Power” or “Stories of Courage” or “Stories of Community and the tales shared therein are loosely bound together with that common thread.

To be clear, not all of the stories are “happy” or are necessarily “good” birth stories, some are even fairly scary and even depressing. All are powerful.

My only critique of the book, which I hesitate to share because it seems petty in light of such a beautiful and wise book, is that the formatting of the text is odd. The font size is small and the text tightly spaced with very small indents.

If you find yourself in a place where you feel trapped alone in a world where the birth you love so much is becoming a “mythological story,” read this book. If you are an aspiring or current midwife, doula, or childbirth educator and wish to deepen your understanding of birth, read this book. If you are a pregnant woman hungering to dig deeply into instinctual birth and the wisdom and power of story, read this book. The Power of Women is a powerful, touching, and magical journey.

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Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

I AM doing this!

Dec20

When my doula came for a visit a couple of weeks ago and we were talking about birth plans and also about fears, we addressed that some women who have experienced pregnancy losses have difficulty “letting go” of the baby and actually pushing the baby out—feeling like they want to keep the baby safe with them. I told her that I envision this baby being born very quickly—partially because I have a history of fast births, but partially because I have feared throughout my pregnancy that she is not safe inside and I want to get her out into the world where I can hold her and see her. I felt very emotional saying this out loud, because before my losses I felt absolutely certain that my body was doing a good job keeping my babies safe and I trusted its wisdom in doing so. However, during this conversation then I also realized, “but, we’re doing it, the fact that we’re here right now shows that I am keeping her safe.”

Early in November I posted a 28 week pregnancy update and in that post I talked a little bit about this same body-trust fear (the lingering what ifs about the cause of my losses) and Molly from the the blog First the Egg commented on my post saying something that touched me deeply and that has lingered with me ever since then as a very, very, very important reminder. She drew a parallel between the classic doula response to the birthing woman’s “can’t do it” comment—“You ARE doing it”—and my own current experience. I am doing it. Regardless of how I might feel, fears, etc., the proof is right there every day—I AM doing this. She is growing and kicking and breathing and hiccuping and I’m living and loving along with her. I have brought this phrase to mind many times since Molly commented on my post and I really thank her for the simple reminder 🙂

Speaking of birthing plans, I’ve officially started working through the Hypnobabies home study program. I have to confess that it feels very strange to be “taking” a childbirth class after all this time of teaching childbirth classes, especially because I feel philosophically certain that there IS no “right way” to give birth and that women do not need “methods” to give birth, they need to trust their inner resources and give birth in an environment of freedom that lets those inner resources bloom. However, I’ve been curious about Hypnobabies for a long time and now is my final chance to try it out! The scripts are very potent and I’m surprised by how very, completely, totally relaxing it is to listen to them—I look forward to listening as a “break” in the day and in my thoughts, etc. It is remarkable how relaxed I become in listening to them. And, when I “come back” I feel amazingly refreshed and rested. It is pretty cool. I also really like the Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations CD and have listened to that periodically for several months now (it was the weekly class work and script practice that I just started last week at 34 weeks).

I do have two “issues” with the program and we’ll see how they play out as I continue. The emphasis on “calm, peaceful” birth is challenging to reconcile with what I actually believe, experience, and truly enjoy about birth—I feel like birth is a very active process. It isn’t something to be taken “lying down.” It is a rite of passage and transformative event and not something I want to appear to “sleep” through because I’m so relaxed—-birth is something I do, not something that happens to me as I quietly relax in my “special place.” I feel like some of the information from Hypnobabies contributes to a “dissociated” or blocked out participation in birth, rather than a fully engaged, active participation. I do not mind the “out of control,” laborland, altered-state-of-consciousness, wild reality of birth—in fact, I value and cherish that and I would hate to miss the glorious intensity by being overly “calm” and peaceful! There is also an ongoing emphasis in the program on creating your own mental “anesthesia” during your birthing time—I find this incongruous with the rest of the Hypnobabies model/message which really is very contrary to the medical perspective of birth. I feel the “anesthesia” language directly conjures up medical imagery and the medical model. In all other ways and words, Hypnobabies reframes birth and the birth experience in such a positive, peaceful, loving way, I find it disappointing that there is a persistent use of a very medically-associated, “numb,” feelingless term. I also know and value birth as a very embodied process. A physical process. A felt, lived experience. “Anesthesia” communicates a detachment from and a numbing of physical sensation, which is not actually what I want from my birthing time. So, that is where I am right now. I haven’t fully worked through the whole program and we’ll see how my perspective might evolve—there is also an emphasis that you will experience the sensations exactly as you need to/your inner mind will work in exactly the right way for you—but right now, I’m very much enjoying the deep relaxation benefits 🙂

Birth Quotes of Week

Dec18

“In discussions of reproduction, women do not centralize themselves in the creative act, other than in the rare circumstances of unmedicated home-births. The idea of women as goddess or creative force is disparaged by doctors, by Western society, and even by childbearing women themselves; contemporary Western women often credit their doctor with producing the child.” –Elly Teman

From the book Birthing a Mother: The Surrogate Body & The Pregnant Self.

I recognize that not all women connect with the “birth goddess” image, but I think most women who give birth under their own power can identify with the “creative force” moving through them. Guiditta Tornetta describes it as the “might of creation moving through you,” which I think is absolutely beautiful.

“The preference for unnatural childbirth practices, which seems to be spreading across the world, despite countermovements to tune into the natural process, has led birth, in many places, to be a major psychological disaster zone, in which almost everything is done the exact opposite from how it would happen if allowed to.” –R. D. Laing (quoted in Childbirth with Insight by Elizabeth Noble)

“Because parents are transients in the maternity care system, there is little cumulative birth experience over successive generations of mothers. Women giving birth don’t make the same mistakes as their mothers or grandmothers–-they make new ones.” –Elizabeth Noble (Childbirth with Insight)

“Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware. To such a woman, childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory. She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.” ~Grantly Dick Read, Childbirth Without Fear

‎”Birth goes best if it is not intruded upon by strange people and strange events. It goes best when a woman feels safe enough and free enough to abandon herself to the process.” – Penny Armstrong and Sheryl Feldman, A Midwife’s Story

“Women have millions of years of genetically-encoded intelligences, intuitions, capacities, knowledges, powers, and cellular knowings of exactly what to do with the infant.” –Joseph Chilton Pearce

“It may be that the first stage in an effective global revolution for peace will be when male doctors accept progressively to retire from obstetrics and return childbirth to women.” –Michel Odent, MD

Another Michel quote that generated some more debate on my FB page. Several people made the point that sex of the medical provider doesn’t mean much and that many, many female OBs treat women poorly as well (or, likewise, there are male OBs who treat them well). I get the feeling he means return childbirth to *birthing women* (and midwives), rather than to any OBs, regardless of gender. A reader made the point that female care providers are perhaps no better because they are fully socialized into a male, medical model and I agree—the system needs to be returned to the midwives model of care (with occasional OBs available as specialists, not standard).

“Birth is not painless, whether it is a physical birth, an emotional one, or a spiritual one. But it is not exactly painful either. Any creative process takes intense concentration and furious labor. It strains us to our very core. But is that pain? Many birthing mothers experience something like ecstasy when they give birth…” –Patricia Monaghan

(more thoughts about this one to follow)

Midwife means “loves women”…

Dec17

Blessingway gift from my first midwife

I know the traditional root of the word midwife is “with woman” (some sources say “wise woman”), but I’d like to offer another. When I was pregnant with my second son, I had a wonderful midwife and we spent many hours together talking about birth and midwifery. During one conversation she said to me, “you can’t be a midwife unless you love women.” This struck me profoundly—a midwife must love women. This phrase has come back up for me several times in the last couple of months as I reflect on my relationship with my current midwife and give thought to midwifery care and birth care in general. I actually believe that not all midwives do, in fact, love women and indeed, my observation is that midwives from specific religious traditions, may actually hold a perspective of women that is almost the opposite of loving them 😦

In any subset of birth work—including breastfeeding consultation—I’ve noticed there are two primary motivators for the women doing this work. For some, it is about the babies and for others, it is about the women. I have noticed this as a volunteer breastfeeding counselor also—women who do this work will say, “I just love babies…” or, they will say, “I love helping mothers.” Please note that I’m not actually saying that one motivation is “better” than another (though, I personally prefer one), just that I’ve noticed this trend. And, obviously, the two are also inextricably intertwined. But, some women do come into birth work primarily to improve the world for babies and some come into it to change the world for mothers (which, I believe, changes the world for babies!). Obviously, you’ve guessed that I’m in the latter category. I believe that we cannot help babies without helping mothers first and that by helping mothers, we cannot help but also be helping babies—but, for me, the mother comes first. And, from the perspective of both a pregnant woman and a birth activist, I think we need midwives whose definition of midwifery is loves women.

In the Autumn 2010 issue of Midwifery Today, I read an interview with a midwife named Gigliola from Paupa New Guinea and in the article I marked this quote:

“Gigliola has a strong reverence for the power of mothers, for women who are willing to give up their lives for their children, willing to work hard through long labors, feeding their babies from their bodies, staying up nights with them, loving and loving for long years. Then as graciously as they can, watch their ‘successes’ walk off to lead their own lives. The path of motherhood is as rigorous a spiritual path as any on our planet. Gigliola holds motherhood as a sacred calling, deserving of great respect…’Tell them it is about the mothers,’ she said. ‘The mothers are amazing.’” [emphasis mine]

I agree.

Product Review: Intelligender Gender Prediction Kit

Dec15

Product Review: Intelligender

Available at large retailers including Walgreens, Target, CVS/Pharmacy, and Rite-Aid, and online at www.intelligender.com
$34.95

Reviewed by Summer Thorp-Lancaster

I was excited to get home and test out the Intelligender Gender Prediction Test. My husband and I are not having an ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby, so when asked if I wanted to test/review, I said “Sure!”

I very carefully opened the package and was shocked to see what appeared, at first glance, to be a huge list of very detailed instructions. Upon further inspection, though, I realized the instructions were actually very simple and well laid out. Of important note are the several warnings that women who are dealing with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or those who have used Progesterone in the last ten days should NOT use this test, as they will most certainly receive a BOY result. Also of note is the recommendation to avoid intercourse for 48 hours prior to taking the test or else a BOY result will most likely occur (thanks to husband for being such a good sport).

All in all, I found the directions laid out clearly and easily followed them to an easy to read result. According to the company, laboratory trials averaged a 90% accuracy rate. The website includes a Sample Results page, where you can compare your results with others to verify. I do suggest that mothers with toddlers lock the bathroom door, as my two year old found the canister fascinating and had to be held back from touching.

Unfortunately, we’ll all have to wait until March or April to find out the accuracy of my BOY result. 🙂