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Tuesday Tidbits: Teeth and Teaching

“Do not try to satisfy your vanity by teaching a great many things. Awaken people’s curiosity. It is enough to open minds; do not overload them. Put there just a spark. If there is some good inflammable stuff, it will catch fire.”
Anatole France (in The Earth Speaks)

A woman who writes has power, and a woman with power is feared.” —Gloria Anzaldúa, “Speaking in Tongues” (via The Girl God via Guerrilla Feminism)

Bits of the birth net:

It is old news, but this week a 2009 post from The Unnecesarean caught my eye: An OB’s Birth Plan: Obstetrician’s Disclosure Sent One Mom Running. The article describes the “doctor’s birth plan” a mother received from her medical care provider, which includes gems like this one:

“…I do not accept birth plans. Many birth plans conflict with approved modern obstetrical techniques and guidelines. I follow the guidelines of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology which is the organization responsible for setting the standard of care in the United States. Certain organizations, under the guise of “Natural Birth” promote practices that are outdated and unsafe. You should notify me immediately, if you are enrolled in courses that encourage a specific birth plan. Conflicts should be resolved long before we approach your due date. Please note that I do not accept the Bradley Birth Plan. You may ask my office staff for our list of recommended childbirth classes…”

One of many reasons to run far away from this doctor! One of my Facebook friends made a great point though: “at least he’s honest! I think there are other doctors with similar views who might not make it clear until it’s ‘too late.'” This is true–he said it, but you know a LOT of people are thinking it/acting on it. So, that IS good that he was up front. Another mother then commented to add her own similar experience: “We went to an OB who had us sign something saying we would not have a birth plan or hire a doula. It felt so creepy to sign away all involvement in my own child’s birth – and doing so at 9 weeks felt like I was signing that I’d keep my mouth shut throughout the pregnancy, too. But gratefully, as you’re saying, it was clear early on that way this was not the OB for us. I’m sure many don’t get to find out before labor.”

Speaking of teaching and igniting sparks, it isn’t too late to register for our next Birth Skills Workshop—rapidly approaching on February 2nd! This workshop is specifically designed not to be a lecture, but is a hands-on, skills-building workshop.

Also via ScoopIt, I shared this article: Bearing the Burden of Choice: A Young Feminist’s Perspective

“Based on personal observation, choices concerning women’s reproductive health are heavily concentrated in preventative action – what are the best practices to avoid pregnancy? Consequently, prevention inspired language lends to a negative association with child bearing. It is something to prevent rather than embrace…”

She goes on to address something that I find to be a reason why sometimes birth activists have trouble connecting to the larger feminist community:

Abortion is one of those issues that seems to leak into every “women’s issue” whether initially intended or not. Needless to say, we talked about abortion to the point of exhaustion. Not to take away from the weight of abortion to the feminist cause, I began to recognize a gap in our reproductive justice discussions. I found myself asking the question:What about the women who choose the path of childbearing?

Those women are basically why I’m here and why I do what I do. And, what has been on my mind recently is explored in my most recent post: What to tell a mother-to-be about the realities of mothering…

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” and, “why isn’t anyone talking about this?” is a common refrain echoing in the postpartum tales of many mothers. So, why don’t we tell them? Or, what can we actually tell them? Is there a way to really do so? I kind of think there’s not

And, connecting the teaching and the sparks and the women’s issues and the women writing having power, I also made sure to sign this petition: Vigorously support women’s rights by fully engaging in efforts to ratify the 1972 Equal Rights Amendment. This is going to be one of the discussions towards the end of my current Social Policy class (I can’t really write much about it here, but suffice to say the class is extraordinarily challenging so far and we’re only to week three). I hope no one vigorously disagrees with it or I might FREAK OUT! When I shared it on Facebook, a friend commented: “I am enraged that women’s rights are an ‘issue.‘” To which I replied: “Isn’t that the truth?! I hate that. It boggles my mind that women’s rights are considered a political issue that anyone could have a ‘position’ on. The nerve!!! ARGH. FREAK OUT, I TELL YOU”

And now, the teeth…

This post is essentially all about what I shared on Facebook apparently (might as well get some mileage out of it!). This is what I wrote yesterday:

In case anyone cares, I’m totally sick of taking my kids to the dentist! All three had appointments in Sullivan today (1.25 hour drive one way). Alaina wasn’t cooperative and is clearly traumatized from prior dental experience and we will need to go back to a pediatric dentist for her (crowns on two molars). Zander’s were good and he got two seals. Lann had two extractions (previously filled teeth) and one filling. I’m exhausted!

I still haven’t written my planned blog post about the heartbreak of tooth decay. I came home yesterday all fired up to write it, but then I had to get caught up on grading instead. But, I did take these pictures of my little pearls-wearing, skirt-sporting, curly-haired, brave little girl:

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I told her I wanted to take a picture of her face and she ran away from me like this!

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Two other Facebook kid updates from this week that were funny:

Alaina put a bracelet on pushed high on her arm. When she took it off, it left a red mark. She looked at the mark solemnly and said, “scar.” Poor little sugar. She said it very acceptingly. Like, yep, I’m scarred now…

And

Yesterday, my little entrepreneurs cooked up a plan to raise some money to buy a pug. They decided they should raise Dobermans and sell them…”When people see the big cage of Dobermans in our yard, we’ll just tell them, don’t worry…it’s for pugs!” Hmm. I see a couple of flaws with this plan…

Hearing this, it suddenly became clear to me how puppy mills were invented—a couple of pre-ten-year-olds (or, adults with similar critical thinking skills) hung around talking about money-making schemes…

Two!

Bear with me as I continue with my string of personal posts. I have some super good birth-philosophy and postpartum-oriented posts planned for the coming weeks, but first I need to spend just a little more time swooning over my baby (I mean big girl!). I know I already posted about her birthday, but I since I wrote the post prior to the actual day, it didn’t include any pictures from her actual birthday:

One thing I noticed on her birthday was very gendered gift choices. I see this, have feminist philosophies about it, and yet still totally participate in it! This is why I will never claim that kids just “naturally” choose certain toys and are “naturally” different from the beginning, because I think it is impossible to separate out what is actually a “natural choice” and what is very actively constructed or promoted from the environment and people around you. One thing I do admit about Alaina that is very stereotypically “girl” is the obsession with changing clothes—she picks out new underwear to wear several times a day and chooses new clothes multiple times a day as well, sometimes specifically asking for something that is “pretty” or “sparkly.” This is not something that I feel like I am actively cultivating in her (because, it is frustrating, really!). I AM actively contributing to her interest in dolls, babies, and baby care stuff, because I like those things too! And, it is fun! And, I also bought dolls and baby care stuff for my boys when they were this age too (and, they too, baby wore. I didn’t buy them an expensive doll carrier though—but, I did make them a homemade mei tai and let them wear my slings with dolls in them).

Here is a very short (22 second) video of Alaina on her birthday answering the question, “how old are you?” 🙂

She’s such a joy. I can honestly say that there has not yet been a single day of her life that I haven’t marveled at and cherished her. She is annoying sometimes too and frustrating and overwhelming and I want to “get away” sometimes, but she has spent every single day of her existence being treasured, loved, and having me spend conscious moments in total appreciation of her.

And, back on topic, today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day! I read a friend’s blog post this morning and she included this favorite quote:

“Everybody can be great, because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” –Martin Luther King, Jr.

I don’t actually use this quote in my own article, but it made me think of our “small stones” of birth activism and so in honor of the day I am re-sharing my Small Stone Birth Activism post:

While reading the book The Mother Trip by Ariel Gore, I came across this quote from civil rights activist Alice Walker: “It has become a common feeling, I believe, as we have watched our heroes failing over the years, that our own small stone of activism, which might not seem to measure up to the rugged boulders of heroism we have so admired, is a paltry offering toward the building of an edifice of hope. Many who believe this choose to withhold their offerings out of shame. This is the tragedy of our world.” Ariel adds her own thoughts to this: “Remember: as women, as mothers, we cannot not work. Put aside your ideas that your work should be something different or grander than it is. In each area of your life—in work, art, child-rearing, gardening, friendships, politics, love, and spirituality—do what you can do. That’s enough. Your small stone is enough.”

These quotes caused me to reflect on the myriad methods of “small stone” birth activism that can be engaged in as a passionate birth activist mother embroiled in a season of her life in which the needs of her own young family take precedence over “changing the world”…

via Small Stone Birth Activism | Talk Birth.

Happy Birthday, Big (little) Girl!

MollyNov 067Happy Second Birthday!

How can it be that TWO YEARS ago I was giving birth in my living room to my precious baby girl? Has it really been that long ago that I felt that intense, sweet relief at her living presence and the knowing that I DID IT and we were both okay?

Here’s what our world is like right now with this little treasure in it:

  • Can talk now. I worried a little about her speech and whether she was “ever” going to talk. She does now, though not in sentences and not with fluency. But, man, she can say all kinds of words. Like…
  • Says yes adorably (“jes” or “dash”/d-yes kind of)
  • Says things like: thank you, dude, spicy, sparkly, birthday (also poop, butt, and boob)
  • Says “um…” I didn’t know that started this early! And, because of our jobs, Mark and I have worked pretty hard to cull this from our own speaking, so I’m surprised she’s picking it up anyway.
  • Still has sour milk/yogurt baby breath. I love it!
  • Skip-hop-gallops to do or get things.
  • Seemed to call me bratty yesterday when I was whining about her not going to bed! 😦
  • In another “bad mom” confession, a couple of days ago she was being aggravating about going to sleep and was nursing really roughly, etc. and I was crabby at her and said, “what is wrong with you?” and she said, “Done, mama.” And, I said, “you’re done with mama?!” and she said, “JES!”
  • Nurses around ten times a day–is pretty rough and I’m getting pretty fed up with being manhandled and abused!
  • Loves having rituals and setting up candles. (Says, “ommmm” while doing so)
  • Remains a night owl and is routinely up til midnight.
  • Clearly self-identifies as one of the kids–runs to join in with everything. Will do yoga and gymnastics, carefully studying and imitating.
  • Tuesday hit big girl milestone in that I left her (and the boys) with a friend for 1.5 hours in between me leaving for class and Mark picking them up. First time in nongrandparental care. She did a really good job and was happy and played like one of the kids!
  • Rides scooter under own power, but also cackling with glee if someone else zooms her around!
  • Knows some colors and can count to three (or, at least two). Blue is favorite.
  • Has thing for “pretty” clothes and wants to change clothes, choose own outfits in dramatically different way than I’ve been used to with prior children.
  • Loves dolls and real babies. Loves, loves them. I may actually have to have another baby just so I can give it to her.

Here’s what I wrote when she was born. And, about her birth. And, here’s what I wrote on her first birthday.

Video of first “dude” saying (plus, bonus “boob” thrown in for good measure):

I think it is officially time to stop saying I have a baby. I have a two-year little girl now!

Happy birthday, sweetness!