Lamaze and Injoy videos have teamed up on a nice new website called Mother’s Advocate. The site has a variety of handouts and a booklet to download based on “6 Healthy Birth Practices” (which, in and of themselves form a nice little birth plan for a normal, healthy birth!). I especially enjoyed their video on active birth: “get upright and follow urges to push.” The video urges upright birthing positions and avoidance of directed/forceful pushing (the kind with counting that you see so often on tv!).
Tag Archive | childbirth
Two More Birth Transformation Quotes
“Birth is a time of deep transformation. We enter labor with excitement, trepidation and sometimes fear. We emerge with power, confidence and love.”
–Toni Lee Rakestraw, Organic Birth
“Ideally, giving birth is a natural and joyful experience, a holy event in which the energies of creation and transformation can be shared by all who are present.”
–Rahima Baldwin, Special Delivery
Why I do what I do…
I was feeling a little nostalgic this evening going through my childbirth education training manual. My original certifying organization, ALACE, is undergoing some reorganization and a “rebirth” into two new organizations. So, I was thinking back to my beginnings with the program and how excited I was about it and what an absolutely perfect match it was for me philosophically. I came across this section in the beginning part of the manual and thought about how perfectly it sums up why I do what I do. It also sums up the attitude and perspective that drew me so strongly to ALACE in the first place:
“Do you ever wonder why you are drawn to childbirth education when there are so many other pressing environmental/social/political causes clamoring for your devoted service? Perhaps you already see how our work is related to many other forms of activism. Cultivating respect for the mother and the process of birth is part of the larger process of understanding the interdependent patterns of nature…Giving birth, knowing you have done it yourself, your way, is a rebellious act in our technocratic society. In an age that promises to fix technology’s side effects with more technology, it is an act of faith in nature, and in oneself. The people who choose this route are often the same people whose hope for the future inspires them to work for a better world, not just for themselves, but for everyone.”
“A self-determined birth is a potent symbol of womanly power, of human courage, of loving compassion, even of ecological holism. It may look like childbirth educators are just showing charts and teaching relaxation, but we are also helping to create a gentle atmosphere in which personal and cultural transformation can take place.” (emphasis mine)
Empowering Women, Transforming Birth
When birth doesn’t go as planned…
Some time ago I was talking to a mother whose birth hadn’t gone as planned. She said that she knew that she needed a cesarean, but that she also knew she had missed out on a “very cool experience in life.” I think it is definitely possible to accept the need for a cesarean, while still honoring/recognizing the profound experience of giving birth vaginally. I also think it is possible to acknowledge the magnitude of becoming a mother, regardless of the what happened with the birth–having a baby is a big deal no matter what! Though I’m obviously a huge advocate of natural childbirth, I truly believe that cesareans are often an act of personal courage. I also think that all births are rites of passage and are profound transformations and initiations into motherhood. So, though while some women may have missed out on the sense of personal power that often accompanies a natural birth, they’ve all taken significant and meaningful journeys of their own.
Then, I came across a poem by an anonymous writer in the book Open Season. It reminded me in part of my thoughts above.
For Those of Us Who “Failed”
And what about us who “failed”?
The ones whose birthings were not the finest hour
of their womanhood?
The ones who did not defy all medical intervention?
Those who have no heroic defiant story to tell?
Where do we fit in?
We can’t all be the ones that change the system,
but are we less a part of the sisterhood of those
who have given birth?
To those that have shone at the hours of birth
remember those of us who have not.
Will we, like the Vietnam vets, be recognized
too little and too late?
We experienced giving birth too.
Less nobly than some maybe,
but a noble experience nonetheless.
You say you honor choices.
Can you really honor mine?
I will always honor the process which
brought forth flesh of my flesh.
I honor your births too.
Can you ever honor my experience, or will I
forever be a part of your statistics on
the way things shouldn’t be?
Remember me.
Birth as Maximum Power
I’ve shared quotes about birth and power before and here is another good one. Someone on the ever-fabulous Independent Childbirth group shared it today:
“Today the old images and models of childbearing are giving place to a new model. There is a growing groundswell of awareness that birth is a point of maximum power for women.”
Emmett E. Miller, M.D.
Trusting Your Doctor
Something that occasionally comes up during birth classes when talking about birth plans is, “well, I completely trust my doctor, so I feel like his judgment will be right for me…” (the reverse comes up more frequently, see my previous post!). I recently finished reading an older book called Education and Counseling for Childbirth and the author mentions this:
“‘Trust’ in doctor or midwife, valuable as it is, is not always a sure recipe for a happy labour. It may be enough for a woman to be healthy and hopeful and to know what is happening to her; it may be enough for her to be looking forward to her baby and to trust her attendants; enough for her to learn some breathing exercises and leave it at that. But it may not. Time and time again I meet women who need more time and care than is given by an overworked general practitioner or the enthusiastic but psychologically uninformed antenatal teacher—-women who need an opportunity to talk, express their fears and worries, and work through their problems in pregnancy in readiness for the responsibilities of motherhood.”
Trust is important—though I really emphasis trust in yourself, trust in your body, and trust in birth rather than exclusive trust in provider—but there is a lot more involved in preparing for a great birth than simply trusting your care provider. Additionally, there is definitely a lot more to birth education and preparing for birth than knowing medical terminology, anatomy & physiology, and the phases of labor! I continue to strive for classes to will help build women’s inner knowing and sense of self-confidence. One primary benefit I see to teaching private classes, as I do, is that the couple is my sole focus of attention and so are able to have all their questions answered without feeling as if they are monopolizing class time (or embarassed to ask questions in front of other couples).
Skipping Birth Class?
Yesterday, I watched a short clip on why people don’t take birth classes. The comment that I found most interesting from the expert interviewed was: “The instructors in a lot of these classes –are a little bit doctrinaire about their point of view. They made an issue out of saying ‘You’re not a real woman if you need drugs. She should go through labor and childbirth on her own with help from your spouse with breathing techniques. They made it a kind of a contest. A lot of mothers today don’t want it — they want to go in and have their baby with a pain free a time as possible.” I find this perspective about “a contest” sad and disheartening and inaccurate. It is also slightly amusing–seriously, I know NO ONE who would say to someone else “you’re not a real woman if you need drugs” least of all a professional person teaching a birth class! I think this might be an example of what someone says being different than what someone else hears: i.e. the instructor says, “all medications have an impact on the baby. Additionally, many women find a very satisfying sense of personal mastery from giving birth without medication.” The person hears, “you’re not a real woman if you need drugs.”
This reminds me of an excellent section I’m re-reading in the book Mother’s Intention: How Belief Shapes Birth about judgment and bias. The author also address how the word “balanced” is misused in childbirth education–as in, “I’m taking a class at the hospital because it will be more balanced.” Balance means “to make two parts equal”–what if the two parts aren’t equal though? What is the value of information that appears balanced, but is not factually accurate? Pointing out inequalities and giving evidence-based information does not make an educator “biased” or judgmental–it makes her honest! (though honesty can be “heard” as judgment when it does not reflect one’s own opinions or experiences). She says, “Every person has a lens. Every opinion is biased, including the ones you hold. The question is, what created the perception leading to a particular bias?…When it comes to childbirth and parenting, when someone dismissed information as ‘biased,’ what it actually means is the information does not fit their already held biases. It is our insecurities that bring up defensiveness in the face of judgment, or perceived judgment, as the case may be…You may never even have a thought in your head that the other person could have or should have done anything differently, but they are seeing your actions through their own lens and making assumptions.” (i.e. if a mother had a homebirth it may be assumed she hates doctors and hospitals). I think this is exactly what was happening in the video clip–because a birth educator shares the benefits of natural birth, the assumption is that she “hates epidurals” and thinks you’re “not a real woman” if you have one!
As far as the “contest” idea goes, I’ve mentioned this before–just because someone runs a marathon, for example, doesn’t make the person who opted out of the marathon bad or “less than” 🙂
The expert in the video clip referenced above also emphasized several times that the time investment in classes is just too much and parents just “don’t want to invest.” So, now perhaps this IS “doctrinaire” or unpleasant of me, but I also find it a little frustrating that people are apparently unwilling to invest the time in preparing for their children’s births–most people watch more than 8 hours of TV a WEEK, but 8 or 10 hours of birth classes total is too much to invest? I hope my classes are exciting and informative and useful to the parents that come to them. I also realize that week after week CAN feel like a lot, which is why I designed my single session classes. I get a lot of interest in the single session classes and I’m glad I came up with them, because I think it allows me to better meet more people’s unique needs! In fact, so far this year, I’ve done only mix-and-match classes (from 1-4 weeks), no full six-week-series’ (perhaps they are a thing of the past?). I find I get clients who are very well-informed and interested and that these classes “hightlight” the things they are most interested in learning about, though they often tell me at the end that they wish they had signed up for more classes!
Thoughts about Pushing
Also from Fathers at Birth, some quotes about pushing:
Powerful, authoritative, and wise energies assist in releasing the baby from the womb. Go with them.
Many women experience the work of pushing and the sensations of the internal movement of the baby as it moves and rotates through the birth canal as intensely gratifying. But some women feel the sensation as painful. They may get exhausted or discouraged and need lots of encouragement. Many women need to move around and change positions. Some women roar and discover a power within they have never encountered before.
With my first baby, I found the pushing stage to be very intense and overwhelming. I had been fairly calm and focused during my labor, but pushing felt scary to me and I said, “I’m scared” quite a few times. I also said, “pushing is supposed to feel GOOD,” because that is what so many people had told me (that pushing felt good/satisfying/rewarding). It didn’t feel good to me! With my second baby, pushing was more like an uncontrollable wave that moved through me and was natural and spontaneous. It didn’t feel “good” really to me, but it was not scary.
Just Relax?
Most approaches to birth preparation emphasize “relaxation” and being able to “relax” during contractions. Some people have noted that the word “relax” isn’t very descriptive to women in labor–or, it can irritate them (“Just relax?!”) while at the same time not really giving them anything specific to work with. I recently finished a really incredible book called Birthwork (more about this will follow in several more posts!) and it addresses this topic as follows:
…it can be disconcerting for a mother to be told to ‘just let go and relax’ during labour without some practical guidance on how to do this or without first acknowledging how tough it is, or how stuck or frustrated the mother may feel. Perhaps a more helpful response might be:
–‘Let’s find a way to open more.’
–‘How can I help you to let go?’
–‘Try softening here.’
–‘Sometimes this works really well. Would you like to try it?’
I particularly like the “soften here” idea. It reminds me of something else I read in The Pink Kit, which was about “directed breathing.” The idea with directed breathing is that you can direct your breath into any specific area of your body–when helping a woman in labor, you might put your hand on her lower back and ask her to “breathe into my hand.” When you practice this at home, it is fascinating to me how you actually have a sensation of “breathing” in your back, or thigh, or shoulder, or wherever–sort of a subtle feeling of expansion.
Non-verbal Communication
Birthing women tend to enter “birth brain” while focusing during labor–this is a more primal, instinctive, intuitive, primitive part of their brain and it tends to be fairly nonverbal. I often remind fathers-to-be in my classes not to ask their partners too many questions while they focus on birthing, because questions pull women out of “birth brain” and into the more analytical, rational side of the brain that we use in day-to-day life (this “thinking” brain is not as useful during labor!) Instead, I encourage birth partners to just “do” and then pay attention to the woman’s nonverbal cues (or short, verbal cues) about whether to keep it up–an example I often use is with giving her a drink of water or juice. Instead of asking, “do you want another drink?” Just hold the straw up to her lips! If she is thirsty, she will drink, and if she is not she won’t. No words need to be exchanged. Other reactions might be that she might push the drink away, say “no,” or shake her head.
As I referenced in a prior post, I recently finished reading through The Pink Kit. It has some more related thoughts to add:
Childbirth is such intense work that sometimes a woman just can’t get a full sentence (or even a short one) out of her mouth. You can’t read her mind. However, it’s not too difficult to read her body language…During labour, it will be easier for her to push your hand away, say ‘shhhh,’ grab you and hold on, or put your hand on some part of her body, than to talk. Often a woman can THINK something so loudly, she’s certain she’s said it aloud.”
Talk Birth 