Kids & Plans

My kids have always had fairly high touch needs and since they’ve been sick recently that been even more clingy/touchy than usual. Their preferred state would be to hang out like this for much of the day:

They of course wiggle and pinch each other’s noses, etc. and do not lie there quietly, but their preferred location is still actually to be ON my body…

This has been kind of exhausting lately as well as almost literally suffocating. I enjoy snuggling with my kids, but they often manage to do it in the least nurturing way possible! I’ve been getting a little stressed thinking about the addition of someone else’s attention needs to the family—this is a good thing though, really. Before, I used to not really be sure I was actually going to have a living baby at the end of this pregnancy, so I didn’t give a huge amount of thought to integrating her into our lives (it was the “if” thing). The pendulum has been shifting for some time from “if” to WHEN, and now that I’ve hit 30 weeks, I feel even more confident every day that someone new will indeed be joining our family in January. Thus, the time for getting realistic and practical and planning ahead for the changes she will bring is NOW…

So, I had a semi-neurotic freak-out this evening about how I will possibly manage to split my attention any further, etc., etc. It was a long, tiring day in general and my mood-odometer was on “depleted.” After some talking with my husband, I regained much of my equilibrium and we made some plans for making some more changes around the house (like his putting the kids to bed more often—things like that). I am still having “can’t say no” issues and spent more time today thinking about/doing something I should have said no to as well as NOT doing things that I “really want to do…” Same old, same old. Do I really need to write another post about it?! 😉 No.

So, back to the “plans” part of my subject today, I’ve collected quite an assortment of certifications in my 5.5 years in birth work and you would think I would not need another (I don’t think I ever even mentioned that I finished my ICEA Prenatal Fitness Educator certification two months ago!). I occasionally toy with the notion of sitting for the IBCLC exam—the criteria keep changing and each year I think that maybe I should do it. But, then I realize that I’m not really interested in professional LC work. I’ll stick to my mother-to-mother support and don’t need to go further. I have also briefly wondered if I’ve heard a “call” to midwifery (it seems like many doulas and CBE’s have “midwife” as the eventual destination in their birthwork path), but then quickly remembered that I have serious “blood” issues and doubt I could actually handle the nitty-gritty of midwifery. So, I’ve concluded that birth educator really is the right place for me. However, I’ve been feeling dissatisfied with over a year with my outlet for this work—something has been missing for me and I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but I think (as I have previously written) it is to go deeper. When I read information about Birthing from Within trainings or re-read the book (6 times so far) or read Pam’s blog, I know somewhere deep in my heart that I am meant for Birthing from Within. And, some day, I am actually going to manage to attend a training. I’ve had it in my heart since I was pregnant with Lann in 2003, but so many things always made more “sense” or were more “convenient,” so I always did those instead. It will probably take another three years or so before I can actually do it, but I’m really going to do it eventually. Just felt like making note of that commitment to myself in a public way!

And, continuing with my sort of rambling, not that on-topic way, Mark got his faceting machine recently and faceted one of the quartz crystals that we collected on our recent trip to AR:

I was pretty impressed! He is really good at saying, “I think I’d like to try that” and then reading about it, getting some equipment and doing it (whatever it is) with pretty pro results 🙂

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