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Birth Quotes Update

Aug9

Time for my semi-regular re-sharing of birth quotes I’ve shared on my Talk Birth Facebook page in the last several months (there are also a few grief/miscarriage quotes mixed in as well as some activism quotes too). While I realize that I don’t “own” these quotes—other people said them, not me!—I do have quite a bit of legwork invested in seeking and sharing these quotes (I mostly get them from my own reading) and if you re-post one or more of them on your own Facebook page, blog post, or book, I really appreciate acknowledgement and/or link back to this site or to my FB page, that this is where you originally got the quote!

“…in not disturbing the laboring woman you’re not handing over all control to her…it’s not a question of handing control to the laboring woman, it’s a question of *not controlling* her…while she’s in labor and giving birth physiologically, she’s going to seem well and truly out of control–totally wild!–so the issue of control seems a pretty irrelevant one really.” –Sylvie Donna (Optimal Birth)

“I see my body as an instrument, rather than an ornament.” ~Alanis Morissette, quoted in Reader’s Digest, March 2000 via Denver Doula

‎”Expectant mothers need to be mothered; their hearts need to be infused with love, confidence, and determination. I now see myself as ‘midwife’ to the gestation and birth of women as mothers.” –Pam England (Birthing from Within)

‎[re: “surrender” during labor] “…She may refer to this as the feeling of surrender; but this kind of surrender is a gift, not something she herself did with her mind. At this point the body truly takes over and the thinking mind recedes into the background. This may be how women historically and presently, are able to labor without mental suffering and without pain medication.” –Pam England (Labyrinth of Birth)

This feels true from my personal experiences–I feel like the most important thing anyone can know about birth is to welcome that surrender (to let go of control) and also about the value of *freedom* in enabling the surrender to happen (freedom in the physical space–i.e. no one “letting” you drink or not drink or labor in bed or out of bed).

“[re: ecstatic birth] This exquisite hormonal orchestration unfolds optimally when birth is undisturbed, enhancing safety for both mother and baby. Science is also increasingly discovering what we realise as mothers – that our way of birth affects us life-long, both mother and baby, and that an ecstatic birth —
a birth that takes us beyond our self — is the gift of a life-time.” –Sarah Buckley

“When you don’t follow your nature there is a hole in the universe where you were supposed to be.” –Dane Rudhyar (via Marian Thompson, LLL Founder)

‎”Birth is what women do. Women are privileged to stand in such power! Birth stretches a woman’s limits in every sense. To allow such stretching of one’s limits is the challenge of pregnancy, birth, and parenting. The challenge is to be fully present and to allow the process because of inner trust. How can women find their power, claim it, and stand firm in it throughout?” –Elizabeth Noble

(Her answer: “vertical birth”–thus, to quite literally STAND in one’s birth power!)

‎”…it is not easy for women to lay claim to our life-giving power. How are we to reclaim that which has been declared fearful, polluting and yet unimportant? How are women to name as sacred the actual physical birth, which comes with no sacred ritual…?” –Elizabeth Dodson Gray

‎”A woman’s path to power is more like engaging life’s energies in a swirling movement filling us up, out, into wholeness.” –Lois Stovall

“The body has its own way of knowing, a knowing that has little to do with logic, and much to do with truth, little to do with control, and much to do with acceptance…” –Marilyn Sewell (via Mothering Magazine‘s pregnancy e-newsletters)

“…much of what passes for childbirth education and preparation today actually increases women’s fears by giving them too much concrete information to hang their anxiety on, and too many names for all the bad things they already fear will happen. In the course of trying to calm the higher brain by giving it lots of data, we can end up defeating our purpose by feeding our fears.” –Suzanne Arms (Immaculate Deception II)

“We take for granted in the United States that childbirth is a multi-million dollar industry. It’s as simple as that–women’s bodies and the act of creation are intertwined with the economy. What if our relationship with body and womb and birth was in every sense of the word FREE? What if we didn’t need managed care? Literally or figuratively?” –Baraka Bethany Elihu (Birthing Ourselves into Being)

Reader responded with a question about, “how do we teach our children about birth?” and this was my short answer:

I think by talking about is as something that is a “normal” as can be–i.e. not scary and dangerous–and by not “hiding” birth from them like it is a secret. My kids have seen all kinds of natural birth videos, pictures in books, etc. When …my older son was only 3 1/2 he drew me a picture with the baby attached to the mom with an umbilical cord (both with big smiles on their faces) and the placenta in bowl next to them (which of course couldn’t actually be there unless the baby was not still attached to the mom with the cord). 🙂

“I am starting to see that a woman’s strength in birth is also in the letting go and allowing herself to tumble fearlessly with the current, never losing sight of the belief that, when the energy of the tide is through, she will find herself upright again on the shore.” –Maria (at the blog A Mom is Born)

“Because parents are transients in the maternity care system, there is little cumulative birth experience over successive generations of mothers. Women giving birth don’t make the same mistakes as their mothers or grandmothers–they make new ones.” –Elizabeth Noble (Childbirth with Insight)

‎”Those who push themselves to climb the last hill, cross the finish line, or conquer a challenging dance routine often report feelings of euphoria and increased self-esteem…women who experience natural birth often describe similar feelings of exaltation and increased self-esteem. These feelings of accomplishment, confidence, and strength have the potential to transform women’s lives…In many cultures, the runner who completes the long race is admired, but it is not acknowledged that the laboring woman may experience the same life-altering feelings…” -Giving Birth with Confidence (Lamaze International)

“Fathers’ sharing in the birth experience can be a stimulus for men’s freedom to nurture, and a sign of changing relationships between men and women. In the same way, women’s freedom to give birth at home is a political decision, an assertion of determination to reclaim the experience of birth. Birth at home is about changing society.” –Sheila Kitzinger

(Emphasis mine.) Posted in honor of Independence Day!

I’ve noted that many women (including myself) cite “freedom” as one of the main reasons they choose out-of-hospital birth…

‎”Labor is not a time to judge ourselves but a period for reflecting on our movement through life at a given moment. It is not possible to control labor, it is only possible to follow the process and to meet whatever it may offer.” –Gayle Peterson (An Easier Childbirth)

“There is an urgent need for childbirth education for doctors and nurses so that, instead of superimposing a medical perception of birth, professional helpers listen to, learn from, and respect women’s experiences. Only in this way shall we be able to humanize the culture of birth.” –Sheila Kitzinger (forward in An …Easier Childbirth by Gayle Peterson)

The book was written in 1993 and I think we still haven’t figured that out yet…:(

‎”The absolute miracle of a birth and the emergence of a new human being into the world catapults both mother and father into the realm of awe and wonder. They are flooded with non-ordinary feelings and energies that support a deep connection not only with the newborn and each other, but also with the mystery and power of life itself.” –John & Cher Franklin

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‎”A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey, but a woman of strength knows it is in the journey where she will become strong.”

“A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything, but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.” (from the same “Woman of Strength” poem as above quote, author unknown, many internet versions floating around)

“When I dare to be powerful–to use my strength in the service of my vision–then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” –Audre Lorde

“Despite hundreds of years of negative programming, labor and birth can be a soul-stirring experience!” —Christiane Northrup, MD

“The labor and birth experience itself is a microcosmic slice of what fathering asks of a man.” –John Franklin (FatherBirth)

‎”…an experience of the phenomenal capacity of our birthing body can give us an enduring sense of our own power as women. Birth is the beginning of life; the beginning of mothering, and of fathering. We all deserve a good beginning.” –Sarah J. Buckley

“Birth privacy is important because it fosters FREEDOM and that sense of freedom is fundamental to birthing unhindered and with joy.” –Molly Remer (my contribution to the book/DVD giveaway on Orgasmic Birth: The Best Kept Secret (fan page))

“Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform.” Susan B. Anthony

“When I say painless, please understand, I don’t mean you will not feel anything. What you will feel is a lot of pressure; you will feel the might of creation move through you. Pain, however, is associated with something gone wrong. Childbirth is a lot of hard work, and the sensations that accompany it are very strong, but there is nothing wrong with labor.” –Giuditta Tornetta

Love this –the “might of creation.” How true!

“Day by day, month by month, year by year we are confronted with all that we do not know, that we do not understand, that we do not grasp. Sometimes we are humbled by this knowledge and say: God, it is too wonderful for me to comprehend but I know this universe is more grand and more beautiful than I ever could have imagined and I give thanks for the blessing of being here and seeing, hearing, experiencing, and sensing all that is so wonderful around and in me…” –Susan L. Suchocki

“Life is full and overflowing with the new. But it is necessary to empty out the old to make room for the new to enter.” —Eileen Caddy

“Once the baby is born, your life will change forever. It will change in so many ways, and until you get there you simply can’t be told. The joys, the sorrows, the excitement, the fear, the frustrations–in fact, I think all the adjectives in the world couldn’t describe what is in store for you.” –Giuditta Tornetta

‎”I love to think that the day you’re born, you’re given to the world as a birthday present.” –Leo Buscaglia (shared on my second son’s fourth birthday)

“Wherever women gather together failure is impossible.” –Susan B. Anthony

“I believe with all my heart that women’s birth noises are often the seat of their power. It’s like a primal birth song, meeting the pain with sound, singing their babies forth. I’ve had my eardrums roared out on
occasions, but I love it. Every time. Never let anyone tell you not to make noise in labor. Roar your babies out, Mamas. Roar.” –Louisa Wales

“…The motherhood mosaic has pieces that are dark and dull, but it’s a work that shines.” –Carol Weston

“Women’s bodies have near-perfect knowledge of childbirth; it’s when their brains get involved that things can go wrong.” –Peggy Vincent (via Sweet Miracles

“A child strips away our illusions that we are perfect, that we have it all figured out, that we are all grown up. In fact, we grow up with our children if we are willing to remain open to their innate goodness as well as our own.” –Peggy O’Mara

“The suckling relationship is one of the sources of real sweetness that we have in human existence…The suckling baby can teach adults about the expression of sweet love and gratitude in a way no words can.”
–Ina May Gaskin

“Unfortunately, birthing woman has not only lost touch with her body and with her ancient female lineage. She has also lost her voice to speak up, to question intervention, to ask for support, to demand respect for the work of giving birth and caring for her infant. When she finds that voice, she will regain a vital part of her creativity and power as a woman.” –Suzanne Arms (Immaculate Deception II)

“Pregnancy is a time of being in touch with the power of creation itself.” –Rahima Baldwin & Terra Richardson

“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.” –Mother Teresa

‎”Childbirth calls into question our very existence, requiring an expectant couple to confront not only new life but death, pain, fear, and, most of all, change.” –Elizabeth Noble (quoting a new mother)

“Hope is the thing with feathers, That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all…” –Emily Dickinson

‎”We may tell ourselves that birth is a natural and safe process and recall our childbirth teacher’s emphasis that a woman’s body is designed for giving birth, but our own bodies may hold a different truth. It is essential to honor body memory, as it wields far more influence than the intellect during labor.” –Gayle Peterson (in An Easier Childbirth re: working through birth memories in preparation for future births)

“If a community values its children, it must cherish its mothers.” -John Bowlby

“Just as a tree grows best when anchored firmly in the earth, so can a pregnant mother feel strong and capable when supported by a sisterhood of nurturing friends.” -April Lussier

“Planning for birth is like getting ready for an athletic event…You can’t predict exactly what is going to happen; the events of the game will unfold according to their own particular logic, and not necessarily
according to your plan.” –Adrienne Lieberman

“If we don’t take care of mothers, they can’t take care of their babies.” –Jeanne Driscoll

“And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing blind, deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your own hands and your own head…” –Christopher McCandless

‎”When you are drawing up your list of life’s miracles, you might place near the top the first moment your baby smiles at you.” –Bob Greene

I have crystal clear memories of my second baby’s first smile (the day of birth–looking into my eyes) and of my first baby’s first laugh. Less clear memories of the FIRST smile for my firstborn and first laugh for my second. I guess it is good that they each get one of the special, miracle moments!

“Midwives do NOT empower women. Only women can empower themselves. If you’ve been empowered through birth, thank your midwife for holding the space – but know that it was surely YOU that created and walked the journey” -Pamela Hines (via Barbara Herrera)

“Though we have lost a petal, we are still flowers, lush and full together in a garden of hope.” -Angie M. Yingst

‎”Once her endorphins have kicked in, a woman may actually enjoy labor or may even find it an ecstatic experience. I have many times told the story of one of my clients who was crying and desperate in early labor, only to be smiling and dancing around the room at nine centimeters’ dilation.”–Elizabeth Davis

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” –Anais Nin

“Giving birth requires an honest surrendering of your body and soul. You need to be in a relaxed state of love. Love has a way of overpowering fear. The more energy-draining feelings you can unload, the more room you will have for bliss and simplicity. Birth can be an unfolding and emergence like something you’ve never experienced before.” –Lynn Griesemer

“Labor is like mothering: you prepare and do the best you can, but finally, most of it is out of your hands. Birth is a great mystery. Yet we live in a rational, scientific world that doesn’t allow for mystery…” –Jennifer Louden

‎”Although the popularly desired outcome is ‘Healthy mother, healthy baby,’ I think there is room in that equation for ‘Happy, non-traumatized, empowered and elated mother and baby.’” –Ashley Booth Youn

[in reference to before she had her baby] “…I thought the only thing that was important…was to have a healthy baby. Now I recognize that while this is the primary goal, it is not the only goal. Birth is such an emotional experience; it can give or take away so much more than I ever realized…it will change you in such a wonderful and powerful way. It gave me more strength than I ever imagined. Since then, whenever I become overwhelmed, all I have do to is say, ‘I had a baby in my home!’ I am instantly empowered.”–Jody Niekamp (in Journey into Motherhood)

‎”10% of births needfully culminate in intervention. Self-esteem depends on salvaging the most important truth from your experience: Birth cannot be controlled. It is a mystery.” –Karen Fisk

“As doulas, midwives, nurses, and doctors, it’s important to never underestimate how deeply entrusted we are with someone’s most vulnerable, raw, authentic self. We witness their heroic journeys, see them emerge with their babies, hearts wide open…” –Lesley Everest (MotherWit Doula)

“Not every woman experiences unaided, natural childbirth, yet many women hope for it. To strive for birth as a peak experience—to withstand this ‘trial by fire’–a woman must learn what labor pain is and be prepared to accept and work with it. And she must also prepare for the unexpected.” –Karen Fisk

‎”It is so easy to close down to risk, to protect ourselves against change and growth. But no baby bird emerges without first destroying the perfect egg sheltering it. We must risk being raw and fresh and awkward. For without such openness, life will not penetrate us anew. Unless we are open, we will not be filled.” –Patricia Monaghan

“A Life may last for just a moment…. but a memory can make that moment last forever…” (Unknown)

“Birth is an experience that demonstrates that life is not merely function and utility, but form and beauty.” –Christopher Largen

“Birth matters. It brings us into being, on many levels.” –Ananda Lowe

‎”The way a society views a pregnant and birthing woman, reflects how that society views women as a whole. If women are considered weak in their most powerful moments, what does that mean?” –Marcie Macari

“Shrouding information about birth in silence hides the fact that labor and birthing pain is a positive key to transformation. Preparation for and expectation of that pain leads to self-awareness. Thus, birth becomes not only a passage for your child, but a passage for you into instinctual and effective parenting.” –Karen Fisk

Nighttime Breastfeeding and Depression?

Aug5

Since it is World Breastfeeding Week this week, it seems fitting to have a post about breastfeeding! I just read a guest post by Kathleen Kendall-Tackett at Science and Sensibility about the (flawed) recommendation that mothers avoid breastfeeding at night as a depression-reduction strategy. The conclusion of the post referenced above was: “The results of these previous studies are remarkably consistent. Breastfeeding mothers are less tired and get more sleep than their formula- or mixed-feeding counterparts. And this lowers their risk for depression.”

I, too, have noticed the advice often in popular culture to, “let dad take a night feeding so mom can get more sleep.” It doesn’t seem to really hold up in practice (or in research).

My personal experiences as a breastfeeding mother–-even of a newborn—was that I most often felt, “surprisingly well-rested.” I experienced little to no of the classic sleep-deprived mother signs and I attributed this to breastfeeding. I marveled at the sense of perfect nighttime harmony that I experienced with my babies–-I remember saying, “during the day, he confuses me, but at night it is like we are in perfect harmony.” The symbiosis of waking seconds before baby needed to nurse amazed me. And, since they slept right next to me it was extremely easy to not completely waken. As they got older, I would often wake in the morning not able to clearly recall whether I had woken during the night at all–-and if so, how many times-–though, baby would be on a different side, so I knew I must have!

As toddlers, both my boys went through a period of extra-night nursing and being very rough while nursing at night and I remember saying–-“hey, I’m more sleep-disrupted now with a two year old than with a two month old! What’s up?!” (and this was my cue that night weaning was a good idea).

Though, I feel it is also important to say that I have seen some pretty serious sleep deprivation cases as a breastfeeding counselor that have made me realize that breastfeeding on demand all night CAN, individually speaking, be a link to depression in some mothers. However, I think various practitioners take anecdotal experiences too seriously in making blanket recommendations-–either anecdotal from personal experience or from very serious client cases. On the flip-side, this can also include me! I recognize in myself that my positive night-nursing experiences and sense of nighttime harmony and symbiosis, etc. skew my own approaches to working with breastfeeding mothers on sleep issues–-I feel that in a few cases, I have failed to take seriously several mothers’ concerns about night nursing, because I had personal blinders on about my own harmonious experiences and thought they must certainly be exaggerating (and/or culturally conditioned to see a “problem,” where none really existed other than popular opinion about babies being able to “sleep through the night”).

Why Do I Care About Birth?

Jul29

Some time ago I wrote a post on the Citizens for Midwifery blog about medical control as acceptable, in which I pondered the question of why do we care about birth, if many birthing women themselves don’t really seem to care? Why do we make it any of our business what other women choose to do with their births? And, is it any of our business anyway?

Well, I’ve been doing some thinking and I made and shared a list of why I care on the CfM blog. However, I wanted to go ahead and share my reasons on this blog as well. This is why I care about about other women’s births:

  • Because women are suffering (birth trauma is real–see organizations like Solace for Mothers–and postpartum mood disorders are very common).
  • Because babies are suffering–late pre-term births are increasingly common due to induction, many babies experience at least some post-birth separation from their mothers (which is not their biological expectation), and many babies spend time in the NICU. Infant mortality rates, especially for minority babies, are higher than in other industrialized countries.
  • Because breastfeeding is suffering and thus public health is suffering (see my previous article on the birth-breastfeeding continuum)
  • Because the physical costs of our current birth model are high (morality and morbidity rates are higher than necessary due to high volume of cesareans and many physicians and hospitals do not practice evidence-based care–continuing to deny laboring women food and drink and continuing to use Cytotec for inductions for example).
  • Because the financial costs of our current birth model to society are high–birth is a multi-billion dollar a year industry. Some facts from CfM:
    • Over four million births in the US each year (26.4 births per 1000 women aged 15-44 years in 2004).
    • Second most common reason for hospitalization of women.
    • Care for mothers and babies combined rank 4th for hospital expenses.
    • Hospital costs for deliveries mounted to more than $30 billion in 2004. More than 30% of births by cesarean section. ranking seventh highest total on the “national bill” for procedures (over $17 billion per year).
    • Of all births, 99% take place in hospitals, 90% are attended by obstetricians.
    • Over 6 million obstetric procedures are performed – the most common category of surgical procedures.

The percentage of births paid for by Medicaid varies from state to state but can be as high as 50% or more in some states. Coverage by all insurers (Federal government, Medicaid, private, HMOs, etc.) varies; many will not reimburse for OOH births, and when midwives are covered, the reimbursement rate is only a percentage of the rate for physicians. We all pay for births, including unnecessary interventions and preventable complications and injuries, through our taxes, health insurance withholding, and individual policies.

  • Because women’s birth memories last a lifetime (see Simkin, Not just another day in a woman’s life).
  • Because women deserve better.
  • Because I know in my heart that birth matters for women, for babies, for families, for culture, for society, and for the world.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding & Nursing Johnny Depp

Jul19

I’ve already shared this all over Facebook, but wanted to mention it here too because I’m that excited 🙂 Quite some time ago the authors of the newest edition of the LLL classic, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, contacted me to see if they might include a partial version of my essay “Nursing Johnny Depp” (previously published in Literary Mama) in the book. Of course I said YES! The Womanly Art has been published since 1958 (that is more than 50 years) and it thrilled my little heart to be a tiny, tiny piece of that world-changing history. I have six copies of the WAB (different editions—including two of the old blue-covered editions) and so what a bonus to have another copy, but this time with my own voice within it. The book was released on July 13 and my copies have arrived in the mail. The excerpt of my essay was actually used as the introduction to the “Nursing Toddlers” chapter of the book and I feel proud to be part of it. (I was also humbled to see my name in the acknowledgments section, since, seriously, I really did hardly anything.)

I first read the WAB when I was pregnant with my first baby in 2003. This newest edition is updated with a very contemporary feel and an engaging style. One of the things I like about it is that it is so practical and a lot of the suggestions are very simple (yet, not necessarily obvious). It is written in the mother-to-mother support format that is the hallmark of LLL and the very core of the organization. I like that the book includes personal experiences from a variety of mothers as well as all kinds of suggestions based on what, “some mothers have found.” Those are the kind of suggestions a new breastfeeding mother needs—not advice or directions or orders or “prescriptions,” but information about what other mothers have found helpful—she can then take what works for her and her baby and leave the rest. Love it!

Wordless Wednesday: Playmobil Babies

Jun30

Playmobil Mamas & Babies

(I know this is supposed to be Wordless, but yes, this is my personal collection of Playmobil mothers and babies. And, yes, I do actually have several others that are not pictured, such as a baby Jesus from the Playmobil nativity scene. And, no, I do not usually let my kids play with them—these are MY toy babies!)

Book Review: I Can’t Wait to Meet You

Jun28

Book Review: I Can’t Wait to Meet You: Understanding In Vitro Fertilization
By Claudia Santorelli-Bates

So No Wonder Publishing, 2010
ISBN 978-061531935-3
30 pages, hardcover, $15.99

www.icantwaittomeetyou.com/

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, CCCE

Written by a mother of three, I Can’t Wait to Meet You is a story book for children designed to explain in vitro fertilization (IVF) in simple terms. The American Society of Reproductive Medicine has an official position that children conceived via IVF have the right to “full disclosure” of their origins. I confess to wondering if by this logic all children have a right to “full disclosure” about their conception story (!), but, regardless, for children conceived via IVF, I Can’t Wait to Meet You makes the origin story easily accessible. (The author of the book has an article available explaining why disclosure is important available here.)

Colorful cartoon illustrations and basic language tell the story of a couple who longs to have a baby and eventually goes to a doctor for help. Eggs are taken from the mother and sperm from the father in hopes that they “like one another and become an embryo.” The illustrations are friendly, appealing, and fanciful (for example, the embryos are shown resting in little beds before being put back into the mother’s tummy).

The book ends with the couple pushing their toddler in a swing at the park and with the lovely affirmation, “you were so wanted and loved long before we met you.”

I Can’t Wait to Meet You would be a nice addition to the personal libraries of families who have struggled with infertility and who would like to share a piece of their journey with their own “little miracles.”

—

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Birth Dreams

Jun26

I’ve always been interested in the birth dreams that women have. During my first pregnancy, I only had a couple of birth/baby dreams and they were very odd/unrealistic (because I didn’t know physically what giving birth was actually like). I did have one very vivid and scary miscarriage dream. Between that birth and my pregnancy with my second son, I had TONS of birth dreams. A common theme was that I gave birth to a baby boy and would say to my husband “now we have three sons!” (even though we only had one son at the time and I wasn’t even pregnant). I also dreamed I had twins, dreamed I had a very premature baby at about 20 weeks who then died, and several others. These dreams were very vivid and real-seeming and have stuck with me as meaningful for a long time.

Then, during my second pregnancy, I had seven dreams in which I gave birth to a boy and thus I was convinced I was having a boy (I did). Some of these dreams were exceedingly realistic, down to length of labor and time of birth. Seven of them revealed/confirmed that he was a boy (in the only girl dream I had during that pregnancy, my husband was the one giving birth to the baby, so both genders were “switched”). One of them was extremely vivid and was that he was born on a specific date and time. I was in the living room on my hands and knees. The birth took four hours and when he was born I said, “I KNEW he was a boy, I KNEW it would be a fast labor, and I KNEW he would be born on a weekend.” As it was, he was not born on that day (two weeks later) and he was born at a different time (within a few hours of the dream time). He was a boy and it was a fast labor (two hours, not four). He was born at 2:45 a.m. on Memorial Day morning, so it was actually a Monday, but it WAS a holiday weekend. He was born in the living room by the green chair on my hands and knees, just like in the dream.

During my third pregnancy, I didn’t really have any birth dreams, and then had one vivid miscarriage dream the night we found out the baby had died. I did have one ultrasound dream in which he was a girl (he wasn’t). After he was born, I had a vivid placenta dream and then I only have had one other dream about him since he was born—I halfway expected to have several birth dreams or “still pregnant” dreams as a way to kind of “psychically” close out his pregnancy, but I didn’t (which in a way was comforting—like my subconscious has “processed” the loss completely). That single dream I did have post-loss was kind of a miscarriage re-do dream in which the birth proceeded exactly as it really had, but instead of all the blood following the baby, I was able to spend a LONG time looking at him and making hand and footprints.

As I mentioned, one of my vivid birth dreams after my first pregnancy, but before any others, was about giving birth to a premature baby (one of the aforementioned “third sons”) and trying to nurse him at least once before he died as well as remembering to smell his head so I would never forget his own unique baby smell. In that dream, I named the baby Noah, which is what in fact we did name our third son when he died early in my second trimester.

After my second baby was born, but before I was pregnant with my third, I had many, many vivid birth dreams about a specific birth position to give birth (half kneel/half squat) in to avoid tearing as well as the idea of making a “birth nest” for myself to have the baby in, rather than having it in the living room and then having to get up to go lie down somewhere else. I feel like the position dream is a strong message from my subconscious about how I should plan to give birth—something I’ve been working over in my unconscious or something and I’m giving myself a “tip.” As it turned out, that baby was born much earlier than expected and I ended up giving birth standing. I did, in fact, make myself a “birth nest” as my dreams had suggested and would do the same again.

During my fourth pregnancy I had two brief miscarriage dreams and since the pregnancy ended quickly, there was no time really to have any other dreams. However, the whole reason I knew I was pregnant in the first place was because I dreamed that I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. When I woke up from that dream, I took one and it was positive. During my fifth pregnancy (so far), I’ve had quite a few “bleeding” dreams and one miscarriage dream.

Then, this week, I had the first birth dream that I’ve had in AGES!

I was in a birth pool in our the living room and the baby was born in the water. The focus of the dream was on the placenta really, not the baby—though I think it was a boy. Placenta was perfectly heart shaped (and small) and had strange “bands” of tissue on it, which I decided meant it was a “circumvallate placenta” (a term I had just heard referenced for the first time the day before in a blog post). The experience of pushing the placenta out was VIVID. It is weird how the body remembers the feeling so clearly and can reproduce it in a dream, when my brain cannot conjure up a daytime memory of how exactly it feels to have the placenta bloop out—and then there was quite a bit of blood with the placenta that diffused/clouded through the water, just like it really would. It was very clear.

So, do birth dreams predict anything? Basically, I feel like my dreams, while not exactly “predictive,” do have some signs/intuitive information within them. I also think dreams often have symbolic (rather than literal) meaning. And, obviously some dreams are simply related to day-to-day happenings (or fears, like with the bleeding dreams) and do not have “deep” meaning at all. With that second baby, I really felt strongly that he was “telling” me he was a boy. My first child was a boy and I felt like the second baby wanted me to never even entertain the notion of “wanting a girl.” I knew I was having a boy and so THAT was the baby I wanted 🙂

When I say vivid, I mean really vivid—the feeling of pushing the baby out is JUST what it really feels like, the sensation of holding the new, slippery baby, etc. I think it is a “body memory” thing and the whole feeling of giving birth comes back vividly during dreams in a way that it doesn’t in just plain memory. While, the memories of my actual sons’ births ARE extremely vivid and I DO feel like I remember what it feels like to birth (I know some people say “you forget how it feels, that is why you can do it again,” but I do not feel like that is true for me), that visceral body-feeling isn’t really there in memory (for me), the way it is in dreams.

Another logical reason for all my birth dreams is that I’m a childbirth educator and writer and read/write about birth constantly. Makes sense that that is what I dream about! 😉

Baby In Utero Pendant

Jun22

For quite some time, I’ve wanted a really cool silver “baby in the womb” pendant that is available online, but is out of my price range (I do have a smaller, less detailed version). Two years ago, I found a different version made by a company called Sacred Body Designs (they make various types of “anatomical jewelry” meant for healing purposes—so, a pendant of a heart for someone who has heart problems to wear). This one was a more affordable $30 (also sterling silver and with really great detail—LOVE the visible placenta and cord and the hair on baby’s head) and my husband got it for me for Christmas that year.

Now, two years later, I have been suddenly prompted to post about it, because it occurred to me that there may be other birthworkers like me out there who wish for the more expensive pendant and would delight to find a very cool alternative version that is less pricey! Of course, I can’t tell from looking at the website if they are still in business (looks like it hasn’t been updated for a long time), so I may just be teasing you—“look what I got! Don’t you wish you had one too?!” 😉

Book Review: Breastfeeding Facts for Fathers

Jun19

Book Review: Breastfeeding Facts for Fathers
Platypus Media, 2009
ISBN 978-1-930775-49-7
40 pages, softcover, $7.95 (perfect bound); $5.95 (saddle-stitched)

www.platypusmedia.com

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, CCCE

Since partner support of a breastfeeding mother is one of the most important factors in breastfeeding success, the short book Breastfeeding Facts for Fathers is a valuable book indeed. Written in a clear, straightforward format, brief one-page sections address topics like, “why you want your baby breastfed,” “is formula really so bad,” “a happier, healthier mom,” “sex and the breastfeeding woman,” and “when breastfeeding is not advised.” There is also a brief segment about safe co-sleeping. These sections are followed by a brief FAQ addressing topics such as how often mom should breastfeed, how to know baby is getting enough milk, how long to breastfeed, nipple piercing, breast implants, alcohol, and breastfeeding in public.

As a quote in the book states, “Having a father is critical to the healthy development of a child. Being a father is critical to the healthy development of a man.” Providing breastfeeding information specific to fathers, Breastfeeding Facts for Fathers supports this healthy development of father, mother, and baby.

A Spanish edition, a low-literacy (abridged) version, an ebook edition, and a hospital edition (co-sleeping information omitted) of Breastfeeding Facts for Fathers are all available at various affordable prices from Platypus Media.

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Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.