Birth & Culture & Pregnant Feelings

Feb6

“Giving birth is not an isolated event in a person’s life. A woman births with both her mind and her body and participates in the attitudes toward childbearing of her culture and her family.”

This quote from the book Pregnant Feelings by Rahima Baldwin reminds me of two other relevant quotes about culture, birth, and women’s choices:

“Although pregnancy and birth is a richly intuitive and instinctive process, a woman will prepare her ‘nest’ and birth according to the style of her culture, in the same way that a particular species of bird will build its nest with whatever is available.” –Pam England

“One does not give birth in a void, but rather in a cultural and political context. Laws, professional codes, religious sanctions, and ethnic traditions all affect women’s choices concerning childbirth.” –Adrienne Rich

I think we get onto slippery ground when we start talking about how women just need to “educate themselves” and then they will make different (i.e. “enlightened like ours”) choices. If education was all that was needed, we would see much different things in our present birth culture (more on this later!). As Pam England would also say (paraphrased), thousands of factors seen and unseen go into the resulting birth experience, it is hard to point to one, two, or three factors and say “that was it! I have it all figured out.” (Reminds me of another quote that women birth as they live.) With regard to the second quote, I have to ask myself whether couples truly have a free choice of where to give birth? Ultimately speaking, yes they do, but according to my clients’ perspectives insurance companies and the political climate surrounding midwifery in our state dictate their birth location, as well as opinions of family, friends, books, and so forth. I do a “pain pie” exercise during my classes and after I do it, I always talk about how sometimes choices are actively stripped away from women and we need to keep that in mind when we hear “bad” birth stories—not, “she ‘failed’ or made the ‘wrong’ choices” but that her pieces of the pie were taken away from her (sometimes forcibly!).

The reason I initially marked Rahima Baldwin’s quote is because I am fascinated by how my birth experiences continue to inform the rest of my life–while not the defining moment of motherhood for me, I continue to draw upon the lessons of birth throughout the rest of my life, as well as retaining a total fascination with the subject. I wonder why I’m so “stuck” on birth? Why fixate on this one element of a lifespan? Does it mean I’m not “moving on” somehow—like a high school football player still reliving the glory of that touchdown from 10 years ago? I think it is because birth touches something else. Something deep and raw and true and we glimpse something that we rarely glimpse in everyday life. A touch of the sacred perhaps. Magic. Mystery. Or is it a sense of personal power and satisfaction in being a woman? I know that the “birth power” experience is a rare one for me—I have never felt so powerful and capable and amazing as I did giving birth. I like to think about how this “birth power” sense could be drawn into the rest of my life—how can I live a powerful and affirming and amazing life, not just as a birth giver, but as a woman? Lately, I am finding some answers in feminine spirituality, but it is a question I love to consider and hope to write more about in the future.

Okay, moving back to Rahima and the quotes from Pregnant Feelings:

Anthropologists’ reports of women working the fields, going to a sheltered spot to drop their babies without any ‘preparation’ and then returning to work describe a kind of mythical natural childbirth that is nearly impossible for Western women. We are far too cerebral, and our twentieth-century consciousness intrudes between us and our instinctual selves. The fact that we question both how to birth and how to parent shows how awake our consciousness is. We must of necessity involve our minds in understanding what we do and create, for it is impossible to turn them off. Nor can we simply erase, or afford to ignore, our culture’s view that giving birth is a dangerous and painful event requiring intervention and technology. Rather, we must consciously replace that view with new knowledge and new images if we are going to be able to reclaim our ability to birth with harmony of mind and body.

Loved this. The mythical woman giving birth by the side of the road and popping back into the field to work is strongly ingrained amongst “natural birth” advocates. Some women draw strength from the image—“if she could just squat in the field, so can I!” Others make a joke of it—“are you one of those nuts who encourages women to just squat in the field?!” And others are doubtful that it has any basis in reality. I also suspect that if said women did ever exist they did not return quickly to the fields because they wanted to do so, but because of the framework of their culture and those seen and unseen factors that shape our lives—perhaps their other children would starve if they didn’t run back to the field, perhaps the overseer would beat them, etc., etc. It doesn’t mean those women were stronger or more capable, but perhaps less valued and less cared for than they should have been.

Okay, back to Rahima again:

Our task is to integrate our minds and bodies, so we can give birth in a way that feels whole and nurturing—to ourselves as parents and to our babies…We cannot go back to ‘natural childbirth’ in which we just let it happen. There must be knowledge of birth and an assumption of responsibility for our own health care and for decisions affecting ourselves and our children. There exists for us the exciting possibility of giving birth with full awareness, participating in the joy and exhilaration of working in harmony with the tremendous energy of creation. But it does not occur automatically or unconsciously…

The potential for conscious birthing can exist independently of the place of birth, although some places require more watchfulness than others….Let us just say that it is actively giving birth in an environment which is woman-centered and child-centered, in which the cues are taken from the birthing woman while she experiences fully the sensations and emotions of new life coming into the world through her. She is not medically managed or manipulated, but is supported with the knowledge, love and experience of her attendants (doctors, midwives, husband, other support people) to birth in a way which is safe, yet does not deny the intense physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of giving birth.

Birthing in this way is rare in today’s culture…less than 5 percent of women in this country today experience ‘purebirth’ [positive birthing/conscious birthing]…

Given the wealth of images of birth that surround us, our task is to recognize that none of them adequately denies or exhausts the potential of birth. Perhaps their infinite variety can help to free us from any one fixed idea of giving birth and help us to realize our freedom to birth in the way that is right for us. We cannot control the energy of birth, but we can control our response to it by deciding to be open, relaxed positive, noisy, grouchy, whatever. We don’t need to behave in a certain way and we can accept ourselves and our births without self-judgment.

What caught me about this section was the mention of not being able to go back to a time when we could just “let it happen.” Though I feel like getting out of my own way and “letting it happen,” was a personal key to my own births—that the surrender is what gets the job done—I agree with her point that there is no letting it happen in today’s culture. A long time ago someone mentioned in an online forum that they were not planning to take birth classes or read any birth books because they felt like they should just let it happen and not have any preconceived notions; that cluttering up their heads with this other information would cloud their ability to do so. While I hear the motive and feeling behind this sentiment and believe there is some (perhaps idealized) truth to it, I simultaneously feel like it is impossible to do this, because women do not give birth in a void or outside of their culture. Women give birth in a context, usually involving other people (even with unassisted births, there is usually someone else there). If you enter the birth room (the aforementioned woman was planning to give birth in a hospital, not unassisted) without any ideas or pre-knowledge about what to expect or what you want, the stories and dramas and ideas and myths and preconceived notions and reading and media-exposure of all the other people present DO enter the room and impact your birth. You cannot just “let it happen,” because they will not just let it happen. Right or wrong, this is the environment in which many of us our building our birth nests.

I’d like to close my thoughts with another quote. This one is from one of my favorite birth books, Transformation Through Birth by Claudia Panuthos. In giving birth, regardless of our nest and our choices and all the seen and unseen elements shaping our lives, perhaps we can simply, “…celebrate ourselves for our courage to birth. The real question becomes not, ‘Have you done your breathing exercises?’ but rather, ‘Can you love yourself no matter how your birth, where you birth, or what the outcome?'”

Book Review: Dance of the Womb

Jan25

Dance of the Womb book cover

Book Review: Dance of the Womb: The Essential Guide to Belly Dance for Pregnancy and Birth
By Maha Al Musa, 2008
ISBN 978-0-646-48705-2
260 page hardcover book, $49.95 (AUS)
http://www.bellydanceforbirth.com

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE

Some books simply feel good to hold in your hands. Dance of the Womb is one such book: it is beautiful, both in content and appearance. While priced a little higher than some birth books, I cannot emphasize enough what a high quality book it is—-it is not a traditional trade paperback, it is of textbook quality and size. Hardbound with a lovely cover and endpapers, Dance of the Womb is packed with full color, detailed, step-by-step instructional photographs leading the reader through a “belly dance for birth” journey.

Dance of the Womb is divided into several segments. The first section summarizes the benefits of belly dance and explores the physiology of birth. The next section walks the reader through a series of gentle warm-up exercises while the following sections progress through a variety of different specific belly dance movements. Nearing the conclusion of the text is a segment about labor movements with positions. Each section of the book is lavishly illustrated with very clear, easy to follow, step-by-step photographs.

The author’s own journey through pregnancy, birth, and mothering is skillfully interwoven throughout the text as well as her own feminine passage into understanding herself as a complete woman. Interspersed with the photographs and belly dance instructions, is the exploration of the author’s pregnancy and birth experiences, her relationship with her own mother and her parents’ culture. The book contains her personal birth stories as well as perspectives on belly dance for birth from three midwives.

The author, Maha Al Musa lives in Australia. Her interest in Middle Eastern Dance was sparked by her Palestinian/Lebanese roots and birthplace as well as her pilgrimage to explore her heritage and reconnect with her long-separated mother. Maha has also developed a Dance of the Womb step-by-step instructional belly dancing DVD (sold separately, review to follow) that includes a video of her own homebirth journey with her third child. She is also developing a one day foundation course in “bellydancebirth” for birth professionals with a plan to go international in 2011.

Dance of the Womb is a great introduction to not just the basic physical elements of prenatal belly dance, but also to the spiritual aspects of giving birth and life as a woman. It is written with an intimate tone that makes the reader feel as if the author has reached out across the miles to form a direct, personal connection. This book feels like a rich treasure to hold and is a gentle, nurturing, encouraging, and enriching voyage for pregnant women or the people who serve them.

—-

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Cesarean Trivia

Jan20

Anyone who is even slightly familiar with the history of childbirth in the modern world has probably heard the legendary story of the pig-gelder Jacob Nufer and the first successful cesarean section (performed on his wife in 1500). Successful because both mother and child lived, which had never before been documented to happen with a cesarean—and took quite some time to happen again. For example, there was a 100% mortality rate for cesareans performed in Paris for 89 YEARS (1787–1876). I’ve read several excellent books about the history of birth and feel fairly well-versed in the associated facts. However, this month I finished reading a new book by pediatrician Mark Sloan and was surprised to learn something completely new about the history of the cesarean section. This was that, the well-known legacy of Jacob Nufer notwithstanding, the first well-documented successful cesarean section performed in the English-speaking world was performed by Dr. James Barry in Cape Town South Africa in 1826. James Barry was quite the character, small of stature and very big of opinion and personality. He was a British Army officer who clashed frequently with everyone over everything (including even fighting duels!). He even had public arguments with none other than Florence Nightingale! And…then…the conclusion to this already interesting tale is that after Dr. James Barry died—after his forty year medical and military career—it was discovered that he was actually a woman!

I found this extremely fascinating. (I also imagined Jill at Unnecesarean using her Photoshop talents to make some kind of image about this…) So, despite the dominance of males in the medical profession, the first successful cesarean in the English-speaking world was actually performed by a woman! A point the author brings out in this discussion is that, “Here in the early years of the twenty-first century we have reached a point of high medical irony that would not be lost on James Barry: it now can take more courage—or foolhardiness—not to do a cesarean than it takes to do one.” How true.

Some other non-related quotes from Birth Day that I shared via the CfM Facebook page are as follows:

“Birth is about radical, creative, life-affirming change. It is about adaptation on a nearly unbelievable scale.” –Mark Sloan, MD

The quote above is in regard to the physical adaptations required by the baby immediately after birth—I see it as about both mother and baby though and I enjoy that it comes from a man and a doctor no less!

“Rigid plans work best if you’re building a skyscraper; with something as mysteriously human as giving birth, it’s best, both literally and figuratively, to keep your knees bent.” –Mark Sloan, MD

The above quote is from the segment about what he would want to tell his daughter about giving birth. Though the book wasn’t as “alternative” as many of the birth books I enjoy, I found Birth Day to be a very engaging and entertaining read!

Does Water Slow Down Labor?

Jan7

A concern commonly expressed about using water during labor is that immersion in a tub of warm, soothing water has the potential to slow down or even stop labor, particularly in the early stage. For many women, this is not a desirable effect!

The Waterbirth International website (www.waterbirth.org) shares this information about choosing when to get into the water:

A woman should be encouraged to use the labor pool whenever she wants. However, if a mother chooses to get into the water in early labor, before her contractions are strong and close together, the water may relax her enough to slow or stop labor altogether. That is why some practitioners limit the use of the pool until labor patterns are established and the cervix is dilated to at least 5 centimeters.

There is some physiological data that supports this rule, but each and every situation must be evaluated on its own.

Some mothers find a bath in early labor useful for its calming effect and to determine if labor has actually started. If contractions are strong and regular, no matter how dilated the cervix is, a bath might be in order to help the mother to relax enough to facilitate dilation.

Therefore, it has been suggested that the bath be used in a ‘trial of water’ for at least one hour and allow the mother to judge its effectiveness. Midwives report that some women can go from 1 cm to complete dilation within the first hour or two of immersion. The first hour of relaxation in the pool is usually the best and can often help a woman achieve complete dilation quickly.

In the book, Birth Day: A Pediatrician Explores the Science, Mystery, and Wonder of Childbirth, Dr. Mark Sloan explores the biochemical reason why water immersion can slow down labor. I found the explanation interesting as well as logical:

When a laboring woman climbs into a bath, the refreshing buoyancy she feels sets off a chain of physical and hormonal events. As her muscles relax, her catecholamine levels—the ‘fight or flight’ hormones that rise in labor—decrease. This can actually help her labor progress, as excessive levels of catecholamines are known to slow down uterine contractions.

But countering that lowered-catecholamine labor boost is the effect that water pressure has on other maternal hormones. When a mother sinks deep into a tub, the weight of the water on her body forces fluid contained in her tissues into her bloodstream, thus increasing her blood volume. Sounds like a good idea—increased blood volume means increased cardiac output and oxygen-carrying capacity, and oxygen is a good thing to have coursing through your arteries when you’re trying to have a baby.

But the weight of the water on a woman’s body also causes a ‘pooling’ effect in the blood vessels inside her chest, because the rib cage protects the lungs from the water-pressure squeeze exerted on the softer tissues of the limbs and abdomen. Over time this leads to a complicated hormonal chain reaction that results in decreased secretion of oxytocin, the uterine-contraction hormone, from the pituitary gland within the brain. With less oxytocin circulating than before she climbed in the tub, a woman’s labor can slow down significantly.

The labor-slowing effect of taking a bath seems to be a problem only if the bath is taken early in labor, though. Once a woman is in active labor, the oxytocin surges are strong enough that no bath in the world can derail them.

The author goes on to explain that current research isn’t clear on when exactly oxytocin levels are high enough to prevent labor from slowing down, but suggests that it is “prudent to hold off on baths until the cervix has dilated to about five centimeters.” He also notes that water immersion during labor does not increase the infection risk for either mother or baby, and that as long as water is kept at body temperature, there is no risk to either of overheating.

I also decided to ask the real experts—birthing women—what their experiences were with water in labor. I posted the question to my Facebook Talk Birth “fan” page and received a few responses:

“I feel like it definitely helped me. I couldn’t find a comfortable position, but when I got out of the water it was definitely worse. It didn’t seem to slow anything down; C was born a few hours after I got in. I plan to blow the ol’ gal up again for the next baby.”–SE

“I have such fast, easy labor that I only get in the water for transition and delivery. I will not do it any other way and kick myself for not doing it with all my births!!! It definitely takes the edge off for me (and no ring of fire either). I think it actually does slow me down a bit, but my births are crazy fast, so that is a good thing.”–NA

“I feel like for first time moms it’s hard to know how to push when you don’t have all of the pressure. I labored in the water with Ashton but delivered him out of the water when things just weren’t finishing. With Brice I knew what I was doing so had no problems pushing Brice out in the water. I really liked the water but haven’t labored without it for transition. My [midwife] also has found that first time moms many times need to get out of the water to deliver and that it can slow down labor.”–RK

“I had a waterbirth with my 2nd, and due to her malpositioning it was by far my most painful birth. Most people say the water really relaxes them and eases pain, but that was not the case with me. Also, one thing I did not realize about water birth babies is that often they are not full of color when they are born. Some people say this is because they have an easier transition into the air. I’m not sure of the reason, but this was very startling for my husband. I just talked to her and rubbed her vigorously, and she pinked up soon after.”–GC

Personally, think the laboring woman should be the guide. If she feels like getting into the water, then it seems like the right time to me! With my second baby, I had a birth pool on hand thinking I may like to try it, but my labor progressed so rapidly that there was no time to blow up the pool, let alone fill it up or deliberate about when to get into it. As midwife Judy Edmunds says, “Waterbirth is one of many lovely ways to enter the world.”

—

Originally written for the FoMM newsletter.

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Birth Symbol

Dec22

At the very end of August, I went to see Birth, the play in St. Louis. I was about 5 weeks pregnant at the time. Following the play and “talkback” event, there was a BOLD Red Tent (birth stories sharing circle). Right before the birth stories portion of the Red Tent, we did a birth art project. The Birthing from Within Mentor who was facilitating the Red Tent asked each of us to draw a symbol on a card that communicated what we would want to share with other women about birth—not in words, but a visual representation of the message we’d like to share. We then painted our symbols onto prayer flags to be strung together as a whole “language of birth” in symbols. We left the flags with her to be taken to births to share the symbols with other birthing mamas. I drew a spiral and explained that the message I was sharing was, “You can do it. You’re okay. Let it happen.” I also added a little birth goddess with wild hair that to me represents the intuitive birth wisdom women carry with them (when I was pregnant with my first baby I was worried about being too “in my head” to give birth powerfully–I created a series of needled felted sculptures of birth goddesses with wild hair and worried that the hair showed that I was too in my head. After he was born, I realized that my sculptures were telling me about the wild, natural, birth wisdom I had in my head, not the “book learning” that was also there and was what I had worried about interfering with the flow of birth).

A few days following my miscarriage in November, I received a Facebook message from the BfW mentor (and friend) who had facilitated the Red Tent session. She attached a photo of the flag I had painted during the Birth Art session and asked me to “allow the gift to come and sit with you” (as well as gifting me with “no response necessary”).

It was amazing to have my own birth symbol come back to “speak” to me in this way during such a painful (and also transformative) time.

“You can do it. You’re okay. Let it happen.”

Adding More Birth Quotes…

Dec22

To my ongoing collection (previously posted to my Facebook fan page, but sharing here as well. There are some grief/miscarriage quotes mixed in as well):

“Birth is valuable. It gives rise to our entire future. There is power in our ability to give birth to the future of our planet. We need to reclaim that power.” –Ginger Garner

“Birth is the epicenter of women’s power.” – Ani DiFranco

“To parent well, you have to have the gentleness and courage of a warrior.” –Carol (in the book Joyful Birth)

“There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world”

“You’re braver than you believe. Stronger than you seem. And smarter than you think.”– Christopher Robin

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” Pooh’s Little Instruction Book (added by a Facebook fan in response to the above)

“Nature, time, and patience are the three great physicians.” –Greek Proverb

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” –author unknown

Addition to the above from Teri Shilling’s blog. Her adaptation is: “Birth is not about waiting for it to be over. It’s about learning to dance through it.” — Teri Shilling

“We receive fragments of holiness, glimpses of eternity, brief moments of insight…Let us gather them up for the precious gifts that they are and, renewed by their grace, move boldy into the unknown.” –Sara York

“A Survival Meditation” by Nathan Walker. It begins: “breathing in…i am aware of my pain….breathing out…i am aware that i am not my pain…breathing in…i am aware of my past….breathing out…i am aware that i am not my past.”

“Birth goes best if not intruded upon by strange people and strange events. It goes best when a woman feels safe enough and free enough to abandon herself to the process.” –Penny Armstrong & Sheryl Feldman

“Your body is the life force power of some fifty trillion molecular geniuses…Own your power and show up for your life [birth]. Beam bright!” –Jill Bolte Taylor

“What makes a good birth experience [depends on] how we discover that energy and enthusiasm that carry us through any challenging situation in life.” –Suzanne Arms

“I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul.” –Og Mandino

“Whereas loss changes us, grieving loss transforms us. Through the process of mourning, we are rehsaped into more highly evolved souls than we previously were.” –Marie Allen & Shelly Marks

“Growth is measured by…the openness with which we continue and take the next unknown step, beyond our edge…into the remarkable mystery of being.” –Stephen Levine

“Motherhood isn’t just a series of contractions, it’s a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.” –Erma Bombeck

“Over the passage of time, we do more than survive the journey. We go through a labor of self-discovery and give birth to the being deep within…we emerge more enriched, empowered, and evolved women, connect with the instinctual wisdom that lies deep within us, and experience the more whole life we deserve…grieving …opens a door into our souls that might otherwise not have been opened.” –Marie Allen & Shelly Marks

“You are strong! Your body was made to give birth!! You aren’t broken, you aren’t incapable, and you aren’t special!! Your grandmother did it, your great, great, great grandmother did it, and you can toooo!!!” –Hathor the Cowgoddess

“As a mother to be, your critical task is to prepare for a birth that has no script. This requires great courage, flexibility, and a capacity for inner awareness.” –Pam England

“All natural birth has a purpose and a plan; who would think of tearing open the chrysalis as the butterfly is emerging? Who would break the shell to pull the chick out?” –Marie Mongan

(Butterfly & the Cesarean story link shared by a Facebook fan)

“You are pregnant and you are powerful. You are bold and you are beautiful. Go forward in your boldness, in your beauty and in your connectedness. Trust your body to birth and know that the collective power of women worldwide will be with you.” –Your Birth Right

“Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman’s breasts; it enhances their charm by making them look lived in and happy.” ~ Robert Heinlein

“[When a woman] has had an ecstatic birth, you can’t talk her into taking drugs that aren’t good for her body. You can’t talk her into a hysterectomy…You can’t talk her into a crummy diet…She knows what this body is capable of. She loves this body. This body loves her…there’s nothing like the transformation avail…able at birth…she becomes illuminated…she’s a channel for life…she’s a channel for life in all its forms.” –Christiane Northrup, MD

“Miscarriages are labor, miscarriages are birth. To consider them less dishonors the woman whose womb has held life, however briefly.” –Kathryn Miller Ridiman

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.” ~ Helen Keller

“Motherhood instantly ups your ante in the human sweepstakes. It gives you a very personal stake in the future, and makes you vulnerable…It can also empower. Women who hesitated to speak for themselves may find their voice and advocate energetically for themselves as mothers and for the welfare of their children. Motherhood…the single most common transformational experience in the world.” –Valerie Young

“I think one of the best things we could do would be to help women/parents/families discover their own birth power, from within themselves. And to let them know it’s always been there, they just needed to tap into it.” –John H. Kennell, MD

“[sex], birth, and breastfeeding are survival behaviors of our species, and they’re not supposed to hurt…The way we structure those behaviors often contributes to the pain that is experienced…”–Kathleen Auerbach

“Women birth everywhere–in woods, in shacks, in quaint homes and suburbs and palaces, under trees, in taxis, and lately, in clinics and hospitals. It’s hard to birth in power without privacy, love and a place called home…” –Sister MorningStar

“The especial genius of women I believe to be electrical in movement, intuitive in function, spiritual in tendency.” ~Margaret Fuller

“Birth today is a doctor dictatorship in many practices and in many hospitals. Mothers and babies are missing the healthiest possible beginning, both physically and emotionally. Their human rights are being violated.” –Jan Tritten

“If society hinders the optimal breastfeeding by mothers who work outside the home, society needs to change, not women.” –Elisabet Helsing, World Health Organization

and from UNICEF: “The promotion of breastfeeding must not be seen as an excuse to exclude women from the labor force. The burden should no longer fall on women to choose between breastfeeding and work. The burden is on society to facilitate breastfeeding and indeed child care.”

“One does not give birth in a void, but rather in a cultural and political context. Laws, professional codes, religious sanctions, and ethnic traditions all affect women’s choices concerning childbirth.” –Adrienne Rich

Discussion following on the Facebook page: Me: Do couples truly have a free choice of where to give birth? Ultimately speaking, I guess yes, but according to my clients insurance companies dictate their birth location…

Another poster:

The choice is taken from people far too often! Money talks, doctors can scare, insurance companies manipulate, etc., etc.
Sometimes the choice is pretty much taken away. 😦

AND the cultural, political, etc. The quote is so true… our choices don’t occur in a void, all those things affect choices in childbirth. Its just that sometimes, many of those choices are dictated by the above, and so, can severely limit what we do get to choose.

Me again: When we do the “pain pie” exercise in my classes, I always talk about how sometimes choices are actively stripped away from women and we need to keep that in mind when we hear “bad” birth stories–not, “she ‘failed’ or made the ‘wrong’ choices” but that her pieces of the pie were taken away from her (sometimes forcibly!).

Prompted by the above:

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” –Alice Walker

“Life becomes precious and more special to us when we look for the little everyday miracles and get excited about the privileges of simply being human.” -Tim Hansel

“The beauty of my body is not measured by the size of the clothes it can fit into, but by the stories that it tells. I have a belly and hips that say, ‘We grew a child in here,’ and breasts that say, ‘We nourished life.’ My hands, with bitten nails and a writer’s callus, say, ‘We create amazing things.'” -Sarah (I Am Beautiful)

Simply Give Birth: A Mini-Review

Nov30

Only about a week following my miscarriage, I received a review copy of a new book by Heather Cushman-Dowdee (also known as Hathor the Cowgoddess). I have a pile of birth-related books waiting for me to review. However, I found that this soon post-miscarriage when I go to read them, my heart just isn’t in it, and I set them down again. However, Heather’s book was a different experience. Titled Simply Give Birth, the book is a beautiful collection of powerful birth stories (mostly unassisted births). When I got the book, I thought, “well, I’ll just flip through this a bit, even though my heart isn’t in it.” Well, I was instantly entranced in spite of myself. I didn’t finish reading it that week, but I picked it back up the following week and read it all the way through. What a treasure. It was very, very good and I really recommend it.

As I have briefly referenced here, I was struck by how the experience of “unassisted natural home miscarriage” parallels that of unassisted birth. Immediately after my body released my little baby, I felt strong and brave and powerful and like, “wow! I did it!” even though the outcome was not what I ever planned for or wanted. I rarely see feelings like that expressed in the many hospital/D & C miscarriage stories I’ve been reading lately and I feel happy that I was able to give myself and my baby the gift of “letting go” in our own dear home.

Reading Heather’s introduction about telling a new story about birth made me think there are new stories to be told about miscarriage as well. She says about the stories she selected for her book: “…all birth stories…prove what can be done. We can birth our babies and relish it too. We’re not stoic or fanatical, we’re mothers doing what mothers have always done, giving birth; with grace and spirit, and chutzpah, and moxie…they shared their grief, their passions, their exhaultation, and their fears. It takes massive courage to write about this most personal of moments with such candor and intensity and then be willing to share…”

Simply Give Birth is simply amazing. If hope you are lucky and find it in your Christmas stocking this year. If you don’t, or if you just can’t wait to read it, pop on over to the website and buy it ASAP!

Lavender & Letting Go (Warning: Miscarriage/Baby Loss)

Nov12

My life has taken a sad and unexpected turn. I was 14 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my third baby and we found out on Friday afternoon that the baby had died. Very early Saturday morning, he was born at home. Though it was different in some ways than a full-term birth, my experience of miscarriage was very much a birth–my water broke, I had normal contractions for about two hours, the baby was born (about 4 inches, well formed with eyelids, fingers, toes, mouth that opened, etc.), we saw the tiny umbilical cord, and so forth. I was surprised to discover that some of the same feelings of empowerment were also present after a “natural home miscarriage” as with a natural home birth–I felt strong and brave and like “I did it myself!” as well as amazed at how well my body worked and knew what to do. We learned the baby was our third boy and named him Noah.

I have a number of feelings and observations that I would like to share about this birth experience, but I’m not sure if this blog is the “appropriate” place to do so, because this is also my business website and I don’t want to “scare” any prospective clients away by being sad. There are a lot of losses that accompany the loss of a baby and one of the ones that is hard for me is that my life is devoted to helping women give birth with confidence, strength, and joy and to embrace pregnancy and birth as wonderful events. It is sad to me to now be a source of fear/elevated perception of risk—“if it could happen to her, it could happen to me!” Kind of like I’ve become a “bad omen” instead of a source of encouragement. 😦

One thing I do want to share about the birth of my third baby is that earlier that afternoon I’d received a package from Taylor’s Scarlet Thread. I had ordered a bonnet and apron from them for a Kirsten costume (Kirsten is an American Girl doll) for myself. They sent along a little lavender sachet as a free gift with my order. When my labor began, for some reason I wanted the sachet and held and smelled it throughout my labor. I also used it to kind of revive myself when I felt like I was fainting several times afterwards. I talked to the baby and to myself before I started having regular contractions telling myself and the baby that we need to “let go” of each other and that it was time to let go. During the labor, I chanted to myself, “let go, let go, let go” and smelled my sachet. Several days later, I was reading a book about miscarriage and it had some aromatherapy suggestions in it. It listed lavender for “letting go”…

Moving During Labor

Oct28

The second Healthy Birth Blog carnival is up on Lamaze’s Science & Sensibility blog. It is a great collection of links to posts about the importance of Healthy Birth Practice #2: Walk, Move Around, and Change Positions During Labor. For the blog carnival I contributed a post/handout I made last year called How to Use a Hospital Bed Without Lying Down. We spend quite some time on the subject in my classes and I encourage my clients to treat the bed like a “tool,” rather than a place to lie down. I also encourage strategizing about ways to both meet the needs of the hospital staff for “confinement” as well as the needs of the birthing woman for mobility (so, sitting on birth ball right NEXT to the bed and monitor, instead of lying back in the bed—both sets of needs can be met this way).

When reading through some of the other links in the blog carnival, I particularly enjoyed the one at The Unnecesarean about Women Describe Walking, Moving and Changing Positions in Labor. In the post, Jill points out “For first time mothers who have had no exposure to a birth, the time between, ‘I felt a contraction!’ and ‘I have to push!’ is often a total mystery.” How true is this! How many birth documentaries and shows (even very good ones), essentially only show a few minutes in early labor and then the baby being pushed out? What happened during the other 12 hours?? Obviously, we can have an episode or documentary that lasts 12 hours and shows every single detail, but I do think this gap means it is hard for first time mothers to really get a “vision” of what labor and birth is really like—the “long haul” picture.

Of course, that post made me think about my own births and how movement played an important role in both of them. I think it was equally significant/important for both, but since I was in labor longer with my first baby I used movement much more. In early labor, I sat on the floor cross legged with my back straight (working to keep the baby in “optimal” fetal alignment :), while I ate dinner and watched a movie. Then, I walked in the hallway to see if walking would stimulate any increased contractions. I also sat on the birth ball. As labor moved on, I ONCE tried lying down on my side in bed to “go to sleep” (at the suggestion of my doctor and doula) and that was IT. I had one contraction lying down and it was the worst contraction I’ve ever experienced (both babies). I never laid down again during either birthing! No possible way! When I got tired, I did kneel on the bed with a pile of pillows in front of me and rested my head/arms on the pillows. I also spent a lot of time kneeling by the side of the bed with my head resting on my arms on it. (This was my own bed at home.) I sat and rocked in the rocking chair with my eyes closed. I sat on the floor (briefly) with the rice sock under my belly and husband sitting behind me.When I went to the birth center, I sat in the rocking chair (oh wait, I did lie down one more time, for my sole cervical check of either pregnancy/birth). I also went back to kneeling on the floor with my head on the bed. Then I gave birth to my first son in a semi-sitting position on the birth center bed with my husband behind me/to the side. (Not the position I would have instinctively chosen, I think I would have actually birthed him kneeling by the side of the bed, but I was encouraged to get up into the bed. See his birth story.)

With my second baby, I walked around (again, “testing” out whether labor was “real” and going to intensify) in our kitchen. I squatted down several times (again, “testing” and trying to “make it bigger“). Then, I sat on my birth ball in the living room. I only stayed there for a few contractions and then stood up and wanted something to lean on—I leaned on the back of the (too rocky) recliner. Then, I ended up kind of hanging on my husband for a while—my arms around his neck and my legs dropping kind of outward. I then felt “driven to my knees” and got on my hands and knees on the floor with my arms and head on my birth ball. I quickly decided I didn’t want the ball and got just on my hands and knees with my husband in front of me with his arms around me. My son was born while I was on my hands and knees in this way.

I think when women think about “active birth” or “freedom of movement throughout labor,” sometimes they think this means walking the whole time or squatting up and down and up and down, or literally being *standing up* and moving around “aggressively” throughout labor. My own experiences were “active birth,” but the freedom of movement includes being able to sit in a rocking chair and “meditate” through contractions, or resting on your knees with your head on the bed. The “activity” we’re really talking about is really not lying down-–having the body upright/torso above the pelvis.

The most important event shaping my life as a mother?

Oct22

Recently, this quote from a Midwifery Today blog post came to my attention: “your birth is the most important event in shaping your life as a mother.” It has generated some pretty heated discussion and negative feelings amongst some writers in the blogosphere. Despite my intense commitment to birthwork, I stumble over the quote a bit as well. I would venture to guess that if phrased in less black-and-white terms, it would not have caused such an angry reaction in some women. Perhaps, “your [child’s] birth is a very important event…” or “…is ONE of the most important events…” would have been better received, while communicating a similar idea. While I understand the sentiment and deeply agree that birth matters, the sweeping assertion of the phrase “the most” doesn’t leave a lot of of room for personal experiences and individual variation!

I found the quote first referenced here with an insightful “rebuttal” of sorts. There is also a very detailed critique here.

I have a lot of my own thoughts based on both the original quote/blog post and on the responses from other bloggers.

It is well documented that birth is NOT “just another day in a woman’s life” and that giving birth does have lasting impact on women’s memories and quality of life. Those day-to-day moments with your children that several bloggers mentioned as more appropriate representations of “most important event shaping my life as a mother” are certainly important too and are the makings of a “real life,” but they don’t necessarily stand out in the memory as transformative events. Kind of like your wedding day stands out as very significant—it matters and is important and is not “just another day”—while simultaneously it is clear that the day-to-day life and love with your husband is actually more important than the wedding day. So, while I would agree that “ultimately” speaking, your marriage is definitely more important than your wedding, I would also put forth that you are much more like to remember your wedding specifically and clearly and with specific emotion than you are to remember what you ate for breakfast with your honey-pie last weekend and that is one of the reasons why the wedding matters. Perhaps it is an issue of the mudane vs. the miraculous…

I believe you can hold the two experiences simultaneously—you can enjoy the wedding memory, while cherishing your regular old daily husband AND you can enjoy (or suffer from) the birth memory while also cherishing the daily life with the little ones. One doesn’t have to trump the other or to be “what really matters.” There’s room for lots of mattering in an every day life 🙂

I think another key is that birth is (or can be) a “peak experience” for women (and families). I want all women to have a chance to experience that. I certainly do not want her to feel diminished, unworthy, inferior or lacking if birth is not a peak experience in her life, but I also want all women to certainly be given a reasonable opportunity to let birth unfold in all its power and be treated respectfully and humanely by those around her—regardless of what is going on or the eventual outcome.

I love birth and cherish my memories of my sons’ births and consider them to be some of the most transformative, empowering, and significant single days in my life—peak experiences, powerful memories—and I also feel that birth matters as a distinct (and relatively rare) occurrence in a woman life. I believe birth has inherent value and worth on its own terms. I also believe that your feelings about the birth and the baby can most definitely be separated—you can feel pleased as punch with your delightful, precious baby and also be disappointed (or super thrilled with) your birthing. One does not take from the other—you can hold the reality of both and a breadth of feelings about them. And additionally, it is not wrong to want both things—a “good birth” and a “healthy baby.” The two go hand in hand and are not mutually exclusive concepts at all (see links to previous posts below).

All that said, however, I also do not feel that my children’s births were the most important events shaping my life as a mother. They were important, yes, but I think stating with finality that the event that shapes us is definitely X—or putting a finger on THE most important event is NOT something that can be pinned down by any one person or imposed from someone on the outside of yourself. I think it varies by woman and mother and there is room for many things to be true and valuable and okay. So, perhaps your important life shaper is seeing your children decorate the Christmas tree (though I still submit that “peak experiences” carry more emotional and psychological weight that everyday occurrences). For another mother, it could be the day she gave birth to her child. Those are both okay! One woman’s feelings and reality do not invalidate or dismiss another’s.

For me, the profound shaping event was the experience postpartum with my first baby. I have never had an experience that shaped me and impacted me and SHOOK me more profoundly than adjusting to life with my newborn son. That was my journey. That was my struggle. That was my challenge. That is what dissolved me and burned me into ashes and let me rise again as someone the same but also brand new—a mother. I was not “born” when my son was born, I was forged. Made, in the intense weeks that followed his birth.

If another mother states that her postpartum was full of “babymoon bliss,” do I need to dismiss her as deluded, lying, and or possibly perpetuating a myth? No! I can hold both in my awareness—my postpartum experience was my most significant life challenge. Hers was not. Both truths are FINE! Likewise, if I decide share that my sex life post-kids is better than ever before, is that dismissed as “couldn’t possible be true? MY sex life was ruined by kids!” or that I’m somehow lying or misrepresenting the truth? No, both can be true, because we are all different women with different lives and experiences and “realities.” So, if a woman feels like her birth experiences were the most important events shaping her life as a mother, that is totally okay—and, it can be true, without making a woman with the opposite experience diminished or “less than.” Of course, the logical extension of this train of thought, is whether I (and other birth activists) can hold our birth matters truth alongside the realization or acceptance that for some women birth IS “just one day” or that it is not an important event in their lives?

I also think we can draw on powerful memories for present strength—I remember my “birth warrior” feelings and it helps me with other tasks or with day to day life. I remember the laughing, crying, “my baby, MY BABY!” moments of triumph and bliss and ecstasy immediately postpartum and it buoys me with a fresh charge of love for the little ruffians leaping off the couch in front of me or throwing crackers all over the house.

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Since the “birth experience vs. healthy baby” argument is of special interest to me, I’ve addressed it several other times on this blog: