Birth Quotes Update

Aug9

Time for my semi-regular re-sharing of birth quotes I’ve shared on my Talk Birth Facebook page in the last several months (there are also a few grief/miscarriage quotes mixed in as well as some activism quotes too). While I realize that I don’t “own” these quotes—other people said them, not me!—I do have quite a bit of legwork invested in seeking and sharing these quotes (I mostly get them from my own reading) and if you re-post one or more of them on your own Facebook page, blog post, or book, I really appreciate acknowledgement and/or link back to this site or to my FB page, that this is where you originally got the quote!

“…in not disturbing the laboring woman you’re not handing over all control to her…it’s not a question of handing control to the laboring woman, it’s a question of not controlling her…while she’s in labor and giving birth physiologically, she’s going to seem well and truly out of control–totally wild!–so the issue of control seems a pretty irrelevant one really.” –Sylvie Donna (Optimal Birth)

“I see my body as an instrument, rather than an ornament.” ~Alanis Morissette, quoted in Reader’s Digest, March 2000 via Denver Doula

‎”Expectant mothers need to be mothered; their hearts need to be infused with love, confidence, and determination. I now see myself as ‘midwife’ to the gestation and birth of women as mothers.” –Pam England (Birthing from Within)

‎[re: “surrender” during labor] “…She may refer to this as the feeling of surrender; but this kind of surrender is a gift, not something she herself did with her mind. At this point the body truly takes over and the thinking mind recedes into the background. This may be how women historically and presently, are able to labor without mental suffering and without pain medication.” –Pam England (Labyrinth of Birth)

This feels true from my personal experiences–I feel like the most important thing anyone can know about birth is to welcome that surrender (to let go of control) and also about the value of *freedom* in enabling the surrender to happen (freedom in the physical space–i.e. no one “letting” you drink or not drink or labor in bed or out of bed).

“[re: ecstatic birth] This exquisite hormonal orchestration unfolds optimally when birth is undisturbed, enhancing safety for both mother and baby. Science is also increasingly discovering what we realise as mothers – that our way of birth affects us life-long, both mother and baby, and that an ecstatic birth —
a birth that takes us beyond our self — is the gift of a life-time.” –Sarah Buckley

“When you don’t follow your nature there is a hole in the universe where you were supposed to be.” –Dane Rudhyar (via Marian Thompson, LLL Founder)

‎”Birth is what women do. Women are privileged to stand in such power! Birth stretches a woman’s limits in every sense. To allow such stretching of one’s limits is the challenge of pregnancy, birth, and parenting. The challenge is to be fully present and to allow the process because of inner trust. How can women find their power, claim it, and stand firm in it throughout?” –Elizabeth Noble

(Her answer: “vertical birth”–thus, to quite literally STAND in one’s birth power!)

‎”…it is not easy for women to lay claim to our life-giving power. How are we to reclaim that which has been declared fearful, polluting and yet unimportant? How are women to name as sacred the actual physical birth, which comes with no sacred ritual…?” –Elizabeth Dodson Gray

‎”A woman’s path to power is more like engaging life’s energies in a swirling movement filling us up, out, into wholeness.” –Lois Stovall

“The body has its own way of knowing, a knowing that has little to do with logic, and much to do with truth, little to do with control, and much to do with acceptance…” –Marilyn Sewell (via Mothering Magazine‘s pregnancy e-newsletters)

“…much of what passes for childbirth education and preparation today actually increases women’s fears by giving them too much concrete information to hang their anxiety on, and too many names for all the bad things they already fear will happen. In the course of trying to calm the higher brain by giving it lots of data, we can end up defeating our purpose by feeding our fears.” –Suzanne Arms (Immaculate Deception II)

“We take for granted in the United States that childbirth is a multi-million dollar industry. It’s as simple as that–women’s bodies and the act of creation are intertwined with the economy. What if our relationship with body and womb and birth was in every sense of the word FREE? What if we didn’t need managed care? Literally or figuratively?” –Baraka Bethany Elihu (Birthing Ourselves into Being)

Reader responded with a question about, “how do we teach our children about birth?” and this was my short answer:

I think by talking about is as something that is a “normal” as can be–i.e. not scary and dangerous–and by not “hiding” birth from them like it is a secret. My kids have seen all kinds of natural birth videos, pictures in books, etc. When …my older son was only 3 1/2 he drew me a picture with the baby attached to the mom with an umbilical cord (both with big smiles on their faces) and the placenta in bowl next to them (which of course couldn’t actually be there unless the baby was not still attached to the mom with the cord). 🙂

“I am starting to see that a woman’s strength in birth is also in the letting go and allowing herself to tumble fearlessly with the current, never losing sight of the belief that, when the energy of the tide is through, she will find herself upright again on the shore.” –Maria (at the blog A Mom is Born)

“Because parents are transients in the maternity care system, there is little cumulative birth experience over successive generations of mothers. Women giving birth don’t make the same mistakes as their mothers or grandmothers–they make new ones.” –Elizabeth Noble (Childbirth with Insight)

‎”Those who push themselves to climb the last hill, cross the finish line, or conquer a challenging dance routine often report feelings of euphoria and increased self-esteem…women who experience natural birth often describe similar feelings of exaltation and increased self-esteem. These feelings of accomplishment, confidence, and strength have the potential to transform women’s lives…In many cultures, the runner who completes the long race is admired, but it is not acknowledged that the laboring woman may experience the same life-altering feelings…” -Giving Birth with Confidence (Lamaze International)

“Fathers’ sharing in the birth experience can be a stimulus for men’s freedom to nurture, and a sign of changing relationships between men and women. In the same way, women’s freedom to give birth at home is a political decision, an assertion of determination to reclaim the experience of birth. Birth at home is about changing society.” –Sheila Kitzinger

(Emphasis mine.) Posted in honor of Independence Day!

I’ve noted that many women (including myself) cite “freedom” as one of the main reasons they choose out-of-hospital birth…

‎”Labor is not a time to judge ourselves but a period for reflecting on our movement through life at a given moment. It is not possible to control labor, it is only possible to follow the process and to meet whatever it may offer.” –Gayle Peterson (An Easier Childbirth)

“There is an urgent need for childbirth education for doctors and nurses so that, instead of superimposing a medical perception of birth, professional helpers listen to, learn from, and respect women’s experiences. Only in this way shall we be able to humanize the culture of birth.” –Sheila Kitzinger (forward in An …Easier Childbirth by Gayle Peterson)

The book was written in 1993 and I think we still haven’t figured that out yet…:(

‎”The absolute miracle of a birth and the emergence of a new human being into the world catapults both mother and father into the realm of awe and wonder. They are flooded with non-ordinary feelings and energies that support a deep connection not only with the newborn and each other, but also with the mystery and power of life itself.” –John & Cher Franklin

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‎”A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey, but a woman of strength knows it is in the journey where she will become strong.”

“A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything, but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.” (from the same “Woman of Strength” poem as above quote, author unknown, many internet versions floating around)

“When I dare to be powerful–to use my strength in the service of my vision–then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” –Audre Lorde

“Despite hundreds of years of negative programming, labor and birth can be a soul-stirring experience!” —Christiane Northrup, MD

“The labor and birth experience itself is a microcosmic slice of what fathering asks of a man.” –John Franklin (FatherBirth)

‎”…an experience of the phenomenal capacity of our birthing body can give us an enduring sense of our own power as women. Birth is the beginning of life; the beginning of mothering, and of fathering. We all deserve a good beginning.” –Sarah J. Buckley

“Birth privacy is important because it fosters FREEDOM and that sense of freedom is fundamental to birthing unhindered and with joy.” –Molly Remer (my contribution to the book/DVD giveaway on Orgasmic Birth: The Best Kept Secret (fan page))

“Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform.” Susan B. Anthony

“When I say painless, please understand, I don’t mean you will not feel anything. What you will feel is a lot of pressure; you will feel the might of creation move through you. Pain, however, is associated with something gone wrong. Childbirth is a lot of hard work, and the sensations that accompany it are very strong, but there is nothing wrong with labor.” –Giuditta Tornetta

Love this –the “might of creation.” How true!

“Day by day, month by month, year by year we are confronted with all that we do not know, that we do not understand, that we do not grasp. Sometimes we are humbled by this knowledge and say: God, it is too wonderful for me to comprehend but I know this universe is more grand and more beautiful than I ever could have imagined and I give thanks for the blessing of being here and seeing, hearing, experiencing, and sensing all that is so wonderful around and in me…” –Susan L. Suchocki

“Life is full and overflowing with the new. But it is necessary to empty out the old to make room for the new to enter.” —Eileen Caddy

“Once the baby is born, your life will change forever. It will change in so many ways, and until you get there you simply can’t be told. The joys, the sorrows, the excitement, the fear, the frustrations–in fact, I think all the adjectives in the world couldn’t describe what is in store for you.” –Giuditta Tornetta

‎”I love to think that the day you’re born, you’re given to the world as a birthday present.” –Leo Buscaglia (shared on my second son’s fourth birthday)

“Wherever women gather together failure is impossible.” –Susan B. Anthony

“I believe with all my heart that women’s birth noises are often the seat of their power. It’s like a primal birth song, meeting the pain with sound, singing their babies forth. I’ve had my eardrums roared out on
occasions, but I love it. Every time. Never let anyone tell you not to make noise in labor. Roar your babies out, Mamas. Roar.” –Louisa Wales

“…The motherhood mosaic has pieces that are dark and dull, but it’s a work that shines.” –Carol Weston

“Women’s bodies have near-perfect knowledge of childbirth; it’s when their brains get involved that things can go wrong.” –Peggy Vincent (via Sweet Miracles

“A child strips away our illusions that we are perfect, that we have it all figured out, that we are all grown up. In fact, we grow up with our children if we are willing to remain open to their innate goodness as well as our own.” –Peggy O’Mara

“The suckling relationship is one of the sources of real sweetness that we have in human existence…The suckling baby can teach adults about the expression of sweet love and gratitude in a way no words can.”
–Ina May Gaskin

“Unfortunately, birthing woman has not only lost touch with her body and with her ancient female lineage. She has also lost her voice to speak up, to question intervention, to ask for support, to demand respect for the work of giving birth and caring for her infant. When she finds that voice, she will regain a vital part of her creativity and power as a woman.” –Suzanne Arms (Immaculate Deception II)

“Pregnancy is a time of being in touch with the power of creation itself.” –Rahima Baldwin & Terra Richardson

“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.” –Mother Teresa

‎”Childbirth calls into question our very existence, requiring an expectant couple to confront not only new life but death, pain, fear, and, most of all, change.” –Elizabeth Noble (quoting a new mother)

“Hope is the thing with feathers, That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all…” –Emily Dickinson

‎”We may tell ourselves that birth is a natural and safe process and recall our childbirth teacher’s emphasis that a woman’s body is designed for giving birth, but our own bodies may hold a different truth. It is essential to honor body memory, as it wields far more influence than the intellect during labor.” –Gayle Peterson (in An Easier Childbirth re: working through birth memories in preparation for future births)

“If a community values its children, it must cherish its mothers.” -John Bowlby

“Just as a tree grows best when anchored firmly in the earth, so can a pregnant mother feel strong and capable when supported by a sisterhood of nurturing friends.” -April Lussier

“Planning for birth is like getting ready for an athletic event…You can’t predict exactly what is going to happen; the events of the game will unfold according to their own particular logic, and not necessarily
according to your plan.” –Adrienne Lieberman

“If we don’t take care of mothers, they can’t take care of their babies.” –Jeanne Driscoll

“And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing blind, deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your own hands and your own head…” –Christopher McCandless

‎”When you are drawing up your list of life’s miracles, you might place near the top the first moment your baby smiles at you.” –Bob Greene

I have crystal clear memories of my second baby’s first smile (the day of birth–looking into my eyes) and of my first baby’s first laugh. Less clear memories of the FIRST smile for my firstborn and first laugh for my second. I guess it is good that they each get one of the special, miracle moments!

“Midwives do NOT empower women. Only women can empower themselves. If you’ve been empowered through birth, thank your midwife for holding the space – but know that it was surely YOU that created and walked the journey” -Pamela Hines (via Barbara Herrera)

“Though we have lost a petal, we are still flowers, lush and full together in a garden of hope.” -Angie M. Yingst

‎”Once her endorphins have kicked in, a woman may actually enjoy labor or may even find it an ecstatic experience. I have many times told the story of one of my clients who was crying and desperate in early labor, only to be smiling and dancing around the room at nine centimeters’ dilation.”–Elizabeth Davis

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” –Anais Nin

“Giving birth requires an honest surrendering of your body and soul. You need to be in a relaxed state of love. Love has a way of overpowering fear. The more energy-draining feelings you can unload, the more room you will have for bliss and simplicity. Birth can be an unfolding and emergence like something you’ve never experienced before.” –Lynn Griesemer

“Labor is like mothering: you prepare and do the best you can, but finally, most of it is out of your hands. Birth is a great mystery. Yet we live in a rational, scientific world that doesn’t allow for mystery…” –Jennifer Louden

‎”Although the popularly desired outcome is ‘Healthy mother, healthy baby,’ I think there is room in that equation for ‘Happy, non-traumatized, empowered and elated mother and baby.’” –Ashley Booth Youn

[in reference to before she had her baby] “…I thought the only thing that was important…was to have a healthy baby. Now I recognize that while this is the primary goal, it is not the only goal. Birth is such an emotional experience; it can give or take away so much more than I ever realized…it will change you in such a wonderful and powerful way. It gave me more strength than I ever imagined. Since then, whenever I become overwhelmed, all I have do to is say, ‘I had a baby in my home!’ I am instantly empowered.”–Jody Niekamp (in Journey into Motherhood)

‎”10% of births needfully culminate in intervention. Self-esteem depends on salvaging the most important truth from your experience: Birth cannot be controlled. It is a mystery.” –Karen Fisk

“As doulas, midwives, nurses, and doctors, it’s important to never underestimate how deeply entrusted we are with someone’s most vulnerable, raw, authentic self. We witness their heroic journeys, see them emerge with their babies, hearts wide open…” –Lesley Everest (MotherWit Doula)

“Not every woman experiences unaided, natural childbirth, yet many women hope for it. To strive for birth as a peak experience—to withstand this ‘trial by fire’–a woman must learn what labor pain is and be prepared to accept and work with it. And she must also prepare for the unexpected.” –Karen Fisk

‎”It is so easy to close down to risk, to protect ourselves against change and growth. But no baby bird emerges without first destroying the perfect egg sheltering it. We must risk being raw and fresh and awkward. For without such openness, life will not penetrate us anew. Unless we are open, we will not be filled.” –Patricia Monaghan

“A Life may last for just a moment…. but a memory can make that moment last forever…” (Unknown)

“Birth is an experience that demonstrates that life is not merely function and utility, but form and beauty.” –Christopher Largen

“Birth matters. It brings us into being, on many levels.” –Ananda Lowe

‎”The way a society views a pregnant and birthing woman, reflects how that society views women as a whole. If women are considered weak in their most powerful moments, what does that mean?” –Marcie Macari

“Shrouding information about birth in silence hides the fact that labor and birthing pain is a positive key to transformation. Preparation for and expectation of that pain leads to self-awareness. Thus, birth becomes not only a passage for your child, but a passage for you into instinctual and effective parenting.” –Karen Fisk

What To Do When Newly Pregnant and Wanting a Natural Birth…

Aug4

Last month, a friend of my younger sister’s emailed to ask some questions about natural birth. She is newly pregnant and very interested in her birth choices (yay! How exciting!). I shared a couple of ideas with her and thought I would share them with my blog as well:

It can be hard to know where to start—there is SO much information out there. I would suggest getting a good, informative book—though I haven’t yet read it myself, Your Best Birth is a new book that is supposed to be good and very “balanced” at helping you make the choices that are right for you. I also have a suggested reading list here. Mothering Magazine’s Having a Baby, Naturally is also quite good. Speaking of Mothering Magazine, their discussion boards are PACKED with good information and they all come from a natural/holistic perspective (a lot of other message boards have more of an “epidural soon!” culture). You can join a “due date club” there, etc. There is a whole forum just for birth stuff (and a subforum for homebirth), etc. Good resource, as is their entire website. Other good guides include Lamaze’s book Giving Birth with Confidence. One of my favorites as a really good “basic”/intro guide for pregnancy and birth is Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Newborn by Penny Simkin. A brand new edition is out, so think about checking it out!

Particularly if you plan to have your baby in a hospital, a doula would be a really good addition to your birth “team.” Doulas provide non-medical labor support and are there just to support YOU and what you want. It is really good to have continuous labor support. And, she does not replace your partner—he has his own “journey” to take into becoming a father and having a doula there frees him of a lot of the pressure of trying to be your “doula”—he can just be there with you, loving you, rather than trying to remember all kinds of stuff from books!

I would also suggest finding a good independent childbirth educator to take birth classes from when you get closer to your due date (one who doesn’t work in a hospital—it doesn’t matter if you plan to give birth in a hospital, an educator who works for herself instead of for somewhere else, is better able to give you complete information instead of just teaching about the “rules” of that particular location). Read more about “why independent classes” here.

Most of all, spend time celebrating your changing body and marveling at its inherent wisdom. Take time each day to “tune in,” draw inward and connect with your baby. Honor your natural rhythms—eating when you’re hungry, resting when you’re tired. Be gentle and loving with yourself. Know that you already have everything you need within you and strive to create a birth environment that encourages that inner wisdom to blossom and fully respects your right to freedom in birth.

Of Birth & Bugs

Jul31

I included this story as part of a previous post about how women learn about birth, but I wanted to share it as a separate post because it gets lost as side note in the other post:

Doula in Disguise?!

A powerful pre-birth lesson in my body’s wisdom actually came from an assassin bug (of all things!). Assasin bugs have very potent, posionous bites (and in some countries carry hideous diseases). During my first pregnancy, I was bitten multiple times as I slept by one of them. I had bites on my face (lip) as well as in a row on my arm. The bites caused swelling, ongoing stabbing pain, and joint aching (as well as intense palm-of-hand and sole-of-feet itching when they first occurred).

I turned this into a practice experience for myself in coping with labor—figuring that, like labor, this was something uncomfortable and out of my control, but that would eventually pass and that my body would take care of without my needed to actively do anything about it. The stabbing pain was also intermittent (like a pulse), so I thought that was good practice too. I practicing “softening” around the sensations and “being” with the discomfort. I reminded myself that my body knew what to do and that it would heal itself. And, guess what? It did. Each day as the bites healed, I would marvel, “look how much my body knows! Look what it can do without me even knowing what or how it is doing.” Of course, it took several days of stabbing and aching pain for this process to occur, whereas my first labor involved only 5 hours of intense sensation as well as several preceding hours of totally manageable sensation and my subsequent labors only involved 2 hours each of fairly intense sensation.

This experience in watching my body take care of itself using its own inherent wisdom was a potent (and unexpected) lesson for me in approaching my first birth. I learned almost as much from it as I did from the books I read and the classes I took!

Conference Blessings

Jul27

This past week, I attended my first CAPPA conference (this one was in Charlotte, NC). I’ve been a member of CAPPA since 2004 and the thing that first attracted me to membership was the FREE annual conference. Now, six years later, I finally took advantage of going to one! I think it will be an annual tradition for our family 🙂 On the closing day of the conference, the MC asked us to consider how we had each been “blessed” at the conference this year and then to turn to the person next to us and share how we had been blessed. I thought of several things right away:

Meeting people face-to-face that I previously only had online contact with. There is no substitute for in person contact. It was great!
Attending Barbara Harper’s presentation on “Leave Well Enough Alone: Natural Third Stage.” It was VERY good. I also particularly enjoyed Andrea Sharpe’s presentation about empowering teen mothers and Barbara Hotelling’s “Your Body has the Power to Give Birth.”
Winning a birth bracelet from the Birth Behind Bars booth. They had an interesting project going on where you could submit a tip for the upcoming book 101 Ways to Support a Woman in Childbirth and have a chance to win a bracelet (as well as to get a nice purple “For the Love of Birth” lanyard for your name tag too). I love to win stuff and the bracelet is pretty 🙂
The between-session contacts and conversations. In addition to learning good information from the actual sessions, there is no substitute for the conversations that arise during breaks in the day—I met several really wonderful people just accidentally this way and I had some good, in-depth conversations about teaching methods and resources that would have been impossible to have if I’d only attended the sessions and then gone straight back to my room.
Being in an environment with 300 other women who also believe that birth matters.

With Barbara Harper

Opening for Birth

Jul24

Some time ago, I bought several large binders of back issues of The International Journal of Childbirth Education (ICEA‘s publication). The December 2001 edition of the IJCE contains an article titled “The Pelvis Revisited” by Elizabeth Noble. An interesting article overall, I particularly enjoyed the language of the section titled Opening for Birth:

“Birth is what women do. Women are privileged to stand in such power! Birth stretches a woman’s limits in every sense. To allow such stretching of one’s limits is the challenge of pregnancy, birth, and parenting. The challenge is to be fully present and to allow the process because of inner trust. How can women find their power, claim it, and stand firm in it throughout? The vertical position comes again into prominence. Women must ‘stand up’ for what they want and ‘on their own two feet’ by refusing to take their birth ‘lying down’! Being upright is essential for pelvic power–psychological strength, pelvic mobility, gravity’s assistance, pelvic pump efficiency, and the hygienic downflow of bodily fluids.”

In the September 1999 issue, the article “Belly-Dancing Through Pregnancy: A Way to Give Birth and Not Be Delivered” by Gaby Mardshana Oeftering caught my eye. In it, she also addresses the needs to build inner trust and to open to birth through physical movement and an active approach to birthing:

“Women expecting their second or third child don’t necessarily need this [traditional prenatal classes]. They are looking for a way to relax, find their inner selves, and get better acquainted with their bodies, their babies, and the process of birthing. When allowed to move during childbirth, many women instinctively start moving their pelvis in hip circles which are typical of belly-dance…All soft and gentle belly-dance movements are beneficial to pregnant women; for example, hip circles, the various hip-eights, and hip rocking. The rule is: all horizontal movements relax the uterus; vertical movements excite it. Physically speaking, all these movements strengthen and mobilize the pelvis and the legs and train the pelvic floor. They also activate deep abdominal breathing…the hip movements demand a lot of attentiveness and body awareness. On a mental level, this leads to better consciousness of tension and relaxation—a body feeling that is needed during birthing.”

Recently, I feel myself intrigued by the possibilities of working with these women—those who are on their second or third pregnancies and who are seeking to “go beyond” traditional birth class information (that often assumes first baby status). I know that I, personally, have wanted new, fresh, inspirational birth information during each of my pregnancies—labor and birth 101, stages of fetal development, or even labor support and comfort measures isn’t “enough” for me anymore (and wasn’t after my first baby). The desire to honor the pregnancy experience, prepare for the birth experience, and to work with psychological and emotional elements of childbearing are still very much present though! I envision doing a series of “pregnancy retreat” type of things or other types of workshops that “go beyond” and help second, third, or fourth time mothers to spend some dedicated,special attention to each pregnancy and birth experience in a personally enriching and rewarding way 🙂

Birth Feelings

Jul5

Those who push themselves to climb the last hill, cross the finish line, or conquer a challenging dance routine often report feelings of euphoria and increased self-esteem…women who experience natural birth often describe similar feelings of exaltation and increased self-esteem. These feelings of accomplishment, confidence, and strength have the potential to transform women’s lives. In many cultures, the runner who completes the long race is admired, but it is not acknowledged that the laboring woman may experience the same life-altering feelings… —Giving Birth with Confidence (by Lamaze International)

This is so true and so often overlooked or diminished in our modern birth culture. Comments such as, “you don’t need to be a martyr” or, “would you get a tooth pulled without medication?” or, “there are no medals for natural childbirth,” or, “in the end, all that matters is a healthy baby!” fail to acknowledge the transformative power birth holds in women’s lives. I think these comments (and the many others like them) often come from one of two places: the first being a place where birth did NOT hold transformative power in that speaker’s life (and, this is something I have to acknowlege as real—birth can be transformative, but it isn’t always, AND it can be a powerful influence in a negative sense as well [i.e. a woman who really did suffer during birth and/or was abused and/or experienced any variety of traumatic things, whether or not we, the listener, “know” that some of those things could have been avoided with different choices, etc., etc.]).

The second place, I believe is one that many medical care providers come from in that they do not want to look at the reality of the importance of birth because then they would have to confront the reality of how they may have interfered with or “ruined” birth for so many women. Perhaps that isn’t true or is a “bad attitude” or judgment on my part coming through, but that is how it looks to me from the outside. It is easier to dismiss natural birth advocates as “zealots” and mothers who wish to birth unmedicated as “martyrs” than to critically examine the institution’s birth practices and policies.

Related to the initial quote, here is a previous post about Birth and marathons…

As a side note, I really like the book I quoted—Giving Birth with Confidence—as a good “basic” birth book for pregnant women. I’m glad it is usually available in “conventional” bookstores as many other birth book treasures are not!

A Fantasy

Jul2

Several years ago, I requested permission to reprint an essay from La Leche League International’s book Learning a Loving Way of Life. The essay is a birth/breastfeeding parody and I realized I’d never shared it here (please do not reprint without permission!).

A Fantasy

By Melanie Axel-Lute

Time: The not-too-distant future.

Scene: A Doctor’s office.

Doctor: Yes, Judy, the test is positive—you are going to have a baby. Now I’ll just give your instructions for the artificial womb.

Judy: Well, doctor, I have been planning to be pregnant.

Doctor: (surprised) Oh! I do have a few patients who say they’d like to try that. It’s very difficult nowadays, though, so many pressures on the modern woman. Of course, I’m all for it. It is the best thing for the fetus, though the new artificial wombs are very good. Now—have you done any preparatory exercises?

Judy: I didn’t think about that.

Doctor: You’ll find it very hard then, especially at first. I usually have my patients do several months of sit-ups and leg-lifts.

Many women say they’d like to try being pregnant, but they have to give it up in a few weeks. They have morning sickness and are very tired. I always recommend that anyone with nausea switch to the artificial womb.

Being pregnant takes a lot out of a woman. You’ll need your strength for the baby. And you don’t seem very big through the pelvis. You may not be big enough to be pregnant. I’ll have to test your amniotic fluid to see if it’s adequate.

It’s very hard to judge the weight of the fetus when it’s in a human womb, too. Some women worry whether it’s gaining enough weight. I always like to start intrauterine feedings at about two months.

Now, how long had you planned to be pregnant?

Judy: I planned on letting the baby be born naturally.

Doctor: (shocked) Oh, my! That’s really not necessary, you know. Most of my patients go for about three months—that’s the critical period—although a few stick it out for six. More than that is definitely unnecessary.

Have you thought about what people will say? Most people don’t mind seeing a woman pregnant with a tiny fetus, but when it gets to be more than six months—well! It’s just very unusual.

Besides, have you thought about how tied down you’ll be? You’ll have to take that fetus everywhere. Women really need to get out alone once in a while, you know. I feel that most women who prolong pregnancy like that do so for very selfish reasons.

Judy: I want to go ahead with it anyway.

Doctor: (patronizing) Well, I guess I just have to let you try it for a while and see how it goes…

This essay was reprinted with permission from the book Learning a Loving Way of Life, published by La Leche League in 1987. The essay reprinted was originally written in 1978. LLLI is the world’s foremost authority on breastfeeding. For a wealth of breastfeeding information, support, resources, or to purchase a copy of the book referenced, visit: www.llli.org.

Sheila Kitzinger on a Woman’s Right to Her Own Experience

Jun28

I have written before that every woman has the right to define her own experience—a phrase I first remember hearing when used by an ICAN volunteer. I was cleaning out a pile of stuff by my computer this weekend and found I’d marked a related quote in Education and Counseling for Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger, so it obviously caught my eye before hearing it from ICAN, but hearing it is what fixed it into my own personal philosophy of birthwork. With regard to what good childbirth educators need to know/how they should approach teaching:

…nothing can replace the experience of having joyfully born one’s own babies in full awareness and of having had to face and cope with some of the psychological and social problems which confront most women in childbearing and child rearing. But simply having given birth happily oneself is inadequate as a basis for good teaching. Too often then a woman has a very one-sided picture of labour, and merely superimposes on other women ideals of how labour ought to be.

Labour is a highly personal experience, and every woman has a right to her own experience and to be honest about the emotions she feels. Joy tends to be catching, and when a teacher has enjoyed her own births this is valuable because she infuses her own sense of wonder and keen pleasure into her relations with those she teachers. But she must go on from there, learn how difficult labour can be for some women, and develop an understanding of all the stresses that may be involved.

I’ve noticed that women come into birthwork for a variety of different reasons (okay, that is a very obvious statement!) and two of the big ones seem to be either that she had a wonderful birth herself and wants to “share the light” or, she had a disappointing birth herself and wants to help prevent other women from having the same experience. I came from the first camp—my first birth experience was tremendously empowering and I couldn’t wait to share the joy with others. My second was even more triumphant and powerful and really lit my fire to finish my certification process and to start teaching in earnest. I feel like I have always been compassionate to that fact that not all women DO feel a sense of triumph and joy in birth, even if they do everything “right,” and I read plenty of books and articles on “unexpected outcomes” and about birth trauma. Additionally, as I’ve noted before, I also feel like my birth-miscarriage experience with my third baby more fully opened the complete range of experiences of the childbearing year to me and gave me a deeper sense of compassion and heart for all women.

Birth Dreams

Jun26

I’ve always been interested in the birth dreams that women have. During my first pregnancy, I only had a couple of birth/baby dreams and they were very odd/unrealistic (because I didn’t know physically what giving birth was actually like). I did have one very vivid and scary miscarriage dream. Between that birth and my pregnancy with my second son, I had TONS of birth dreams. A common theme was that I gave birth to a baby boy and would say to my husband “now we have three sons!” (even though we only had one son at the time and I wasn’t even pregnant). I also dreamed I had twins, dreamed I had a very premature baby at about 20 weeks who then died, and several others. These dreams were very vivid and real-seeming and have stuck with me as meaningful for a long time.

Then, during my second pregnancy, I had seven dreams in which I gave birth to a boy and thus I was convinced I was having a boy (I did). Some of these dreams were exceedingly realistic, down to length of labor and time of birth. Seven of them revealed/confirmed that he was a boy (in the only girl dream I had during that pregnancy, my husband was the one giving birth to the baby, so both genders were “switched”). One of them was extremely vivid and was that he was born on a specific date and time. I was in the living room on my hands and knees. The birth took four hours and when he was born I said, “I KNEW he was a boy, I KNEW it would be a fast labor, and I KNEW he would be born on a weekend.” As it was, he was not born on that day (two weeks later) and he was born at a different time (within a few hours of the dream time). He was a boy and it was a fast labor (two hours, not four). He was born at 2:45 a.m. on Memorial Day morning, so it was actually a Monday, but it WAS a holiday weekend. He was born in the living room by the green chair on my hands and knees, just like in the dream.

During my third pregnancy, I didn’t really have any birth dreams, and then had one vivid miscarriage dream the night we found out the baby had died. I did have one ultrasound dream in which he was a girl (he wasn’t). After he was born, I had a vivid placenta dream and then I only have had one other dream about him since he was born—I halfway expected to have several birth dreams or “still pregnant” dreams as a way to kind of “psychically” close out his pregnancy, but I didn’t (which in a way was comforting—like my subconscious has “processed” the loss completely). That single dream I did have post-loss was kind of a miscarriage re-do dream in which the birth proceeded exactly as it really had, but instead of all the blood following the baby, I was able to spend a LONG time looking at him and making hand and footprints.

As I mentioned, one of my vivid birth dreams after my first pregnancy, but before any others, was about giving birth to a premature baby (one of the aforementioned “third sons”) and trying to nurse him at least once before he died as well as remembering to smell his head so I would never forget his own unique baby smell. In that dream, I named the baby Noah, which is what in fact we did name our third son when he died early in my second trimester.

After my second baby was born, but before I was pregnant with my third, I had many, many vivid birth dreams about a specific birth position to give birth (half kneel/half squat) in to avoid tearing as well as the idea of making a “birth nest” for myself to have the baby in, rather than having it in the living room and then having to get up to go lie down somewhere else. I feel like the position dream is a strong message from my subconscious about how I should plan to give birth—something I’ve been working over in my unconscious or something and I’m giving myself a “tip.” As it turned out, that baby was born much earlier than expected and I ended up giving birth standing. I did, in fact, make myself a “birth nest” as my dreams had suggested and would do the same again.

During my fourth pregnancy I had two brief miscarriage dreams and since the pregnancy ended quickly, there was no time really to have any other dreams. However, the whole reason I knew I was pregnant in the first place was because I dreamed that I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. When I woke up from that dream, I took one and it was positive. During my fifth pregnancy (so far), I’ve had quite a few “bleeding” dreams and one miscarriage dream.

Then, this week, I had the first birth dream that I’ve had in AGES!

I was in a birth pool in our the living room and the baby was born in the water. The focus of the dream was on the placenta really, not the baby—though I think it was a boy. Placenta was perfectly heart shaped (and small) and had strange “bands” of tissue on it, which I decided meant it was a “circumvallate placenta” (a term I had just heard referenced for the first time the day before in a blog post). The experience of pushing the placenta out was VIVID. It is weird how the body remembers the feeling so clearly and can reproduce it in a dream, when my brain cannot conjure up a daytime memory of how exactly it feels to have the placenta bloop out—and then there was quite a bit of blood with the placenta that diffused/clouded through the water, just like it really would. It was very clear.

So, do birth dreams predict anything? Basically, I feel like my dreams, while not exactly “predictive,” do have some signs/intuitive information within them. I also think dreams often have symbolic (rather than literal) meaning. And, obviously some dreams are simply related to day-to-day happenings (or fears, like with the bleeding dreams) and do not have “deep” meaning at all. With that second baby, I really felt strongly that he was “telling” me he was a boy. My first child was a boy and I felt like the second baby wanted me to never even entertain the notion of “wanting a girl.” I knew I was having a boy and so THAT was the baby I wanted 🙂

When I say vivid, I mean really vivid—the feeling of pushing the baby out is JUST what it really feels like, the sensation of holding the new, slippery baby, etc. I think it is a “body memory” thing and the whole feeling of giving birth comes back vividly during dreams in a way that it doesn’t in just plain memory. While, the memories of my actual sons’ births ARE extremely vivid and I DO feel like I remember what it feels like to birth (I know some people say “you forget how it feels, that is why you can do it again,” but I do not feel like that is true for me), that visceral body-feeling isn’t really there in memory (for me), the way it is in dreams.

Another logical reason for all my birth dreams is that I’m a childbirth educator and writer and read/write about birth constantly. Makes sense that that is what I dream about! 😉

Practical Ways to Enhance Knowledge for Birth

Jun24

Related to my previous posts about information vs. knowledge, I want to share a couple of ideas from an article I wrote some time ago for the International Journal of Childbirth Education. Obviously, I don’t have all the answers, but these are some of my ideas/tips about transferring information into knowledge that will be meaningful to parents when their birthing time comes:

Use “The Ice Cube Minute” exercise from Family-Centered Education: The Process of Teaching Birth. In this exercise, couples hold an ice cube in one hand for one minute and see what coping measures spontaneously arise for them. I do this exercise fairly early in my class series, before we’ve done a lot of formal talking about coping measures. It is very empowering for couples to discover what tools and resources come from within as they try the ice cube minute.
To illustrate the potency of the mind-body contraction, practice two pretend contractions while holding ice. One contraction has an accompanying “stressful” paragraph read with it (“your body fills with tension…it hurts! Oh no!”) and the second contraction has a soothing paragraph read with it (“you greet the wave….it is YOUR power….”). This illustrates the fear-tension-pain cycle viscerally.
Use a five minutes series of birthing room yoga poses to begin the class—birth happens in our bodies, not our heads. Practicing the poses opens space to simultaneously discuss and practice: squatting, pelvic rocks, optimal fetal positioning ideas, healthy sitting, pelvic floor exercises, leg cramp prevention, back pain alleviation, and more.
Role playing cards-—talk through various scenarios. I’ve found that couples are more receptive to talking through the cards than actually getting into a role and playing it through. The activity that seems to work best for actual role play is the labor simulation series available on the Transition to Parenthood site.
Values clarification exercise—participants cut out values from a list and arrange them in a grid to help them figure out if they are in alignment with each other and with their caregivers.
Leg stretch exercise to explore the use of vocalizations and other coping mechanisms during labor.
Ask plenty of open ended questions that stimulate discussion and ideas, “what have you heard about XYZ?” or “what is your experience with…?”
Use birth art processes to “switch” parents from linear, logical, left-brain thinking into the right-brain mode they will also enter in “laborland.”
Media portrayals of birth—show two contrasting clips, such as a birth from a popular TV show (I often show Rachel’s birth from the show Friends) paired with an empowering birth from a film like Birth as We Know It and then have students discuss the two. Sometimes this more clearly brings into focus the influence of our culture on birth practices than a simple discussion does. Since I originally wrote this, the film Laboring Under an Illusion was released which does exactly this—contrast media portrayals of birth with how birth can be. It is a great resource for birth classes.

In classes, I also incorporate the idea of mother-baby symbiosis through:

The use of affirmations—“my baby and my body work in harmony to make birthing easier.”
A discussion of cardinal movements with an emphasis on how the baby moves to help itself navigate the pelvis (thus, helping you have a smoother birth).
Visualization exercises that encourage “seeing” and connecting with the baby while in the womb.
“Belly Mapping” to get a sense of the baby as a person positioned in the uterus. Talking about what baby is like in the womb—when does it kick more, when is it quiet, does it like music, poke you back with you touch it, etc.
Impressing upon participants that it is not selfish to want both a good birth and a healthy baby (I actively challenge statements about, “well, in the end, all that matters is that the baby is healthy”). Laboring women have a basic right to humane care, which supports both a happy, satisfied mother and a healthy baby. I use examples during class to show how these are intertwined—for example, a stressed, unhappy, unsupported, tense mother may have a baby with heart decels and accompanying distress.

I try to build a sense of confidence through:

Opening each class with a brief series of “birthing room yoga” poses to help couples become comfortable using their bodies and moving from “head space” into “body space.” Birth is a physical process and I am convinced that it is vital to include physical movement during every class to bring that message home. Additionally, the poses I teach can all be used while in labor (thus, building confidence in coping “tools” for labor).
Emphasizing active birth—freedom of movement through labor helps baby rotate and descend and helps mother feel more comfortable.
Encouraging active birth on all levels: First, the physical level–being active during the actual physical process of birth. Second, the mental level–mentally engaged with labor. Third, a cultural level—a perspective that sees women as active birthgivers, not victims of birth. Birth is something women do, as opposed to something that “gets” them.
Giving couples plenty of time for hands on practice of labor support and coping measures. I have a personal motto for classes of, “talk less, learn more.” Practicing support tools in class helps them develop a sense of confidence in having a well-stocked toolbox for labor, instead of being a victim of pain.