Happy New Year!

Jan1

I’m 37 weeks today and it feels exciting to now be in the baby’s birth month and birth year at last! I recognize this feeling of ”

37 weeks!

any time now” from other pregnancies—when you hit the official “full-term” mark, it makes you feel like the baby is seconds away, even though I truly expect her to be born right around (if not actually on) her due date three weeks from now. But, the sense of being full-term heightens a sense of awareness and expectation around, “could it be today? Or, today? How about today…” As I said, I do not expect to have her early, my past experiences don’t indicate such—my due dates are usually very spot-on. I am having a LOT of contractions lately. During the last three days or so they’ve picked up in both frequency and intensity. I also have a LOT of cervical twinges (the “baby-biting-my-cervix” feeling). This has been going on since about 31 weeks or so, which is much earlier than I remember from other pregnancies (seems like a 37 week+ feeling). This feeling is very strong at night and almost hurts—like she is twisting her head around/burrowing down. I weigh 168 pounds now—most ever! I’d kind of like to not pass 170…

No swelling anywhere. Pretty good energy level. BP decent (slightly high at midwife’s, normal if I take it at Wal-Mart of my dad takes it). No more leukocytes in urine. Went to chiropractor last week because I have a persistent intuitive feeling of needing to get my pelvis aligned. So, that was good to check off my list. Midwife says baby is lined up in ideal position in utero/pelvis and estimates her to weigh about 5 pounds (which I think is wrong. I always surprise my care providers with the actual size of my babies. I think she’s pushing 7lbs right now, probably–6.5 or so).

Feeling nesty and have been assembling box of birth supplies, sorting through baby clothes, and collecting expendable towels and receiving blankets. Feel like cleaning up and decluttering big time—in with new, out with old time of year! Finished crocheting an afghan for her and want to make a matching hat. Haven’t done belly cast yet—want to soon—and feeling the pressure to get it done! I also need to review the neonatal resuscitation stuff I learned at the training last month with my mom and with Mark, so that the only person at the birth who knows how to resuscitate a baby is not also the only person who is birthing the baby….!

I also have collected materials to make a “birth altar” for this birth. It is a shadow box/shelf that I’m going to collage all over inside and out and then be able to set things inside on the little shelves 🙂 Going to have some additional pro pregnancy pictures taken on Tuesday! Haven’t really had any birth dreams. I am expecting her to be born at night (well, wee hours of morning) on a weekend within two days on either side of her due date. I’m also expecting her to be born very quickly. If I’m in labor for longer than four hours I don’t know that I’ll know what to think about that! I keep imagining a sort of “sudden” birth—like one of those 45 minute ones! I started reading Simply Give Birth again to get me in the birthy frame of mind. My mom is reading The Power of Women for the same reason. I am into week 4 with my Hypnobabies home study. Still having “issues” with the persistent and frequent use of the word “anesthesia,” but finding that the finger drop technique works amazingly well. I want to do a fear release exercise with myself soon—I’d like to write up my various birth/baby/postpartum fears and work them through on paper, maybe doing a drawing or art exploration, and then do a Hypnobabies fear clearing session.

Looking forward to my blessingway next weekend! If she does for some reason end up being early, that could put a crimp in my party plans! I actually have a lot of plans for next week. I have this urge to “wrap things up,” which is making me run kind of high/frantic, rather than rest and relax and rejuvenate in anticipation of a nice, peaceful babymoon. My next online class starts on Jan. 10th and I’ve got some remaining prep work to do for it too!

Didn’t update with a 36 week picture, so here it is too:

36 weeks

Choosing Birth Witnesses

Dec30

“Please, choose your birth attendant and place of birth carefully. Search hard for the attendant that you connect well with. You and your baby deserve to be treated with utmost respect and dignity. There are attendants who believe in the sacredness and sanctity of birth. You may, however, need to act as a detective to find them.” –Janice Marsh-Prelesnik (The Roots of Natural Mothering)

This quote resonated with me because of the final line—I am very familiar with that feeling of needing to be a “detective” in order to unearth the kind of care needed/desired/deserved by my family (in various areas, not just birth care, but certainly with regards to birth). I shared the quote via Facebook and a very interesting discussion was sparked about the value of inviting women (other than formal birth attendants) to witness our birth experiences—sisters, friends, nieces. A commenter named Bonnie shared her ideas that one of the very best ways for young women to learn what birth is really like is to be invited to witness a real birth. And, that this may be one of our most transformative keys to making true and lasting changes in our current birth culture. I was fascinated with her ideas and invited her to write a guest blog post about them. She graciously agreed and her wonderful article is soon to follow!

I was going to invite my younger sister to my second birth for these reasons and then I decided not to (“voting” for my preference for a very small amount of birth witnesses over the value of her witnessing the birth), but as I read Bonnie’s thoughts I felt a little sad about my decision. That said, I feel very, very private about my births and it is really important to me to have no one extraneous present. My first baby was born in a birth center and in addition to my husband and the birth center doctor, also present was a doula, a midwife/assistant, my best friend, my mom. It was too many people for my taste and looking back over his birth, it is one of the things that I wish would have been different. My second baby was born at home and I had a midwife. I also had my husband, my mom, and my first son present (my mom’s main job was to hold him and to take some pix). This felt like a much better, smaller match for me. My third baby was a second trimester miscarriage and he was born at home unassisted and just my husband present. Later, a friend who is a doula was very, very helpful to me with postpartum care/doula stuff. I am due in January and having another homebirth and I am hiring a doula this time (same doula as third birth), with the primary purpose being immediate postpartum help (“washing the bloody towels and bringing me tea” is how I define it). I do not plan for her to be present until shortly after the baby is born. I will also have my mom on picture duty and kid-duty if they wake up. I am having mixed feelings about the kids, because I don’t mind them being there if they wake up on their own, but I am struggling with the idea of waking them up and possibly having cranky or otherwise disruptive witnesses in the room! Of course, baby could be born during the day time, which would totally change the dynamic I have pictured in my mind.

Anyway, I know you will enjoy Bonnie’s post and I’m so excited to share it!

I AM doing this!

Dec20

When my doula came for a visit a couple of weeks ago and we were talking about birth plans and also about fears, we addressed that some women who have experienced pregnancy losses have difficulty “letting go” of the baby and actually pushing the baby out—feeling like they want to keep the baby safe with them. I told her that I envision this baby being born very quickly—partially because I have a history of fast births, but partially because I have feared throughout my pregnancy that she is not safe inside and I want to get her out into the world where I can hold her and see her. I felt very emotional saying this out loud, because before my losses I felt absolutely certain that my body was doing a good job keeping my babies safe and I trusted its wisdom in doing so. However, during this conversation then I also realized, “but, we’re doing it, the fact that we’re here right now shows that I am keeping her safe.”

Early in November I posted a 28 week pregnancy update and in that post I talked a little bit about this same body-trust fear (the lingering what ifs about the cause of my losses) and Molly from the the blog First the Egg commented on my post saying something that touched me deeply and that has lingered with me ever since then as a very, very, very important reminder. She drew a parallel between the classic doula response to the birthing woman’s “can’t do it” comment—“You ARE doing it”—and my own current experience. I am doing it. Regardless of how I might feel, fears, etc., the proof is right there every day—I AM doing this. She is growing and kicking and breathing and hiccuping and I’m living and loving along with her. I have brought this phrase to mind many times since Molly commented on my post and I really thank her for the simple reminder 🙂

Speaking of birthing plans, I’ve officially started working through the Hypnobabies home study program. I have to confess that it feels very strange to be “taking” a childbirth class after all this time of teaching childbirth classes, especially because I feel philosophically certain that there IS no “right way” to give birth and that women do not need “methods” to give birth, they need to trust their inner resources and give birth in an environment of freedom that lets those inner resources bloom. However, I’ve been curious about Hypnobabies for a long time and now is my final chance to try it out! The scripts are very potent and I’m surprised by how very, completely, totally relaxing it is to listen to them—I look forward to listening as a “break” in the day and in my thoughts, etc. It is remarkable how relaxed I become in listening to them. And, when I “come back” I feel amazingly refreshed and rested. It is pretty cool. I also really like the Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations CD and have listened to that periodically for several months now (it was the weekly class work and script practice that I just started last week at 34 weeks).

I do have two “issues” with the program and we’ll see how they play out as I continue. The emphasis on “calm, peaceful” birth is challenging to reconcile with what I actually believe, experience, and truly enjoy about birth—I feel like birth is a very active process. It isn’t something to be taken “lying down.” It is a rite of passage and transformative event and not something I want to appear to “sleep” through because I’m so relaxed—-birth is something I do, not something that happens to me as I quietly relax in my “special place.” I feel like some of the information from Hypnobabies contributes to a “dissociated” or blocked out participation in birth, rather than a fully engaged, active participation. I do not mind the “out of control,” laborland, altered-state-of-consciousness, wild reality of birth—in fact, I value and cherish that and I would hate to miss the glorious intensity by being overly “calm” and peaceful! There is also an ongoing emphasis in the program on creating your own mental “anesthesia” during your birthing time—I find this incongruous with the rest of the Hypnobabies model/message which really is very contrary to the medical perspective of birth. I feel the “anesthesia” language directly conjures up medical imagery and the medical model. In all other ways and words, Hypnobabies reframes birth and the birth experience in such a positive, peaceful, loving way, I find it disappointing that there is a persistent use of a very medically-associated, “numb,” feelingless term. I also know and value birth as a very embodied process. A physical process. A felt, lived experience. “Anesthesia” communicates a detachment from and a numbing of physical sensation, which is not actually what I want from my birthing time. So, that is where I am right now. I haven’t fully worked through the whole program and we’ll see how my perspective might evolve—there is also an emphasis that you will experience the sensations exactly as you need to/your inner mind will work in exactly the right way for you—but right now, I’m very much enjoying the deep relaxation benefits 🙂

Midwife means “loves women”…

Dec17

Blessingway gift from my first midwife

I know the traditional root of the word midwife is “with woman” (some sources say “wise woman”), but I’d like to offer another. When I was pregnant with my second son, I had a wonderful midwife and we spent many hours together talking about birth and midwifery. During one conversation she said to me, “you can’t be a midwife unless you love women.” This struck me profoundly—a midwife must love women. This phrase has come back up for me several times in the last couple of months as I reflect on my relationship with my current midwife and give thought to midwifery care and birth care in general. I actually believe that not all midwives do, in fact, love women and indeed, my observation is that midwives from specific religious traditions, may actually hold a perspective of women that is almost the opposite of loving them 😦

In any subset of birth work—including breastfeeding consultation—I’ve noticed there are two primary motivators for the women doing this work. For some, it is about the babies and for others, it is about the women. I have noticed this as a volunteer breastfeeding counselor also—women who do this work will say, “I just love babies…” or, they will say, “I love helping mothers.” Please note that I’m not actually saying that one motivation is “better” than another (though, I personally prefer one), just that I’ve noticed this trend. And, obviously, the two are also inextricably intertwined. But, some women do come into birth work primarily to improve the world for babies and some come into it to change the world for mothers (which, I believe, changes the world for babies!). Obviously, you’ve guessed that I’m in the latter category. I believe that we cannot help babies without helping mothers first and that by helping mothers, we cannot help but also be helping babies—but, for me, the mother comes first. And, from the perspective of both a pregnant woman and a birth activist, I think we need midwives whose definition of midwifery is loves women.

In the Autumn 2010 issue of Midwifery Today, I read an interview with a midwife named Gigliola from Paupa New Guinea and in the article I marked this quote:

“Gigliola has a strong reverence for the power of mothers, for women who are willing to give up their lives for their children, willing to work hard through long labors, feeding their babies from their bodies, staying up nights with them, loving and loving for long years. Then as graciously as they can, watch their ‘successes’ walk off to lead their own lives. The path of motherhood is as rigorous a spiritual path as any on our planet. Gigliola holds motherhood as a sacred calling, deserving of great respect…’Tell them it is about the mothers,’ she said. ‘The mothers are amazing.’” [emphasis mine]

I agree.

Seated Mountain Pose

Dec11

I have a special affinity for pregnant seated mountain pose images. My logo and the polymer birth goddess sculptures I make are both in that yoga pose. So, during my recent maternity photo session, I wanted to include seated mountain pose as one of the pictures 🙂

Speaking of yoga poses, one of my favorite pictures from the session is of my friend/doula/colleague and I in a Two Moons partner yoga pose. Our alignment isn’t the best of the best (primarily because we had to both fit in the picture!)

Birth Quotes of the Week

Dec11

Trying a new, manageable plan in which I collect my birth quotes from CfM and Talk Birth on Facebook and share them on a weekly basis, rather than trying to copy and paste months worth into a giant post the way I usually do! As always, I do appreciate a linkback if you re-share 🙂

“Childbirth calls into question our very existence, requiring an expectant couple to confront not only new life but death, pain, fear and, most of all, change.”~ Elizabeth Noble, quoting a new mother (via Midwifery Today e-news)

“I love and respect birth. The body is a temple, it creates its own rites, its own prayers…all we must do is listen. With the labor and birth of my daughter I went so deep down, so far into the underworld that I had to crawl my way out. I did this only by surrendering. I did this by trusting the goddess in my bones. She moved through me and has left her power in me.” ~Lea B., Fairfax, CA via Mama Birth)

This one is so powerful that it gives me chills to read it!

“Birth completely transforms a woman whether she considers her birth ecstatic or traumatic. Let us do everything in our power to help her make it ecstatic…” ~ Jan Tritten

“We women are the fact and flesh of connectedness.” –Grace Pauley & Ynestra King

“Whatever way birth happens, it is your rite of passage into motherhood, and that passage is to be celebrated. Natural childbirth is a passage, cesarean birth is a passage, and birth with an epidural is a passage to be celebrated. That passage cannot be taken away from you. Every mother’s birth experience is valid, and an act of courage.” –Ananda Lowe (The Doula Guide to Birth)

(Shared in honor of a special friend 🙂

“It is not only that we want to bring about an easy labor, without risking injury to the mother or the child; we must go further. We must understand that childbirth is fundamentally a spiritual, as well as a physical, achievement. The birth of a child is the ultimate perfection of human love.” ~Dr. Grantly Dick-Read, 1953

“We can make a woman have contractions, but we don’t always succeed in forcing her body to release the baby and give birth. If we start a labor with chemicals, we may very well have to finish it with a surgeon’s scalpel.” – Gail Hart, Midwife (via Dalai Mama Professional Placenta Escapsulation)

“When you change the way you view birth, the way you birth will change.” ~Marie Mongan, Hypnobirthing

Pictures & Doulas

Dec10

I am buzzing with topics to write about, but this week is finals week and I have been really busy with grading papers, tests, and dealing with last minute student issues and requests and blogging keeps slipping down in my possible options for the day. I also have two more giveaways to set up! So, I thought I would share some more pictures from my recent photo session. You may also notice that I have a fabulous new header for my website 🙂

And, here is the one I chose to use on my Talk Birth Facebook page:

I’m pleased as can be with them 🙂

Today I had a visit with my doula for this birth. I am completely confident in my birthgiving abilities and prefer to be nearly alone while birthing my babies (husband only), but I do also feel a deep need for immediate postpartum support. I am very capable at birthing my babies, but afterwards I am wiped out. Indescribably so, really. I’ve toyed with thinking that maybe this is an issue I can “get over” and I could take a mind over matter approach to dealing with, or, is planning for the wipe out I’ve experienced three times before just good, practical, realistic sense? So, my plan with her is for just that—for her to arrive shortly after I’ve had the baby and to quietly walk around in the background washing the bloody towels. This sounds like a good plan to me 🙂 I also have “blood” issues that I’ve touched on before and so I made a “don’t look down” plan for post-birth trips to the bathroom. With each baby, when I go to use the bathroom, I look down to wipe/clean up and then become woozy/light-headed/ringing in my ears/can’t see any more and start to “go under” (though I’ve never actually fainted in my life). But, then when I get back to my “nest,” I feel okay again. (Same thing happens if I get my blood drawn or get an IV, so it doesn’t seem to literally be related to blood loss, but to a mental issue with seeing blood.) So, this time I’m going to make a plan not to look down! It felt really, really nice to have someone paying exclusive attention to me, my baby, and my birth plans—the focused, concentrated time that is hard to find space for in the midst of other kids and responsibilities.

Tomorrow I am going to a mother blessing ceremony for a friend. I’m looking forward to it—they are always special!

Pregnancy Pictures

Dec5

During my first pregnancy, my mom took some pictures of me at 37 weeks pregnant:

37w5d, first baby

I like having them and she did a nice job with what we had to work with, but I knew I wanted to do more with my subsequent pregnancies. When I was pregnant with my second, we had a photo session with a local photographer and she took some nice pictures that I’m glad to have:

37weeks, baby #2

She also took the picture I use as my website header, on my FB page, and on my business cards.

During this pregnancy, a friend conveniently and coincidentally decided to open a photography business and she is branching out into pregnancy/maternity pictures. Yesterday, I had a photo shoot with her and I’m happiest with these pictures by far 🙂 She is still working on getting them ready, but here are two that I really like so far:

By K Orozco, Portraits & Paws Photography

33 weeks with Baby Girl

We debated about whether I would be “big” enough at 33 weeks to take pictures then and I think the answer is “yes, I am” ;-D

Make sure to check out Karen’s Facebook page for her business and if you’re local, set up your own appointment!

Book Review: Memoirs of a Singing Birth

Dec4

Book Review: Memoirs of a Singing Birth
By Elena Skoko
Smashwords, 2010
94 pages, ebook, $9.99
http://www.sugarbabe.org

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE, CCCE
https://talkbirth.wordpress.com

Spanning the author’s experiences in several countries, Memoirs of a Singing Birth is an international tale of one woman’s journey through gentle pregnancy and birth. Elena Skoko was born in Croatia and lived in Italy before settling down in Bali (Indonesia) to give birth to her first daughter. There, Elena connects with Ibu Robin Lim, the well-known midwife who wrote After the Baby’s Birth and who manages the Bumi Sehat birth center in Bali. Elena and her partner are blues singers and they sing a special song to their baby prior to and during her birth.

Primarily a personal account with occasional observations about the larger maternity care system and its drawbacks, Memoirs of a Singing Birth is a gentle read that anyone interested in holistic pregnancy and birth care will find enjoyable.

English is not the author’s first language and this contributes to some odd or awkwardly phrased segments. In general, the book’s format, style, presentation, and writing is a little rough around the edges, but the author’s graceful story carries a melodious strain of beauty, empowerment, and wonder throughout.

—

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Pregnant Friends

Dec4

Yesterday, I went with my mom and two friends to visit another friend who welcomed her second baby boy into the world in late October. None of us had been to see her since her Mother Blessing ceremony and it was very good to see her baby, to catch up, and to listen to her story. We also brought some food, even though it probably would have been more useful in Nov. rather than Dec.! (Who am I kidding though, don’t all mothers of small children still need postpartum doula and meal assistance even if they’re three YEARS postpartum rather than 6 weeks?! Speaking of which, make sure to read my friend Summer’s recent post on the value of postpartum support.) Anyway, my two friends are pregnant also and so we couldn’t resist the opportunity for some group belly pictures 🙂 My friend S on the left is due in April and then my friend L on the right is due 2 weeks before me (and I’m 33 weeks today!)

Then, of course we had to lift up the shirts for a real belly view 🙂

And, then we bumped bumps 🙂

Speaking of pictures, today I had an official maternity photo shoot with another friend. She took TONS of pictures and I’m really excited to see the finished results! We have family pix, couple pictures, and then me alone as well. It took several hours and we didn’t even take all the pictures we planned for. So, stay tuned for those pictures—they should keep me in posts for quite some time to come!