Birth Lessons from a Chicken

Birth Lessons from a Chicken

by Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE, CCCE

Originally published in Midwifery Today, 2009 Spring;(89):49

“Should we just let her sit on them?” my husband asked. He had been struggling to keep a broody hen off her nest for almost two weeks.

“I always vote in favor of the mother,” I told him. So, we stopped trying to oust her. My husband gathered up six random eggs from the coop and put them under her and we let her sit.

We consulted our book on raising chickens. The chicken book had very little encouraging advice about “natural incubation.” After reading it, we learned that she was likely to let the eggs get too cold causing them to die, or perhaps just chill a part of them causing the chicks to have deformed feet. If she did manage to hatch them, they will probably get bacteria in them from the “unsanitary” nest site and get “mushy chick disease.” This is, of course, if the eggs happen to be viable at all, which is improbable. It is recommended not to let her sit and if she persists to either cull her (kill her), or to just let her sit there until she dies of starvation trying to hatch infertile eggs (and therefore culls herself). The book also informed us that if she has feathery feet (she does), she will probably knock the eggs out of the nest by accident and break them. Also, she should definitely be sitting in the spring and not the dead of winter. After studying the book, we are left with a clear sense that incubating eggs artificially is the preferred way to go and that “natural incubation” is fraught with difficulty and dangers.

However, there our chicken sat in the unheated, but well built and insulated chicken coop as the January temperatures outdoors reached -2F. We concluded that she probably had a 5% chance of actually hatching anything and I felt sad for her.

Then, one morning when my husband went to feed the chickens, he heard a funny noise. He looked at the broody hen and from beneath her, a fuzzy head appeared. Then two. Eventually, four. In this cold, cold weather at the wrong time of year with the wrong

The mama hen and two of her chicks

kind of feet and the wrong kind of eggs, she did it! We didn’t trust her, or believe in her. Our book and the experts didn’t either. However, her inherent mothering wisdom won out—it trumped us. At the risk of excessive personification, it truly seemed that she had believed in herself and trusted her instincts (or perhaps, that Nature believed in itself).

Perhaps we could have had the same result with an artificial incubator—a tray that rotates the eggs, instead of “clumsy” feathered feet; a properly temperature controlled unit instead of the heat of her own breast; a sterilized box instead of a wooden coop with an unscientific amount of possibly “germy” feathers plucked from her own body.

My husband ran to get the rest of the family and as we watched that first small fuzzy baby with its eyes bright with life, I was awash with the parallels—the book tells her that her pelvis will be too small, labor will be too painful, her skin won’t stretch, she might have GD, there might be any manner of complications, maybe she should elect to have the baby surgically. Why all the fuss about doing it “naturally” anyway?

Then, as we continued to stare in amazement, the mama hen clucked to her baby softly and fluffed her wings around it until it disappeared beneath her with the others. Isn’t this the birthright of every new baby of any species? To be snuggled immediately after birth into the warm embrace and near the breast of the female body that has given it life? The body that has cared for and nurtured it so lovingly so that its head may finally peek out into the world?

If our chicken were to write a book about hatching babies—or about giving birth—perhaps her section about natural incubation would read:

Maybe she knows what she’s doing.

Maybe you should trust her.

Maybe she can do a better job with her own body and her own babies than you can.

Maybe she can do this all by herself.

—

Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE, CCCE is a certified birth educator and activist. She is editor of the Friends of Missouri Midwives newsletter, a breastfeeding counselor, and the mother of two young sons and a baby girl on the way. She loves to write and blogs about birth at https://talkbirth.wordpress.com, midwifery at http://cfmidwifery.blogspot.com, and miscarriage at http://tinyfootprintsonmyheart.wordpress.com.

—

This is a preprint of Birth Lessons from a Chicken, an article published in Midwifery Today, 2009 Spring;(89):49. Copyright © 2009 Midwifery Today. Midwifery Today’s website is located at: http://www.midwiferytoday.com

Book Review: Gentle Birth Companions

Jan11

Book Review: Gentle Birth Companions: doulas serving humanity
By Adela Stockton
McCubbington Press, 2010
ISBN 978-1-907931-00-0
104 pages, paperback, £13.00 (worldwide)
http://www.adelastockton.co.uk

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE, CCCE
https://talkbirth.wordpress.com

Gentle Birth Companions is the first book “written about the doula movement beyond the US” and as such it was a fascinating read. I hadn’t realized how ethnocentric my own perceptions were about the role and history of doulas and I previously assumed that the “doula movement” was essentially synonymous with the “doula profession in the US.” Not so! Indeed, Stockton discusses the way in which in the US, doula professional organizations strive mainly to be acceptable to the medical community, whereas in the UK the doula operates outside of (or parallel to) the medical system. And, she provides an interesting analysis as to whether doulas should be referred to as “professionals” in the first place (this is also due to a difference in what the word means in the UK compared to the US). She expresses several criticisms of certification or even of specialized training programs, feeling that professionalization builds additional, unnecessary layers of bureaucracy into the maternity care system and that the role of a doula should be the role of a lay woman. She also posits that the role of doula actually represents a return to the role of traditional midwifery—what midwifery was supposed to be and has now become removed from politically, socially, and culturally.

Gentle Birth Companions is divided into three sections. In the first, Grassroots, it explores the origins of the doula, the 21^st century doula (including doula preparation and training), the UK “brand” of doula, and the wider doula community (thoughts about a global movement and also about doulas in the developing world as well as the industrialized world). The second section, Guardians of Gentle Birth?, explores the doula’s role both antenatally and postpartum and the return to “traditional midwifery” represented by the role. In the third section, Doula Tales, some UK doulas share birth stories , experiences, and thoughts in their own words.

Gentle Birth Companions is an excellent look at the “politics” of the doula movement and the professionalization and motivations of such, as well as at the role and purpose of the doula in women’s lives.

—

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Birth Quotes of the Week

Jan10

“In the midst of a world
…marked by tragedy and beauty
there must be those
who bear witness
against unnecessary destruction
and who, with faith,
stand and lead
in freedom,
with grace and power.

There must be those who
speak honestly
and do not avoid seeing
what must be seen
of sorrow and outrage,
or tenderness,
and wonder.”

–via Unitarian Universalist Association

“One of the most important things I have learned about birthing babies is that the process is more of an unfolding marvel than a routine progression of events.” –Tori Kropp

‎”We are part of generations of women, one to the next. Teaching, mentoring, supporting, assisting, befriending, and so much more. Let us not lose those connections in our lives, in our births…” —Preparing For Birth

‎”There is no other organ quite like the uterus. If men had such an organ they would brag about it. So should we” ~Ina May Gaskin

(this quote got the most “likes” of almost all the quotes I’ve ever posted on the CfM FB page!)

“A woman’s confidence and ability to give birth and to care for her baby are enhanced or diminished by every person who gives her care, and by the environment in which she gives birth…Every women should have the opportunity to give birth as she wishes in an environment in which she feels nurtured and secure, and her emotional well-being, privacy, and personal preferences are respected.” —Coalition for Improving Maternity Services (CIMS)

“Birth wisdom…comes most completely not from the outside but from deep within the woman’s physiology.” –Robbie Davis-Floyd (in intro to Gentle Birth Choices)

“Hospital-based childbirth classes usually do not teach women about the wonder and mystery and sweaty, intense power of birth, but rather prepare them for each and every hospital procedure by educating their intellects instead of honoring their bodies.” –Robbie Davis-Floyd (in intro to Gentle Birth Choices book)

(Let it be known before anyone gets their feelings hurt that I do understand that there are very good, complete, helpful, awesome hospital birth classes and hospital birth educators out there! This quote is a generality, but one that seems quite true in a number of cases [but not all, of course]).

“…I have noticed that the subgroup of women who tend to choose [homebirth] often exhibit certain characteristics, such as comfort within their own bodies, a desire to have a birth experience that is more poetic than clinical, as well as a desire to return what we all feel is some seriously missing humanity to the experience of having a baby…” –Cara Muhlhahn

“We can no longer sit back and debate whether maternity care is evidence-based. We have seen that over and over again, in most cases, it is not…” –Connie Livingstone

Finishing Up!

Jan5

I have had a crabby and annoying day for much of the day, which is not the frame of mind I envisioned being in when writing this post! I originally set out to write about what a nice time I’ve been having the last couple of days, sooooo….going to just write and perhaps I’ll recapture some of the peace and sense of harmony that was prompting me to write in the first place!

On Sunday, I had a very delightful time spontaneously working on the birth altar I planned to make. When I say spontaneous, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t know I was going to do it—I knew I was, someday—just that I suddenly started working on it and basically didn’t quit until I was finished and it came together in a perfect way for me. I felt so good and content after making it. Inspired by that experience, I then wrote down a list of my fears about the birth (this was also on my to-do-before-actual-birthing-day list) and then did a Hypnobabies “fear release” session after that. And, then I burned them all up in the kitchen sink. More good feelings!

Also on Sunday, while the kids were at my parents’ house, I worked in the bedroom getting all of the baby’s clothes sorted and into the right boxes as well as assembling my special tub of birth supplies so that everything is easily available in one place and no one has to ask me for anything—I even put a box of raspberry leaf tea in, which could also easily just stay in the cupboard where it usually lives, but it is right there with everything else now. While I was doing this, Mark worked on sorting out his own clothes and decluttering the closet. We also decluttered some of the “hot spots” on our kitchen counters that attract random piles of nothing important. So, more good feelings about that!

The next morning, I woke up before the kids and did the Hypnobabies “visualize your perfect birth” exercise (not a CD, my imagination). It suggested spending about 5 minutes and I spent almost 20 minutes—since I am having some strange “death” fears about this birth, I went ahead and carried the visualization through to my being 89 and then to the baby being 89 ;-D Maybe this was excessive, but I felt good about it—ending the visualization with just the initial “hi, baby!” moment didn’t feel like enough to me! So, then I felt really positive and complete about that 🙂 I also finished my birth altar that morning—I put a glaze over the images, took pictures, etc. I also listened to the pregnancy and birth affirmations from Hypnobabies while I did some of my other work. Later, we went on a nature exploration walk in the woods to enjoy the nice weather and when we came back, I read some of my kids’ homebirth books to them—Welcome with Love, Runa’s Birth, and We’re Having a Homebirth. They are excited and want to be there when the baby is born, but I’m strongly leaning toward only having them present if they happen to wake up. I don’t know that I want them woken up if they’re not ready (I realized this for sure after Z mentioned how he is going to be “screaming” when the baby is born. Um. No, thanks on that).

Then, on Tuesday, I had some more belly pictures taken. It is fun to be “special” and get my pictures taken 🙂 I love all of the ones I’ve seen so far from this shoot, but these two are really good!

Today, I had my first prenatal appointment with my midwife at our own house. I’ve spent the entire pregnancy not being able to picture her in our home and so, now, I can—because she’s actually been here. I hadn’t really realized before that she hasn’t really ever met Mark or my mom, other than very short introductions about 6 years ago! She seems to think I will have the baby early—baby’s head is very low (which I can feel, for sure!) and she said my amniotic fluid has decreased. She also thinks baby is on the small side, but I think I will fool people once again. I only measure 33 weeks, which is kind of funny, because I wonder what I would look like measuring 40 weeks—I guess pretty extreme! I have been having a lot of pre-birthing waves (trying out my Hypnobabies words!). I always do, but they’ve definitely increased in frequency to about every 15-20 minutes throughout the day. I also reminded her that I don’t expect to call her until near the end, because what I want from her is immediate postpartum help—I like being almost alone during my birthing time (more Hypnobabies words. I like this one especially—it isn’t “labor” it is my “birthing time.” :))

After the midwife left, my mom stayed and we went through my box of birth supplies so she knows what is where. I also made sure she knows how to use my camera because she is on picture-duty. I also showed Mark and my mom the things I learned about neonatal resuscitation at the training I attended last month and we practiced with my resuscitation bag so that we all know how to do “positive pressure ventilation” and chest compressions on a newborn now. I know this might seem kind of over the top, but I find it very empowering to know how to do these things now—they always seemed “mysterious” and specialized before—and it doesn’t make me feel like I’m planning for a “worst case,” but that I’ve completely resolved any fear I had about things I wouldn’t know how to do for my own baby if I was giving birth alone! We’ve been talking about needing to do this since the end of Dec., so it felt very good to get everything all squared away in this manner.

Really the only things left I’d like to get done now before she is born are the belly cast and my blessingway and to crochet one more hat for her! (Of course, I have non-birth/non-baby things in abundance that I’d also like to get done—double checking the exam questions for my online class, finalizing the FoMM newsletter, submitting two articles, finalizing some the blog posts in my drafts folder, etc., etc., etc. , <sob>), but right now my mind is on the specifically getting-ready-for-baby to-dos and I’ve done ’em! Go, me!

Birth Altar

Jan5

Inspired by the birth altars by artist Amy Swagman of The Mandala Journey, I decided I wanted to make a special birth altar for this upcoming birth. My mom bought me a small, unfinished curio cabinet/shadow box from Hobby Lobby to use for this purpose (thanks, Mom!). The first thing I did was to paint it “placenta red” using a blend of red and purple paints to get the shade I wanted. This is my favorite “power” color:

Door open (door is glass, but it doesn't show up in the pictures and looks like an empty frame).

I had a variety of postcards, tags, and inspirational words saved and some of them posted on the wall by my computer. I decided it was time to do something with all these accumulated goodies. I made a reversible, removable card to insert into the front door of the box. For the front panel, I used a card that I bought from Birthing from Within with the “kiva woman” painting that I really love and connect with. I didn’t like cutting it up, but it was worth it! Around the edges I picked words from the tag that came with a shirt I purchased from WYSH (though the quotes are intended to be about the parenting journey, they are amazingly apropos for birth—which, of course, is part of the parenting journey too). I also used some of the tear off pages from a little “happy thoughts” sort of page-a-day calendar that I had a couple of years ago from the $1 Shop (again, totally appropriate for birth, even though it wasn’t the original purpose). Finally, my paper-hoarding tendencies have come in handy, because these little words of wisdom were perfect! Part of me felt like I “shouldn’t” have so many words as part of my birth altar—birth brain doesn’t really “speak” in words, but words are my thing and my “medium,” so to speak, so I followed my intuition and I loved how it turned out. It is perfect 🙂

First side of reversible card

I am less happy with the second side—I was going for less wordy on it and maybe I should have worded it up too! The upper left hand corner is a linoleum block print carved by my husband 🙂

Second side of reversible card

Front of the altar with card inside:

Inside of door with card inside:

For the back, I had a small collection of items that are round and so I thought they seemed to go together. In the center, I attached the womb labyrinth I made a couple of weeks ago. In the upper right hand corner is one of the black and white drawings that I’ve been doing that my mom modified and cut into a linoleum block print as well. The lower left hand corner is a postcard version of a womb labyrinth that I drew in 2007.

Then, I filled it up with some things that hold meaning to me that usually are around my house in various places including two of my polymer clay birth goddess sculptures. I included two little LED tea lights, which look really cool in there in real life, but are less cool in the pictures. I also put in a little plastic baby, which might be kind of weird—I can’t decide…

Remember the reversible card? Now the front is also the inside panel! 🙂

With card removed and door closed.

Opened all the way with front and back both visible.

This was officially the most fun and rewarding birth project I’ve worked on 🙂

Birth & Mystery

Jan3

“Birth is a great mystery. Yet, we live in a rational, scientific world that doesn’t allow for mystery. ‘In this day and age, there must be a better way to have a baby,’ implies that if you are informed enough, strong enough, you can control it. Any woman who has given birth, who can be honest, will tell you otherwise. There are no guarantees. It is an uncontrollable experience. Taking care of yourself and being informed and empowered are crucial, but so is surrender. Forget about trying to birth perfectly. Forget about trying to please anyone, least of all your doctor or midwife…” –Jennifer Louden (The Pregnant Woman’s Comfort Book)

At Montana De Oro in 2009 (waves remind me of both mystery and surrender)

I couldn’t fit this whole quote into my Facebook status today, so I’m sharing it here. I think it is a good reminder for all of us and especially for me as I get ready to do this again sometime this very month!

Here is a previous post I wrote about surrender, birth, and control and here is one about distraction, concentration, and surrender (which is a concept I love).

Every day I feel more ready to embark on my own new mystery!

Edited to add, in response to a comment about whether it might be possible to have a perfect birth:

I do think it is probably possible to have the “perfect birth” for you, but I have yet to read/see/experience a birth where the mother didn’t think of something that would have been nice to have different. Even with the very blissful stories, there’s usually some kind of “hiccup” or “wish I would have done…” (even if it as simple as, “wish I would have had the placenta encapsulated). I feel like with each of my own births I “improve” upon whatever it was that was less than perfect last time, but then there is usually a new surprise for me with the new birth—because each birth is its own journey and has its own lessons to impart! But, I feel like I spend a lot of energy prior to subsequent births thinking of ways to “fix” whatever the hiccup was with the preceding birth (with my current pregnancy the needed “fixes” for me are LIVE baby and minimizing postpartum bleeding. I expect there will probably be some kind of new “surprise” for me that will lead to me thinking that IF I had done something different maybe THAT element could have been perfect too!). What sounds perfect to me this time around is a very, very undisturbed (possibly unassisted) birth, but with IMMEDIATE postpartum assistance and bloody-towel washing! ;-D

Happy New Year!

Jan1

I’m 37 weeks today and it feels exciting to now be in the baby’s birth month and birth year at last! I recognize this feeling of ”

37 weeks!

any time now” from other pregnancies—when you hit the official “full-term” mark, it makes you feel like the baby is seconds away, even though I truly expect her to be born right around (if not actually on) her due date three weeks from now. But, the sense of being full-term heightens a sense of awareness and expectation around, “could it be today? Or, today? How about today…” As I said, I do not expect to have her early, my past experiences don’t indicate such—my due dates are usually very spot-on. I am having a LOT of contractions lately. During the last three days or so they’ve picked up in both frequency and intensity. I also have a LOT of cervical twinges (the “baby-biting-my-cervix” feeling). This has been going on since about 31 weeks or so, which is much earlier than I remember from other pregnancies (seems like a 37 week+ feeling). This feeling is very strong at night and almost hurts—like she is twisting her head around/burrowing down. I weigh 168 pounds now—most ever! I’d kind of like to not pass 170…

No swelling anywhere. Pretty good energy level. BP decent (slightly high at midwife’s, normal if I take it at Wal-Mart of my dad takes it). No more leukocytes in urine. Went to chiropractor last week because I have a persistent intuitive feeling of needing to get my pelvis aligned. So, that was good to check off my list. Midwife says baby is lined up in ideal position in utero/pelvis and estimates her to weigh about 5 pounds (which I think is wrong. I always surprise my care providers with the actual size of my babies. I think she’s pushing 7lbs right now, probably–6.5 or so).

Feeling nesty and have been assembling box of birth supplies, sorting through baby clothes, and collecting expendable towels and receiving blankets. Feel like cleaning up and decluttering big time—in with new, out with old time of year! Finished crocheting an afghan for her and want to make a matching hat. Haven’t done belly cast yet—want to soon—and feeling the pressure to get it done! I also need to review the neonatal resuscitation stuff I learned at the training last month with my mom and with Mark, so that the only person at the birth who knows how to resuscitate a baby is not also the only person who is birthing the baby….!

I also have collected materials to make a “birth altar” for this birth. It is a shadow box/shelf that I’m going to collage all over inside and out and then be able to set things inside on the little shelves 🙂 Going to have some additional pro pregnancy pictures taken on Tuesday! Haven’t really had any birth dreams. I am expecting her to be born at night (well, wee hours of morning) on a weekend within two days on either side of her due date. I’m also expecting her to be born very quickly. If I’m in labor for longer than four hours I don’t know that I’ll know what to think about that! I keep imagining a sort of “sudden” birth—like one of those 45 minute ones! I started reading Simply Give Birth again to get me in the birthy frame of mind. My mom is reading The Power of Women for the same reason. I am into week 4 with my Hypnobabies home study. Still having “issues” with the persistent and frequent use of the word “anesthesia,” but finding that the finger drop technique works amazingly well. I want to do a fear release exercise with myself soon—I’d like to write up my various birth/baby/postpartum fears and work them through on paper, maybe doing a drawing or art exploration, and then do a Hypnobabies fear clearing session.

Looking forward to my blessingway next weekend! If she does for some reason end up being early, that could put a crimp in my party plans! I actually have a lot of plans for next week. I have this urge to “wrap things up,” which is making me run kind of high/frantic, rather than rest and relax and rejuvenate in anticipation of a nice, peaceful babymoon. My next online class starts on Jan. 10th and I’ve got some remaining prep work to do for it too!

Didn’t update with a 36 week picture, so here it is too:

36 weeks

Birth Witnesses

Dec30

Birth Witnesses

Guest post by Bonnie Padgett

In this so-called Age of Information, we have iPads and smart phones, mega computers and micro chips, and a world of knowledge at our fingertips. We are not limited by the resources in our community when we can reach out to virtual communities that span the globe with the touch of a button – forums full of ideas, innumerable news sources, websites for all schools of thought and up-to-the-minute research from leading experts in every field.

So why, then, are new and prospective mothers still so naive when it comes to the act of childbirth? Why, despite our best efforts to educate ourselves, are we still in the dark about the whole process until those contractions hit and we begin the journey through labor ourselves? I, myself, was included in this group, although I did everything I could think of to educate myself prior to my daughter’s birth. I read books on what to expect, took classes hosted by my hospital, toured the birthing facility, joined an online forum of moms, and Googled everything I could think of related to pregnancy and birth. I spent months practicing Hypnobabies for a natural birth, discussed my wishes in detail with my doctor, and, after studying ample examples and recommendations, formed a ‘birth preferences’ list for the doctor and hospital. I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want when it came to birth. At the same time, I knew my “plans” would likely not go as expected, but was prepared to make informed choices along the way. I had ideals and contingencies, preferences and plan Bs.

However, when all was said and done, I found myself totally unprepared for the experience of labor itself. I had read about contractions, witnessed videos of women in labor, seen and practiced techniques for comfort and relaxation. None of that prepared me for the anxiety and unknowns that flooded my mind as my body began its natural next steps. I realized just how little I knew about the hours ahead. How uncomfortable I would feel with nurses and midwives going about the “day to day” routines of their jobs, and by doing so how secondary I would feel to the process. How defenseless I would feel to contradict or decline an expected treatment, especially under the medical staff’s disapproving glares, and with no one to support clueless me and my equally unknowing husband. While a doula certainly would have helped in easing my fears and strengthening my resolve, I think my inability to grasp what I was a part of, indeed, the central part of, would have still left me bewildered and terrified in those hours.

After my daughter’s birth, I found myself struggling to comprehend what had just happened to me. Although everyone assured me this was a fairly ‘normal’ labor, I had no point of reference on which to base that comment. I realized the short video clips online and in class captured only key moments in a much longer, more complex and nuanced process. Those huge gaps left in my knowledge of labor are what left me so unprepared to defend myself and my baby against treatments I didn’t want, didn’t need, and had previously decided against but found myself, in the moment, succumbing to. I tried discussing it with my mom, who explained that she’d felt the same way when she had me (her first child). She concluded the only way to truly understand birth was to experience it yourself.

The only way to understand birth is to experience it yourself. The ONLY way? That comment stayed with me, haunted me. I became a doula after my daughter’s birth because I wanted to be able to provide women with support and knowledge that could give them a different experience, a better memory than what I had. I just couldn’t believe that there wasn’t a way to understand birth at all except to experience it firsthand. Certainly there wasn’t always this fear and unknown around birth that we each face today. Not always. I began studying that idea. What about other cultures? What about our culture, historically? What about The Farm? There wasn’t always this myth and mystery about birth! I realized there was a time (and in places, there still is) when women banded together for births. Mothers, sisters, cousins, daughters, aunts, friends. They came together and comforted, guided, soothed, coached, and held the space for one another during birth. These women didn’t go in it alone – they were surrounded by women who had birthed before them. Women who knew what looked and felt right, and what didn’t. Women who could empathize with them and empower them. In addition to that, girls and women were raised in a culture of attending births. Daughters watched mothers, sisters and aunts labor their babies into this world. They saw, heard, and supported these women for the long hours of labor, so when they became mothers themselves, the experience was a new, but very familiar one for them. Birth wasn’t a secretive ritual practiced behind the cold, business-like doors of a hospital. It was a time for bonding, learning, sharing and sisterhood. Girls learned how women become mothers, and mothers helped their sisters bring forth life. It was a sacred and special part of the birthing process that has become lost in our institutionalized, over-medicalized, isolating and impersonalized system today.

While I certainly don’t expect us to throw our entire system out the window in favor of simpler times, I think the rush to technology and medical advances certainly left some essential elements of birth in its wake. Elements such as women supporting women. Listening to one’s body. Intervening only when necessary instead of as a matter of protocol. And perhaps, most importantly for us all, the community aspect of birth. This has lead me to believe that in order to truly educate ourselves about birth, to improve the way we birth, and the way we prepare for birth and prepare our sisters and daughters for birth is that we need to provide the women we love (especially those of childbearing years) the opportunity to witness and participate in our births, because only when you are present for a labor and birth can you begin to fathom the process, the emotions, the physiological changes that one goes through. If we can allow women the chance to witness and share in our births – the way it was done historically – and how it is done now at sacred places such as The Farm – we can give them a chance to prepare for birth in a way we were never able to. They can see firsthand the role of a midwife or doctor (and the roles those care providers don’t play). They can observe the benefits of a doula, they can have the opportunity to doula themselves – caring for and soothing a woman in labor. They can observe the power of changing positions, the instinctual side of birth that leads each woman to listen to her inner voice to bring forth her child. They can witness the time, energy and atmosphere it takes to birth a baby. I truly wish that more women were invited into the birthing setting by close family or friends so they could witness normal birth and understand it as best they could before they do it themselves. This is one of the keys, to me, to normalizing birth for every woman.

As a ‘birth survivor’ myself, I understand the trepidation some women feel at including more people in this personal and – unfortunately for some – traumatizing event, and I respect that, but I would like to offer a few thoughts about opening your birth to ‘birth witnesses’. First of all, my initial reaction to the way my daughter was birthed was “that was not how it was supposed to be!” followed shortly by “I don’t want anyone I know to have to suffer through that humiliation, degradation and pain!” Those sentiments led me down the path of trying to discover a way to share with the women I love what childbirth could be, and what it should not be. My best answer is to let them witness a birth experience and let them form their own opinions about what works for them and what won’t, so that they can be better equipped going into the experience themselves – empowerment!

My second thought for you is to think of those women you would want to share this experience with – do you have a younger sister? A daughter, niece, or friend who may one day become a mother? Don’t you want to offer them the best opportunity for a great birthing experience? Think of the presence they will bring to your birth, in turn. These are women whom you love the most in the world. They are going to be calming, happy, supportive presences in your birthing place (and if they’re not, I recommend they not attend). These women want to see you succeed. They want what is best for you and your baby. They are going to know you better than any doctor or midwife or doula, making them naturally better able to comfort you and support you. Their love and warmth will be a welcome and helpful addition to your birth, as well as an educational experience for them. And, if you, like me, were scarred or traumatized by your first birth, that type of love and unconditional support might be just what the doctor ordered, so to speak.

Like all things in this life, I don’t believe there is a universal approach to anything. I don’t think that inviting birth witnesses into one’s labor is right or necessary for everyone, nor do I think that every woman must witness a birth to be adequately prepared. For most women in our country today, though, I think there are many benefits – to the laboring mom and to her support team. If you do want to invite birth witnesses into your experience, I recommend you consider the following as you prepare for your birth:

Think about where you are birthing and how many people are able to attend. Many hospitals have limits on the number of people who can join a woman in a delivery room, but you may be able to rotate some of them in and out, giving a few women a chance to participate. Some birthing centers are more flexible, especially if you explain your intents, and your home of course is the an ideal option for including birth witnesses.
Think about who will best help you as well as who most will benefit from the experience. This is YOUR birth after all. Your needs must still come first. If there is someone whose presence may cause friction or tension, you may not want to include them. Birthing mothers need calm and relaxation.
Consider inviting witnesses no matter if you’re planning on a natural birth, an epidural, induction, or other intervention. There is something to be learned from every birth experience, so don’t discount your ability to help because of the way you choose to birth. It is the physical presence at a birth that offers more to women than the type of birth. They will form their own opinions about what they are comfortable with while watching and learning from you.
Talk to your witnesses beforehand. Let them know you’d like them at your birth and why. The idea of being present with birthing women has become a strange one for many people since it has fallen out of vogue, and explaining that they can help you by being present, and that you’d love for them to be there to witness your birth may warm them up to the idea.
Consider hiring a doula. The doula can become a support for you, your partner and your other attendants, offering explanations and information, ideas for support, and helping to control the atmosphere and activity in the room so that it is ideal for your birth.

In the end, do what is best for you and your family. Remember, the point of including birthing witnesses in the experience is to help you and to help someone else. Even if you invite just one friend, a sister, or a niece to join you, you are helping to transform that woman’s view of childbirth and offer her an experience and education that she will carry with her for the rest of her life. If we all became birth mentors for just one woman, think of the tremendous change we could affect for the next generation of birthing women.

Bonnie Padgett is a proud mother and wife, and an active member of the birthing community in Atlanta. Bonnie is the owner of La Bonne Mama, which offers labor doula services, childbirth and newborn care education, birth art and placenta encapsulation services. For her next birth she is planning a homebirth and her sister, sister-in-law, and niece will be invited to share in the experience. You can visit her online at www.labonnemama.com, or www.facebook.com/labonnemama.

Choosing Birth Witnesses

Dec30

“Please, choose your birth attendant and place of birth carefully. Search hard for the attendant that you connect well with. You and your baby deserve to be treated with utmost respect and dignity. There are attendants who believe in the sacredness and sanctity of birth. You may, however, need to act as a detective to find them.” –Janice Marsh-Prelesnik (The Roots of Natural Mothering)

This quote resonated with me because of the final line—I am very familiar with that feeling of needing to be a “detective” in order to unearth the kind of care needed/desired/deserved by my family (in various areas, not just birth care, but certainly with regards to birth). I shared the quote via Facebook and a very interesting discussion was sparked about the value of inviting women (other than formal birth attendants) to witness our birth experiences—sisters, friends, nieces. A commenter named Bonnie shared her ideas that one of the very best ways for young women to learn what birth is really like is to be invited to witness a real birth. And, that this may be one of our most transformative keys to making true and lasting changes in our current birth culture. I was fascinated with her ideas and invited her to write a guest blog post about them. She graciously agreed and her wonderful article is soon to follow!

I was going to invite my younger sister to my second birth for these reasons and then I decided not to (“voting” for my preference for a very small amount of birth witnesses over the value of her witnessing the birth), but as I read Bonnie’s thoughts I felt a little sad about my decision. That said, I feel very, very private about my births and it is really important to me to have no one extraneous present. My first baby was born in a birth center and in addition to my husband and the birth center doctor, also present was a doula, a midwife/assistant, my best friend, my mom. It was too many people for my taste and looking back over his birth, it is one of the things that I wish would have been different. My second baby was born at home and I had a midwife. I also had my husband, my mom, and my first son present (my mom’s main job was to hold him and to take some pix). This felt like a much better, smaller match for me. My third baby was a second trimester miscarriage and he was born at home unassisted and just my husband present. Later, a friend who is a doula was very, very helpful to me with postpartum care/doula stuff. I am due in January and having another homebirth and I am hiring a doula this time (same doula as third birth), with the primary purpose being immediate postpartum help (“washing the bloody towels and bringing me tea” is how I define it). I do not plan for her to be present until shortly after the baby is born. I will also have my mom on picture duty and kid-duty if they wake up. I am having mixed feelings about the kids, because I don’t mind them being there if they wake up on their own, but I am struggling with the idea of waking them up and possibly having cranky or otherwise disruptive witnesses in the room! Of course, baby could be born during the day time, which would totally change the dynamic I have pictured in my mind.

Anyway, I know you will enjoy Bonnie’s post and I’m so excited to share it!

Birth Quotes of the Week

Dec27

“…a tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future….a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.” (adapted from a quote by Agnes M. Pharo)

Happy New Year!

‎

“Understand that the tremendous energy going through you during birth is the same sort of power as the force of ocean waves moving towards shore. Know that just as a bird knows how to build its nest, and when to lay its eggs, you too will build your birthing nest…” –Janice Marsh-Prelesnik (The Roots of Natural Mothering)

“Open hearts, strong hands. Be present, listen, feel her, trust your instincts. And remember–I have birthed my children…she will birth this child her way, with her power, be with her and let her feel your faith in her.” –Jennifer Walker (quoted in Adela Stockton’s new book, Gentle Birth Companions)

“We are living in a time where many birth peeps start out in passionate service to birth work, inspired by a Calling. But without elders to harness that passion and slowly cultivate it to grow a strong inner container so the new birth peep can learn to hold the psychic power of birth, the hard work and… unrealized dream of making a difference gradually morphs that passion into keeping a job or career…” (from Pam England’s blog post about Where are the Birth Grandmothers…)

‎”Doulas are just women who really, truly care about other women, on a major level.” –Linda Quinn (quoted in Adela Stockton’s new book, Gentle Birth Companions)

“Childbearing integrates a woman’s mind and body in the most intense way and brings on an existential crisis. However, this crisis is instructive rather than destructive. It forces a woman to rethink the meaning of her life, and to deal with the imminent, inevitable changes of lifestyle and family roles.” –Elizabeth Noble (Childbirth with Insight)

“Do not force nature, do not insult it, for it is as if you were to open the ears of corn to make the stalks grow.” –Chinese Medical Review (1852) (via Lamaze International e-newsletter)

‎”Every pregnancy and birth has something to teach us. Every one is important. Every mother and baby deserve whatever is truly best for them with respect and dignity.” —Preparing For Birth

“The more pregnancy is lived like an illness, the more it becomes in itself a cause of illness.” -Michel Odent, MD, Birth Reborn (via Mothering Magazine e-news)

“I used to have fantasies…about women in a state of revolution. I saw them getting up out of their beds and refusing the knife, refusing to be tied down, refusing to submit…Women’s health care will not improve until women reject the present system and begin instead to develop less destructive means of creating and maintaining a state of wellness.” ~A Woman in Residence, Dr. Michelle Harrison (Delightful Pregnancy & Birth)

“It is necessary for some women to risk total reclamation, to risk the direct and intentional use of power, in bold, even outrageous ways. It takes only a minority of women to alter present reality, to create new reality, because our efforts are more completely focused, more total.” –Barbara Starrett

‎”Please, choose your birth attendant and place of birth carefully. Search hard for the attendant that you connect well with. You and your baby deserve to be treated with utmost respect and dignity. There are attendants who believe in the sacredness and sanctity of birth. You may, however, need to act as a detective to find them.” –Janice Marsh-Prelesnik (The Roots of Natural Mothering)

“I know myself linked by chains of fires,
to every woman who has kept a hearth.
In the resinous smoke
I smell hut, castle, cave,
mansion and hovel,
See in the shifting flame
my mother and grandmothers
out over the world.”
–Elsa Gidlow (quoted in The Politics of Women’s Spirituality)