Pregnant Women Driving…

“In terms of mortality and injury, we know that driving a car is hundreds of times more dangerous for women and children than giving birth…Though it’s proven to be extremely dangerous and can often be fatal, no one accuses a pregnant woman who drives a car every day of being ‘selfish.’ And, when she arrives at her destination without having a crash, no one tells her how ‘lucky’ she was.” –Jennifer Margulis

I have blogged several times about birth having inherent value in its own right. Process AND “product” (i.e. healthy mom, healthy baby) are both important. A de-emphasis on the birth process only serves to disempower, silence, invalidate, and violate women—to shut down their very real and important reasons for choosing “alternative” birth options (reasons which usually have health of the baby as central anyway). Similarly to the writer above, I also use car/driving analogies when talking about the accusation people make about choosing “the birth experience” over a “healthy baby.” The way I word this same idea is that no one accuses a pregnant woman of placing her desire to get somewhere over her desire for a healthy baby (as women having homebirths are often accused—except in the case of homebirth, unlike with driving, there actually IS NO increased risk of death from staying at home!). I also use the car example in classes when talking about routine IVs—by the logic used to “justify” routine administration of IVs to women in labor, we should all make sure we are hooked up to at least a saline lock every time we drive anywhere!

Call for contributions: personal birth stories for new booklet on birthing positions

Oct18

I received an email this weekend from a woman who is writing a booklet about birthing positions (non-profit and free for distributing when finished!). She is seeking contributions of birth stories to use in the book. Below is her message:

———————-

My name is Megan Layton. I have a strong interest in Women’s Health, current issues in obstetrics, as well as the cultural perceptions towards childbirth in general.

As well as being a Missouri native, a supporter of midwives and a woman’s right to an active role in childbirth, I am also a graduate student at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Currently I am working on a small, illustrated publication that focuses on birthing positions. The small book will be informative, fun, attractive, and free for distribution and copying. It is my intent to emphasize a woman’s choice during labor and childbirth, and not advocate for any particular position, provider, or setting, but merely convey the options available as well as the potential for birth to be a profound, empowering experience.

Part of the booklet will be first hand accounts of birth—oral histories from women who have had many different birthing experiences.

This is the reason I write to you: to ask that you share this with women who would be willing to share their personal stories, as well as any advice they could give to a woman who is about to experience childbirth for the first time.

Long or short, joyous or rational, funny or sad–any and all stories are welcome, and will be greatly appreciated. At the end of reviewing the narratives, I will ask those women whose stories best suit the publication for permission to use them. As well, I will send copies to all those who graciously allow me to reproduce their words.

All stories, narratives, and questions can be emailed via this link.

—————————

It sounds like a wonderful project to me!

It also reminded me of my previous postings about how to use a hospital bed without lying down. I tell all my clients if they remember only ONE thing from my classes, it is see the hospital bed as a “platform” and a tool in their toolbox—NOT as a place to lie down!

And, here are links to my own birth stories (each which involved freedom of movement during labor as an integral piece!)

First son’s birth (at freestanding birth center): https://talkbirth.wordpress.com/2009/02/25/my-first-birth/

Second son’s birth (at home): https://talkbirth.wordpress.com/2009/02/25/my-second-birth/

Third son’s birth (miscarriage at home at 15 weeks): https://talkbirth.wordpress.com/2010/05/03/noahs-birth-story-warning-miscarriagebaby-loss/

Arkansas Traveler Baby

Oct14

This past weekend we took a family trip to go quartz mining in Arkansas. On our way, we stopped at Ultrasona of the Ozarks and had one final ultrasound (not going to get into my cognitive dissonance about over-using ultrasound during this pregnancy in this post, but hope to write about it someday). We found out that baby is definitely a girl! It was very obvious—we both could tell before the tech said anything.

Baby's face

Here is the picture of her little face. I know u/s pictures all look the same, but I think she is cute! And, we saw her yawn 🙂

Here are two cute pix of her little feet. The blob nearby is her HEAD, because she is all squished up with her feet by her head.

I’ve been going for “alive” as my primary goal during this whole pregnancy, but having a girl baby is a fun bonus 🙂 It is really important to me to be able to name her and bond with her as fully as possibly while pregnant (which I know is fully possible without ultrasounds, but for me, it has been “humanizing” to see her and think of her as a real baby and not just think, “don’t die” thoughts and “IF I have a baby” thoughts).

We stopped and took some pix overlooking the Buffalo River Gorge (Arkansas Grand Canyon):

We then went on to Mount Ida, AR and to a gem and crystal show/event that was being held (coincidentally) that weekend. The following day, we went to Wegner Crystal Mine. We packed into the back of a pickup and were bounced and jounced up to the top of a mountain where we then dug for quartz. Quartz is mined above ground. These mines are all on National Forest land and while it looks like a somewhat horrible scar/blight on the landscape, they are heavily monitored/restricted, so the actual mine can only cover so much ground, etc. We had a fabulous time and left with two buckets of quartz.

Youngest crystal miner ever 🙂

On Sunday, we took a day trip to Crater of Diamonds State Park in Murfreesboro, AR. I burned out there very quickly and do not recommend diamond mining to anyone who is pregnant! Partially it was the futility—I knew we weren’t going to find any diamonds!—and it was really hot and there was no shade so sun was just blasting down on my head and I felt ill/off. My husband did take home two buckets of jasper and agate, which was his main reason for visiting this park, more than possibly finding any diamonds.

Showing off ALL the diamonds we found...

When I woke up on Monday morning, I had some totally unexpected and unexplained mystery spotting that almost sent us home without going to the final mine. I’ve written on my other blog about my tenuous sense of security and trust during this pregnancy and how I feel like there is no “safe” point anymore. It is really sad to me how very, very quickly my equilibrium can be thrown off and how quickly I sink into negative/depressing thoughts. As soon as I saw the blood, I thought that I was probably going to go into premature labor at a quartz mine and have to be rushed to some Arkansas hospital with a tiny baby struggling for life in an NICU. While I do still have trust in my body’s inherent wisdom, etc., etc. I do not have the same strong sense of my body as an ally anymore—I used to trust it implicitly to take care of and protect my babies. Now, I don’t know if it really knows how to do that, or not. Most of the time, I think it probably does and that it was also body wisdom (not failure) that caused my losses, but then the tiniest thing can happen and then I see that something else is lurking very close under the surface—a lack of confidence that I do know what I’m doing and that my body will look out for and protect my baby girl with its inherent wisdom and comptent design. 😦 Wah. It was a bummer. I cried and was all upset and then realized I’d probably just physiologically taxed myself at the #%&*% diamond mine the day before and this was just a little, “hey! Take care of yourself!” reminder signal, not an indicator of immediate doom. Nothing else happened the rest of the day (or since), just that confidence-shaking morning incident (I’ve NEVER had bleeding/spotting this late in a pregnancy before and have had none at all during this pregnancy).

Anyway, we finished our trip by going to Arrowhead Crystal Mine—this one we drove to ourselves and the road was hideous, but we made it to the top!

And, we found lots of good stuff:

And on the way home, I crocheted a little hat :):

Think it will fit?

I’m starting to spend a little more time thinking about the actual birth and what I’d like and what I’d like to make sure I do to savor and enjoy and celebrate this pregnancy and this baby before she is born. I also have been doing a LOT of thinking of what I will change/let go of after she is born and what I would like for a babymoon as well as making arrangments to take some breaks from some of my commitments so that I can fully enjoy the newborn stage and make sure I am taking really good care of myself. I was offered a class for the January session at the college where I teach—by pure coincidence I hadn’t been on the Jan. schedule at either local campus and I was glad not to have to turn them down (because I really want to do this and by “rejecting” a class offering, I don’t want that to be perceived as a lack of interest from me)—but, then I got offered one after all and then I did have to say, “no.” It is a class I’ve taught before and that I LOVE teaching—it is my favorite one—and saying no to it was hard, but duh, I couldn’t say yes (and, btw, they said that was fine and I could teach it in March instead. So, was that so hard?!). I think I will be teaching an online class during the Jan. session, but that I can handle—I will just make sure to do NOTHING else in addition to that and taking care of the new baby.

Still can’t really believe there’s a baby girl in there. I was just telling a friend about how it is difficult to field comments from others about, “hoping for a girl this time” or, “you finally got your girl” kinds of things—it makes me not want to act too excited about having a girl, because I don’t want anyone to think that I feel that way. I love my boys and wouldn’t have my family any other way—and, I would have been perfectly happy to have another boy (I thought I was going to for sure!). So, acting happy about a girl, makes me feel like I’m saying that I’m not happy with my boys. But, I’m happy about both! I’ve never, ever wished Z was a girl instead—I love having a pair of boys. It’s great. If Noah was here with us as the third member of our band of brothers I would have been pleased as pleased can be. (see my fair warning post on my other blog.) I think it’s too bad we feel like we have to clarify/specify that! And, I hope I remember forever to not ever say those kinds of things to anyone either! So, anyway. A GIRL! I’m excited 🙂

Movement

Oct6

My absolute favorite part of pregnancy is feeling the baby move. I’ve been feeling my new baby moving in earnest since about 16 weeks (I felt early flutters at around 11 weeks, which is typical for my pregnancies). Sometimes my oldest son falls asleep at night with his hand on my belly, feeling the baby move. I love the stage I’m in now—big bumps, jumps, and wiggles, but not so big that I am uncomfortable at all. I’m 24 weeks now and only during the last two weeks or so have I started to feel the baby move while I’m standing, sitting, moving, etc. (vs. just when lying down like before). I haven’t yet had anyone outside of my husband and the kids feel the baby—I still feel “closed in” and protective/secretive about this pregnancy and I’m not sure if that is ever going to change. I have drawn more birth art related pictures and taken more photos than during any other pregnancy, but I have journalled about it less and I talk about it much, much less. That doesn’t mean the baby isn’t always on my mind and frequently reminding me of its company with little wiggles and kicks 🙂

This week in my pregnancy newsletter from Mothering.com, I enjoyed this poem about movement:

Quickening

By Yvette Benavides

This baby moves inside me now

Sending messages at night-

Morse code

About life on the inside:

It is dark

But warm and quiet

With only muffled echoes softly pleading,

Wake up, little one.

I want to know you’re in there,

Happy and safe.

Answers come again-

A sudden flutter-

Secret lyrics of song with no rhythm.

Played with hands and feet.

Someday I will hear the song again-

A high-pitched, quick and breathy humming.

I will teach her that she’s been singing that old song forever,

And reach out for little splayed hands

That have long since held my heart.

—-

No cute pix from this week—I forgot to get one until I was already in my PJs and looking a little bedraggled:

P.S. I now officially weigh more at 24 weeks pregnant than I did the day I gave birth to my first son! Perhaps related to my sudden intense interest in consuming Nutella 🙂

Effectiveness of Childbirth Education?

Oct4

Some time ago a study was picked up by the media as proving that childbirth education “doesn’t work”. This BJOG study compared two groups of women—one group had 8 hours of childbirth classes that also included information about natural childbirth. The other group had classes that did not include natural childbirth information. The epidural rates for the two groups were the same and the couples’ satisfaction levels with their births was also the same. After this media attention, several birth bloggers addressed the study in-depth. The Science and Sensibility blog in a post titled Do Breathing Exercises Work? and The Family Way Publications in Natural Childbirth Class Not Useful?

What stood out to me in the article was the emphasis on breathing techniques. There is a lot more to childbirth education than “the breathing” and if that is all the “natural birth” classes had to offer, no wonder the results were what they were! As was noted in one of the blogs cited above, it is also significant that the women were randomly assigned to either group, indicating that they did not have a strong interest in natural birth (if they did, why risk being assigned to the non-natural birth classes!), so that perhaps the personal investment element was missing. A woman has to want to experience natural childbirth in order to do so!

Another birth educator commenting on The Family Way’s blog post, made an excellent observation that I think really got to the true heart of the issue. She said, ” Until childbirth educators emphasize this key component of CONGRUENCY in their classes women will continue to seek ‘care’ from professionals and institutions incompatible with their professed desire for natural birth. (emphasis mine) All this study proved to my mind it that both types of classes offered were ineffectual in promoting the with-women model of care in labor and birth… Both types of classes failed to address the real crux of the matter…are you receiving care from a provider/institution compatible with the kind of birth you want?” I explain to people in my classes that in the hospital women’s coping mechanisms are often stripped away from them-–sometimes by force, sometimes by misinformation, sometimes by excuses. I tell them over and over again to “ask questions before their chile is roasted” (Pam England). People tell me they can fight for what they want or that their husbands are good at “standing up for me” and I remind them that birth is not a time in a woman’s life when she should have to fight for anything! The time to get good care is NOW, not while “fighting” during labor and not during the “next birth” either (see more thoughts about “the next birth” here).

So, does childbirth education matter or not? Is the birthing woman’s environment of greater influence? I don’t think we have a full answer to this question. I do feel in my heart that childbirth education has important things to offer (otherwise, I wouldn’t be in the field!), but I also know in my heart that an unsupportive birth environment can steamroller right over most of the benefits. Birth is a lived experience and as such is greatly impacted by going on in the “here and now,” rather than past learning or ideas. Recently, I shared this quote from Suzanne Arms on my Talk Birth Facebook page:

“The knowledge of how to give birth without outside interventions lies deep within each woman. Successful childbirth depends on the acceptance of the process.”

In the comments, I noted: also helpful is to birth in an environment that shares that acceptance!

In July, I attended the annual CAPPA conference and enjoyed hearing Polly Perez speak about the benefits of childbirth education. She shared the following evidence-based benefits:

Knowledge
Less fear
Student more able to take responsibility for their own health care
Less need for medications/anesthesia
More satisfaction with birth experience
Life skills!

I definitely have been witness to the reduced fear as well as to the development of life skills that will continue to serve parents on the parenting journey. My own personal observations of additional benefits would be:

Increased confidence in their bodies, the birth process, and their own capacities
Enhanced father participation
Increased prenatal bonding/connection with baby and positive feelings towards baby
Reframing of birth from something to fear/greet with anxiety to something to embrace and greet with anticipation and enthusiasm.

It is hard for me to identify if these benefits carry over from my actual classes into the birth room, however, and this is an issue and question that I continue to ponder.

On a related note, here is a handout from Mother’s Advocate on choosing a childbirth class.

Book Review: Living without Reservations

Sep30

Book Review: Living without Reservations

By Barbara Singer
Hear Me Roar Press, 2020
ISBN 978-098-432540-5
softcover, $18.95

http://www.barbaraelainesinger.com

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, CCCE

A spirited tale of personal adventure, Living without Reservations is a travel memoir written by a woman who at age 44, “quits” her life and sees the world. Marketed as The Secret meets Eat, Pray, Love, Living without Reservations explores Barbara Singer’s journey of self-discovery.

Left adrift after a series of life changes (daughter to college, divorce, death of fiancé), Barbara decides to start, “collecting experiences rather than things” and that she never wants to be someone who dreams of “someday,” but never actually follows her dreams. Her first trek is a cross country drive to Alaska with her father in a small RV. After Alaska, she lives and works for a time on a small island and then sets off by sea as first mate on a private sailboat. She and her traveling companion spend over 3 months sailing from port to port in the many small islands of the Bahamas, British Virgin Islands, and the Dominican Republic. After the sailing expedition, she travels to her beloved Italy. Living in a small village in Tuscany (and later in Florence), she studies Italian, enjoys a slow-paced life, and meets a handsome Italian winery owner. A somewhat strained relationship with her daughter is a substory that lends a humbling element to the exhilaration and excitement of Barbara’s travels,

Though a postscript minimally address her financial situation (not a “trust fund baby”), it remains unclear how her trips are financed or how realistic the suggestion to “just do it” is for the average person. However, there is a helpful section available on her website with ideas and tips on how you, too, can “quit your life.”

While on ongoing refrain of, “I’m the luckiest girl in the world,” started to get on my nerves a little by the end of the book (you’re not a “girl,” you’re a woman!), Living without Reservations is an engaging and inspiring memoir with heart, courage, honesty, and passion.

—

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Like one full moon…

Sep28

Last week, I hosted a blessingway/mother blessing ceremony for a friend who is preparing for her second baby. This was the first time we’ve ever had a ceremony at night and something new that we did that turned out nicely was to go outside in the dark and plant our “wish seeds” for our friend, her baby, and her birth (we used the wish seeds—one word wishes—first to sing our Call Down a Blessing blessingway song). I had chosen a reading to read during this time and in a stroke of wonderful coincidence, the moon out that night was nearly full. It was a perfect, unplanned accompaniment to the reading. The reading comes from the book Wild Girls by Patricia Monaghan and was originally written by a nine year old girl. I modified it slightly for this occasion:

We are all Feminine, together.

We may be full of anger,

We may be full of joy,

We may be full of secrets,

We may feel fresh as fruit,

We may feel a sense of new life,

We may feel peaceful,

We may all feel different from one another,

But we are all here together

Like one full moon.

Poem: The Vital Truth

Sep27

In the fall issue of Pathways magazine there was an article called “The Genius of the Unborn Child by Sarah Farrant. I enjoyed this poem in the article’s sidebar:

The Vital Truth

Nature needs no help

just no interference

It’s best not to interfere with

what is a natural process.

Do you help the grass to grow?

Do you help the sun to rise?

Why is it that people feel compelled

to help a baby grow?

Babies know what to do every time,

all the time, in just the right sequence

and at just the right time to allow the expression of

their limitless potential.

Being pregnant feels like magic and I marvel each day at the unfolding of this whole process without my conscious intention or effort. Really incredible!

Book Review: Survivor Moms

Sep24

Book Review: Survivor Moms: Women’s Stories of Birthing, Mothering and Healing after Sexual Abuse

By Mickey Sperlich & Julia Seng
Motherbaby Press, 2008
ISBN 978-1-89-044641-3
245 pages, softcover
http://www.midwiferytoday.com

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, CCCE

Past sexual abuse is an unfortunately common experience for women. Anyone who works with women of childbearing age should be mindful and informed of the effects of an abuse history on the woman’s experience of pregnancy, birthing, and mothering. Indeed, I consider this awareness to be a fundamental professional responsibility. Enter Survivor Moms, published by Motherbaby Press. This book is an incredibly in-depth look at the experiences and need of survivors of sexual abuse during the childbearing year.

One of the best and most unique features of the book is the “tab” format used for much of the clinical, research-based, or fact-based content in the book. Rather than lengthy chapters reviewing research and analyzing the phenomenon, textboxes containing quick facts and reference material are printed in the margins of many of the pages. The bulk of the narrative information in the main body of the text is then in the voices of mothers themselves, interspersed with commentary by the authors linking concepts, explaining ideas, and clarifying essentials. This is a powerful format that makes information readily and quickly available for reference as well as making the overall book very readable and approachable.

As someone with no personal abuse history who is currently pregnant, I did find the book to be a very emotionally difficult, intense, and almost overwhelming read at times. This is not a criticism in any way—sexual abuse is not a light or cheerful topic and it can be one that many people prefer to avoid. This is all the more reason for birth professionals to make a specific effort to be educated and informed.

Written both for mothers themselves and for the professionals who work with them, Survivor Moms is an essential part of any birth professional’s library. As noted in the book’s introduction, “We need to understand the impact of childhood abuse on birthing and mothering deeply, from hearing women’s stories. We also need to understand it broadly—from looking at the impact on samples and populations, on the body and on the culture.” Survivor Moms offers an accessible way of hearing those critically important stories and developing the necessary understanding to care compassionately for birthing women.

—
Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Happy Birth-Day!

Sep21

Today is my oldest son’s 7th birthday and I’ve been thinking back to the day he was born. For his first few birthdays, I felt kind of like, “hey, this should be about me too! I was the birth-giver after all!” (I even bought myself a present for his first birthday—my birth-of-a-mother present to myself). Now that I have had other children and as the years pass, his birthdays are pretty much now all about him. However, in honor of the occasion I updated his birth story with a number of pictures! And, I wanted to share a fresh picture of my seven year old on his birthday 🙂