giving birth | Talk Birth

Giving birth is an intensely physical process for the woman giving birth and sometimes we forget what an intensely physical process it is to assist a woman giving birth! Here are a few ideas of ways to take care of yourself while you are helping your wife or partner labor and give birth:

Bring healthy snacks for yourself (avoid anything that is strong smelling, like garlic, and don’t drink coffee)–granola bars, sandwiches, trail mix, crackers.
Wear comfortable clothes and shoes.
Dress in layers–the birth room may be cold or it may be hot.
Wear clothes that you don’t mind getting stained.
Use good “body mechanics” when providing physical support to your wife. Bend your knees slightly and keep your back straight when helping support your wife in a standing squat. If providing counterpressure on her back with your hands, keep your arms straight and lean your body weight down onto her back to provide the counterpressure, rather than using the muscles in your hands or arms to provide it.
Take breaks if you need to–it is okay to take a bathroom break or to get something to drink! If your wife or partner does not want to be left alone, have your doula or a helpful nurse serve as a quick stand-in for you. Use your judgment as to whether to announce to your wife that you are taking a quick bathroom break. Some women may be upset at being “abandoned” without warning, while other are so into the rhythm of labor that they will not notice you taking a quick break and it is better not to disturb their rhythm by making a big announcement that you are leaving.
If you feel yourself getting tense or anxious, take slow, deep breaths from your abdomen or do a few quick tension relieving stretches such as rolling your neck from side to side or rotating your shoulders.
I encourage women to use affirmations during pregnancy and then during labor to help them greet their labors with confidence and acceptance. Though it might seem silly or feel awkward, you may wish to develop some affirmations to use yourself as well as you assist your wife in labor–try things like, “I am calm and confident” or, “each contraction is bringing our baby closer,” or, “my mind is relaxed, my body is relaxed,” or, “her body knows how to birth our baby.”
Trust birth and the process–your wife’s body is well designed to give birth to your baby. She can do it! Believe in her and believe in yourself!

As you may have read in many blogs in the birth world, ACOG issued a press release this month opposing the choice of homebirth for women. One of the quotes towards the end of the release, “Choosing to deliver a baby at home, however, is to place the process of giving birth over the goal of having a healthy baby,” is a sentiment that I see expressed fairly frequently and I’d like to explore it a little. I do not think these two things are mutually exclusive by any means. I say, why not BOTH? A “good experience”/process of giving birth AND healthy baby–these two things can, should, and do go together. Many of the elements that make up a good experience are also things that are best for the baby–as I said, the two concepts are not mutually exclusive, instead they reinforce and contribute to each other! Most of the time, taking good care of a mother in birth (i.e. contributing to her “good birth experience”) is the very best thing you can do to take care of her baby. Babies do not need to be “rescued” from their mother’s bodies–healthy mothers help lead to healthy babies! Women and babies BOTH deserve a good birth experience.

I also question whether ANY mother actually considers this a choice, or makes this choice. Erica Lyon, quoted in the book Pushed, speaks eloquently on this topic:

“…The goal is to have a healthy baby. ‘This phrase is used over and over and over to shut down women’s requests,’ she [Erica Lyon] says. ‘The context needs to be that the goal is a healthy mom. Because mothers never make decisions without thinking about that healthy baby. And to suggest otherwise is insulting and degrading and disrespectful’…What’s best for women is best for babies. and what’s best for women and babies is minimally invasive births that are physically, emotionally, and socially supported. This is not the kind of experience that most women have. In the age of evidence based medicine, women need to know that standard American maternity care is not primarily driven by their health and well-being or by the health and well-being of their babies. Care is constrained and determined by liability and financial considerations, by a provider’s licensing regulations and malpractice insurer. The evidence often has nothing to do with it.” (emphasis mine)