Archive | November 2010

Birth Quotes Update

Nov30

“Letting a woman discover her own power is a delicate art…You’ve helped her go to a place where she feels safe…and she will grow there when she is ready. We cannot take away her strength by controlling. We need to shelter and encourage her strength.” –Midwife Carol Gautschi on First Stage (in Midwifery Today interview by Kelly Moyer)

(I have a pet peeve about any use of the word “let” in relationship to birthing women, but I still like the ideas in this quote.)

“When you change the way you view birth, the way you birth will change.” ~Marie Mongan, Hypnobirthing (via Birth Without Fear)

“Every single human being was drummed into this world by a woman, having listened to the heart rhythms of their mother.” -Connie Sauer

“We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee.” –Marian Wright Edelman

‎”I believe the act of giving birth to be the single most miraculous thing a human being can do and it is surely the moment when a lot of women finally understand the depth of their power. You think it can’t possibly be done, you think you can’t possibly take the pain, and then you do —and afterward you look at yourself… in a whole new way. If you can do that, you can do anything.” – Ani DiFranco (via Spirited Doula Services)

“I see the beautiful curve of a pregnant belly shaped by the soul within.” –Hafiz (quoted in The Art of Pregnancy)

“In acknowledging woman-to-woman help it is important to recognize that power, within the family and elsewhere, can be used vindictively, and that it is not only powerful men who abuse women; women with power may also abuse other women.” –Sheila Kitzinger

‎”Anyone who has felt the pain of bearing a child, or pushed past physical limits in some athletic event, or struggled to learn difficult but powerful truths understands that suffering can be an integral part of the most profound joy. In fact, once suffering has ended, having experienced it seems to magnify the capacity… to feel pleasure and delight.” –Martha Beck

My note: As I’ve noted several times previously, I always emphasize in my own birth classes that pain does not equal suffering–there is a profound difference between pain and suffering (and much suffering that women experience in birth is NOT actually physical) and that no one wants birthing women to *suffer* (i.e. “natural birth advocates think women should just suffer” is not true!). However, I still liked the essence of this quote, which did not come from a book that has anything to do with birth, but from Beck’s book Finding Your Own North Star.

“Of course, if 40% of women need oxytocin to progress normally, then something is wrong with the definition of normal.” ~ Henci Goer (via An Everyday Miracle)

(“Synthetic oxytocin” would be better in the quote, because all women DO need oxytocin to progress, but what they need is their OWN oxytocin, not Pitocin, which is what the quote above is actually referring to.)

“When we talk about changing birth in our culture, everybody’s small & grand efforts matter. Birth touches everybody. So everybody must speak up: mothers, fathers, grandmothers, doctors, midwives, doulas, nurses, writers, & artists. We cannot wait for the powers that be to change birth for us. When millions of us change our attitude & expectations, & we speak up, we become the change we are waiting for.” -Pam England

from this blog post: http://birthpeeps.blogspot.com/2010/09/4-change-birth-change-cesarean-customs.html

This quote makes me think of my own “small stone” birth activism article: Small Stone Birth Activism « Talk Birth

“Woman-to-woman help through the rites of passage that are important in every birth has significance not only for the individuals directly involved, but for the whole community. The task in which the women are engaged is *political*. It forms the warp and weft of society.” –Sheila Kitzinger (Rediscovering Birth)

“Women die in childbirth as a result of systemic failures including: barriers to accessing care, inadequate, neglectful or discriminatory care, and overuse of risky interventions like inducing labor and delivering via cesarean section.” — Amnesty International (via Huffington Post article)

Obstetric Violence = “[T]he appropriation of the body & reproductive processes of women by health personnel, which is expressed as dehumanized treatment, an abuse of medication, & to convert the natural processes into pathological ones, bringing with it loss of autonomy & the ability to decide freely about their bodies & sexuality, negatively impacting the quality of life of women.” –International Journal of Gynecology & Obstetrics

This quote is re: the term as used in Venezuela, which carries a fine for violation.

“The protocols in the world of animal husbandry to protect an offspring at the time of birth—no strangers, dimmed lights, freedom of movement, familiar environment, unlimited nourishment, respectful quiet, no disruptions—are done without hesitation because to do otherwise invites ‘unexplained distress’ or sudden demise of the offspring.” ~ Beth Barbeau (via Midwifery Today, from article “Safer Birth in a Barn?”)

“In most societies birth has been an experience in which…women draw together to help each other and reinforce bonds in the community. Now that eradication of pain with effective anesthesia is often the only issue in any discussion of birth…the sacramental and social elements which used to be central to women’s experience of birth…seem, for an increasing proportion of women, to be completely irrelevant.” –Sheila Kitzinger

“Having a good birth is great. It helps you feel empowered. It’s the most powerful time in your life; it’s creation…But the self-empowerment that comes with knowledge and being able to make choices that are good for you, and good for your baby, and good for your family, helps put women on that path of being able to use that for the rest of their lives…” –Jennifer Welch (Turtle Women’s Project Founder)

“When I dare to be powerful–to use my strength in the service of my vision–then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” –Audre Lorde

‎”No one can sufficiently capture in words the euphoria, the gratitude, and the total delight which can follow a natural birth. The high of these moments is spiritual to the utmost, while remaining utterly physical.” -Qahira Qalbi

“If mothers experience birth as a spiritual event that brings them closer to their communities instead of as a violent incident that takes place among strangers, then they can pass that attitude along to their children.” –Elizabeth O’Sullivan (in “The Turtle Women,” Mothering Magazine, 2004)

‎”But, to me, the battle will not be won until midwives can be positioned not as some new fringe ‘hippie-mother’ movement but as a longstanding and natural part of the human experience, as part of rather than threat to the modern health care industry.” –Sam Ford (in article about the Midwife “Brand”)

“A baby, a baby, she will come to remind us of the sweetness in this world, what ripe, fragile, sturdy beauty exists when you allow yourself the air, the sunshine, the reverence for what nature provides, even its uncertainty and sadness.” – Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser (Literary Mama)

“Fear is completely intertwined with what we experience as labor pain…And it is the fear in our physicians and nurses as much as the fear within ourselves.” –Suzanne Arms (Immaculate Deception II)

My note:

I think sometimes women underestimate the power the attitudes of other people in the birthplace hold over outcome (the nocebo effect, possibly)–while being prepared, confident, fearless, etc. a birthing woman is excellent and she *can* som…etimes manage to triumph over the fear of the others around her, I more often see the fear of others overriding the preparation and confidence a mother has tried to develop in herself 😦

“We have disrespected the motherbaby bond and their birthrights so badly that we have changed the course of history. It is time to take birth back. It belongs to motherbaby (with dad and midwife there to love, support and protect the motherbaby). This does not mean any particular birth will always go easy and you must have skill, knowledge, techniques and intuition with a lot of love.” –Jan Tritten (Midwifery Today)

‎”When intervening becomes routine, meaning there is no reason for it, only risks remain.” ~Henci Goer (via Fans of birth activist Henci Goer)

‎”…we can’t define our birth story ahead of time. We can’t go into it assuming it will be healing or empowering or a message or a political statement. When we do that, we risk that we will not see our birth for what it is – a beautiful, amazing process that helps define us as women and mothers in ways we may not expect. It may not be pretty. It may not live up to our standards of perfection. Sometimes birth just…is.” –Angela Quinn in the article Baggage Check via The Unnecesarean: http://www.theunnecesarean.com/blog/2010/10/20/baggage-check.html

My note:

Each of my births has had a “down side” or something that was “bad” about it (“bad” in that it didn’t in some way meet my expectations, OR, it threw me a curve ball). Interestingly, it is those difficult patches that were the most growth/strength producing. I also perceive (perhaps imaginary) pressure from the homebirth/natural birth community to not share or to gloss over the parts of our stories that are not beautiful, wonderful, perfect–the parts that may have been scary, bad, or disappointing. This lack of sharing of the bad parts also comes from within (for me), in order not to “scare” other pregnant women. (Here is a blog post I wrote about the “negative” elements of my births: https://talkbirth.wordpress.com/2010/06/29/manual-clot-extraction-following-birth-sequestered-clots/)

‎”The desire to help is so great, even from well-meaning, beautiful midwives, that they use intervention. We want to help. But what’s missing in our culture is that there is pain with a purpose, and that helping is sometimes interfering.” –Augustine Colebrook, CPM (quoted in “Do-it-Yourself Birth” article in Mothering mag)

I’ve written a lot about birth having inherent value in its own right. Process AND “product” (i.e. healthy mom, healthy baby) are both important. An de-emphasis on the process only serves to disempower, silence, invalidate, and violate women.

That said, I do also value the work of organizations like Hypnobabies that questions the very notion of pain as being an inherent part of birth.

I always explain to my students that the sensations of labor are more similar to the exertion of intense physical work/effort more than the pain associated with accident, illness, or injury. We need a bigger and broader vocabulary for completely describing the breadth, range, intensity, and beauty of birth experiences!

“Today, shake things up. Look at everything differently: Love a tantrum. Don’t dry tears. Embrace your flaws. Trash your guilt. Get stronger at the broken places. Parent where you are. Forget the crystal ball. Trust the process. Develop an insatiable curiosity. Tell another parent they rock. Give your child the benefit of *no* doubt. Go!” —Parent2ParentU

‎”How is one woman to claim her own experience of an ‘easy’ birth when she knows other women labor for days in pain… Or if you had a ‘bad’ experience giving birth, how are you to name that when women around you are happily anticipating a successful culmination to their [birth] classes? Women’s naming of much in their own birthing experiences is silenced by their sensitivity to other women’s feelings.” –Elizabeth Dodson Gray

My note: I think sometimes those of us who do have it “easier,” forget that even sometimes when someone has done all the “right” things, birth is ultimately an unpredictable and surprising journey with its own power, path, and purpose. My third son died unexpectedly early in my second trimester and that labor and birth had a huge impact on me–though not in the “joyful,” share-with-the-world way that I previously associated with homebirth.

“Childbirth can be changed, one woman at a time. Each woman can share with another what she has learned, and as women stand up to their providers with information and intelligence, I believe we will gradually see a desperately needed change in the state of modern obstetric care in America.” ~The Midwife Next Door (via Delightful Pregnancy & Birth)

“Nothing in medical literature today communicates the idea that women’s bodies are well-designed for birth. Ignorance of the capacities of women’s bodies can flourish and quickly spread into the popular culture when the medical profession is unable to distinguish between ancient wisdom and superstitious belief.” –Ina May Gaskin (in an article in Pathways to Family Wellness Magazine)

“The knowledge of how to give birth without outside interventions lies deep within each woman. Successful childbirth depends on the acceptance of the process.” – Suzanne Arms

(I would add, “and birthing in an environment that shares that acceptance…”)

“When there is no home birth in a society, or when home birth is driven completely underground, essential knowledge of women’s capacities in birth is lost to the people of that society–to professional caregivers, as well as to women of childbearing age themselves.” –Ina May Gaskin (in an article in Pathways to Family Wellness Magazine)

“Woman is as common as a loaf of bread, and like a loaf of bread, will rise.” –Judy Grahn

(After my third birth (at 14w5d), I wrote a list of “things I learned from miscarriage” in my journal and one of the final ones was, “when tested, I rise.”)

“…Like other involuntary processes, we cannot consciously control pregnancy and birth unless we physically intervene. Did you need to learn how to make your heart beat? How to breathe? How to digest your food? How to produce hormones?…You don’t have to do anything to make these processes work. You can support them, or you can intervene, but they will happen all on their own. You can trust them.” –Lamaze International

‎”Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.” – Old Swedish proverb (via Lamaze e-news)

“Who invented First Stage? Did it come about when we started putting our hands inside women? This act…killed many women because doctors were doing it before they learned to wash their hands…mother-leading is best. We are in partnership with women, but she is going by her thoughts, knowledge and culture. You have time to change and educate during the prenatal period, but at birth follow her lead!” –Jan Tritten

“Labor is for bringing the baby down and out. If we are going in and up, we are reversing the natural order. Let us try to find the most optimal ways of working with the natural process of birth. It cannot be improved upon in 90–95% of cases. Discerning the 5–10% is the hard part. With good prenatal care and careful attention to our reactions, we can probably come close.” –Jan Tritten (Midwifery Today e-news. Continued from above)

“Pregnant and birthing mothers are elemental forces, in the same sense that gravity, thunderstorms, earthquakes, and hurricanes are elemental forces. In order to understand the laws of their energy flow, you have to love and respect them for their magnificence at the same time that you study them with the accuracy of a true scientist.” – Ina May Gaskin (via Birth True Childbirth Education)

“Don’t forget to bring your sense of humor to your labor.” ~ Ina May Gaskin (via Midwifery Today e-news)

“When you have a baby, your own creative training begins. Because of your child, you are now finding new powers and performing amazing feats.” –Elaine Martin

“Uterine contractions are felt by many women to sweep towards them, rise in crescendo and then fade away like waves of the sea, so that wave imagery is very useful when describing the sensations they produce. This wave imagery is closely associated with the idea of rhythm, which is all important in harmonious psychosomatic adapation to labor.” –Sheila Kitzinger (Education and Counseling for Childbirth)

I’ve noted before that even though I’m not much of a “water” person, wave/water imagery and analogies always strike me as very right/true for my own birth experiences.

“The childbearing year–the time of pregnancy and early parenting–is the temporal and physical passage from being one woman to being a motherbaby dyad. The symbiotic relationship the two share during this time is critical to the long-term wellness of both.” –Julia Seng (intro to Survivor Moms)

‎”Nature in all her wisdom has designed the experience of birth so that it teaches a woman about her inner resources and how to access them.” ~ Christiane Northrup, MD (via An Everyday Miracle)

“The contemporary woman is the victim of her culture. It has beautifully conditioned her to a view of childbirth that cannot serve her well when she enters labor. Western culture generally, and American culture specifically, considers childbirth synonymous with suffering.” –Dr. Irwin Chabon (Awake and Aware, 1969. Quoted in Lamaze International‘s Summer 2010 journal)

I always talk in my classes about the difference between pain and suffering and often see a “lightbulb” go on…

‎”Through the act of controlling birth, we disassociate ourselves with its raw power. Disassociation makes it easier to identify with our ‘civilized’ nature, deny our ‘savage’ roots and connection with indigenous cultures. Birth simultaneously encompasses the three events that civilized societies fear–birth, death, and sexuality.” –Holly Richards  (In Cultural Messages of Childbirth: The Perpetration of Fear,” ICEA Journal, 1993. Via this blog: http://humanizebirth.blogspot.com/)

“Childbirth education has changed because what we know about birth has changed…Childbirth education must evolve from the technological curriculum to a physiologic study of how well women’s bodies are created, not for being delivered, but for giving birth.” –Barbara Hotelling (in Lamaze International’s Journal of Perinatal Education, Fall 2009)

“Mothers who have fears also hand down fearful attitudes about birth to daughters–and to every other woman who will listen. But each woman who gains the confidence to birth as unhindered or freely as her biological circumstances will allow–she will go on to encourage her sisters and daughters with birth words and images which resound with all the potential strength and beauty of birth.” –Jan Tritten

‎”Choices–no matter how *educated* or *informed* the consent–are not real choices when they are made within the context of fear…” –Jan Tritten (in Life of a Midwife)

I get frustrated with comments about how women need to “be educated” or “as long as they make an informed decision…” It is a LOT more complicated and “bigger” than that. I heard a presentation where informed consent was referred to as “the ritual of informed consent.” (i.e. not informed at all!)  Informed refusal is the logical companion of informed consent and yet it is almost never a real “choice” at all–so, how “informed” can the decision be? ARGH! This is so frustrating for me! (and it is frustrating because I hear doulas and childbirth educators say these kinds of things–but,  if the only choice that is allowed is to say “yes” then the whole thing is a sham!) Having no options to choose differently makes a choice not represent a real choice, regardless. Personally, I do not have the energy to fight my way through labor. I also know that even with all my information and resources, I don’t have the strength to overpower the hospital “birth machine” while also birthing a baby!

‎”Remember this, for it is as true and true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.” ~ Ina May Gaskin

“One of the central spiritual lessons of birth is accepting that life is unpredicatable and we are not in control. Another is it cannot be done perfectly. Accepting that can be a deeply enriching act of self-love.” –Jennifer Louden (The Pregnant Woman’s Comfort Book)

“You can’t mass produce good birth experiences. Midwifery is a place where you can use all the love you have.” –Jan Tritten (founder of Midwifery Today in their book Life of a Midwife)

“Giving birth naturally is not just a nice option or the opportunity to have a transforming experience; giving birth naturally is the safest way to give birth for mothers and babies.” –Judith Lothian (in an article in Lamaze International‘s Journal of Perinatal Education, Fall 2009)

“…drugging or cutting a pregnant woman with no medical indication is an act of violence, even when performed by a medical professional in a hospital…In what other area of life in the United States is it apparently acceptable or legal for a professional to perform major abdominal surgery to reduce vulnerability to a lawsuit? Is this not even more violent than a black eye? And more insidious?” –Susan Hodges ‎(CfM’s founder, in an article in Lamaze International’s Journal of Perinatal Education)

‎”Truth has a power all its own. Truth is stronger than lies. We need to tell the truth about birth. Trust will follow.” – Carla Hartley (via Lamaze International pregnancy e-newsletter)

“A mother is a school. Empower her and you empower a great nation.” – Hafez Ibrahim (Egyptian poet 1872-1932, via Literary Mama)

“The gift of creating new life needs to be, once again, welcomed and honored as one of the most mysterious of human powers. And women need to be confirmed in their decisions to use this power however and whenever they see fit.” –Patricia Monaghan

“Birth has not only reached the absurdity of having to be relearned, it also has the absurdity of becoming a criminal offense if we are to go ahead with our ideals & do things the way we desire…midwifery as practiced in [Birth Book] is against the law. It has become political. We didn’t make it that way. For us it is… a beautiful, personal, spiritual, sexual experience…for us to have that, we become criminals.” –Raven Lang, Birth Book, 1972

“Be sure to share your story. There is no shortage of fear-mongering and simply unhelpful advice when it comes to birth. As fathers, we need to make birth a part of the masculine dialogue.” –A father quoted in The Father’s Home Birth Handbook by Leah Hazard

“Pregnancy offers us the excuse to be gentle with ourselves. That excuse can become a habit. That habit can slowly become a lovingly held belief: ‘I AM worthy of self-care, not just when I am carrying a child but every day.'” –Jennifer Louden (Pregnant Woman’s Comfort Book)

“Pregnancy can make you fat, or it can allow you to appreciate the wonder of your body. Pregnancy can make you a raving lunatic, or it can give you clues from your raw emotions where you need to ‘cut to the chase’…Pregnancy can make you extraordinarily exhausted, or it can give you clues to slow down and listen to your body, feed it what the baby and you need to thrive…” –Jennifer Louden

“Birth goes best if it is not intruded upon by strange people and strange events. It goes best when a woman feels safe enough and free enough to abandon herself to the process.” –Penny Armstrong & Sheryl Feldman (A Midwife’s Story, quoted in Having a Baby, Naturally)

[re: “surrender” during labor] “…She may refer to this as the feeling of surrender; but this kind of surrender is a gift, not something she herself did with her mind. At this point the body truly takes over and the thinking mind recedes into the background. This may be how women historically and presently, are able to labor without mental suffering and without pain medication.” –Pam England (Labyrinth of Birth)

“…in not disturbing the laboring woman you’re not handing over all control to her…it’s not a question of handing control to the laboring woman, it’s a question of *not controlling* her…while she’s in labor and giving birth physiologically, she’s going to seem well and truly out of control–totally wild!–so the issue of control seems a pretty irrelevant one really.” –Sylvie Donna (Optimal Birth)

“…if you know that you are pregnant and if you know when you conceived your baby and you think that everything’s okay, doctors can probably do nothing for you. Women need to realize that the role of medicine in pregnancy is very limited… –Michel Odent (in Optimal Birth)

Re: “advice” for somone who is pregnant. Quote continues with: “What’s important is for a mom-to-be to be happy, to eat well, to adapt her lifestyle to her pregnancy, to do whatever she likes to do…I think that’s what we have to explain t…o women. They have to realize that doctors have very limited power.”

 

Practice Contractions & Practice Breathing…

Nov25

32 weeks

Happy Thanksgiving! I have two things that I’ve been meaning to write about lately. One is practice contractions—I’ve always been prone to having a lot of warm-up contractions throughout my pregnancies. Sometimes called Braxton-Hicks contractions, I prefer to call them practice contractions, warm-up contractions, toning contractions, or—as you get closer to your due date—pre-labor contractions. I start being able to feel them pretty much as soon as my uterus rises out from below my pubic bone. During my first pregnancy, I got worried about preterm labor at about 22 weeks pregnant, because I was experiencing so many of them at that time. Later, I became concerned because they were lasting 10 minutes at a time, which seemed really unusual to me. My doctor at the time had no explanation as to why that was happening or suggestions to change it other than to take extra calcium. These uber-long contractions have never happened during another pregnancy, but having quite a few practice contractions seems to be my normal pattern. I also have wondered if they are related to drinking raspberry leaf tea. I drank it throughout my first two pregnancies. During this one, I decided not to drink it until the third trimester. I haven’t noticed any appreciable difference in contraction-action, however.

Towards the end of pregnancy, I have about four contractions per hour for the last month or so. I counted recently and right now, I’m only having about 20 per day (while I’m awake). That is still a nice lot of practice! I seem to have very efficient birthings and I have always wondered if there is a relationship between all this warm-up and the real thing! However, from most of my reading there does not actually seem to be any measurable relationship between amount of (discernable) contractions during pregnancy and actual length of labor (and, besides, the theory is that all women experience regular contractions throughout pregnancy and just don’t necessarily notice them, though I always wonder why not!). I’ve wondered for some time though about the various clients I’ve had who report that they have experienced no discernable practice contractions and have had very long labors.

My post about in-utero practice breathing during my first pregnancy has received more hits on this blog than almost anything else. Apparently, it is not an often written about experience and a lot of women appear to have found comfort in my post about it. In the last week or so, I’ve noticed Baby Girl practicing breathing as well! I don’t have a strong recollection of experiencing this with my second son. With my first son, it was one of the most interesting things about the pregnancy. With her, I notice it at night primarily for a regular period of time which is then followed by her having hiccups (from all her hard work!). 🙂

More Birth Art!

Nov22

On Saturday, I became inspired to create some new birth art and worked on it rather than the other work that was on my list.

I wanted to make a “womb labyrinth” finger labyrinth and after some experimentation and a LOT of time, I made this one, using a drawing I previously created as my model:

This was my original drawing from 2007 on which I based the clay design:

Since I had the polymer clay out, I couldn’t resist making another one of my birth goddess sculptures. This one I colored using gold pigment and she looks very royal. I feel like making these sculptures has helped me integrate  “pregnant woman” back into my identity and I really like this one in particular:

And, here is a picture of the two together—a nice day’s work if I do say so myself 🙂 And, more consistent with my “savoring” and self-care goals than some of the other things that I had on my list for the day (but hey, write two book reviews was on there and I did that too!)

On Sunday, my inspiration continued and I made another womb labyrinth that I like better than the first one:

I also experimented and made a different type that turned out pretty neat too:

 

Book Review: Understanding the Dangers of Cesarean Birth

Nov20

Book Review: Understanding the Dangers of Cesarean Birth: Making Informed Decisions
By Nicette Jukelevics
Praeger Publishers, 2008
ISBN 978-0-275-99906-3
264 pages, hardback, $49.95 (or $40.96 via http://www.icea.org)
http://www.dangersofcesareanbirth.com

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE, CCCE
https://talkbirth.wordpress.com

Intended to be a comprehensive resource for both consumers and birth professionals, Understanding the Dangers of Cesarean Birth is an in-depth look at the incidence and impact of cesarean birth on mothers, babies, families, and society as well as an overview of prevention strategies. The final section of the book is about “why normal birth matters” and addresses changing the status quo. The Midwives Model of Care is reflected and promoted during the book and doulas also receive strong support.

I have two primary opinions of the book: The first is that I truly believe that Understanding the Dangers of Cesarean Birth should become the “go to” book for current, evidence-based, thorough information about cesarean birth in the U.S. It is a treasure trove of information and any birth professional would be well advised to have a copy on their bookshelf. The second opinion is that the “heavy” subject, extremely in-depth information, academic writing style, and relatively high price, will likely keep this book out of the hands out of its primary intended audience—the consumer. The person who most needs to read this book is the first-time pregnant woman. However, the entire time I was reading it, I kept thinking that there was only a slim likelihood of the average first-time mother being attracted to, or actually picking up this book, to read.

Mothers planning VBACs or seeking to understand their own cesarean birth experiences will probably find Understanding the Dangers of Cesarean Birth to be a valuable resource. Birth activists will find clearly articulated and important information that they will wish to shout to the rooftops and I think that this is how the content in Understanding the Dangers of Cesarean Birth has the best chance of truly reaching the women who need to hear its message.

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Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Book Review: The Joy of Pregnancy

Nov20

Book Review: The Joy of Pregnancy: The Complete, Candid, and Reassuring Companion for Parents-to-Be
By Tori Kropp, RN
Harvard Common Press, 2008
ISBN 978-155832306-3
412 pages, paperback, $14.95
http://www.thejoyofpregnancy.com/

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE, CCCE
https://talkbirth.wordpress.com

“One of the most important things I have learned about birthing babies is that the process is more of an unfolding marvel than a routine progression of events.” –Tori Kropp

Written by a nurse in a refreshingly positive tone, The Joy of Pregnancy is a basic guide to pregnancy and birth, intended primarily for first time parents. Not only does it cover month-by-month fetal and maternal developments during pregnancy, it includes information about labor and birth, preparing for postpartum, breastfeeding, and the first days of parenting. There is a conventional emphasis on “asking your care provider” rather than a consumer-oriented approach to making your own best decisions. Something unique and valuable about the book is that each section contains information specifically for women expecting twins or other multiples. This content is inset into boxes, but it is the first pregnancy book I’ve read where information for mothers of multiples is integrated into the main body of the text, rather than being relegated to special section or chapter. Specific “Dad’s Corner” sections in most chapters are another nicely integrated feature of the book.

Overall, the information contained in the Joy of Pregnancy is fairly conservative and standard, though as I noted, presented primarily in a positive and upbeat way rather than a fear or complication based way. Doulas, postpartum doulas, and midwives all receive casual mention and are presented as “normal,” rather than “fringe” options. Birth centers and homebirths are briefly included in the section on choosing a birth setting. Parents who are looking for a complete guide to pregnancy that reassures and comforts, rather than produces self-doubt, will find The Joy of Pregnancy a nice alternative. The book is also currently available as a free ebook via http://www.thejoyofpregnancy.com/free/, which is a great bonus!

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Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Breastfeeding, Bonding, and Being a Magic Mama

Nov17

Today, I was catching up with some old issues of New Beginnings magazine (LLLI’s publication) and one of the snapshots of a mama and her toddler nursling brought unexpected tears to my eyes. I am so, so excited to get to have a breastfeeding relationship again! Seeing that picture brought this intense body memory of looking down at my nursing babies and seeing that total and complete contentment on their faces—the way their whole bodies relax and become peaceful at the breast after experiencing the stresses of life as a toddler. It is gorgeous, beautiful, precious and irreplaceable. And, it slips away and before you know it another “normal” has taken its place—breastfeeding was such an integral part of my life for so long, it is startling to realize that it has been an entire year now since I’ve nursed anyone. And, also startling is that I only think about it rarely—the boys I have now have thoroughly replaced those nursling boys. Those tears sprang up from the past joy I have experienced and the anticipatory joy of having one more chance to do this again! I realized after this experience and after writing my last post that in the last couple of days I’ve become bogged down by the “bondage” a new baby brings rather than the bonding that it also brings. (It is realistic to prepare for both! ;)) I feel so lucky, happy, and thrilled to have a new baby again.

During this pregnancy I have not participated regularly in any kind of “due date club” message boards or anything like that, but I do occasionally peek it at one of them and was surprised to see the January mamas there all talking about how done they are with being pregnant and how ready they are to have their babies. Me, I feel like I’m just hitting my stride with being pregnant and cannot imagine being ready to be done yet—this is the great part: the looking nice and pregnant, the enthusiastic baby wiggles, feeling her hiccup, the anticipation of celebratory activities like getting pregnancy pictures taken, making a belly cast, and having a blessingway, the planning for her birth. Despite the fear and anxiety of this pregnancy, I love being pregnant. I adore it. I have never felt more magic or more special than I do as a pregnant woman. I know one should never say never, but I do not anticipate ever being pregnant again and I cannot imagine wishing this “magic mama” feeling away one second before she is ready to be born! It is the best 🙂

Here are some comparison belly pictures:

32 weeks pregnant with number 1

30 weeks with number 2

30 weeks pregnant with Baby Girl

In my 31 weeks pregnancy newsletter from Mothering, there was a neat exercise about painting your fears away. I love the use of art during pregnancy and I thought it was a good idea.

Giveaway: Great Gals Book/Journal

Nov17

This giveaway is now closed. The winners were Jodi and enjoybirth!

GREAT GALS: Inspired Ideas for Living a Kick-Ass Life by cartoonist Summer Pierre is a creative and fun combination of journal prompts, journal pages, quick quizzes, inspirational quotes, black and white art, and mini-bios of dozens of amazing women, both past and present. You can use the book for journaling, doodling, exploring your creativity and your thoughts, but you can also use it for a quick dose of women’s wisdom and inspiration. The women profiled range from Cyndi Lauper to Lucille Ball to Emily Dickinson to Ani DiFranco to Julia Child making this book just plain awesome. As the press info notes, this is NOT “your typical inspirational women’s journal”—the goal is empowerment and honest, assertive self-exploration. It would make a fun holiday gift for any woman, young or old, who is interested in living a powerful life.

Luckily for you, I am able to offer TWO copies of Great Gals as a giveaway this month! To enter, just leave a comment telling me which woman in the world—past or present—you find the most inspirational. I will draw winners via random number generator next Wednesday at 9:00. For an extra entry, you can share this giveaway via Facebook and then post a separate comment letting me know you did so.

You can watch a trailer for Great Gals here and you can check in with the author/illustrator via her website.

Kids & Plans

Nov16

My kids have always had fairly high touch needs and since they’ve been sick recently that been even more clingy/touchy than usual. Their preferred state would be to hang out like this for much of the day:

They of course wiggle and pinch each other’s noses, etc. and do not lie there quietly, but their preferred location is still actually to be ON my body…

This has been kind of exhausting lately as well as almost literally suffocating. I enjoy snuggling with my kids, but they often manage to do it in the least nurturing way possible! I’ve been getting a little stressed thinking about the addition of someone else’s attention needs to the family—this is a good thing though, really. Before, I used to not really be sure I was actually going to have a living baby at the end of this pregnancy, so I didn’t give a huge amount of thought to integrating her into our lives (it was the “if” thing). The pendulum has been shifting for some time from “if” to WHEN, and now that I’ve hit 30 weeks, I feel even more confident every day that someone new will indeed be joining our family in January. Thus, the time for getting realistic and practical and planning ahead for the changes she will bring is NOW…

So, I had a semi-neurotic freak-out this evening about how I will possibly manage to split my attention any further, etc., etc. It was a long, tiring day in general and my mood-odometer was on “depleted.” After some talking with my husband, I regained much of my equilibrium and we made some plans for making some more changes around the house (like his putting the kids to bed more often—things like that). I am still having “can’t say no” issues and spent more time today thinking about/doing something I should have said no to as well as NOT doing things that I “really want to do…” Same old, same old. Do I really need to write another post about it?! 😉 No.

So, back to the “plans” part of my subject today, I’ve collected quite an assortment of certifications in my 5.5 years in birth work and you would think I would not need another (I don’t think I ever even mentioned that I finished my ICEA Prenatal Fitness Educator certification two months ago!). I occasionally toy with the notion of sitting for the IBCLC exam—the criteria keep changing and each year I think that maybe I should do it. But, then I realize that I’m not really interested in professional LC work. I’ll stick to my mother-to-mother support and don’t need to go further. I have also briefly wondered if I’ve heard a “call” to midwifery (it seems like many doulas and CBE’s have “midwife” as the eventual destination in their birthwork path), but then quickly remembered that I have serious “blood” issues and doubt I could actually handle the nitty-gritty of midwifery. So, I’ve concluded that birth educator really is the right place for me. However, I’ve been feeling dissatisfied with over a year with my outlet for this work—something has been missing for me and I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but I think (as I have previously written) it is to go deeper. When I read information about Birthing from Within trainings or re-read the book (6 times so far) or read Pam’s blog, I know somewhere deep in my heart that I am meant for Birthing from Within. And, some day, I am actually going to manage to attend a training. I’ve had it in my heart since I was pregnant with Lann in 2003, but so many things always made more “sense” or were more “convenient,” so I always did those instead. It will probably take another three years or so before I can actually do it, but I’m really going to do it eventually. Just felt like making note of that commitment to myself in a public way!

And, continuing with my sort of rambling, not that on-topic way, Mark got his faceting machine recently and faceted one of the quartz crystals that we collected on our recent trip to AR:

I was pretty impressed! He is really good at saying, “I think I’d like to try that” and then reading about it, getting some equipment and doing it (whatever it is) with pretty pro results 🙂

More About Self-Care

Nov15

I recently shared a little about my desire to step up my self-care/self-nurturing at this point in my life and some time ago I shared a guest post from Renée Trudeau about balanced living and saying no (I need to re-read this!). I greatly enjoy Renée’s free monthly self-care teleclasses based on her book, The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal–-somehow, they always contain exactly what it is I need to hear at that moment. Anyway, I’m pleased to have another guest post to share from Renée today.

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Self-Care: My Best Friend

by Renée Trudeau

Recently, I spoke to a wonderful group of about fifty women in their 30s-50s from the National Charity League about the Power of Self-Care. It’s a really cool group of mothers and daughters who work together to support their communities through various social service projects.

When I asked how many women in the room were familiar with the concept of self-care (read more from my newsletter on this topic), only one woman raised her hand.

As much as I want to believe that this concept—which has been popularized by self-care advocates Jennifer Louden, and Cheryl Richardson in the 80s and 90s—has become mainstream, I was reminded that we still have a long way to go before people believe that it’s not only our birthright to nurture and nourish ourselves, it’s our responsibility to do so.

When I was first introduced to the concept of self-care: taking time to fill my cup first, before helping others, it seemed strange and foreign. Almost like something else to put on my “to do” list. But as I started to slow down and practice more self-acceptance, release a lot of my controlling behavior and perfectionism, begin to really listen to my body and spirit and enjoy spending time with my sweet self, my life began to change radically.

I felt like I had come home. Like this was *really* the way we are supposed to live.

I now realize that being open to and ultimately, embracing self-care was the single biggest thing I have ever done to positively and profoundly change my life.

And the journey keeps shifting and changing. You don’t “get it” and you’re done. It keeps evolving and unfolding. And the more you love and accept yourself, the more in touch with your physical/emotional/spiritual needs you become.

I often have moments in my life when I pause and realize how drastically different my days are now than they were ten years ago (before self-care).

I used to push myself really hard. I used to barrel through to-do lists (I was a master at efficiency and took pride at how much I used to be able to get done—anyone relate?). I was way too focused on “doing” and not very focused on “being.”

The other day, I had a challenging day emotionally and a lot on my plate. Realizing this, I went to a noon yoga class instead of an intense early morning weights class. I made sure I ate foods that made me feel great. I let some things go, so I could take a short rest before my speaking engagement last night. And, since I didn’t have much time to prepare before this event, I allowed myself to deliver a ‘good is good enough” speech, knowing that there wouldn’t be much time to prepare for the talk (which by the way, received rave reviews).

During stressful times—like the current economic crisis our nation is experiencing—it’s more important than ever to take time to nurture ourselves. (Read my latest Career Management Newsletter on tips on navigating your career/life during uncertain times.)

I received two calls from national companies recently to speak to their employees about balance/self-renewal.
I think we’re all starting to get that when our environment and things around us get really crazy, we have nowhere else to go, but within.

Baby steps. I’ve been working on my self-care practice for 9 years. And, I still have a long way to go.

BIO:
Renée Peterson Trudeau is a nationally-recognized life balance expert/coach. Trudeau’s work has been featured in US News and World Report, Working Mother, American Way, Family Circle, Good Housekeeping and numerous business publications and consumer media. Trudeau is the author of the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life. Thousands of women around the U.S./Canada are starting and joining Personal Renewal Groups based on the Guide, as a way to enhance balance and well-being in their lives.  Learn about her next free Live Inside Out teleclass or her upcoming self-renewal retreats at www.ReneeTrudeau.com/calendar.

Book Review: Optimal Birth: What, Why & How

Nov13

Book Review: Optimal Birth: What, Why & How
By Sylvie Donna
Fresh Heart, 2010
ISBN 9781906619138
670 pages, paperback, £24.99
http://www.freshheartpublishing.com

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE, CCCE
https://talkbirth.wordpress.com

Written in an energetic and confident tone, Optimal Birth is written for midwives and other birth care providers and emphasizes undisturbed, natural birth. Throughout the text, a unique “birthframe” format is used to share birth wisdom in women’s own words. Donna is heavily influenced by the work of Michel Odent (he attended several of her births) and references him frequently. The author writes in a very straightforward manner and has extremely strong opinions as to what constitutes “undisturbed birth,” but these opinions are backed up with ample evidence-based information. The exquisite sensitivity of a birthing woman to her environment is of primary importance in the book and caregivers are strongly urged to take an extremely hands-off approach to care.

A lengthy volume, Optimal Birth is difficult to describe adequately in summary form—it contains extensive sections about physiological birth, birth interventions, the emotional impact of women’s experiences, prenatal care, and postpartum care. It also includes a week-by-week guide to pregnancy. There are a large number of black and white pictures and each section of the book contains a series of insightful questions designed to provoke self-discovery about physiological birth and the appropriate care of birthing women.

Readers unaccustomed to the midwives model of care or to the principles of undisturbed, physiological birth may find the book’s emphasis on non-intervention heavy-handed or one-sided. Considering that many manuals for care providers focus extensively on labor and birth “management,” personally I find the non-disturbance approach advised by Optimal Birth to be inspirational and encouraging as well as appropriate. As the author notes, “the processes of birth are so delicate that many things can disturb a laboring woman and consequently make her labor slower and more dangerous.”

An encouraging and informative companion book containing much of the same information but from a consumer perspective titled Preparing for a Healthy Birth is also available.

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Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.