Time Round

I connect to the circle now

and see my life and death

in the child before me–

the glorious whole that spins so fast

it seems not to move

as the sun stands still in the heavens

until we glance again at dusk.

Where did it go and when

did we forget to look?

 

No matter, just turn.

The circle: our map

The heart: our book.

–Karen Engelmann

I copied this poem onto the first page of my journal when my second son was a newborn. I’m not totally sure what the meaning is intended to be, but I take it as a reminder to slow down and remember to look ๐Ÿ™‚ My new baby is already one month old (tomorrow). How is that possible? I still look at her with surprise and amazement almost daily—sort of a, “where did you come from?!” feeling. There is something magic about her.

I have surprised myself by not having much urge to write in the last couple of weeks—usually I am consumed with blog post and article ideas. Something switched this week and the topics are flooding in again, as well as the sense of frustration of not having “enough time” to write them all. It may be because of Mark going back to work and now I feel like I am no longer “off” either and have to get caught back up with real life again. So, I remembered that poem and got it back out again. I also want to remember that my conditions of enoughness for the foreseeable future are:

1. take care of my baby.

2. take care of the boys–including doing some school every day.

3. eat enough food.

3. teach my online class.

That’s it. Write scintillating blog posts is not on the list. Nor is write books, which has suddenly popped back into my consciousness as a “want to do RIGHT NOW!” Nor is laundry really, though it has been haunting me this week. Even birth activism efforts are not really on my list, though there is a lot going on right now that I could/should contribute to. I’ve had a familiar sort of pressure this week to get back to “normal” and to prove to myself that I can handle everything I need to handle (without help).

But look…

This is where my heart is right now.

5 thoughts on “Time Round

  1. I love your phrase “conditions of enoughness”. With a priority list, I can still put laundry or whatever on there, even if it is far down the list, and then feel guilty if it does not get done. But with your phrase, things like that are nowhere to be seen.

    Also, your baby is adorable. I did not realise until my son was born how amazing baby hands are. Your picture captures your little one’s perfectly!

  2. I love this. And if it makes you feel any better, my LO is 3 months old and I’m still in that place – not ready to pick up the pace again just yet!

  3. Everett is 5 months old and I’m just now picking up the pace.

    Just like many people tend to push children to move forward and grow too quickly we will do the same with ourselves if not careful. Stop to smell the roses… and babies are the most beautiful roses in the world!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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