The world unfolding

Jun10

When I watch my children meet the world each day, I realize new meaning in ‘discovery,’ ‘fascination,’ ‘enthusiasm.’ I hear their awe-filled murmurings, and I know there is much I do not see, touch, taste, rub up against…Can I learn to pause in my reaching ahead? Can I become an explorer of this time and place? Play is the ability to throw oneself fully and joyfully into the present moment. When we play we release memory and yearning. We find the moment at hand is sufficient to hold us, and we wallow in it like a sparkling river on a hot summer day. As I play with my children, I am reminded: I cannot choose now or tomorrow. I can only choose to see or not see this world unfolding before my eyes. –Shea Darian, Seven Times the Sun, p. 61 (emphasis mine)

I’m decluttering my bookshelves today and in so doing have been finding things I’d marked and now need to transcribe if I wish to keep/remember them after getting rid of the books I’m culling. I love this reminder above, particularly the part I italicized.

Some recent things that unfolded in our house…

Customizing selves with markers:

Playing in hose while brothers were at dentist appt:

Playing in hammock swing:

Edited to add: this is my 600 blog post here! And, I typed it all on my phone…

The Gift of Giving Life: Interview with Sheridan Ripley

Jun8

This interview with Sheridan Ripley is a stop on the Virtual Book Tour for The Gift of Giving Life.

Q1: Many people liken the writing of a book to giving birth to a baby? Did you find this an apt analogy?

YES! We (the co-authors) brought this up a lot. It was like we were gestating together and ideas were growing and growing. The first trimester I actually felt like I missed as I joined the group at the beginning of the 2^nd year. It was a 3 year process so the trimester analogy works well.

The 2^nd trimester we had plenty of energy and got a lot done and things moved forward quickly. We had that happy, easy 2^nd trimester.

That 3^rd trimester felt SO SLOW!!! It was the editing, book layout, more editing. Details and more details and felt so long. I know I felt so heavy and weighed down by the process. Luckily we had each other for support and we made a great team.

Finally we were pushing the baby out and while there were little hold ups along the way, it was so exciting. The triumph we felt as we finally held our book in our hands was pretty amazing!

Q2: I’m fascinated by the concept of Heavenly Mother and really enjoyed the sections of The Gift of Giving Life that touched on the relationship with Her. Can you explore more about how LDS women might find strength and connection in this image of the Feminine Divine and how she might aid in giving life?

I believe I am a literal child of a Heavenly Father and knowing that he is a partner with a Heavenly Mother and together they are able to love billions of children, helps me to have faith in my ability to love and raise my boys.

Knowing that our bodies are patterned after their bodies also gives me faith that my body can grow and birth babies! We are mortal and there are instances when medical intervention is needed, but the majority of the time birth is safe. Our bodies are created to create!

As we connect with other women in a supportive loving way we can feel connected to Her because we are each created in Her image. Maybe that is why when women gather around women in childbirth we feel so uplifted, powerful and humbled at the same time.

Some women really feel a need for a connection of a mother figure, especially while pregnant. I have an earthly mom who I am very connected to and she was very helpful during my pregnancy, so I didn’t personally have a desire for a connection with a Feminine Divine at that point.

However there are women who may be missing that mother figure in their life and we all have a deep desire for such a connection. Knowing that there is a Heavenly Mother who stands beside Heavenly Father to help guide us and protect us especially during this time of pregnancy and birth is powerful.

Meditating and pondering on the idea of a Heavenly Mother and how that can help us as we give the gift of life and then raise our children is the best way for me to connect to her. I actually just took time to do this as I hadn’t really thought of this question until you asked it.

That is the great thing about our book and having so many contributors is it will speak to different women, because so many view points are included.

Q3: Do you have any specific tips for women wishing to incorporate more spiritual practices into their pregnancies?

We actually have a newsletter that moms can sign up for where they get a free 20 minute meditation MP3 as well as 5 tips to have a more spiritual pregnancy/birth. I think for each mom it may look different. Prayer and meditation are great places to start, as you will often get inspiration on where to go from there. I also love Mother’s Blessings as a way to have the strength of other women buoy up the pregnant mom. She can benefit from feeling their love and spiritual support

Q4: When women in the birth stories say they asked their husband for a blessing or that their husband gave them a blessing, what does that mean?

A blessing is similar to a prayer. All male members of the Church who are prepared receive the priesthood, which is the authority to act in God’s name. One of the ways they can serve others with the priesthood is by giving blessings by the laying on of hands. They can give blessings of healing or for comfort and guidance. In some cases a wife might ask her husband (or other priesthood holder) for a blessing before or during birth.

I know for me in my first birth, it was so comforting because with my first birth my husband gave me a blessing when I was concerned about the Thing 1’s lack of movement. In the blessing he said he would be born when he was ready. When we discovered that he needed to be born by emergency cesarean immediately even though I was only 34 weeks, I had peace knowing that my husband had just blessed me that “he would be born when he was ready.” I knew everything would be OK.

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Thanks for the interesting interview and the review copy of The Gift of Giving Life, Sheridan!

Visit The Gift of Giving Life site to sign up for their newsletter and to receive a free Meditation MP3 as well as tips to help increase spirituality in your pregnancy and birth.

For my readers I have a coupon code for 10% off a copy of The Gift of Giving Life. Click here and after you add the book to your cart use this coupon code. GWFWXR3F This code is good until Father’s Day 2012.

A Jagged Peace

Jun6

The legacy of miscarriage is profound. Recently, for some reason I felt drawn to read a book that I bought when I was pregnant with Alaina, but didn’t want to read while pregnant. Our Stories of Miscarriage was a very good book and I wish I had read it when my miscarriages were in process rather than now, in retrospect. The book is a collection of personal stories, essays, poems, and reflections about miscarriage and stillbirth (mostly miscarriage). Most of the stories are written by women and there are a handful written by fathers. I marked these things that I found meaningful…

I no longer underestimate the bond between a mother and her baby, no matter how tiny, in her womb (p. 19)

While I know this is not everyone’s experience and that people who are pro-choice often balk at this kind of language, this is true of my own experience. (For the record, I consider myself pro-woman and for me that does mean supporting the full spectrum of reproductive rights, but I have always felt a very uncomfortable and almost impossible to reconcile tension between my own, innate sense that a “fetus” IS a real and valuable baby and my own commitment to upholding the rights of each woman to make the best decisions for her own body).

I also appreciated this quote from a woman writing about talking to a friend who also had a miscarriage (and whether it is okay to talk about your own experiences/share your own story):

I can’t really say I know how you feel. I only know how I felt…

I think this is really nice choice of wording to empathize and share, without dominating another woman’s experience with your own narrative or feelings.

In another story, a mother says:

Now I know what it is like to lose a baby, so when I get pregnant again, I don’t need to know the gender, to have a trauma-free birth, to get the exact birthday, or to worry about making sure I’m relaxed. I just want a baby (p. 113).

I identified with this also, having written repeatedly during my pregnancy with Alaina that my main goal was live baby. While I still think it is perfectly reasonable and indeed should be a given that you have the right to BOTH have a “trauma-free birth” AND a baby (which, I did in fact have), my focus during my post-loss pregnancy experience was more definitely on having that living baby. I have written several times about how miscarriage allowed me to be much more able to understand the women who say, “all that matters is a healthy baby” or, “it doesn’t matter how your baby gets here, what matters is that she gets here.” While I will always maintain that both matter, my empathy for those statements did increase.

Yesterday, a friend of mine who had borrowed my doppler returned it to me. Looking at that box I remembered how often I’d used it during my pregnancy for the “life status update” of the day. I had a lot of cognitive dissonance about excessive ultrasound exposure and yet I was compelled to know if she was still alive. Looking at the box, it all seemed so far away. That fear. That uncertainty. That inner struggle. One of the reasons I published my own miscarriage memoir is because I wanted to be able to share how it all felt right then. That rawness of emotion and spirit, not the experience as filtered through time and new babies and healing of heartache.

The stories of other women reaching out across the page and across the years is a beautiful gift to all the women to follow who find themselves joining the same, unwanted “club” of babyloss mamas. I identified with the closing journal entry of Our Stories of Miscarriage reflecting on, “all the women who comforted me with stories…a sorority of sorrow, these women, and now myself among them, moving past the pain to find a jagged peace in comforting another suffering sister.” (Edgren, p. 184, emphasis mine)

My labyrinth of pregnancy drawing–see if you can find the doppler…

Book Review: Sacred Pregnancy

Jun4

Sacred Pregnancy
by Anni Daulter, MSW
Paperback: 360 pages
Publisher: North Atlantic Books; 1 edition (May 1, 2012)
ISBN-13: 978-1583944448

http://www.sacredpregnancy.com/

Reviewed by Molly Remer, Talk Birth

Sacred Pregnancy is absolutely gorgeous! Seriously, it is one of the most appealing books I’ve encountered in a long time. The photography is breathtaking, the layout is lovely, and the colors are beautiful. It is a very visually nourishing book to hold and encounter. A combination week-by-week guide to pregnancy and personal journal, Sacred Pregnancy covers a lot of ground from basic pregnancy information and fetal development to making a special birth necklace. There are sections on exercise, nutrition, blessingways, forgiveness, nesting, sisterhood, naming ceremonies, and much, much more.

Two of my favorite points from the book, the first from Ina May’s foreword:

“In discussions in which the sacred nature of pregnancy and birth is brought up, the answer often presumes that anything that would revalue the sanctity of birth would automatically put babies in danger. Nothing could actually be farther from the truth.”

And the second from the author, Anni Daulter:

“Women are born gifted! They can birth babies for heaven’s sake. This is a magical and joyous event and something that, even though the medical community can tell us how it works, is incredible in so many ways. The fact that you can create a human life, carry it in your body, and birth it into existence is just so unbelievably miraculous that there are hardly words for it” (p. 129).

Sacred Pregnancy would make a delicious, nurturing gift for any pregnant woman wishing to dive deep into the experience of her pregnancy and into conscious birth preparation. Just beautiful!

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Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Strong Women

Jun4

“The vulva is at its most beautiful when transformed by a crowning baby who slides out into her mother’s hands. Women are strong. Women are powerful. Women were made to birth their babies—in their own time, in their own way and with their own innate wisdom. The natural birth community is full of the strongest, most fearless women on the planet—women supporting women.”
–Care Messer (in Midwifery Today, Spring 2012)

My 6-year-old son took this picture of part of one of my textbook’s covers as I was typing this post and I thought it seems oddly suited to it!

Sharing Stories

May29

Mother-to-mother birthtelling is easy at blessingways!

In an excellent article by Rachel Reed in the Autumn 2011 issue of Midwifery Today, Sharing Stories, Reclaiming Birth Knowledge, she makes this important point: “Women not only learn practical information about pregnancy, birth, and motherhood through exchanging stories, but also gain emotional and social support…Through sharing stories, women created a sense of connection to other mothers and to the ‘universal nature of birthing’ …”

Despite the everyday miracle of birth and potent role in women’s lives and self-identity, “women’s birth stories are largely ignored in mainstream childbirth education programs. Instead, the approach consists of an ‘expert’ transmitting standardized information sanctioned by the maternity system. This approach does not adequately meet the needs of mothers, nor reinforce mothers’ expertise and knowledge. Building childbirth education around mother-to-mother story sharing would reinforce mothers as the experts in birth.”

What do you know about birth that other people don’t know?

As I read this article, I thought of several experiences in my own childbearing experiences that varied from “standardized information sanctioned by the maternity system” and that includes the alternative care system of which I was a part. Things that, for me, were not available from those systems around me—books, professionals, or media, but that nevertheless came through and are part of my own stories:

Being able to feel my babies practice breathing in the last 8-10 weeks of my pregnancies.
“Skipping” transition–no “freaking out” required to have a baby after all.
Tearing “up” into the labia/clitoral area instead of the more common or expected perineal tearing
Experiencing a spontaneous birth reflex
No bloody show/mucus/fluid until shortly before pushing
Long “strings” of post-birth mucus. So tough and sinuous that they are almost like membrane.
Experiencing a second trimester miscarriage clearly and potently as a birth event.

I’m curious to know what other women have experienced like this. What happened to you that you had never heard about before? What is a part of your story that isn’t a part of birth books? What do you know about birth that other people don’t know? How does your story enhance the collective culture of women?

The role of story in midwifery education

Reed goes on to explore the role of story in midwifery care and the education of midwives, explaining, “It is time for midwives, informed by being ‘with woman’ and experiencing birth in all its complexities, to reclaim their own unique birth knowledge. Sharing birth stories represents a rich source of knowledge and develops the ‘collective culture of women.’ Mothers are already doing this well, and childbirth education should reinforce this mother-to-mother expertise. Midwifery education also needs to embrace the power of storytelling as a means of developing woman-centered knowledge and practice.”

One of the most valuable elements of La Leche League for breastfeeding mothers is the mother-to-mother support and information sharing. This is irreplaceable. We need a means of providing this type of mother-to-mother support for birth as well. Not in swapping horror stories or “enlightening” others, but in authentic connection based on our own unique birth wisdom.

Birthtellers

In another article in the same issue of Midwifery Today KaRa Ananda shares the following gem in her article about Birthtellers: “…the stories women tell to each other privately–shape cultures, beliefs, choices and lives. Women used to learn about birth and motherhood through the stories of their mothers, sisters, grandmothers, midwives and friends. Today, that knowledge is transmitted primary through television, movies, peers and the internet. Now is the time for the Birthtellers to arise and once again share our inspirational birth stories–both within our communities and globally through new media technology.”

One of the midwife-authors that makes my heart sing with her lyrical, magical writing, is Sister MorningStar (author of Power of Women). She shared her daughter’s birth story in the autumn 2011 edition of Midwifery Today and it is just beautiful.

My own article on the value of sharing story also appeared in the same issue of Midwifery Today.

Z is Six Already!

May29

On Memorial Day weekend six years ago, this is what I looked like:

Polka dot bathing suit…never worn before or since… (date on picture is wrong, really taken the 28)

A couple of hours later, this is what I looked like:

Zander’s first nursing.

I can hardly believe that he is SIX already! I feel like my oldest kid should be six, not my second one! Zander is amazing. He is super funny—perhaps the funniest kid around—he is also brave and spontaneous and silly and witty and kind of wild. He is impulsive and smart, draws great pictures, and comes up with the most off-the-wall comments about life. He has a fabulous imagination that is always working overtime. He has a flair for the dramatic and a tendency towards the gruesome and macabre. He is a great brother—he is the most generous of my kids and is always looking out for his brother.

Zander’s birth story.

Couple of pictures to share of current Zander!

Drawing is one of his favorite activities!

Attitude!

Big enough to drive a go-kart himself!

I love this series of photos that sums up his feisty, imaginative spirit!

What’s this?!

Mysterious stranger in my living room…

A different look with wild hair now…

Oh! It’s really Zander! My Zander!

And birthday party fun!

Carefully constructed Star Wars cake for his birthday party–homemade orange frosting colored with natural dye, first-ever try at making layers, and ample toys to make up for many failings!

For Zander’s birthday party on Monday we dressed in our matching Creeper t-shirts (Minecraft)!

Yep, we’re a little geeky. Creeper shirts from thinkgeek.com

Strong Mothers (& Birth Network Resources)

May26

“Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers – strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.” –Barbara Katz Rothman

This classic quote from Barbara Katz Rothman sums up the potent impact of the birth experience on women’s lives and it seemed like perfect quote to kick off the website of the Rolla Birth Network that I founded with my birth advocate friends and colleagues. We believe that strong, healthy babies, vibrant families and resourceful communities begin with strong mothers. We chose Strong Mothers, Strong Babies, and Strong Community as our tagline because we believe that when women dig deep into their inner strength, everything else follows. We also chose this as our tagline because it reflects the conviction that women have already got it. They have the inner wisdom and the strength they need. While outside professionals and resources can be tremendously helpful, she’s already got what it takes within her, we may just be a part of helping her to access the strength she already possesses.

We agree with doula and birth educator Heather McCue who said: “The whole point of woman-centered birth is the knowledge that a woman is the birth power source. She may need, and deserve, help, but in essence, she always had, currently has, and will have the power.”

On a related note, Holly Kennedy raises this question in her guest editorial in the spring 2011 issue of The Journal of Perinatal Education:

What “matters” in birth is complex, extremely hard to quantify, and will vary from one person to the next…I found myself contemplating what matted most in my ability to support women in birth so they could emerge from the process as strong, healthy mothers. I believe we have collectively lost our way over time about this outcome—the strong mother. The mother’s experience of childbearing, which will affect her forever, can directly influence her future as a mother. How do we address this as a discipline?“

Yes, the strong mother. This is what is about. The strong mother who feels capable and competent in the mothering of her newborn and of her infant as it grows.

Another favorite quote about the strength of women:

“Women are strong, strong, terribly strong. We don’t know how strong until we are pushing out our babies. We are too often treated like babies having babies when we should be in training, like acolytes, novices to high priestesshood, like serious applicants for the space program.”

–Louise Erdrich, The Blue Jay’s Dance

It is also important to note that we believe that strength is found in all kinds of birth experiences from the triumphantly empowered to the extraordinarily taxing and even traumatic. (Previous post about Birth Strength and the quote above.)

So, speaking of birth networks. One of the things that I’ve been excited about working on now that I am not actively teaching birth classes is on projects for our local Birth Network. I’ve wanted to do something like this for ages, feeling excited about the potential and momentum created by bringing multiple people together to collaborate on projects that make a difference in our community. We have some great ideas planned and I feel rejuvenated and enthusiastic after every meeting.

Here are some resources on forming a birth network in your own community:

Tools, Tips and Resources for Birth Networks

Birth Network National Resources

Programs from Athens Birth Circle

Some time ago a follower of this page, Nora from Happy Within, posted to let me know that she hosts a virtual birth circle for mothers. She describes it thusly: “the birthcircle is a virtual community which is a sacred women´s circle about conscious pregnancy and birth and its free. You can get details here: http://happywithin.wordpress.com/your-birthcircle/.” You can also keep up with her work on Facebook.

DVD Review: Expecting More

May25

DVD Review: Expecting More
Prenatal exercise program
Two disc set, 230 minutes
$39.95
Daily Sweat, 2011

http://sarahaley.com/about/expecting-more/

Reviewed by Molly Remer, Talk Birth

Fun, energetic, and challenging, Expecting More is a prenatal exercise program developed and hosted by prenatal fitness expert, Sara Haley. Developed and filmed during her own pregnancy, Sara created Expecting More out of her desire to offer a prenatal fitness experience that is vigorous and more fast-paced than the routines typically offered by prenatal exercise videos. Offering lots of encouragement to stay “sexy and strong” during pregnancy, the DVD set of two discs includes six different workouts:

Synergy: Create SYNERGY within your body by alternating between Sara’s signature cardio and strength exercises.

Sweat Sport: Discover your inner athlete as you execute sports drills in a cardio session with modifications for all stages of pregnancy.

Sweat Funk: Embrace your sexy pregnant body as you get your FUNK on with hot dance cardio moves.Sweat Strong Down: Sculpt your body DOWN on the floor in a safe and effective way that supports your core and your baby.

Sweat Strong Up: Stand UP and sculpt your body in all the right places to keep you sexy and strong during your pregnancy.

Salutations: Designed to sooth and calm, you’ll breath, stretch, and move with this expression of good will to your baby and your body, your SALUTATION.

The Salutations portion is clearly inspired by both dance and yoga and is based on standing exercises that are less vigorous than the other workouts on the discs, but still very lively and movement oriented. Expecting More is led by a cute, contemporary fitness trainer with a pleasant voice. During some of the workouts, two additional women perform modified versions of the exercises in the background so that it is easy for women with different needs to follow along. I appreciated that the DVD contains lots of reminders about the importance of listening to your body. Expecting More presents exercise as a fun and engaged time to be close to your baby and to pay attention to your body and I feel like this approach contributes to a healthy, active attitude towards giving birth as well.

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Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this DVD for review purposes.

I am a Midwife Campaign

May22

MANA has a great educational campaign going on right now called I am a Midwife. The campaign involves a series of short videos released once a week about a variety of topics. More than just a general education campaign, each video includes a variety of different women–midwives, mothers, public health activists, maternity care activists, authors—speaking out on important topics in maternity care. Each woman also identifies, “I am a Midwife.” This week’s video is about health disparities in maternity care, which is a very important and too-often ignored topic. It raises the concern that African American women and their babies are more likely to die than their Caucasian counterparts even when other variables are equalized (i.e. same socioeconomic status, same education, etc.) and moves into wider discussions about racism and the treatment of minority group members. It then focuses on the value and role of midwifery care in addressing these concerns.

As MANA states in relationship to this campaign: “For midwives, sharing is daring. We dare to challenge the status quo. We dare to speak up for women’s innate wisdom in pregnancy and birth. We dare to assert that there is a better way for our babies to be born. And we dare to insist that birth belongs to families.”

Absolutely! The I am a Midwife public education campaign is extremely powerful. I have to confess that when it originally launched, I didn’t personally make time to watch the videos right away, somehow assuming that they were “generic” videos with a “rah, midwives!” type of message. Don’t make the same mistake I did. These are quality videos with important messages, powerful voices, and essential education and information. You will definitely learn something from watching them!

The videos aren’t only of use to birth professionals, when I teach community organizing at the college level I show videos like this as examples of activism strategies. In fact, for the final exam in that course I show the Crisis in the Crib video about infant mortality and disparities from the Office of Minority Health’s A Healthy Baby Begins With You campaign. This MANA video could be an interesting follow-up addition to the video I already use. As a related side note, during this class I also show footage from The Doula Story, a project by the Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Teen Pregnancy Prevention (whose program director I heard speak at the CAPPA conference in NC in 2010—she was amazing!). So, people do not leave my class without having heard of doulas and midwives and their relationship to community health. Go me and my mad birth activist skills! ;-D