Adventures in Birth Art…

Celebrating pregnancy mandala

This has been my most art-full pregnancy and that has been so much fun! I’ve made polymer clay birth goddess sculptures galore, some womby finger labyrinths, drawn a number of black and white mandalas (see example to right!), made a specially decorated birth altar, and also made a belly cast. Each one of these projects has been meaningful to me in a special way. At my blessingway/mother blessing ceremony this past weekend, I was touched to be gifted with many birth art projects made for me by my friends. Really wonderful (more on this later, I promise!).

A little while ago, I wanted to incorporate the labyrinth metaphor into one of my sculptures, but was unable to make a tiny enough labyrinth to stick on her belly the way I envisioned, so she ended up with a double-spiral instead:

Spiral belly figure sitting on spiral birth symbol aromatherapy pillow gifted to me by my friend at my blessingway ceremony.

My current “issue” that I decided to work on through art is with pushing the baby out. I have never found pushing an enjoyable part of labor and the feeling of the baby’s head crowning to me is intense and scary and has—in the past—resulted in injury to my body that takes a long and challenging time to recover from. This is not a part of my birthing time that I am looking forward to. During my birth with Noah, since he was so small (15 weeks) there was no physical harm resulting from pushing him out, but there was the new association formed with having to “let go” of my baby this time in a very emotionally painful way.

So, I’ve been doing some mental work with myself about pushing, as well has having listened to my Hypnobabies CD about pushing the baby out. This baby is doing a very extreme cervical pressure thing every night and when I experience that, I consciously relax and release rather than hold tension in my pelvic floor. I’ve also been doing a birth visualization in which I envision the baby gently gliding out 🙂 So, I decided it was time for some Crowning Mother birth art. I made two sculptures, intending one as a doula gift and one for myself. I loved them while they were uncooked, but alas, I tried a new method—I mixed the polymer clay pigment with glaze and then I boiled them. Now, boiling has worked well previously, but I’d never done it with glaze before. They came out looking like they had peeling skin and were all mottled and discolored looking and very ruined to my eyes. I ended up deciding the one with gold pigment was still okay as she was (she has a peeling place on her back, etc. and you can see in the picture how her pigmentation is messed up/uneven):

First attempt at a Crowning Mama...

The second one was so discolored and bad looking, that I used acrylic paint to paint her pink:

Pink mama

She looks all right, but I still remember how she was supposed to look! (hmm. Do I sense a message here about how I might feel about my own unrepaired past tears? I remember how I’m supposed to look…)

I know they look like they’re sitting on their babies’ heads, but that was the best way I could do it to make them be able to be stable and freestanding.

I also made a three generations sculpture that was supposed to be a gift for my mom, but again had with the bad glaze/pigment issue. I ended up painting it green and don’t know if I will end up giving it to her or not (she saw it by mistake, because I had it sitting on the counter still when she came over):

Triple figure

Here all of them all together with my belly cast as backdrop 🙂

While I was at the painting, I also painted a mother-baby figure that my friend Summer made for me as a blessingway gift (don’t I have nice friends?! This was one of her first attempts at creating birth art and I was touched that she gave it to me! She left it white, saying that I could paint it if I wanted to. So, I painted it sparkly purple :))

I decided to redeem myself artistically by making a new Crowning Mama figure the following day. This one I applied pigment to in my usual way and decided to bake. Interestingly, I accidentally set the oven for 350 degrees, rather than the normal setting for polymer clay! Yikes! When I got her out, the tips of her hands were smoking! (I’m reaching now, but perhaps some kind of subtle “ring of fire” issue being manifested here…;))And, the pigment turned from purple to blue in some places, which actually isn’t a bad effect, but is also not normal! And, I am critical of the shape of her arms—too fat, long, and no graceful taper like some of my others.

Now, I have to decide whether I’m going for round three or not! (Perhaps there is a lesson to be found here in that birth isn’t supposed to be perfect and neither is birth art.) I feel like accomplished my original goal, which was to make a positive crowning/pushing image for myself—I thought all kinds of helpful, “open” thoughts while creating this last one especially and imagined welcoming the feeling of the baby’s head, rather than feeling fearful of it! So, she reminds me of that feeling. And, maybe she—and thus, myself–are actually good enough after all.

Finishing Up!

Jan5

I have had a crabby and annoying day for much of the day, which is not the frame of mind I envisioned being in when writing this post! I originally set out to write about what a nice time I’ve been having the last couple of days, sooooo….going to just write and perhaps I’ll recapture some of the peace and sense of harmony that was prompting me to write in the first place!

On Sunday, I had a very delightful time spontaneously working on the birth altar I planned to make. When I say spontaneous, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t know I was going to do it—I knew I was, someday—just that I suddenly started working on it and basically didn’t quit until I was finished and it came together in a perfect way for me. I felt so good and content after making it. Inspired by that experience, I then wrote down a list of my fears about the birth (this was also on my to-do-before-actual-birthing-day list) and then did a Hypnobabies “fear release” session after that. And, then I burned them all up in the kitchen sink. More good feelings!

Also on Sunday, while the kids were at my parents’ house, I worked in the bedroom getting all of the baby’s clothes sorted and into the right boxes as well as assembling my special tub of birth supplies so that everything is easily available in one place and no one has to ask me for anything—I even put a box of raspberry leaf tea in, which could also easily just stay in the cupboard where it usually lives, but it is right there with everything else now. While I was doing this, Mark worked on sorting out his own clothes and decluttering the closet. We also decluttered some of the “hot spots” on our kitchen counters that attract random piles of nothing important. So, more good feelings about that!

The next morning, I woke up before the kids and did the Hypnobabies “visualize your perfect birth” exercise (not a CD, my imagination). It suggested spending about 5 minutes and I spent almost 20 minutes—since I am having some strange “death” fears about this birth, I went ahead and carried the visualization through to my being 89 and then to the baby being 89 ;-D Maybe this was excessive, but I felt good about it—ending the visualization with just the initial “hi, baby!” moment didn’t feel like enough to me! So, then I felt really positive and complete about that 🙂 I also finished my birth altar that morning—I put a glaze over the images, took pictures, etc. I also listened to the pregnancy and birth affirmations from Hypnobabies while I did some of my other work. Later, we went on a nature exploration walk in the woods to enjoy the nice weather and when we came back, I read some of my kids’ homebirth books to them—Welcome with Love, Runa’s Birth, and We’re Having a Homebirth. They are excited and want to be there when the baby is born, but I’m strongly leaning toward only having them present if they happen to wake up. I don’t know that I want them woken up if they’re not ready (I realized this for sure after Z mentioned how he is going to be “screaming” when the baby is born. Um. No, thanks on that).

Then, on Tuesday, I had some more belly pictures taken. It is fun to be “special” and get my pictures taken 🙂 I love all of the ones I’ve seen so far from this shoot, but these two are really good!

Today, I had my first prenatal appointment with my midwife at our own house. I’ve spent the entire pregnancy not being able to picture her in our home and so, now, I can—because she’s actually been here. I hadn’t really realized before that she hasn’t really ever met Mark or my mom, other than very short introductions about 6 years ago! She seems to think I will have the baby early—baby’s head is very low (which I can feel, for sure!) and she said my amniotic fluid has decreased. She also thinks baby is on the small side, but I think I will fool people once again. I only measure 33 weeks, which is kind of funny, because I wonder what I would look like measuring 40 weeks—I guess pretty extreme! I have been having a lot of pre-birthing waves (trying out my Hypnobabies words!). I always do, but they’ve definitely increased in frequency to about every 15-20 minutes throughout the day. I also reminded her that I don’t expect to call her until near the end, because what I want from her is immediate postpartum help—I like being almost alone during my birthing time (more Hypnobabies words. I like this one especially—it isn’t “labor” it is my “birthing time.” :))

After the midwife left, my mom stayed and we went through my box of birth supplies so she knows what is where. I also made sure she knows how to use my camera because she is on picture-duty. I also showed Mark and my mom the things I learned about neonatal resuscitation at the training I attended last month and we practiced with my resuscitation bag so that we all know how to do “positive pressure ventilation” and chest compressions on a newborn now. I know this might seem kind of over the top, but I find it very empowering to know how to do these things now—they always seemed “mysterious” and specialized before—and it doesn’t make me feel like I’m planning for a “worst case,” but that I’ve completely resolved any fear I had about things I wouldn’t know how to do for my own baby if I was giving birth alone! We’ve been talking about needing to do this since the end of Dec., so it felt very good to get everything all squared away in this manner.

Really the only things left I’d like to get done now before she is born are the belly cast and my blessingway and to crochet one more hat for her! (Of course, I have non-birth/non-baby things in abundance that I’d also like to get done—double checking the exam questions for my online class, finalizing the FoMM newsletter, submitting two articles, finalizing some the blog posts in my drafts folder, etc., etc., etc. , <sob>), but right now my mind is on the specifically getting-ready-for-baby to-dos and I’ve done ’em! Go, me!

Birth Altar

Jan5

Inspired by the birth altars by artist Amy Swagman of The Mandala Journey, I decided I wanted to make a special birth altar for this upcoming birth. My mom bought me a small, unfinished curio cabinet/shadow box from Hobby Lobby to use for this purpose (thanks, Mom!). The first thing I did was to paint it “placenta red” using a blend of red and purple paints to get the shade I wanted. This is my favorite “power” color:

Door open (door is glass, but it doesn't show up in the pictures and looks like an empty frame).

I had a variety of postcards, tags, and inspirational words saved and some of them posted on the wall by my computer. I decided it was time to do something with all these accumulated goodies. I made a reversible, removable card to insert into the front door of the box. For the front panel, I used a card that I bought from Birthing from Within with the “kiva woman” painting that I really love and connect with. I didn’t like cutting it up, but it was worth it! Around the edges I picked words from the tag that came with a shirt I purchased from WYSH (though the quotes are intended to be about the parenting journey, they are amazingly apropos for birth—which, of course, is part of the parenting journey too). I also used some of the tear off pages from a little “happy thoughts” sort of page-a-day calendar that I had a couple of years ago from the $1 Shop (again, totally appropriate for birth, even though it wasn’t the original purpose). Finally, my paper-hoarding tendencies have come in handy, because these little words of wisdom were perfect! Part of me felt like I “shouldn’t” have so many words as part of my birth altar—birth brain doesn’t really “speak” in words, but words are my thing and my “medium,” so to speak, so I followed my intuition and I loved how it turned out. It is perfect 🙂

First side of reversible card

I am less happy with the second side—I was going for less wordy on it and maybe I should have worded it up too! The upper left hand corner is a linoleum block print carved by my husband 🙂

Second side of reversible card

Front of the altar with card inside:

Inside of door with card inside:

For the back, I had a small collection of items that are round and so I thought they seemed to go together. In the center, I attached the womb labyrinth I made a couple of weeks ago. In the upper right hand corner is one of the black and white drawings that I’ve been doing that my mom modified and cut into a linoleum block print as well. The lower left hand corner is a postcard version of a womb labyrinth that I drew in 2007.

Then, I filled it up with some things that hold meaning to me that usually are around my house in various places including two of my polymer clay birth goddess sculptures. I included two little LED tea lights, which look really cool in there in real life, but are less cool in the pictures. I also put in a little plastic baby, which might be kind of weird—I can’t decide…

Remember the reversible card? Now the front is also the inside panel! 🙂

With card removed and door closed.

Opened all the way with front and back both visible.

This was officially the most fun and rewarding birth project I’ve worked on 🙂

Seated Mountain Pose

Dec11

I have a special affinity for pregnant seated mountain pose images. My logo and the polymer birth goddess sculptures I make are both in that yoga pose. So, during my recent maternity photo session, I wanted to include seated mountain pose as one of the pictures 🙂

Speaking of yoga poses, one of my favorite pictures from the session is of my friend/doula/colleague and I in a Two Moons partner yoga pose. Our alignment isn’t the best of the best (primarily because we had to both fit in the picture!)

Pictures & Doulas

Dec10

I am buzzing with topics to write about, but this week is finals week and I have been really busy with grading papers, tests, and dealing with last minute student issues and requests and blogging keeps slipping down in my possible options for the day. I also have two more giveaways to set up! So, I thought I would share some more pictures from my recent photo session. You may also notice that I have a fabulous new header for my website 🙂

And, here is the one I chose to use on my Talk Birth Facebook page:

I’m pleased as can be with them 🙂

Today I had a visit with my doula for this birth. I am completely confident in my birthgiving abilities and prefer to be nearly alone while birthing my babies (husband only), but I do also feel a deep need for immediate postpartum support. I am very capable at birthing my babies, but afterwards I am wiped out. Indescribably so, really. I’ve toyed with thinking that maybe this is an issue I can “get over” and I could take a mind over matter approach to dealing with, or, is planning for the wipe out I’ve experienced three times before just good, practical, realistic sense? So, my plan with her is for just that—for her to arrive shortly after I’ve had the baby and to quietly walk around in the background washing the bloody towels. This sounds like a good plan to me 🙂 I also have “blood” issues that I’ve touched on before and so I made a “don’t look down” plan for post-birth trips to the bathroom. With each baby, when I go to use the bathroom, I look down to wipe/clean up and then become woozy/light-headed/ringing in my ears/can’t see any more and start to “go under” (though I’ve never actually fainted in my life). But, then when I get back to my “nest,” I feel okay again. (Same thing happens if I get my blood drawn or get an IV, so it doesn’t seem to literally be related to blood loss, but to a mental issue with seeing blood.) So, this time I’m going to make a plan not to look down! It felt really, really nice to have someone paying exclusive attention to me, my baby, and my birth plans—the focused, concentrated time that is hard to find space for in the midst of other kids and responsibilities.

Tomorrow I am going to a mother blessing ceremony for a friend. I’m looking forward to it—they are always special!

Pregnancy Pictures

Dec5

During my first pregnancy, my mom took some pictures of me at 37 weeks pregnant:

37w5d, first baby

I like having them and she did a nice job with what we had to work with, but I knew I wanted to do more with my subsequent pregnancies. When I was pregnant with my second, we had a photo session with a local photographer and she took some nice pictures that I’m glad to have:

37weeks, baby #2

She also took the picture I use as my website header, on my FB page, and on my business cards.

During this pregnancy, a friend conveniently and coincidentally decided to open a photography business and she is branching out into pregnancy/maternity pictures. Yesterday, I had a photo shoot with her and I’m happiest with these pictures by far 🙂 She is still working on getting them ready, but here are two that I really like so far:

By K Orozco, Portraits & Paws Photography

33 weeks with Baby Girl

We debated about whether I would be “big” enough at 33 weeks to take pictures then and I think the answer is “yes, I am” ;-D

Make sure to check out Karen’s Facebook page for her business and if you’re local, set up your own appointment!

Pregnant Friends

Dec4

Yesterday, I went with my mom and two friends to visit another friend who welcomed her second baby boy into the world in late October. None of us had been to see her since her Mother Blessing ceremony and it was very good to see her baby, to catch up, and to listen to her story. We also brought some food, even though it probably would have been more useful in Nov. rather than Dec.! (Who am I kidding though, don’t all mothers of small children still need postpartum doula and meal assistance even if they’re three YEARS postpartum rather than 6 weeks?! Speaking of which, make sure to read my friend Summer’s recent post on the value of postpartum support.) Anyway, my two friends are pregnant also and so we couldn’t resist the opportunity for some group belly pictures 🙂 My friend S on the left is due in April and then my friend L on the right is due 2 weeks before me (and I’m 33 weeks today!)

Then, of course we had to lift up the shirts for a real belly view 🙂

And, then we bumped bumps 🙂

Speaking of pictures, today I had an official maternity photo shoot with another friend. She took TONS of pictures and I’m really excited to see the finished results! We have family pix, couple pictures, and then me alone as well. It took several hours and we didn’t even take all the pictures we planned for. So, stay tuned for those pictures—they should keep me in posts for quite some time to come!

More Birth Art!

Nov22

On Saturday, I became inspired to create some new birth art and worked on it rather than the other work that was on my list.

I wanted to make a “womb labyrinth” finger labyrinth and after some experimentation and a LOT of time, I made this one, using a drawing I previously created as my model:

This was my original drawing from 2007 on which I based the clay design:

Since I had the polymer clay out, I couldn’t resist making another one of my birth goddess sculptures. This one I colored using gold pigment and she looks very royal. I feel like making these sculptures has helped me integrate “pregnant woman” back into my identity and I really like this one in particular:

And, here is a picture of the two together—a nice day’s work if I do say so myself 🙂 And, more consistent with my “savoring” and self-care goals than some of the other things that I had on my list for the day (but hey, write two book reviews was on there and I did that too!)

On Sunday, my inspiration continued and I made another womb labyrinth that I like better than the first one:

I also experimented and made a different type that turned out pretty neat too:

Happy Halloween!

Oct30

Today, I officially enter the third trimester. Yay for us! It feels good to leave the second trimester behind, since that was the last milestone I had reached when pregnant with Noah.

We had a playgroup Halloween party on Thursday and I went as Scully from the X-Files (people seemed disappointed that I didn’t have a pumpkin belly to show, but I was going for “minimal effort,” rather than cuteness 🙂

Luckily, my fabulous photographer friend took a cute belly picture of me at the party anyway:

And, today, I shamelessly ripped off my friend Emilia’s idea and had Mark take a pumpkin belly picture of me. This is the first year I’ve been this pregnant on Halloween—I’ve been pregnant on Halloween twice before, but due in May both of those times, not in January.