Book Review: Survivor Moms

Book Review: Survivor Moms: Women’s Stories of Birthing, Mothering and Healing after Sexual Abuse

By Mickey Sperlich & Julia Seng
Motherbaby Press, 2008
ISBN 978-1-89-044641-3
245 pages, softcover
http://www.midwiferytoday.com

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, CCCE

Past sexual abuse is an unfortunately common experience for women. Anyone who works with women of childbearing age should be mindful and informed of the effects of an abuse history on the woman’s experience of pregnancy, birthing, and mothering. Indeed, I consider this awareness to be a fundamental professional responsibility. Enter Survivor Moms, published by Motherbaby Press. This book is an incredibly in-depth look at the experiences and need of survivors of sexual abuse during the childbearing year.

One of the best and most unique features of the book is the “tab” format used for much of the clinical, research-based, or fact-based content in the book. Rather than lengthy chapters reviewing research and analyzing the phenomenon, textboxes containing quick facts and reference material are printed in the margins of many of the pages. The bulk of the narrative information in the main body of the text is then in the voices of mothers themselves, interspersed with commentary by the authors linking concepts, explaining ideas, and clarifying essentials. This is a powerful format that makes information readily and quickly available for reference as well as making the overall book very readable and approachable.

As someone with no personal abuse history who is currently pregnant, I did find the book to be a very emotionally difficult, intense, and almost overwhelming read at times. This is not a criticism in any way—sexual abuse is not a light or cheerful topic and it can be one that many people prefer to avoid. This is all the more reason for birth professionals to make a specific effort to be educated and informed.

Written both for mothers themselves and for the professionals who work with them, Survivor Moms is an essential part of any birth professional’s library. As noted in the book’s introduction, “We need to understand the impact of childhood abuse on birthing and mothering deeply, from hearing women’s stories. We also need to understand it broadly—from looking at the impact on samples and populations, on the body and on the culture.” Survivor Moms offers an accessible way of hearing those critically important stories and developing the necessary understanding to care compassionately for birthing women.

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Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Book Review: Understanding Pregnancy and Childbirth: Your Complete Guide

Sep6

Book Review: Understanding Pregnancy and Childbirth: Your Complete Guide

By Linda Ayertey, CCCE
Resolve Medical Services, 2008
ISBN 978-9988-1-2163-1
152 pages, softcover

http://www.resolvegh.com

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, CCCE

Written in simple, straightforward language, Understanding Pregnancy and Childbirth is a basic guide intended primarily for first-time mothers. It would be appropriate for clients with low literacy levels. With sections covering each trimester of pregnancy, physical changes, labor, comfort measures, and postpartum, the book is a handy, portable size that makes it easy for reference.

Published in Ghana by a midwife working in a small maternity hospital that she founded with her husband (an OB), the book contains some country-specific phrases and suggestions that may be mildly confusing to readers based in the U.S. I noted a higher than average number of minor errors in the text as well as some incorrect information (such as calling all morning sickness “hyperemesis gravidarum” and the advice to shave your pubic hair regularly because otherwise it, “may cause you to have an unpleasant odour”).

Overall, the information provided by Understanding Pregnancy and Childbirth is very basic as well as conventional. There is a nice illustrated section of positions for labor. However, the only “delivery” position described is the standard semi-sitting position and episiotomies are discussed without criticism (as are other interventions like IVs). The illustrations in the book (aside from cover image) are all of women, couples, and babies of color, which is a welcome change from many similar books on the market.

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Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Book Review: Birthing a Mother: The Surrogate Body and the Pregnant Self

Sep2

Book Review: Birthing a Mother: The Surrogate Body and the Pregnant Self

By Elly Teman
University of California Press, 2010
ISBN 978-0-520-25964-5
362 pages, softcover, $21.95

http://www.ucpress.edu

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, CCCE

A scholarly work of passion and depth, Birthing a Mother is an in-depth look at the experience and feelings of Jewish surrogates and intended mothers in Israel. The book explores both perspectives—the unique experience of being a gestational surrogate and that of the intended mother. (The term “surrogate mother” is not considered a desirable one and this is clearly explained in the text, the surrogate is not the mother of the baby and this is reinforced over and over again by both surrogate and intended mother.)

Divided into four broad sections chronicling the surrogate journey, a special focus of Birthing a Mother is the intensive strategies employed by surrogates to dis-identify from the pregnant identity (the pregnant body) and focus the attention and bonding experiences on the intended mothers. Surrogates and intended parents both were very careful to identify the surrogate’s role as “container” for the baby, not as a maternal role. No surrogates in Israel use their own eggs and this was significantly emphasized—i.e. “maybe if it was my own egg, I would feel differently, but I know that this is not my baby.” I was very interested to read that this process actually leads some surrogates to choose elective cesareans (after having normal, vaginal births for their own biological children), feeling that to give birth to the baby vaginally might remove some of the containing elements and connect them physically to the baby in an undesirable way.

As the title would suggest, I was touched by the book’s passionate emphasis on the process of birthing a mother. The surrogacy experience was most often defined as this process—as giving birth to new parents by carrying their child and surrogacy is often seen as a profound gift (by both sets of people involved). And, indeed, most often the surrogates noted feelings of grief and dismay at having to give up the relationship with the intended mother following the birth, rather than “giving up” the baby. With the “container” identity firmly in place, most surrogates did not view the experience as a “relinquishment” of the baby at all, but as placing it into the arms of its rightful parents. As one intended mother stated, “You are not just giving birth to children; you are giving birth to new mothers and to new and happy families.”

A work of medical anthropology and women’s studies, rather than a book designed for birthworkers, Birthing a Mother has an academic feel and occasionally reads like a dissertation, but for the most part this style does not become overly cumbersome. The tight focus on the experiences of women in Israel made me wonder how stories and feelings would change cross-culturally. As someone who is admittedly not very informed about domestic surrogacy arrangements, I remain unclear how applicable the book’s observations and conclusions are to the U.S. population.

While not specifically directed at birthworkers, nor at surrogates or intended mothers, Birthing a Mother is a worthwhile read for anyone interested in exploring the intricacies and unique challenges of the surrogate experience.

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Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Ecstatic Birth

Aug12

The beautifully organized hormonal symphony of labor was mentioned by several speakers at the CAPPA conference in North Carolina.

Here are two lovely quotes from Sarah Buckley about ecstatic birth and the role of birthing hormones:

“Giving birth in ecstasy: This is our birthright and our body’s intent. Mother Nature, in her wisdom, prescribes birthing hormones that take us outside (ec) our usual state (stasis), so that we can be transformed on every level as we enter motherhood.” –Sarah Buckley

“This exquisite hormonal orchestration unfolds optimally when birth is undisturbed, enhancing safety for both mother and baby. Science is also increasingly discovering what we realise as mothers – that our way of birth affects us life-long, both mother and baby, and that an ecstatic birth —
a birth that takes us beyond our self — is the gift of a life-time.” –Sarah Buckle

While I definitely do not feel like “orgasmic” is an accurate descriptor of my own birth experiences, I really like the term “ecstatic birth.” According to Sarah’s descriptions/definitions of ecstatic birth, I feel like I’ve had three ecstatic births (including a second-tri miscarriage-birth—the hormonal “symphony” was the same as with full-term labor and my sense of exhilaration and accomplishment and almost “pride” was the same as with my other babies, except then I also had the accompanying overwhelming grief at not having a living baby to exalt over).

When I think about the term “ecstatic birth” and recall my own feelings and experiences, I think I’m thinking of the immediate post-birth ecstasy/euphoria I experienced and still remember so profoundly. The I DID IT moments. And too, the other-plane-of-existence feelings/consciousness of being in labor and working in harmony with my body. The Laborland stuff—which is that indescribable, surrendered, sort of “hypnotized” state of truly embodied experience.

Self-Renewal Tips for Mothers

Aug11

Based on responses to the now-closed giveaway I hosted for the book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal, here are some great self-renewal tips from readers:

My favorite self-renewal tip is to get some sea salt (fine ground), safflower oil and your favorite essential oil (I use lavender) and make some homeade salt scrub (you could use sugar of course). I take it in the bathroom and give myself a foot massage with it. Ahhhh. It might not be life changing, but it sure rejuvenates.
Okay, here’s my tip – it’s hard, but oh so worth it – COLD shower. Nicest way: warm up the bathroom, and massage yourself all over with almond oil (can scent with a few drops of essential oil of your choice), then when you are read, step in and out of the cold water about three times til it doesn’t feel cold anymore – it will knock the breath out of you and leave you feeling amazing, awake and re-energized.

If you can’t quite manage the whole thing, doing your face, hands and feet isn’t bad either.

Don’t do it in pregnancy or in the first three days of your period.
I sleep in! When I can, that is! When I can’t I bake. Baking is therapeutic to me, and it’s an “unnecessary” bit of cooking that smells divine and is often something sweet.
Reading a good book is a great way I love to self-renew.
I knit and have been using lavender to help me sleep when I get pregnancy insomnia at 3 in the morning.
I love a hot bath (BY MYSELF). I don’t get to do it often as my boys love bathing with mummy. But a good soak and dimmed lights often leave me feeling new again. Especially if you have special bubble bath or salts that only get used by you.
My favorite tip for self-renewal is making time for yoga. Yoga is a tremendous physical and spiritual practice for me, and when nothing else is right, it usually is.
Self-renewel tip: I love music. Pop in my favorite cd. Turn it up and dance and sing until everything else fades away
I drive around aimlessly in my car and listen to my music as loud as I can! This dissipates my moodiness in just minutes. Another favorite renewal activity is hiking by myself as often as I can.
Tip: I love to take time out for coffee with friends or a birth movie night with my doula sisters!
My favorite tip is getting a pedicure and reading a magazine. It makes me feel better.
Yoga, baths, and footbaths are my favorite recharges. Thanks!
My favorite way to recharge is to take foot bath. Boil some hot water, find a nice quiet location, put on some soft music, or just listen to the birds outside your window. Pick some fresh herbs, (or use essential oils) like lavender, lemon, mint, cinnamon and just put your feet in and relax. If you have some river rocks you can put those in the bottom of your pan and roll your feet over them, and you get a massage and a foot bath!
I love to renew by reading a good book and holding my son…who is 4

Childbirth Education Curriculum Preparation Resources

Aug10

Recently, I received a question from a new childbirth educator seeking resources for developing her class curriculum. I emailed her back with a couple of ideas and thought I would also share them here. Here are several of the most useful tools I’ve discovered for birth class curriculum development:

Prepared Childbirth, The Family Way: Educator’s Guide (from www.thefamilyway.com)
The teaching manuals sold (very affordably) by ICEA are EXTREMELY useful: Family-Centered Education: The Process of Teaching Birth is one of my favorites as is Teaching Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting. If you can get the ICEA Educator’s Guide, it is quite useful too (they used to sell it for around $7, but I don’t see it on their site right now).
Empowering Women: Teaching Active Birth, by Andrea Robertson is a class resource for developing birth classes—can be hard to find lately though.
I love The Pink Kit for all kinds of strategies and information about the pelvis and working with pelvic mobility.
Transition to Parenthood has a full curriculum outline available online as well as several great handouts and activities.

The ICEA resources have been my overall favorite, though I’ve added things from all kinds of other sources, as no single resource everything I want to share in a class-—I add information from all kinds of books, videos, reading, journal articles, etc. Every class I teach is a little bit different because I add and subtract things all the time! I only have one page outline for each week of class and it is PLENTY. I do not use power points or anything like that. Just me, lots of hands-on activities, a few visual aids, and the rapport established with my clients.

Good luck with your journey and enjoy making these classes your own!

And What’s This? More Birth Quotes!

Aug9

I decided to split my most recent Facebook quote sharing into two posts, because it was becoming overwhelmingly long. These are the quotes I’ve shared on the Citizens for Midwifery Facebook page since April. While I realize that I don’t “own” these quotes—other people said them, not me!—I do have quite a bit of legwork invested in seeking and sharing these quotes (I mostly get them from my own reading) and if you re-post one or more of them on your own Facebook page, blog post, or book, I really appreciate acknowledgement and/or link back to this site or to my FB page, that this is where you originally got the quote!

‎”When a woman births without drugs…she learns that she is strong and powerful…She learns to trust herself, even in the face of powerful authority figures. Once she realizes her own strength and power, she will have a different attitude for the rest of her life, about pain, illness, disease, fatigue, and difficult situations.” –Polly Perez

“It is a curious commentary on our society that we tolerate all degrees of explicitness in our literature and mass media as regards sex and violence, but the normal act of breastfeeding is taboo.” – American Academy of Pediatrics (via Baby Bloom Doula Service)

“The way a society views a pregnant and birthing woman, reflects how that society views women as a whole. If women are considered weak in their most powerful moments, what does that mean?” –Marcie Macari

“Attempting to fulfill an idea of the ‘perfect’ mother can only prove soul-destroying, as no such person exists.” –Adela Stockton

“In the sheltered simplicity of the first days after a baby is born, one sees again the magical closed circle, the miraculous sense of two people existing only for each other.” –Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Giving birth is an experience carried not only into the first days of motherhood but also throughout life, having far-reaching effects on the mother’s self-esteem and confidence.” –Gayle Peterson

‎”I think one of the best things we could do would be to help women/parents/families discover their own birth power, from within themselves. And to let them know it’s always been there, they just needed to tap into it.” –John H. Kennell, MD

“As doulas, midwives, nurses, and doctors, it’s important to never underestimate how deeply entrusted we are with someone’s most vulnerable, raw, authentic self. We witness their heroic journeys, see them emerge with their babies, hearts wide open…” –Lesley Everest (MotherWit Doula)

“…advocates of home birth have never suggested that all women should give birth at home, only that it is a reasonable choice for some women. Given that rather modest claim, the force and vehemence with which home birth is opposed by ACOG seems out of all proportion.” –Elizabeth Armstrong (Princeton University)

“Few healthy, low-risk mothers require technology-intensive care…Yet…the typical childbirth experience has been transformed into a morass of wires, tubes, machines and medications that leave healthy women immobilized, vulnerable to high levels of surgery and burdened with physical and emotional health concerns…” –Maureen Corry (quoted in Lamaze International‘s journal)

“At a time when Mother Nature prescribes awe and ecstasy, we have injections, examinations, and [cord] clamping… Instead of body heat and skin to skin contact, we have separation…Where time should stand still for those eternal moments of first contact as mother and baby fall deeply in love, we have haste to deliver the placenta and clean up for the next ‘case.'” –Sarah Buckley

“Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” – Marianne Williamson

“…celebrate ourselves for our courage to birth. The real question becomes not, ‘Have you done your breathing exercises?’ but rather, ‘Can you love yourself no matter how you birth, where you birth, or what the outcome?'” –Claudia Panuthos

“Whenever a woman has a problem, I believe that she herself can find the answer, provided she is given adequate information and support. I firmly believe in women’s strength and resourcefulness; I’ve witnessed these time and again. Women care about the continuation and continuity of life; they are intrigued by relationships, how things fit together.” –Elizabeth Davis

“Deep relaxation, surrender, letting go: when midwives are asked to disclose the secret of giving birth with relative ease, these are the words we choose. More than metaphors for coping, these responses are based on physiological imperatives…” –Elizabeth Davis

“The greatest joy is to become a mother; the second greatest is to be a midwife.” –Norwegian Proverb

‎”Brick walls eventually crumble precisely because people keep busting their heads against them.” –Barbara Wilson-Clay (IBCLC)

“Some midwives pull women up the hill and say I will get you through this. Other midwives walk behind quietly and gently say, ‘I believe in you.'” -Patricia M. Couch (via Wellpregnancy Childbirth Educator Trainings and Childbirth Classes)

‎”In our own world today, motherhood is rarely sufficiently honored. One day each year, there are brunches and corsages and little gifts of love. But the rest of the time? As a culture, we do not respect the great gift of mothering. Women’s work in raising the next generation is taken for granted. Yet it is a vital service to humanity, one that deserves to be acknowledged continually.” –Patricia Monaghan

‎”Becoming a mother does not need to rob you of your selfhood. Stay away from martyrdom. Martyrs never make good mothers; what is gained in giving is taken away in guilt.” –Gayle Peterson

“The midwife cannot be skilled without being caring. She cannot be truly caring without being skilled.” –Sheila Kitzinger

“The two most beautiful sights I have witnessed in my life are a full blown ship at sail and the round-bellied pregnant female.” –Benjamin Franklin

“When you have a baby, your own creative training begins. Because of your child, you are now finding new powers and performing amazing feats.” –Elaine Martin

“…in a time lacking in truth and uncertainty and filled with anguish and despair, no woman should be shamefaced in attempting to give back to the world, through her work, a portion of its lost heart.” –Louise Bogan

“If the baby’s body is a joy and a delight in the mother’s arms, that same body will become a joy and a delight to its owner later on.” –English & Pearson

“Even if I am simply one more woman laying one more brick in the foundation of a new and more humane world, it is enough to make me rise eagerly from my bed each morning and face the challenge of breaking the historic silence that has held women captive for so long.” –Judy Chicago

“Children are the power and the beauty of the future. Like tiny falcons we can release their hearts and minds, and send them soaring, gathering the air to their wings…” –Skip Berry

“Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to ‘jump at de sun.’ We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground.”- Zora Neale Hurston (via Literary Mama)

“That they can strengthen through the empowerment of others is essential wisdom often gathered by women. “—Mary Field Belenky (via Applaud Women)

“Since beliefs affect physiologic functions, how women and men discuss the process of pregnancy and birth can have a negative or positive effect on the women that are involved in the discussion. Our words are powerful and either reinforce or undermine the power of women and their bodies.” –Debra Bingham (I was inspired to share this quote today by a conversation with Kerry Tuschhoff 🙂

“Learn to respect this sacred moment of birth, as fragile, as fleeting, as elusive as dawn.” ~ Frederick Leboyer (via From Womb to Cradle Doula Services)

‎”It takes force, mighty force, to restrain an instinctual animal in the moment of performing a bodily function, especially birth. Have we successfully used intellectual fear to overpower the instinctual fear of a birthing human, so she will now submit to actions that otherwise would make her bite and kick and run for the hills?” –Sister Morningstar (in Midwifery Today)

“Birth is women’s business; it is the business of our bodies. And our bodies are indeed wondrous, from our monthly cycles to the awesome power inherent in the act of giving birth.” –Sarah Buckley

“When a man is truly ‘present’ for the birth of his child and allows himself to be touched by the mystery unfolding before his eyes, he will have an unquestionable experience that can catapult him into the next phase of his development as a mature human being. His encounter with the power of birth…can connect him to his partner and his child in ways that sustain him for the rest of his life.” –John Franklin

“When he becomes a father, a man leaves behind his life as a single individual and expands into a more inclusive role. He becomes a link in an unbroken chain. And in doing so, he himself undergoes a birth process–the birth of himself as a father.” –John Franklin (FatherBirth)

‎”We are volcanoes. When we women offer our experience as our truth, all the maps change. There are new mountains. That’s what I want to hear–to hear you erupting. You Mount St. Helenses who don’t know the power in you–I want to hear you…If we don’t tell our truth, who will?” –Ursula K. Le Guin

“For most people, modern life meanders along a path of ups and downs, by and large devoid of high-voltage experiences that have the power to alter our lives in significant ways…The birth of a child is one of those significant experiences.” –John & Cher Franklin (FatherBirth)

“Pregnancy and labor are periods of vulnerability. This vulnerability is not weakness, but softness, which later contributes to adjustment to motherhood. Feeling dependent may open you to your need for help, and the ability to accept help from others can increase your strength and endurance for labor. Each of us must come to terms with our own feminine strength and our need for protection.” –Gayle Peterson (An Easier Childbirth)

“Labor is also teamwork. It is a mother and baby learning together how to push and how to be born, how to yield and separate from the union of pregnancy. You are not in control nor are you out of control during labor. The best way to approach labor is with an attitude of learning rather than controlling.” –Gayle Peterson (An Easier Childbirth)

“Midwifery calls upon you to be the best you can be: the best advocate, guide, healer, counselor, mother, comrade, and confidant of the women seeking your care.”— Anne Frye

“The birth of a baby is the birth of family. Myriad births take place at once: Women become mothers, husbands become fathers, daughters become sisters, and sons become brothers. One birth ripples through generations, creating subtle shifts and rearrangements in the family web.” –Gayle Peterson

“The family’s trust in the midwife and the midwife’s trust in the competence of the family members are the basis of caring that has the power of magic.” ~ Mary C. Howell (from Midwifery Today e-news)

“Birth is not a cerebral event; it is a visceral-holistic process which requires all of your self–body, heart, emotion, mind, spirit.” –Baraka Bethany Elihu (Birthing Ourselves into Being)

“Fear is completely intertwined with what we experience as labor pain…And it is the fear in our physicians and nurses as much as the fear within ourselves.” –Suzanne Arms (Immaculate Deception II)

“There is no place for ideology in birthing. Each birth has its own story and we must respond to what the baby tells us.” –Spinning Babies.com (via Kelly Caldwell)

I do think there is a place for ideologies/philosophies about birth and as guides for humane care/practice and as guides for making prenatal care and birth care decisions (before the birth), but in the actual moment, release of attachment is often necessary.

“To be pregnant is to be vitally alive, thoroughly woman, and undoubtedly inhabited.” ~Anne Buchanan (via CAPPA)

“Your doc/friend/mother-in-law may be saying, ‘Don’t be a hero, get the epidural!’ But this isn’t about heroics, this is about protecting your body…” –Jennifer Block (via @Spirited Doula Services)

“Giving birth in ecstasy: This is our birthright and our body’s intent. Mother Nature, in her wisdom, prescribes birthing hormones that take us outside (ec) our usual state (stasis), so that we can be transformed on every level as we enter motherhood.” –Sarah Buckley

“The mystery of life and birth is a profound invitation to be authentic as you trust and tremble your way through labor’s Gates of doubt and fear. It is possible that you will become more intuitive during labor than at any other time…Allow your body to guide you in your breathing, in your unique movement, in knowing …what to do…even when you don’t know what to do.” –Pam England (The Labyrinth of Birth)

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” ~ Harriet Tubman (via Midwifery Today e-news)

“Midwives can create a spirit of beauty at a birth or they can desecrate it. They can create a sacred space around a birthing woman that drives out fear & inspires the mother’s belief in herself, which ultimately determines the outcome of the birth. Midwives can be a channel of Grace in ways they never imagined & in doing so they create a spirit of reverence. Reverence in these days and times is not a common thing.” Caroline Wise, Birthing with Reverence (Midwifery Today)

Re: “advice” for someone who is pregnant: “…if you know that you are pregnant and if you know when you conceived your baby and you think that everything’s okay, doctors can probably do nothing for you. Women need to realize that the role of medicine in pregnancy is very limited…What’s important is for a mom-to-be to be happy, to eat well, to adapt her lifestyle to her pregnancy, to do whatever she likes to do…I think that’s what we have to explain to women. They have to realize that doctors have very limited power.” –Michel Odent (in Optimal Birth)

Birth Quotes Update

Aug9

Time for my semi-regular re-sharing of birth quotes I’ve shared on my Talk Birth Facebook page in the last several months (there are also a few grief/miscarriage quotes mixed in as well as some activism quotes too). While I realize that I don’t “own” these quotes—other people said them, not me!—I do have quite a bit of legwork invested in seeking and sharing these quotes (I mostly get them from my own reading) and if you re-post one or more of them on your own Facebook page, blog post, or book, I really appreciate acknowledgement and/or link back to this site or to my FB page, that this is where you originally got the quote!

“…in not disturbing the laboring woman you’re not handing over all control to her…it’s not a question of handing control to the laboring woman, it’s a question of not controlling her…while she’s in labor and giving birth physiologically, she’s going to seem well and truly out of control–totally wild!–so the issue of control seems a pretty irrelevant one really.” –Sylvie Donna (Optimal Birth)

“I see my body as an instrument, rather than an ornament.” ~Alanis Morissette, quoted in Reader’s Digest, March 2000 via Denver Doula

‎”Expectant mothers need to be mothered; their hearts need to be infused with love, confidence, and determination. I now see myself as ‘midwife’ to the gestation and birth of women as mothers.” –Pam England (Birthing from Within)

‎[re: “surrender” during labor] “…She may refer to this as the feeling of surrender; but this kind of surrender is a gift, not something she herself did with her mind. At this point the body truly takes over and the thinking mind recedes into the background. This may be how women historically and presently, are able to labor without mental suffering and without pain medication.” –Pam England (Labyrinth of Birth)

This feels true from my personal experiences–I feel like the most important thing anyone can know about birth is to welcome that surrender (to let go of control) and also about the value of *freedom* in enabling the surrender to happen (freedom in the physical space–i.e. no one “letting” you drink or not drink or labor in bed or out of bed).

“[re: ecstatic birth] This exquisite hormonal orchestration unfolds optimally when birth is undisturbed, enhancing safety for both mother and baby. Science is also increasingly discovering what we realise as mothers – that our way of birth affects us life-long, both mother and baby, and that an ecstatic birth —
a birth that takes us beyond our self — is the gift of a life-time.” –Sarah Buckley

“When you don’t follow your nature there is a hole in the universe where you were supposed to be.” –Dane Rudhyar (via Marian Thompson, LLL Founder)

‎”Birth is what women do. Women are privileged to stand in such power! Birth stretches a woman’s limits in every sense. To allow such stretching of one’s limits is the challenge of pregnancy, birth, and parenting. The challenge is to be fully present and to allow the process because of inner trust. How can women find their power, claim it, and stand firm in it throughout?” –Elizabeth Noble

(Her answer: “vertical birth”–thus, to quite literally STAND in one’s birth power!)

‎”…it is not easy for women to lay claim to our life-giving power. How are we to reclaim that which has been declared fearful, polluting and yet unimportant? How are women to name as sacred the actual physical birth, which comes with no sacred ritual…?” –Elizabeth Dodson Gray

‎”A woman’s path to power is more like engaging life’s energies in a swirling movement filling us up, out, into wholeness.” –Lois Stovall

“The body has its own way of knowing, a knowing that has little to do with logic, and much to do with truth, little to do with control, and much to do with acceptance…” –Marilyn Sewell (via Mothering Magazine‘s pregnancy e-newsletters)

“…much of what passes for childbirth education and preparation today actually increases women’s fears by giving them too much concrete information to hang their anxiety on, and too many names for all the bad things they already fear will happen. In the course of trying to calm the higher brain by giving it lots of data, we can end up defeating our purpose by feeding our fears.” –Suzanne Arms (Immaculate Deception II)

“We take for granted in the United States that childbirth is a multi-million dollar industry. It’s as simple as that–women’s bodies and the act of creation are intertwined with the economy. What if our relationship with body and womb and birth was in every sense of the word FREE? What if we didn’t need managed care? Literally or figuratively?” –Baraka Bethany Elihu (Birthing Ourselves into Being)

Reader responded with a question about, “how do we teach our children about birth?” and this was my short answer:

I think by talking about is as something that is a “normal” as can be–i.e. not scary and dangerous–and by not “hiding” birth from them like it is a secret. My kids have seen all kinds of natural birth videos, pictures in books, etc. When …my older son was only 3 1/2 he drew me a picture with the baby attached to the mom with an umbilical cord (both with big smiles on their faces) and the placenta in bowl next to them (which of course couldn’t actually be there unless the baby was not still attached to the mom with the cord). 🙂

“I am starting to see that a woman’s strength in birth is also in the letting go and allowing herself to tumble fearlessly with the current, never losing sight of the belief that, when the energy of the tide is through, she will find herself upright again on the shore.” –Maria (at the blog A Mom is Born)

“Because parents are transients in the maternity care system, there is little cumulative birth experience over successive generations of mothers. Women giving birth don’t make the same mistakes as their mothers or grandmothers–they make new ones.” –Elizabeth Noble (Childbirth with Insight)

‎”Those who push themselves to climb the last hill, cross the finish line, or conquer a challenging dance routine often report feelings of euphoria and increased self-esteem…women who experience natural birth often describe similar feelings of exaltation and increased self-esteem. These feelings of accomplishment, confidence, and strength have the potential to transform women’s lives…In many cultures, the runner who completes the long race is admired, but it is not acknowledged that the laboring woman may experience the same life-altering feelings…” -Giving Birth with Confidence (Lamaze International)

“Fathers’ sharing in the birth experience can be a stimulus for men’s freedom to nurture, and a sign of changing relationships between men and women. In the same way, women’s freedom to give birth at home is a political decision, an assertion of determination to reclaim the experience of birth. Birth at home is about changing society.” –Sheila Kitzinger

(Emphasis mine.) Posted in honor of Independence Day!

I’ve noted that many women (including myself) cite “freedom” as one of the main reasons they choose out-of-hospital birth…

‎”Labor is not a time to judge ourselves but a period for reflecting on our movement through life at a given moment. It is not possible to control labor, it is only possible to follow the process and to meet whatever it may offer.” –Gayle Peterson (An Easier Childbirth)

“There is an urgent need for childbirth education for doctors and nurses so that, instead of superimposing a medical perception of birth, professional helpers listen to, learn from, and respect women’s experiences. Only in this way shall we be able to humanize the culture of birth.” –Sheila Kitzinger (forward in An …Easier Childbirth by Gayle Peterson)

The book was written in 1993 and I think we still haven’t figured that out yet…:(

‎”The absolute miracle of a birth and the emergence of a new human being into the world catapults both mother and father into the realm of awe and wonder. They are flooded with non-ordinary feelings and energies that support a deep connection not only with the newborn and each other, but also with the mystery and power of life itself.” –John & Cher Franklin

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‎”A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey, but a woman of strength knows it is in the journey where she will become strong.”

“A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything, but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.” (from the same “Woman of Strength” poem as above quote, author unknown, many internet versions floating around)

“When I dare to be powerful–to use my strength in the service of my vision–then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” –Audre Lorde

“Despite hundreds of years of negative programming, labor and birth can be a soul-stirring experience!” —Christiane Northrup, MD

“The labor and birth experience itself is a microcosmic slice of what fathering asks of a man.” –John Franklin (FatherBirth)

‎”…an experience of the phenomenal capacity of our birthing body can give us an enduring sense of our own power as women. Birth is the beginning of life; the beginning of mothering, and of fathering. We all deserve a good beginning.” –Sarah J. Buckley

“Birth privacy is important because it fosters FREEDOM and that sense of freedom is fundamental to birthing unhindered and with joy.” –Molly Remer (my contribution to the book/DVD giveaway on Orgasmic Birth: The Best Kept Secret (fan page))

“Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform.” Susan B. Anthony

“When I say painless, please understand, I don’t mean you will not feel anything. What you will feel is a lot of pressure; you will feel the might of creation move through you. Pain, however, is associated with something gone wrong. Childbirth is a lot of hard work, and the sensations that accompany it are very strong, but there is nothing wrong with labor.” –Giuditta Tornetta

Love this –the “might of creation.” How true!

“Day by day, month by month, year by year we are confronted with all that we do not know, that we do not understand, that we do not grasp. Sometimes we are humbled by this knowledge and say: God, it is too wonderful for me to comprehend but I know this universe is more grand and more beautiful than I ever could have imagined and I give thanks for the blessing of being here and seeing, hearing, experiencing, and sensing all that is so wonderful around and in me…” –Susan L. Suchocki

“Life is full and overflowing with the new. But it is necessary to empty out the old to make room for the new to enter.” —Eileen Caddy

“Once the baby is born, your life will change forever. It will change in so many ways, and until you get there you simply can’t be told. The joys, the sorrows, the excitement, the fear, the frustrations–in fact, I think all the adjectives in the world couldn’t describe what is in store for you.” –Giuditta Tornetta

‎”I love to think that the day you’re born, you’re given to the world as a birthday present.” –Leo Buscaglia (shared on my second son’s fourth birthday)

“Wherever women gather together failure is impossible.” –Susan B. Anthony

“I believe with all my heart that women’s birth noises are often the seat of their power. It’s like a primal birth song, meeting the pain with sound, singing their babies forth. I’ve had my eardrums roared out on
occasions, but I love it. Every time. Never let anyone tell you not to make noise in labor. Roar your babies out, Mamas. Roar.” –Louisa Wales

“…The motherhood mosaic has pieces that are dark and dull, but it’s a work that shines.” –Carol Weston

“Women’s bodies have near-perfect knowledge of childbirth; it’s when their brains get involved that things can go wrong.” –Peggy Vincent (via Sweet Miracles

“A child strips away our illusions that we are perfect, that we have it all figured out, that we are all grown up. In fact, we grow up with our children if we are willing to remain open to their innate goodness as well as our own.” –Peggy O’Mara

“The suckling relationship is one of the sources of real sweetness that we have in human existence…The suckling baby can teach adults about the expression of sweet love and gratitude in a way no words can.”
–Ina May Gaskin

“Unfortunately, birthing woman has not only lost touch with her body and with her ancient female lineage. She has also lost her voice to speak up, to question intervention, to ask for support, to demand respect for the work of giving birth and caring for her infant. When she finds that voice, she will regain a vital part of her creativity and power as a woman.” –Suzanne Arms (Immaculate Deception II)

“Pregnancy is a time of being in touch with the power of creation itself.” –Rahima Baldwin & Terra Richardson

“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.” –Mother Teresa

‎”Childbirth calls into question our very existence, requiring an expectant couple to confront not only new life but death, pain, fear, and, most of all, change.” –Elizabeth Noble (quoting a new mother)

“Hope is the thing with feathers, That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all…” –Emily Dickinson

‎”We may tell ourselves that birth is a natural and safe process and recall our childbirth teacher’s emphasis that a woman’s body is designed for giving birth, but our own bodies may hold a different truth. It is essential to honor body memory, as it wields far more influence than the intellect during labor.” –Gayle Peterson (in An Easier Childbirth re: working through birth memories in preparation for future births)

“If a community values its children, it must cherish its mothers.” -John Bowlby

“Just as a tree grows best when anchored firmly in the earth, so can a pregnant mother feel strong and capable when supported by a sisterhood of nurturing friends.” -April Lussier

“Planning for birth is like getting ready for an athletic event…You can’t predict exactly what is going to happen; the events of the game will unfold according to their own particular logic, and not necessarily
according to your plan.” –Adrienne Lieberman

“If we don’t take care of mothers, they can’t take care of their babies.” –Jeanne Driscoll

“And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing blind, deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your own hands and your own head…” –Christopher McCandless

‎”When you are drawing up your list of life’s miracles, you might place near the top the first moment your baby smiles at you.” –Bob Greene

I have crystal clear memories of my second baby’s first smile (the day of birth–looking into my eyes) and of my first baby’s first laugh. Less clear memories of the FIRST smile for my firstborn and first laugh for my second. I guess it is good that they each get one of the special, miracle moments!

“Midwives do NOT empower women. Only women can empower themselves. If you’ve been empowered through birth, thank your midwife for holding the space – but know that it was surely YOU that created and walked the journey” -Pamela Hines (via Barbara Herrera)

“Though we have lost a petal, we are still flowers, lush and full together in a garden of hope.” -Angie M. Yingst

‎”Once her endorphins have kicked in, a woman may actually enjoy labor or may even find it an ecstatic experience. I have many times told the story of one of my clients who was crying and desperate in early labor, only to be smiling and dancing around the room at nine centimeters’ dilation.”–Elizabeth Davis

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” –Anais Nin

“Giving birth requires an honest surrendering of your body and soul. You need to be in a relaxed state of love. Love has a way of overpowering fear. The more energy-draining feelings you can unload, the more room you will have for bliss and simplicity. Birth can be an unfolding and emergence like something you’ve never experienced before.” –Lynn Griesemer

“Labor is like mothering: you prepare and do the best you can, but finally, most of it is out of your hands. Birth is a great mystery. Yet we live in a rational, scientific world that doesn’t allow for mystery…” –Jennifer Louden

‎”Although the popularly desired outcome is ‘Healthy mother, healthy baby,’ I think there is room in that equation for ‘Happy, non-traumatized, empowered and elated mother and baby.’” –Ashley Booth Youn

[in reference to before she had her baby] “…I thought the only thing that was important…was to have a healthy baby. Now I recognize that while this is the primary goal, it is not the only goal. Birth is such an emotional experience; it can give or take away so much more than I ever realized…it will change you in such a wonderful and powerful way. It gave me more strength than I ever imagined. Since then, whenever I become overwhelmed, all I have do to is say, ‘I had a baby in my home!’ I am instantly empowered.”–Jody Niekamp (in Journey into Motherhood)

‎”10% of births needfully culminate in intervention. Self-esteem depends on salvaging the most important truth from your experience: Birth cannot be controlled. It is a mystery.” –Karen Fisk

“As doulas, midwives, nurses, and doctors, it’s important to never underestimate how deeply entrusted we are with someone’s most vulnerable, raw, authentic self. We witness their heroic journeys, see them emerge with their babies, hearts wide open…” –Lesley Everest (MotherWit Doula)

“Not every woman experiences unaided, natural childbirth, yet many women hope for it. To strive for birth as a peak experience—to withstand this ‘trial by fire’–a woman must learn what labor pain is and be prepared to accept and work with it. And she must also prepare for the unexpected.” –Karen Fisk

‎”It is so easy to close down to risk, to protect ourselves against change and growth. But no baby bird emerges without first destroying the perfect egg sheltering it. We must risk being raw and fresh and awkward. For without such openness, life will not penetrate us anew. Unless we are open, we will not be filled.” –Patricia Monaghan

“A Life may last for just a moment…. but a memory can make that moment last forever…” (Unknown)

“Birth is an experience that demonstrates that life is not merely function and utility, but form and beauty.” –Christopher Largen

“Birth matters. It brings us into being, on many levels.” –Ananda Lowe

‎”The way a society views a pregnant and birthing woman, reflects how that society views women as a whole. If women are considered weak in their most powerful moments, what does that mean?” –Marcie Macari

“Shrouding information about birth in silence hides the fact that labor and birthing pain is a positive key to transformation. Preparation for and expectation of that pain leads to self-awareness. Thus, birth becomes not only a passage for your child, but a passage for you into instinctual and effective parenting.” –Karen Fisk

Product Review: PumpEase Hands Free Pumping Bra

Aug5

This review was written for Talk Birth by Amanda Prim of the blog Raising a Green Bean in a Material World.

They say necessity is the mother of invention and I believe that may be true. At least it was for me when I had to pump breast milk to feed my son every two hours ‘round the clock. For 15 minutes every two hours I was tied to the kitchen table pumping. I couldn’t see the TV, I couldn’t have a snack, I couldn’t read, all I could seem to do was sit there holding these plastic horns to my breast. After a few days of that I just couldn’t take anymore so I decided there had to be a better way. I whipped out an old sports bra, cut an “X” over where my nipples where and presto! a hands free pumping bra. I was pretty proud of my ingenious plan, until my husband came in the kitchen, took one look at me and started laughing so hard he had to sit down. Then I just felt stupid! I loved that I could have a snack or read a book while I pumped while wearing it, but I HATED that I had to get completely undressed from the waist up to put it on and use it. I also HATED that when I wore it I looked like Madonna in a bad 80’s music video.

I was offered the chance to review a PumpEase Hands Free pumping support. As a full time college student I have to do a lot of pumping when school is in session so I jumped at the chance to do the review. I was very happy to see that PumpEase accommodates moms with breast sizes from 32AA to 48H. That was great news for me because it seems like you can seldom find nursing bra’s for anything bigger than a D cup. I wear a 42 E bra and I ordered a size large in the PumpEase. It is loose enough to be comfortable but tight enough to hold the “horns” of the pump in place.

I ordered mine in the “Snowy Leopard” print. When it came in I fell in love with the print and the feel of the bra. The material is soft and almost silky feeling and has some stretch to it. I had expected it to fit like a traditional bra with openings at the nipple for the pump. It turned out to fit more like a tube top than a bra. It latches in the front between the breasts and is just one piece of material. My favorite part of the design? You can wear it OVER your regular nursing bra, so there is no need to undress from the waist up to pump!!! When my husband saw me pumping in this bra he didn’t burst into laughter. He raised one eyebrow (his attempt at being seductive) and growled then said he sure liked that pattern.

Overall I love this bra! I think the color/design selection is fabulous and I love that I can still feel pretty while pumping (a hard combo if you asking me!). It is easy on and easy off so pumping is a breeze. The sizing is wonderful because it easily accommodates us bigger girls. I would suggest that if you are on the borderline of sizes (say between a medium and a large) that you choose the smaller size. The bit of stretch in the material will allow it to fit snugly and you won’t have to worry about it being too loose.

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Amanda Prim

http://avinsmomma.blogspot.com/

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding & Nursing Johnny Depp

Jul19

I’ve already shared this all over Facebook, but wanted to mention it here too because I’m that excited 🙂 Quite some time ago the authors of the newest edition of the LLL classic, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, contacted me to see if they might include a partial version of my essay “Nursing Johnny Depp” (previously published in Literary Mama) in the book. Of course I said YES! The Womanly Art has been published since 1958 (that is more than 50 years) and it thrilled my little heart to be a tiny, tiny piece of that world-changing history. I have six copies of the WAB (different editions—including two of the old blue-covered editions) and so what a bonus to have another copy, but this time with my own voice within it. The book was released on July 13 and my copies have arrived in the mail. The excerpt of my essay was actually used as the introduction to the “Nursing Toddlers” chapter of the book and I feel proud to be part of it. (I was also humbled to see my name in the acknowledgments section, since, seriously, I really did hardly anything.)

I first read the WAB when I was pregnant with my first baby in 2003. This newest edition is updated with a very contemporary feel and an engaging style. One of the things I like about it is that it is so practical and a lot of the suggestions are very simple (yet, not necessarily obvious). It is written in the mother-to-mother support format that is the hallmark of LLL and the very core of the organization. I like that the book includes personal experiences from a variety of mothers as well as all kinds of suggestions based on what, “some mothers have found.” Those are the kind of suggestions a new breastfeeding mother needs—not advice or directions or orders or “prescriptions,” but information about what other mothers have found helpful—she can then take what works for her and her baby and leave the rest. Love it!