I entered an essay contest from Mindful Mama magazine and I found out this weekend that my essay is one of the finalists. Here is the direct link to my essay (Pain & Presence in Parenting).
The other entries are here.
Edited to add that the contest is over now and my essay was one of the runner ups and won a prize. So, that was fun. I’ve never entered a contest like that before.
I recently created a brochure for my birth classes. I’m uploading it here because I know how useful it can be to have something you can print out to hold in your hands to read over/think about 🙂
There is a survey up on the Independent Childbirth blog asking who your “birth link” is—your primary connection to information about birth. Traditionally, women learned about birth from other women—informal, woman-to-woman birth sharing. Culturally, we’ve moved away from this as our primary information source (often to our detriment!).
Of course, I think independent childbirth educators and independent birth classes are great “birth links” 🙂
Thinking back to my first pregnancy, my primary birth link was the newsgroup misc.kids.pregnancy. I learned so much there and they really shaped my attitudes and beliefs about birth. I have a very birth-positive mother, but I didn’t really go to her for birth information. I felt the need for my “peers” and I found those most readily online. My other link was reading (of course!). I read voraciously and always have. It was hard to transfer “book learning” to really feeling *prepared* to actually give birth though.
I also took an independent birth class. Since I was so extensively read, I do not remember feeling like I learned many new things from the classes.
During my second pregnancy, books were huge again, but this time around my in-person friends were also a very valuable birth link. I am lucky to have a wonderful network of birthy friends who can talk about birth with me for hours on end. One friend in particular was very inspiring to me as I worked through some “issues” I had from my first birth (the birthing itself was tremendously empowering and beautiful, but afterwards I had sequestered clots and a painful manual extraction of those, a pitocin shot, and also tearing that was traumatic for me for some time to come). My friend is a fabulous example of someone who really “trusts birth” and it was so great to talk with her during the course of my pregnancy <waves to Shauna…>
I have mentioned several times that I strive to orient my classes to “right brain” learning activities. I like this explanation of “why” to take this approach, from Family Centered Education: The Process of Teaching Birth by Trish Booth:
“In the past, much of childbirth education has been weighted toward left hemispheric functions of analysis and linear learning…However, the experience of labor and birth is not necessarily orderly and rational. In fact, emotions and beliefs play a significant role both in how a woman copes with her labor and how it progresses. Therefore, childbirth education is beginning to look at more creative, inutitive, right brain approaches to teaching…If families needed only to take a paper and pencil test or write and essay on birth, the more analytical, rational approach might suffice. However, families must experience the physical and emotional as well as intellectual parts of labor. In order to be better prepared for this intense and integrated experience, they need more integrated learning activities.”
I have already written about eating during labor. One of my suggestions is honey sticks–but why honey sticks and where to buy them? Honey sticks, also called honey straws, are plastic tubes of honey similar in size to a drinking straw. During labor, honey sticks can provide an instant energy boost for a laboring mother. They are especially good to pack along if you are going to be laboring in a birth setting with restrictions on food or drink intake (read more here about why withholding food and drink from laboring women is not a good idea!). They are also handy if a mother is very tired and needs some quick energy, but is not interested in eating anything more substantial. Dads who are feeling a little tired or woozy in the birth room may also find honey sticks a quick boost for themselves as well! The sticks hold about a teaspoon of honey and you can easily pop the end open with your teeth and suck the honey out.
Where to buy? Here are a couple of ideas:
Online store where you can buy individual fruit-flavored honey sticks.
Online store that carries plain honey sticks.
Online store that carries honey sticks in large quantities (perhaps you have lots of friends who’d like to share?)
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I recently finished reading the new book Labor of Love by Cara Muhlhahn and I was struck by this quote:
“Anyone would cry to see the way families interact around a homebirth. In a home environment, the intimacy and integrity of the family, especially the father or partner, often have pivotal roles to play. In the hospital, these key players are mostly cast aside except to hold the woman’s hand and cheer her on: ‘Push!” At home, they can support the mother in any number of invaluable ways, from regulating the temperature of the water in the pool to preparing food or choosing her favorite music.”
I have noticed this as well–I recently watched the new documentary Orgasmic Birth and was struck by the glaring differences in how fathers behaved at home compared to in hospitals. At home, they embraced their wives. They danced, they murmured, they stroked, they kissed, they held. At the hospital, they held her hand or tentatively stroked her back (with body at a distance–just a hand reaching out to lightly touch her). I’ve seen this in real life as well. I tell men in my classes not to be “scared” of their wives in labor, but to walk through the waves (of discomfort, anxiety, whatever) and just hold and love her. I tell them that they do not need to be “trained” to be more “special” or different than they are. They don’t need to be doulas. What they need to do is love her the way they love her and reach out to her to show her that. I tell them that hospitals can be intimidating and it can be awkward to show physical affection in that setting, but to do reach past that and do it anyway. I’ve read a number of posts and emails recently about whether fathers belong at birth–I think they do, but I also think that the hospital climate too often discourages them from having a real role or being valuable. I think they can be stripped of their position as “lover” and “father” and left feeling helpless and useless.
I am reading a book from the late 80’s right now called Giving Birth: How it Really Feels. It is by Sheila Kitzinger and I had never heard of it until this week. Some time ago I posted a quote about birth as a creative process. I’m only a few chapters into this book and it has so much that relates to the idea of birth as a creative process that I just had to make a new post about it.
“I believe that this is one of the important things about preparation for childbirth–that it should not simply superimpose a series of techniques, conditioned responses to stimuli, on the labouring woman, but that it can be a truly creative act in which she spontaneously expresses herself and the sort of person she is. Education for birth consists not, as some would have it, of ‘conditioning,’ but aims at giving a woman the means by which she can express her own personality creatively in childbirth.”
“The point of education for birth is that childbirth becomes not something that simply happens to a woman, in which the question of how to cope with pain is paramount, but a process in which she actively and gladly expresses herself. It is not a performance to be enacted, nor an examination that must be passed, but is a profound and all-enveloping experience in which she opens herself to the creative power of the uterus…no woman should have to suffer in labour. Instead it becomes an exciting adventure that brings with it a sense of deep satisfaction, thrilling achievement, and triumph.”
“…many women looking ahead to labour worry that childbirth pain will prove too much for them, and they they will somehow ‘give way’ and reveal their true selves. The implication is that our ‘real’ selves are nastier than the images we ordinarily present to the world–and that we require a mask to hide the unpleasantness of our inner natures. But it is this real inner self, capable of the hieghts and depths of emotion, which is also the self which can relish the excitement, drama and tumult of labor and the intensely moving and passionate experience of bringing new life into the world…a woman is completely caught up in the passionate act of creation, utterly committed to the feelings of the moment and to the vivid sensations with which her whole being is flooded.”
I personally identified with these quotes in many ways. I remember feeling that preparing for birth felt like preparing for the biggest test of my life. I remember fearing losing myself and “freaking out.” And, I remember the feeling of utter trimuph and exhaltation after giving birth. It was the most empowering and triumphant experience of my life. I felt like the outer self was stripped away and my real self was revealed and it was NOT ugly, or “mean,” or unworthy, but was beautiful, strong, powerful, magical, and of fundamental worth and value. I felt better about myself after giving birth than I’ve ever felt in my life.
Suggested Reading—Postpartum
After the Baby’s Birth, by Robin Lim. This book is very holistic in approach and is one of my very favorite postpartum reads. It offers such gems as, “you’re postpartum for the rest of your life” (which some people have said they feel like is depressing, but I find a tremendously empowering statement!) and “when the tears flow, so does the milk” (with regard to the third day postpartum). It does have a large section on Ayurvedic cooking, which, personally, I don’t connect with, so be aware that that section is in there and depending on your belief system, might make perfect sense to you, or might seem inapplicable like it feels to me.
Mother Nurture: A Mother’s Guide to Health in Body, Mind, & Intimate Relationships, by Rick & Jan Hanson. This book is phenomenal. Very comprehensive. It addresses mothers of children from birth to age 5, so even if you are several years past the early postpartum weeks, this book has much to offer to you! One of the focus areas is on “Depleted Mother Syndrome” and addresses coping with it via all areas (body, mind, social/relational).
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, by Diane Weissinger and Diana West for La Leche League International. This classic book from the original mother-to-mother support organization has been published for more than fifty years. This nurturing, conversational book will help you with all of your breastfeeding questions from birth and onward, whether your breastfeeding goal is three days, three weeks, three months, or three years. Reading this book is like having access to an experienced, friendly network of breastfeeding mothers who know all the practical, as well as emotional, ins and outs of mothering through breastfeeding. (And, to get this kind of support in person, check out an LLL group near you!)
The Year After Childbirth, by Sheila Kitzinger. Another book covering the physical, social, and emotional changes after birth. This book is more “basic” and less in-depth than the two above.
The Post-Pregnancy Handbook, by Sylvia Brown. This book is the most “mainstream” of my suggested titles.
Mothering the New Mother, by Sally Placksin. This book is excellent for people supporting new mothers, as well as for mothers themselves. It is very validating and affirming of women’s feelings and needs after birth. This is the book in which I learned the term “matrescence”= becoming a mother.
What Mothers Do: Especially When it Looks Like its Nothing, by Naomi Stadlen. I love this book! It takes a close look at how women mother and how skillfully they do so (so that on the outside it looks like they are doing “nothing”). This is not a “how to” book, but a book that tries to look below the surface and explore concepts that are very difficult to verbalize/articulate. She strives to put into words/give us language to describe what is it that mothers do all day–their often invisible contributions to life. Contributions that are often invisible even to ourselves. This is a very affirming and unique book.
Postpartum Memoirs:
Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood, by Naomi Wolf. This was the first book that I ever read about a woman’s postpartum experience. It was suggested to me by the doctor at the birth center when I expressed some teary frustrations about adjusting to my new life and wondering if I would ever get “back to normal.” This book is on the “angry” side–it is not a nurturing and tender read in the way my earlier suggestions are. I did not identify with the author’s birth experiences or feelings about birth (I felt tremendous during birth and powerful, empowered, triumphant, and confident), but her postpartum feelings closely match my own (weak, wounded, invisible, etc.)
Operating Instructions, by Anne Lamott. This is a classic. A memoir of the author’s first year with her son. She is a single parent and so the book addresses some of the challenges involved with parenting solo. This book is incredibly funny at times.
Let the Baby Drive: Navigating the Road of New Motherhood, by Lu Hanessian. Another wonderful read! I first read this when my own children were out of babyhood and still found it tremendously relevant and enjoyable.
Callie’s Tally: An Accounting of Baby’s First Year, [or, What My Daughter Owes Me], by Betsy Howie. Very funny, though not particularly “AP” (so if you’re looking for that, read Let the Baby Drive instead). This book chronicles how much money the author has spent on her daughter during her first year of life.
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You might also like to check out my list of Non-Advice Books for Mothers | Talk Birth.
The content in the post was originally made in response to a question on a message board regarding what type of pelvis model do childbirth educators suggest for use in birth classes. I’m posting similar content here for any fellow childbirth educators who may come to this blog looking for pelvis feedback 🙂 Some people had expressed disappointment with a very tiny pelvis model that is out there for sale (and looks deceptively larger in photos) and others were concerned about whether the pelvis was flexible or not and also whether it had “bolts” at the joints for flexibility. Here is my response:
I have a non-mobile pelvis I bought from ebay (around $50) and like it quite a lot. It doesn’t have the flexibility elements, but I point to each joint and describe how it can flex, and that seems to be enough for most people. (The seller was “vanscience” when my husband got it for me for Christmas, not sure what is on there now.)
Then, I have the very tiny one as well (purchased from ebay, not from the Doula Shop). It is only about two inches probably. This is the one I actually prefer to use to show some of the cardinal movements and posterior/anterior positioning of the baby. I have a tiny fetus that I picked up from Birthright. It is a “12 weeks fetus,” but in an odd twist of providence, it fits PERFECTLY through that tiny, cheap pelvis that I regretting having for a long time. Now, I love it and find it really useful. My mom knitted me a tiny uterus with dilating cervix that exactly fits the tiny baby as well! The tiny baby even gets “stuck” on the back of the pelvis when it posterior and then when it rotates to anterior, it slides right through with a little “push.” It is like they were made to go together. The baby is hard plastic, so I can’t flex it to show all the movements, but they get the idea. I just share that babies go through a series of cardinal movements, but I don’t go through a big demo of exactly each one, I just show the baby rotating and slipping through.
I find the tiny set really easy to manipulate and convenient to demo with. The large one works well for tipping back and forth to show how different positions might compress or open and to point out the parts that are flexible in real life. But, I actually find that people seemed more interested in the positioning of the baby when I started to use the tiny set to show that part. I generally teach private, one-on-one classes, so that might be why it works so well for me. It would not work well in an up-in-front-of-a-class setting.
So, I use the big pelvis and big uterus and big baby each as separate teaching tools and then the little pelvis and baby as a “unit.”
Just wanted to share that that tiny pelvis isn’t all horrible! (though, man, was I disappointed when I got it and saw its microscopic nature. I was like, “this is a rat pelvis!”)
I love collecting quotes about birth and the power of women in birth.
The following caught my eye in someone’s email signature recently:
“We must relearn to trust the feminine, to trust women and their bodies as authoritative regarding the children they carry and the way they must birth them. When women and their families make their own decisions during pregnancy, when they realize their own wisdom regarding birth and its place in their lives, they have a foundation of confidence and sensitivity that will not desert them as parents.”
~ Elizabeth Davis, certified professional midwife (CPM)
This one is from a book I love called Transformation Through Birth:
“There are many women who delivered their children naturally who swear by [a specific birthing method]. It is sad to see so many women credit a technique rather than themselves and their own inner resources for their birthing experiences. Women who birth joyfully do so because of who they are, what they believe, and how they live.” (emphasis mine)
Talk Birth 