The Pregnant “Glow”

May16

Earlier this year I read the book A Dozen Invisible Pieces by a childbirth educator and mother of three. In it, she explains “the glow” that pregnant women have and I really liked her description:

[during all her pregnancies] I felt a special sense of energy exuding from within me…That energy, I believe, is what makes pregnant women so magnetic to those around them. It is what encourages the unsolicited comment and pearls of wisdom that acquaintances and strangers pawn off on pregnant women. It is what elicits a sense of awe from others who have yet to experiences pregnancy either themselves or with a life partner.

This alluring force is what prompts someone to place their uninvited hand on a pregnant woman’s rapidly expanding belly. Why do some people feel comfortable, and perfectly within their right, to reach out and touch, pat, or rub a pregnant woman’s abdomen? I believe it is because on a basic, evolutionary level, they yearn to absorb, or at least connect with, some of that mystical pregnant energy.

I think this explains it! I felt really “magic” when I was pregnant. It is one of the things that is so special about being pregnant–that feeling of being magic. When I was 39 weeks pregnant with my second, I told some of my friends at playgroup (who were saying, “this is probably the last time we’ll see you pregnant!”) that I wasn’t quite ready to be done feeling magic yet! I think the “glow” comes from that inner sense of magic.

Birth Wisdom: Your Inner Voices

May12

It is International Birth Wisdom Week and I want to share something from The Pink Kit about  inner voices during labor. The book says that many women have two voices present during labor–one is a supportive, “managing” voice and the other is a “negative” voice. The first voice gives guidance, makes suggestions, tells you what to do. The second voice perhaps tells you that things are horrible and you can’t do it. (I think many of us have these two voices present during everyday life as well, not just during birth!)

“Women who don’t find labour painful often relate that one voice says, ‘it’s not painful,’ while the other tells them what to do. Women who find labour extremely painful often related that one voice is constantly saying, ‘I don’t like this,’  ‘This is too much,’ ‘I can’t do it,’, etc. But their other voice can still be saying, ‘Keep breathing, ‘Relax,’ …’Now rest…'”  Being aware of these inner voices gives you a tool to work with during labor. The Kit also notes that support people should remember these voices as well, saying that if you tell a laboring woman something like, “you’re doing so well!” while her negative inner voice is saying, “I can’t handle this” she might respond to you by saying, “Be quiet!”

Women’s behavior and ability to cope with labour is often a reflection of what those inner voices are saying…There is a mistaken belief that labour is ‘not good’ if the negative voice is big. Not true. The negative voice can be very big, while the manager voice still does The Work. Often the highlight for women is overcoming the obstacles the negative voice puts in the way of good birth…Take heart, many of us feel incredibly powerful after a birth experience that had a loud negative voice.

Reading this made me consider what my inner voices were telling me during my own birth experiences. With my first birth, I had a doubtful voice inside that worried that I was only two centimeters dilated and was going to the birth center too early. I also had a clear supportive voice that told me, “this is normal, your body is made to do this” over and over again. During my second birth, I had a very strong and supportive  “manager” voice that “doula’ed” me through my labour. It told me things like, “be a clear open channel for birth” and “relax your legs” and “you’re okay, it’s okay” and “let go here.”

What did your inner voices tell you and how did you work with them?

Personality and Birth

May6

From Sheila Kitzinger’s book The Experience of Childbirth:

In a normal, straightforward labour a woman’s attitude of mind, her approach to the task that awaits her, and her preconceptions concerning the nature of the work that her body has to do, are more important than any sort of physical preparation she can make in advance. Whatever athletic exercises she may essay, however controlled her breathing, however complete her muscular relaxation, in the last resort the thing that matters most is essentially the kind of woman she is, and the sort of personality she has [emphasis mine]. That is why preparation for labour cannot rest in purely physical training and in mechanical techniques of control and release alone. Controlled muscular activity can assist her in making of her labour something she creates, rather than something she passively suffers, but her capacity for achieving this physical coordination is dependent upon her mind–upon her fearlessness and sense of security, her intelligence, her joy in the baby’s coming, her courage, her self-confidence, and the understanding she has of herself. The experience she has of childbirth is a function of her whole personality and ideally the preparation should involve increased self-knowledge and a growing towards maturity.

While there is a certain element of “blame the victim” in this quote that I find distasteful (i.e. “she had XYZ intervention, must be her bad personality…”), I recognize something here that speaks to me. I have observed in some of my clients a certain “quality” of personality (or perhaps determination) that makes me feel secure that they will be fine with or without me–they have something that comes from within that will guide them through birth. There are others who are more ambivilant, who say they want to “try” natural birth.  Sometimes they blossom into confidence as the classes proceed, sometimes nothing really changes. I do not really take responsibility for any birth outcome, because birth classes are just a piece of a much more multifaceted puzzle of a woman’s experience. However, I feel like you can see that some women just “have it in them” and in others, that “it” has to be nurtured and grown. I’m not sure exactly what this “it” is, which is why Kitzinger’s quote caught my attention.

Thoughts about Pushing

Apr29

Also from Fathers at Birth, some quotes about pushing:

Powerful, authoritative, and wise energies assist in releasing the baby from the womb. Go with them.

Many women experience the work of pushing and the sensations of the internal movement of the baby as it moves and rotates through the birth canal as intensely gratifying. But some women feel the sensation as painful. They may get exhausted or discouraged and need lots of encouragement. Many women need to move around and change positions. Some women roar and discover a power within they have never encountered before.

With my first baby, I found the pushing stage to be very intense and overwhelming. I had been fairly calm and focused during my labor, but pushing felt scary to me and I said, “I’m scared” quite a few times. I also said, “pushing is supposed to feel GOOD,” because that is what so many people had told me (that pushing felt good/satisfying/rewarding). It didn’t feel good to me! With my second baby, pushing was more like an uncontrollable wave that moved through me and was natural and spontaneous. It didn’t feel “good” really to me, but it was not scary.

Labor is like stairsteps…

Apr29

I have a pile of things to blog about about and one of them was this quote from the book Fathers at Birth:

“Labor is like stairsteps. There is an incline, then a plateau. Another challenging incline, and another plateau. The inclines get steeper and more intense as labor progresses. The plateaus get shorter. However, in deep labor, the incline can go straight up, off the charts, without a plateau. Sometimes women are very close to pushing when this happens and do not know it.”

As a father-to-be, if you notice inclines with no, or very short plateaus, you will know that your baby is very close to being born. Reassure your partner about the wonderful job she doing, how great everything is working, and that she is getting closer and closer to meeting the baby!

Birth Affirmations for Fathers

Apr28

In my classes, I suggest the use of affirmations. Affirmations are short, positive statements that inspire confidence and positive feelings. I have a handout that is printed on the front side with affirmations for mothers to read to themselves and the reverse has the same affirmations worded in such a way that they can be easily read to the woman.

The book Mind over Labor by Carl Jones, there are some affirmations listed specifically for fathers:

  • I am able to make the best possible choices for a healthy, joyful birth.
  • I see my partner as a strong and capable woman.
  • I am able to support my partner during pregnancy and birth.
  • We are working harmoniously together. We are grateful for this powerful experience.
  • The power of birth strengthens me, my child, and my partner.

For women he shares the following ideas for affirmations, some of which are really nice and I should add to my handout above!

  • Childbirth is a normal, healthy event.
  • My body is my friend.
  • I trust my body to labor smoothly and effectively.
  • I am able to birth in harmony with nature, in the best possible way for myself and my baby.
  • My baby and I are working harmoniously together. We are grateful for this powerful experience.
  • The strength of my contractions is an expression of my feminine power.
  • I fully feel the force of new life within me.
  • I allow myself to celebrate the birth of my child with every sensation I feel.
  • I am giving our baby the very best start in life.

Births & Marathons

Apr22

A parallel is often drawn between giving birth and running a marathon. There was a great article called “The Gift of Leaping” in the most recent issue of the International Journal of Childbirth Education (available to download as a pdf here) that was based on this theme.

In it, the author discusses how in both experiences your mind’s strength can be called upon to surpass your physical strength and she notes, “The pain of accomplishment is so much easier than pain endured.” I loved that!

She goes on to share: “I want that feeling of going beyond what you think is possible for laboring women. If you let go of control and allow the process to unfold, you are so proud of yourself. Then pride morphs into self-confidence and trust. What a perfect combination for parenting. When it comes down to it, you have to do this by yourself, be it labor or running. You might hear other laboring women around you or have the support of crowds in a race, but it’s still up to you. there’s a start and a finish and only you can see it through. Fortitude brings a new self-awareness and strength that feels overwhelming…I know one of my greatest challenges in the vocation of perinatal education is getting women to trust the process and her own capabilities before labor. My practice runs helped prepare me for the marathon, but there is no practice run for labor. Women must rely on their confidence and the legacy of the many women who have birthed before them…”

I share her feelings about her greatest challenge. The whole point of my birth classes is for the participants to develop confidence and trust in their ability to give birth naturally. It is difficult to share what birth is really like–it is a singular experience (each birth is different too, so even if you’ve done it before, there are still surprises ahead!) I also feel like it is irreplaceable to start off the parenting journey with a overwhelming sense of power, pride, and capability–a sense that often comes with the “I did it!” of giving birth!