Tag Archive | birth

Word Associations

Aug26

If you could choose only one word to describe the type of birth experience you want, what would it be?

Something might come immediately to you mind, or perhaps you need some ideas…

Some possibilities:

gentle

fast

loving

relaxing

long

adventurous

exciting

emotional

charged

transformative

active

beautiful

orgasmic

at home

homebirth-like

natural

vaginal

surgical

harmonious

intense

empowering

amazing

medically managed

with drugs

serene

safe

pain free

comfortable

controlled

drug free

joyful

intimate

I don’t care, just get the baby out

triumphant

calm

free

family centered

——

After you pick your word, then consider what your answer might be if you eliminated the following ideas from your consideration: fear of birth, fear of pain, fear of the unknown, fear of wasting people’s time, fear of medical procedures, fear of failure, fear of dying, fear of disappointing someone, fear of the baby dying, fear of annoying your medical care providers., or any of a variety of possible fears. After you’ve cleared out these “cobwebs” is your one word different? Would you ask for/expect something different once you’ve removed fear? Or, is your one word still the same?

My one word is “powerful.” I’m not sure what I would have chosen before having children–perhaps “beautiful” or “joyful.” If I had to describe each of my sons’ births in only one word I would choose “empowering” for the first birth and “intense” for the second, and “transformative” for both. For the mothers reading this who have already given birth, what one word would you choose to describe that birth?

Source: Modified from a Teaching Tip from Lamaze

Cut here?? What not to say to pregnant or laboring women…

Aug21

The Rebirth blog is having a “blog carnival” with “what what not to say to a pregnant or laboring woman” as the theme. When I read the theme, two personal occurrences immediately sprang to mind:

After my Blessingway ceremony with my first baby, all the guests got into the pool (it was August). I changed out of my Blessingway finery and came out in my cute little two piece bathing suit with my big, pregnant belly leading the way. One of the Blessingway attendees looked at me and at the brown “linea nigra” line on my belly and said, “What’s that line mean? Cut here!” and laughed. I was appalled! And at my Blessingway too! I will never forget how it felt to hear something like that on my special day.

Less bothersome, but something that undermined my confidence in following my instincts was when I was laboring with my first son. I said I felt ready to go in to the birth center, but my doula suggested I take a shower first (and relax). When I went in to the bathroom to do so, I heard her say to my mom and husband outside the door, “first time moms always think they need to go in too soon.” I am a people-pleaser and it took a lot for me to come back out of the bathroom (without taking a shower) and say, “no, I want to go to the birth center now.” We went (and I was 10 centimeters dilated when we got there). I felt like I had super-amplified hearing during labor and heard everything that people said even though they thought I didn’t (eyes closed, very inwardly focused). This was one example of several similar occurrences during my first birthing.

I also thought of an experience of one of my birth class clients. As she was pushing and the baby’s head was crowning, her doctor said “I wouldn’t rule out a c-section just yet…”

One of the reasons that I actually called this blog “Talk Birth” is because I have a special interest in the language of birth and the impact of the lexicon of birth on pregnant and birthing women.

The experiences above and the theme in general reminded me of a quote I really liked from an article I read recently:

“Since beliefs affect physiologic functions, how women and men discuss the process of pregnancy and birth can have a negative or positive effect on the women that are involved in the discussion. Our words are powerful and either reinforce or undermine the power of women and their bodies.”–Debra Bingham

Resources for Fathers to Be

Aug17

“The transition to fatherhood is one of the most significant and challenging experiences a man will ever face. In order to have a satisfying and successful experience fathers must feel safe, supported and confident. To optimize the possibilities for our families, we need to provide appropriate educational, physical and emotional support for ‘father love’.

—Patrick M. Houser (Fathers to Be)

I recently learned of a book for fathers called Fathers to Be Handbook. I always have my eyes open for resources for fathers and this  looks like a great one. I look forward to reading it soon.

Other books I’ve recently read and recommend for fathers to be are the nurturing, respectful, encouraging book Fathers at Birth and the practical and informative The Father’s Homebirth Handbook. In classes, I also hand out the short publication Dads Adventure. I love photos of dads and babies and one on the homepage of Fathers at Birth is priceless. I like the pictures in Dads Adventure also. There was also a great picture in the article in New Beginnings in which I learned of the Fathers to Be Handbook in the first place.

I have a smallish collection of other books for fathers and I also have the DVD Homebirth Dads (the resources mentioned above without “homebirth” in the title are for fathers in any birth setting, the homebirth specific titles have a special emphasis on homebirth, but are still useful to anyone preparing for birth).

If you have any other favorite resources for fathers please tip me off about them! I am constantly seeking ways in which to become a better resource to families.

I just wrote about this subject on the ICEA blog as well.

For other posts I’ve written about fathers, click here.

Fear Release for Birth

Aug15

I want to share a fear release exercise that I’ve used several times at Blessingways for pregnant friends. I got the idea from The Pregnant Woman’s Comfort Book and then modified the wording slightly. I think it is a powerful exercise to do in a group. We circle around the pregnant woman holding hands and then read the following together:

There goes all fear you hold about giving birth. The birth will be perfect.

There goes all fear you hold about healing. You will heal beautifully

There goes all fear you hold about not being a good mother. You will be enough.

There goes all fear of never being creative again. You have a deep well of creativity within your soul.

There goes the deepest, most private fears you have about giving birth. You will be enough.

You will be enough. You are strong enough.

—–

Depending on the setting, I’ve also changed the word birth in the second-to-last-line to “life” instead.

I have written several other posts about fear and birth.

I also use this handout in my classes when talking about fear: Tracking Your Tigers, Effects of Fear on Labor.

New Edition of The Guide to a Healthy Birth!

Jul31

One of my favorite resources to hand out in birth classes and to give to pregnant friends is Choices in Childbirth‘s booklet “The Guide to a Healthy Birth.” I’m so excited to learn that the second edition of the booklet is now available! (Thanks to Teri at Passion for Birth for the tipoff!) You can download the pdf version directly here. Or, for very minimal shipping, you can order print versions here.

I just ordered 50 copies, so if you’re a real life friend of mine or are taking a class from me, I’d be delighted to give you one of these phenomenal booklets!

Birth Quotes

Jul29

I’ve been periodically posting various birth quotes to my Talk Birth Facebook page. Then, I realized I should also be collecting them into a post where they will last a little longer and be enjoyed by more people! I think I will just keep updating this post as I add quotes, but I may make multiple shorter posts or otherwise sub-categorize them to make them easier to follow.

“…labor is not about dilation. Your body knows how to give birth whether or not you ever have a pelvic exam during labor. Birthing women need encouragement to trust their bodies, and to be the stars of their own labors…”

The Doula Guide to Birth

—

“The empowerment of laboring women, not the management of childbirth by means of painkillers, leads to satisfactory birth experiences.”

Research conclusion by Belgian scientists in 2007

I received a comment on this quote that is very true: “Satisfactory is the wrong word. Spiritual, beautiful, peaceful, wonderful, mind blowing, amazing, phenomenal…. any of those would be better!” My response is Absolutely! I would say powerful, transformative, beautiful, and empowering 🙂

—

“In giving birth to our babies, we may find that we give birth to new possibilities within ourselves.”

Everyday Blessings

—

“The whole point of woman-centered birth is the knowledge that a woman is the birth power source. She may need, and deserve, help, but in essence, she always had, currently has, and will have the power.”

Heather McCue

—

“You will find it incredible that labor gets stronger and stronger–and you do, too.”

The Doula Guide to Birth

—

“You do not have to be a particularly strong or brave or relaxed woman to get through labor. You just need to be a woman.”

The Big Book of Birth

—

“It is not ‘ladylike’ to give birth. The strength and power of labor is not demure.”

An Easier Childbirth (quoting a midwife)

—

“Women are strong, strong, terribly strong. We don’t know how strong until we’re pushing out our babies.”

Louise Erdrich, The Blue Jay’s Dance

—

“Women around the world and throughout time have known how to take care of each other in birth. They’ve shown each other the best positions for comfort in labor, they’ve used nurturing touch and repeated soothing words, and they’ve literally held each other up when it’s needed the most…”

The Doula Guide to Birth

—

“Education for birth consists not, as some would have it, of ‘conditioning,’ but aims at giving a woman the means by which she can express her own personality creatively in childbirth.”

Sheila Kitzinger

—

“A self-determined birth is a potent symbol of womanly power, of human courage, of loving compassion, even of ecological holism. It may look like childbirth educators are just showing charts and teaching relaxation, but we are also helping to create a gentle atmosphere in which personal and cultural transformation can take place.”

ALACE CBE Manual

Birth & Courage

Jul27

I wrote previously about when birth doesn’t go as planned and shared my perspective that a cesarean is often an act of personal courage by the birthing woman. I’ve been reading the new book The Doula Guide to Birth and the authors make similar comments:

“Remember, you are still giving birth to your baby. It takes courage to give birth whether interventions are used or not.”

And

“Whatever way birth happens, it is your rite of passage into motherhood, and that passage is to be celebrated. Natural childbirth is a passage, cesarean birth is a passage, and birth with an epidural is a passage to be celebrated. That passage cannot be taken away from you. Every mother’s birth experience is valid, and an act of courage.” (emphasis mine)

Another good quote from the book is with regard to vaginal exams during labor and whether they are necessary or not (they’re not!):

“Although there is currently a heavy emphasis on dilation, vaginal exams, and timelines for giving birth, labor is not about dilation. Your body knows how to give birth whether or not you ever have a pelvic exam during labor. Birthing women need encouragement to trust their bodies, and to be the stars of their own labors. Doulas help provide this encouragement. And the confidence a woman discovers in labor can help carry her through the demands of parenting and future challenges in life.” (emphasis mine)

Birthing Poem

Jul19

the woman speaks of birthing
After Langston Hughes’s The Negro Speaks of Rivers

I’ve known birthing
Before creation
And older than the labor of mankind
My womb is the mother of life
I carried Adam when seeds
In the garden were gestating
I pushed the head of Cronos from
Between my legs and swaddled
Him in the sands of time
I was midwife to the moon and
Made her crib in my lodge
I wailed with Demeter’s chorus
When armies stole children
Killed the land
And I’ve seen her barren lap
Turn poppy red with birth
In the spring
I’ve known birthing
Before god became a man

by Margaret Arabella Kenney

From Mothering Magazine (pg. 58, Sept-Oct 2008). I love to read this poem aloud at Blessingways. I thnk it is very powerful.

Recent Publications

Jul17

This has been quite a month for me for publications!

My short article Centering for Birth was published in the International Journal of Childbirth Education (page 20)

My book review of Fathers at Birth was published in The CAPPA Quarterly (page 14).

My film review of Birth as We Know It was in The CAPPA Quarterly (page 15).

And, my piece of creative nonfiction Nursing Johnny Depp was published in Literary Mama.

I’m excited about all of these! 🙂

Two More Birth Transformation Quotes

Jul6

“Birth is a time of deep transformation. We enter labor with excitement, trepidation and sometimes fear. We emerge with power, confidence and love.”

–Toni Lee Rakestraw, Organic Birth

“Ideally, giving birth is a natural and joyful experience, a holy event in which the energies of creation and transformation can be shared by all who are present.”

–Rahima Baldwin, Special Delivery