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Book Review: Memoirs of a Singing Birth

Book Review: Memoirs of a Singing Birth
By Elena Skoko
Smashwords, 2010
94 pages, ebook, $9.99
http://www.sugarbabe.org

Reviewed by Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE, CCCE
https://talkbirth.wordpress.com

Spanning the author’s experiences in several countries, Memoirs of a Singing Birth is an international tale of one woman’s journey through gentle pregnancy and birth. Elena Skoko was born in Croatia and lived in Italy before settling down in Bali (Indonesia) to give birth to her first daughter. There, Elena connects with Ibu Robin Lim, the well-known midwife who wrote After the Baby’s Birth and who manages the Bumi Sehat birth center in Bali. Elena and her partner are blues singers and they sing a special song to their baby prior to and during her birth.

Primarily a personal account with occasional observations about the larger maternity care system and its drawbacks, Memoirs of a Singing Birth is a gentle read that anyone interested in holistic pregnancy and birth care will find enjoyable.

English is not the author’s first language and this contributes to some odd or awkwardly phrased segments. In general, the book’s format, style, presentation, and writing is a little rough around the edges, but the author’s graceful story carries a melodious strain of beauty, empowerment, and wonder throughout.

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.

Pregnant Friends

Yesterday, I went with my mom and two friends to visit another friend who welcomed her second baby boy into the world in late October. None of us had been to see her since her Mother Blessing ceremony and it was very good to see her baby, to catch up, and to listen to her story. We also brought some food, even though it probably would have been more useful in Nov. rather than Dec.! (Who am I kidding though, don’t all mothers of small children still need postpartum doula and meal assistance even if they’re three YEARS postpartum rather than 6 weeks?! Speaking of which, make sure to read my friend Summer’s recent post on the value of postpartum support.) Anyway, my two friends are pregnant also and so we couldn’t resist the opportunity for some group belly pictures 🙂 My friend S on the left is due in April and then my friend L on the right is due 2 weeks before me (and I’m 33 weeks today!)

Then, of course we had to lift up the shirts for a real belly view 🙂

And, then we bumped bumps 🙂

Speaking of pictures, today I had an official maternity photo shoot with another friend. She took TONS of pictures and I’m really excited to see the finished results! We have family pix, couple pictures, and then me alone as well. It took several hours and we didn’t even take all the pictures we planned for. So, stay tuned for those pictures—they should keep me in posts for quite some time to come!

 

Another Batch of Birth Quotes

If I do say so myself, I may be amassing the best collection of birth quotes on the internet 🙂 I like to share quotes via the Citizens for Midwifery and Talk Birth Facebook pages and then every couple of months I update this blog with the most recent collection. I think I’m going to start doing this on a weekly basis instead, to make it more manageable! I’ve mentioned before that while these quotes are obviously not my own words, I do appreciate a linkback to my site if you re-post them because I have a significant amount of legwork invested in finding and typing the quotes. Most are not recycled from other pages (I give credit if they are), but are typed up when they catch my eye in the books/magazines/journals I’m reading.

“A child is not a vase to be filled, but a fire to be lit.” –François Rabelais (via Confident Beginnings UK)

“It is not only that we want to bring about an easy labor, without risking injury to the mother or the child; we must go further. We must understand that childbirth is fundamentally a spiritual, as well as a physical, achievement. The birth of a child is the ultimate perfection of human love.” ~Dr. Grantly Dick-Read, 1…953
(via Birth Without Fear)

“I did not want my children to love me because I had been an adequate mother, because I would never be one, this I already knew. I wanted my children to love me for the same reason I want my children themselves to be loved: because we are all irreducible, irreplaceable.” -Gina Bria

“I believe the act of giving birth to be the single most miraculous thing a human being can do and it is surely the moment when a lot of women finally understand the depth of their power. You think it can’t possibly be done, you think you can’t possibly take the pain, and then you do-—and afterward you look at yourself… in a whole new way. If you can do that, you can do anything.” – Ani DiFranco

“Women who are giving birth, trust yourselves. Trust your inner power. Trust your ability to give life. This is something absolutely sacred that is inside all women in the world. A doctor, nurse, and all midwives in the world are people who are not in the position to teach a woman how to give birth, but to make it easi…er for her to do what she already knows how to do.” ~Ricardo Jones, Orgasmic Birth (Unfolding Lotus Birth Support)

“Whenever and with whomever they give birth, women are vulnerable unless information is shared with honesty and they can actively participate in decisions about everything that happens. Any setting in which the providers of care have total control over the management of childbirth can become one in which power is used to abuse women… –Sheila Kitzinger

“One of the most important things I have learned about birthing babies is that the process is more of an unfolding marvel than a routine progression of events.” –Tori Kropp

“I am proposing that the first way to change birth in our culture is to change how we tell children their first story, or stories, about birth. Not only the stories we tell children directly, but also to become aware of the birth stories we are telling adults within earshot of young children.” –Pam England (♥ her and also Birthing From Within!)

“Just as a woman’s heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth.” – Virginia Di Orio (a classic quote for today courtesy of Lamaze International‘s pregnancy e-newsletter)

“Take a moment to place your hands on your belly or gaze upon you baby or child and take a big breath. Drink in the beauty of connecting to them. And exhale gratitude.” —Pregnancy Awareness Month

“As women, we are inherently both power-filled and power-full. Each one of us knows on some level that we do have awesome strength at our core.” –from the book Mother Rising

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you feel that you too, can become great.” – Mark Twain (via Lamaze International pregnancy e-newsletter)

‎”Childbirth takes place at the intersection of time; in all cultures it links past, present and future. In traditional cultures birth unites the world of ‘now’ with the world of the ancestors, and is part of the great tree of life extending in time and eternity.” –Sheila Kitzinger

“Yes, hospitals offer free childbirth classes, but that is because it is a way for them–for the most part–to get people to become passive, compliant consumers of whatever it is that they are offering, which may be the induced labor, the scheduled cesarean, whatever. So, the independent childbirth educator is crucial.” –Suzanne Arms

“In terms of mortality and injury, we know that driving a car is hundreds of times more dangerous for women and children than giving birth…Though it’s proven to be extremely dangerous and can often be fatal, no one accuses a pregnant woman who drives a car every day of being ‘selfish.’ And, when she arrives at her destination without having a crash, no one tells her how ‘lucky’ she was.” –Jennifer Margulis

“It is true that naturally occurring labor can feel larger and greater than the woman birthing. This is not so as she creates from within the very hormones that increase the strength, power, and frequency of her work of labor. That is the good news, it is from her, for her, by her.” — Preparing For Birth

“…birth, if she has her way, happens below the head. In the end, fantasies and images from the stories a woman holds in her heart are what emerge with power…” –Sister MorningStar (The Power of Women)

“In giving birth to our babies, we may find that we give birth to new possibilities within ourselves.” –Everyday Blessings

“I told my dads that they were their partner’s lover and that their most important role at the birth was one they did everyday without classes, books or practice: Loving the mom. You could literally see the dads relax as this thought sunk in and took root.” ~ Lois Wilson, CPM (via Midwifery Today)

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” ~ Anne Frank

“The happiness, bliss, and love that a new mother feels for her baby come from deep inside her and do not need to be taught. In the same way, the knowledge about how to give birth is already inside every woman. We can have trust and faith in our bodies to do the job of birthing.” —Birth Works International

“Birth is not a cerebral event; it is a visceral-holistic process which requires all of your self–-body, heart, emotion, mind, spirit.” –Baraka Bethany Elihu (Birthing Ourselves into Being)

“Trust your body. Trust yourself. Listen to the voice inside you that says you know how to grow this baby, how to bring forth this child, how to nourish your baby. You know how to be a mother.” — Lamaze International e-news

“Things which matter most should never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” ~ Johann Von Goethe

“Learn to respect this sacred moment of birth, as fragile, as fleeting, as elusive as dawn.” ~ Frederick Leboyer

“A doula gives from the heart to help another woman discover what birth and life are really all about.” –Connie Livingston

‎”The gift of creating new life needs to be, once again, welcomed and honored as one of the most mysterious of human powers. And women need to be confirmed in their decisions to use this power however and whenever they see fit.” –Patricia Monaghan

‎”Giving birth naturally is not just a nice option or the opportunity to have a transforming experience; giving birth naturally is the safest way to give birth for mothers and babies.” –Judith Lothian (in an article in Lamaze International‘s Journal of Perinatal Education, Fall 2009)

‎”…pregnancy is not something to be endured…it is a time of self-celebration, enriched inner life, and a chance to grasp that each woman not only richly deserves self-care but must have it if she is to survive and thrive as a mother. Pregnancy offers us the excuse to be gentle with ourselves. That excuse can become a habit. That habit can slowly become a lovingly held belief: ‘I AM worthy of self-care, not just when I am carrying a child but every day.'” –Jennifer Louden (The Pregnant Woman’s Comfort Book)

‎”Lessons in preparing for childbirth are really lessons in living.” –Lynn Moen (Around the Circle Gently)

“Birth is what women do. Women are privileged to stand in such power! Birth stretches a woman’s limits in every sense. To allow such stretching of one’s limits is the challenge of pregnancy, birth, and parenting. The challenge is to be fully present and to allow the process because of inner trust. How can women find their power, claim it, and stand firm in it throughout?” –Elizabeth Noble

Practice Contractions & Practice Breathing…

32 weeks

Happy Thanksgiving! I have two things that I’ve been meaning to write about lately. One is practice contractions—I’ve always been prone to having a lot of warm-up contractions throughout my pregnancies. Sometimes called Braxton-Hicks contractions, I prefer to call them practice contractions, warm-up contractions, toning contractions, or—as you get closer to your due date—pre-labor contractions. I start being able to feel them pretty much as soon as my uterus rises out from below my pubic bone. During my first pregnancy, I got worried about preterm labor at about 22 weeks pregnant, because I was experiencing so many of them at that time. Later, I became concerned because they were lasting 10 minutes at a time, which seemed really unusual to me. My doctor at the time had no explanation as to why that was happening or suggestions to change it other than to take extra calcium. These uber-long contractions have never happened during another pregnancy, but having quite a few practice contractions seems to be my normal pattern. I also have wondered if they are related to drinking raspberry leaf tea. I drank it throughout my first two pregnancies. During this one, I decided not to drink it until the third trimester. I haven’t noticed any appreciable difference in contraction-action, however.

Towards the end of pregnancy, I have about four contractions per hour for the last month or so. I counted recently and right now, I’m only having about 20 per day (while I’m awake). That is still a nice lot of practice! I seem to have very efficient birthings and I have always wondered if there is a relationship between all this warm-up and the real thing! However, from most of my reading there does not actually seem to be any measurable relationship between amount of (discernable) contractions during pregnancy and actual length of labor (and, besides, the theory is that all women experience regular contractions throughout pregnancy and just don’t necessarily notice them, though I always wonder why not!). I’ve wondered for some time though about the various clients I’ve had who report that they have experienced no discernable practice contractions and have had very long labors.

My post about in-utero practice breathing during my first pregnancy has received more hits on this blog than almost anything else. Apparently, it is not an often written about experience and a lot of women appear to have found comfort in my post about it. In the last week or so, I’ve noticed Baby Girl practicing breathing as well! I don’t have a strong recollection of experiencing this with my second son. With my first son, it was one of the most interesting things about the pregnancy. With her, I notice it at night primarily for a regular period of time which is then followed by her having hiccups (from all her hard work!). 🙂

Breastfeeding, Bonding, and Being a Magic Mama

Today, I was catching up with some old issues of New Beginnings magazine (LLLI’s publication) and one of the snapshots of a mama and her toddler nursling brought unexpected tears to my eyes. I am so, so excited to get to have a breastfeeding relationship again! Seeing that picture brought this intense body memory of looking down at my nursing babies and seeing that total and complete contentment on their faces—the way their whole bodies relax and become peaceful at the breast after experiencing the stresses of life as a toddler. It is gorgeous, beautiful, precious and irreplaceable. And, it slips away and before you know it another “normal” has taken its place—breastfeeding was such an integral part of my life for so long, it is startling to realize that it has been an entire year now since I’ve nursed anyone. And, also startling is that I only think about it rarely—the boys I have now have thoroughly replaced those nursling boys. Those tears sprang up from the past joy I have experienced and the anticipatory joy of having one more chance to do this again! I realized after this experience and after writing my last post that in the last couple of days I’ve become bogged down by the “bondage” a new baby brings rather than the bonding that it also brings. (It is realistic to prepare for both! ;)) I feel so lucky, happy, and thrilled to have a new baby again.

During this pregnancy I have not participated regularly in any kind of “due date club” message boards or anything like that, but I do occasionally peek it at one of them and was surprised to see the January mamas there all talking about how done they are with being pregnant and how ready they are to have their babies. Me, I feel like I’m just hitting my stride with being pregnant and cannot imagine being ready to be done yet—this is the great part: the looking nice and pregnant, the enthusiastic baby wiggles, feeling her hiccup, the anticipation of celebratory activities like getting pregnancy pictures taken, making a belly cast, and having a blessingway, the planning for her birth. Despite the fear and anxiety of this pregnancy, I love being pregnant. I adore it. I have never felt more magic or more special than I do as a pregnant woman. I know one should never say never, but I do not anticipate ever being pregnant again and I cannot imagine wishing this “magic mama” feeling away one second before she is ready to be born! It is the best 🙂

Here are some comparison belly pictures:

32 weeks pregnant with number 1

30 weeks with number 2

30 weeks pregnant with Baby Girl

In my 31 weeks pregnancy newsletter from Mothering, there was a neat exercise about painting your fears away. I love the use of art during pregnancy and I thought it was a good idea.

Kids & Plans

My kids have always had fairly high touch needs and since they’ve been sick recently that been even more clingy/touchy than usual. Their preferred state would be to hang out like this for much of the day:

They of course wiggle and pinch each other’s noses, etc. and do not lie there quietly, but their preferred location is still actually to be ON my body…

This has been kind of exhausting lately as well as almost literally suffocating. I enjoy snuggling with my kids, but they often manage to do it in the least nurturing way possible! I’ve been getting a little stressed thinking about the addition of someone else’s attention needs to the family—this is a good thing though, really. Before, I used to not really be sure I was actually going to have a living baby at the end of this pregnancy, so I didn’t give a huge amount of thought to integrating her into our lives (it was the “if” thing). The pendulum has been shifting for some time from “if” to WHEN, and now that I’ve hit 30 weeks, I feel even more confident every day that someone new will indeed be joining our family in January. Thus, the time for getting realistic and practical and planning ahead for the changes she will bring is NOW…

So, I had a semi-neurotic freak-out this evening about how I will possibly manage to split my attention any further, etc., etc. It was a long, tiring day in general and my mood-odometer was on “depleted.” After some talking with my husband, I regained much of my equilibrium and we made some plans for making some more changes around the house (like his putting the kids to bed more often—things like that). I am still having “can’t say no” issues and spent more time today thinking about/doing something I should have said no to as well as NOT doing things that I “really want to do…” Same old, same old. Do I really need to write another post about it?! 😉 No.

So, back to the “plans” part of my subject today, I’ve collected quite an assortment of certifications in my 5.5 years in birth work and you would think I would not need another (I don’t think I ever even mentioned that I finished my ICEA Prenatal Fitness Educator certification two months ago!). I occasionally toy with the notion of sitting for the IBCLC exam—the criteria keep changing and each year I think that maybe I should do it. But, then I realize that I’m not really interested in professional LC work. I’ll stick to my mother-to-mother support and don’t need to go further. I have also briefly wondered if I’ve heard a “call” to midwifery (it seems like many doulas and CBE’s have “midwife” as the eventual destination in their birthwork path), but then quickly remembered that I have serious “blood” issues and doubt I could actually handle the nitty-gritty of midwifery. So, I’ve concluded that birth educator really is the right place for me. However, I’ve been feeling dissatisfied with over a year with my outlet for this work—something has been missing for me and I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but I think (as I have previously written) it is to go deeper. When I read information about Birthing from Within trainings or re-read the book (6 times so far) or read Pam’s blog, I know somewhere deep in my heart that I am meant for Birthing from Within. And, some day, I am actually going to manage to attend a training. I’ve had it in my heart since I was pregnant with Lann in 2003, but so many things always made more “sense” or were more “convenient,” so I always did those instead. It will probably take another three years or so before I can actually do it, but I’m really going to do it eventually. Just felt like making note of that commitment to myself in a public way!

And, continuing with my sort of rambling, not that on-topic way, Mark got his faceting machine recently and faceted one of the quartz crystals that we collected on our recent trip to AR:

I was pretty impressed! He is really good at saying, “I think I’d like to try that” and then reading about it, getting some equipment and doing it (whatever it is) with pretty pro results 🙂

Guest Book Review: The First 8 Days of Being a Mom

The First 8 Days of Being a Mom

By Gea Meijering

iCare Press, 2008/2009

Softcover, 77 pages, $14.95

ISBN: 978-0-692-00009-0

http://www.thefirst8days.com/

Reviewed by Summer Thorp-Lancaster, http://peacefulbeginnings.wordpress.com

The First 8 Days of Being a Mom is an English language translation of a manual given to new moms in the Netherlands, the Kraamwijzer.

For many moms, the initial magic of new baby is quickly overshadowed by the realization that this tiny person is entirely dependent upon them for everything.  This is can be especially true for women who give birth in the hospital, where the sense of being totally alone and responsible hits hard upon returning home.

This book is intended to help moms know what to expect in those first chaotic days after baby’s arrival.  It includes space for journaling/record keeping each day.  At only 77 pages, it is an easy carry along for those birthing in the hospital.

I liked the inclusion of midwives (they are the main care provider for pregnant women in the Netherlands) doulas and home births, which are still scarce in “mainstream” publications here. The author has carefully mentioned both vaginal and cesarean births, which makes this book appropriate for anyone.  It concisely and clearly covers such basics as bathing and feeding, including both breast and bottle, with pictures to help further understanding.  There is also a strong emphasis on asking for help when needed, which is essential in the first few weeks and months.

Some of the downfalls of the book include the choppiness that comes from translated texts, no bed sharing information and somewhat inaccurate sleeping information, as well as a strong reliance on “call the professional” instead of self-knowledge.  I found this last bit extremely difficult to swallow as I feel it is important for new mothers to trust their knowledge as primary with a “professional” as the secondary opinion.  In my opinion, no one knows baby better than mama (except maybe daddy!).

Overall, this book would make a nice quick-reference guide for first time moms or refresher for veteran moms.  The inclusion of the journaling pages moves it into keepsake material, which balances out the somewhat hefty $20 price tag. [editor’s note: special price currently on website is $14.95]

Disclosure: a complimentary copy of this book was received for review purposes.

Giveaway: Dreamgenii Pregnancy Pillow

This giveaway is now closed, Amee was the winner. FYI, the longer I use this pillow the more I love it, so make sure to go to the Dreamgenii website and check it out!

Recently, I received a Dreamgenii Pregnancy Support Pillow to review. At 29 weeks pregnant, I am just at the right point to benefit from a pillow like this and I was happy to try it out. Unlike the “traditional” body pillow that many women use during pregnancy, the Dreamgenii is much more streamlined and takes up a lot less room in the bed. It has both a leg and “bump” support cushion in front and a back pillow in the back. This also makes it unique—I like feeling like I’m in a little pillow “nest” without having to bunch up and arrange a lot of individual pillows. The bump/leg support is supposed to support you on your left side. I confess that I actually prefer lying with my back to that side (feels cozy and kind of cradled up) and with my belly leaning on the “back support” part.  Another neat thing about this pillow is that it can be used as a breastfeeding support pillow after baby is born!

Luckily for you, you now have a chance to win one of these pillows for yourself! To enter, just leave a comment telling me why you’d like to win the pillow. You can earn bonus entries by sharing the giveaway on your Facebook page or blog (please leave an additional separate comment letting me know you did this so that I know to count you twice).

Giveaway ends Friday, Nov. 12th.

Prematurity Awareness Month: Mind/Body Medicine in the NICU

November is Prematurity Awareness Month and I’m pleased to have a guest post from OB/GYN and author, Dr. Jennifer Gunter, about prematurity and “mind-body medicine in the NICU.”

Mind-Body Connection

The mind-body connection is the idea that our thoughts and emotions impact our health. When we are stressed, anxious, or depressed our brain releases different combinations of chemicals and hormones that affect every organ system. Because mom and baby share a physical bond before birth as well as close emotional bond after birth, the mind-body connection is very important both during pregnancy and after delivery.

Studies show depression, stress, and anxiety during pregnancy increase the risk of preeclampsia (high-blood pressure) and premature delivery and can also lead to smaller babies. The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends routine screening for depression as 14-23% of pregnant women are affected. There are many treatment options and getting help can improve your baby’s health. Remember, if you feel better it will benefit your baby.

It is intuitive that a mother’s emotional health can affect her pregnancy. After all, there is an intimate and prolonged physical connection. But how can this be the case after delivery? Have you ever been in a room with an anxious person or someone who is very depressed and felt your mood change? Our moods are influenced by the emotions of others and this is especially true with a mother and her newborn. When a mom is stressed, her baby is more likely to have abnormal levels of stress hormones. Some of the physical effects of mom’s (and dad’s too) stress on baby include increased colic, disturbed sleep patterns, feeding problems, and developmental concerns.

While reducing stress is important for everyone, premature babies appear to be especially vulnerable to the negative effects. This is because premature babies are not only exposed to physical stress from illness, the physical effects of a premature birth, and the intense medical care in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), but because their nervous system is immature they’re less able to mount any kind of protective responses.

Fortunately, this mind-body connection can be harnessed to facilitate wellness, even for a baby in the NICU. Positive thoughts, taming the stress response, and working towards emotional wellbeing promotes the best chemical and hormonal responses, which can positively impact your premature baby’s health.

The first thing is to work on your own emotional health, because up to 40% of mothers with a premature baby develop post partum depression and up to 75% develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Make sure you are screened for post partum depression and if you are feeling stressed, anxious or are having flashbacks, ask for help from the social worker, your OB/GYN, or therapist if you already have one.

Don’t neglect your physical health. While you may be deconditioned from bed rest and/or the physical recovery from your delivery, try to get outside two or three times a day for fresh air and as you get stronger, think about some short walks or other physical activity. Make sure you do your best to eat right (it’s hard when your baby is in the hospital, but processed foots and skipping meals will make you feel worse) and get enough sleep. It is better be well rested and in control for 5 hours in the neonatal intensive care unit than be exhausted and nonfunctional for ten hours. Remember, taking care of yourself is taking care of your baby.

Try one or two techniques to reduce stress every day, and then gradually add in others as your mood and emotions dictate.

  • Breath from your diaphragm. When we are stressed we breathe with our chest muscles instead of breathing from the diaphragm (also called belly breathing). Takes some time several times a day to practice deep, cleansing belly breaths for a few minutes. Put your hand on your belly and focus on taking deep, natural breaths—if your belly is moving up and down you are doing it right.
  • Practice pausing. When you find your stress level rising, stop what you’re doing and shift your focus away from what you cannot change, such as oxygen levels and infection, and focus on what you can influence, such as positive interactions with your baby or learning more about her condition.
  • Say affirmations, which are positive statements that when repeated help combat negative thoughts and feelings by reprogramming the unconscious mind. Podcasts and CDs are available. Affirmations can be found in books, on preprinted cards, and even services that will text affirmations to your cell phone. Another option is to buy a pack of 3 x 5 note cards and create your own. Some examples include, “I am strong and courageous,” and “I will share my spirit with my baby.”
  • Journal, because some thoughts are too hard to say out loud, but still need to be released. Write everything down on paper.
  • Keep your hands busy. Celebrate your baby with pictures and mementoes in a baby book. Knitting, crocheting, and sewing are also excellent stress relievers.

To maximize positive interaction and minimize stress on the nervous system it is also very important for a preemie parents to learn their baby’s stress cues.

  • Ask if your baby is stable enough for kangaroo care (holding your baby skin to skin). Your rhythms and warmth are soothing and healing (for both of you!).
  • Make eye contact, smile, and interact with your baby if your baby is ready to accept that kind of stimulation (your baby’s nurse will help you learn to read her cures so you can tell when she is physically receptive). Babies absorb every interaction (it actually helps program the nervous system), because of physical challenges many premature babies have fewer opportunities.
  • Offer a pacifier at regular intervals and any time your baby appears stressed. Sucking a pacifier is comforting for a premature baby and helps the developing nervous system form positive connections.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jennifer Gunter, MD, is an internationally renowned ob/gyn and leading expert in the field of women’s pain medicine.  She lives in Mill Valley, California. To see videos of Dr. Gunter and her preemie sons, Victor and Oliver, in action visit: www.preemieprimer.com.

From the press release for the book:

12.3 percent of babies are born prematurely every year in United States (March of Dimes), while in many northern European countries that rate is 5 percent — representing an alarming statistic as prematurity is the leading cause of death and disability for newborns. Not only that, but neonatal intensive care unit costs alone for premature babies are $6 billion a year, representing 47 percent of costs for all infant hospitalizations and 27 percent of all pediatric stays in hospital (Pediatrics, Oct 2010).

After rounds of fertilization treatments, Dr. Jennifer Gunter, ob/gyn, became pregnant with triplets. Twenty-two and a half weeks into her pregnancy she suddenly went into labor and delivered her first son, Aidan, who died just three minutes later.  Then something unexpectedhappened-she stopped delivering.  Nearly four weeks later, at week twenty-six, Jennifer delivered her sons, Oliver and Victor-weighing one pound eleven ounces and one pound thirteen ounces, respectively-and became a parent of preemies.

Approximately five hundred thousand babies are born prematurely every year in the United States. In fact, prematurity is the leading cause of death and disability for newborns. In The Preemie Primer: A Complete Guide for Parents of Premature Babies-from Birth through the Toddler Years and Beyond, Dr. Gunter provides a comprehensive resource that covers everything from delivery and hospitalization in the NICU to preemie development and parenting multiples-even discussing specific topics like finding a car seat for your preemie, setting special needs preemies up in school, and understanding insurance plans and medical billing.

Celebrate the Woman Pregnant

Celebrate the Woman Pregnant

By Ani Tuzman

A woman pregnant,

I long to be seen

belly protruding,

life invisibly visible

churning inside

I want to be seen

honored, revered,

Exalted

not as my person,

but as the Miracle itself

of life begetting life

of human birth

Celebrate the woman

pregnant

don’t set her aside

nor cast her off as disabled,

or ever less woman;

Revel with her

feeling her firmness

knowing her softness

Carve her rare beauty

in smooth white marble

Look upon her.

Celebrate the woman pregnant

Hers is to know

the creative moment

of Life incarnating

——–

This poem came in the pregnancy newsletter I get from Mothering.com and it reminded me of the “magic” of being pregnant. I love that feeling (I’ve written about it before in the “the pregnant glow“). After this new baby is born, we do not plan to have any more children (though I have said to my husband, “what if she’s just so awesome we want to have one more?”) and I’m trying to take special time to savor and enjoy that magic feeling of being pregnant, since I will likely not experience it again personally. I told a friend recently that I feel like maybe I’m not savoring as much as I “should” be and realized that I think when I think of savoring, I think I’m picturing sitting around for hours rubbing my belly—possibly making multiple belly casts and drawing some fabulous art as well. Oh, and making some sculptures. And, then sitting and rubbing some more—preferably in the sunshine 😉 I have been making a very conscious effort to downscale my commitments to allow for more of this. I’m also taking a leave from teaching birth classes—I feel like I want to focus on my own pregnancy, rather than on other people’s. I feel a real inward-draw and not so much like being “of service” to others (I’ve been feeling this inner call since Noah was born last year, actually, but it has taken a while to actually get to the downscaling part). I also find that teaching college classes “uses up” most of my available teaching energy and I don’t have as much to give to birth classes—I am not expecting this to be a permanent leave, birthwork is too important to me for that, but I want to heed my inward call. I’ll have to stick with “virtual” birth education via this blog for a while!

I’ve had a post pending for a while that I guess will never get posted, about life balance and feeling like I’ve not been living up to a good guiding quote—“the things that matter most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter least.” Instead, the things that had been getting cut from my schedule were things like hanging out with my friends, sitting in the sunshine, writing in my journal, rubbing my belly, snuggling with my husband, reading books to my kids, chatting with my mom—HELLO! Not a good idea. So, I’ve done some cutting, some saying no, and also just some mental readjusting about how I think about things (like my to-do list). I’ve also been doing a “conditions of enoughness” thing that I learned from Jen Louden, wherein you set some conditions of enoughness for the day—not, just keep burning until the day is used up, not, “I can probably do this one more thing” and likewise not a “bare minimum” approach, but what is enough on a given day. Usually, this does not mean accomplishing everything on one’s to-do list, and it leaves some time leftover in the day for self-care—which is the piece I’ve been missing too. While everything is not perfect, obviously, I feel better about my life balance in recent weeks. My main reason for this downshifting is actually in preparation to enjoy my new baby when she gets here—I want to be all “cleared out” to enjoy a nice babymoon as well as to be free to take good care of myself as well as my baby.

The picture above was taken by my friend Karen at the park last week. She has launched a new photography business recently and if you click the picture, it will take you to her Facebook fan page. She is going to do both pregnancy photography and birth photography and I hope to have some more pictures in another month or so 🙂

And, I actually have been doing a lot of drawing during this pregnancy. Here is one I did when I was starting to re-incorporate the pregnant identity into my life again, as well as to feel some of the joy of pregnancy rather than just anxiety:

I’ve done others as well and then after finding out she is a girl, I drew this one: