Archives

Birth Art: Final Chapter

Jan31

As I have noted before, this was my most art-making pregnancy. Rather than make birth art just because I like it (I do!), during my most recent pregnancy I used it as a way to work on—or through—various things. I wrote more about this in this post. So, now that my pregnancy has been completed with the powerful birth of my magical tiny daughter, I felt an intense urge to make two final pieces of birth art (that are directly related to my own current experiences, rather than just birth art for birth art’s sake!). Since I pushed her out on my knees and caught her myself and had worked on my pushing fears with birth art previously, I felt like making a new type of crowning mama sculpture. (Yes, her arms are raised and not doing the catching—because it just works better for me to make them with raised arms!)  I have also written previously about the labyrinth metaphor for pregnancy and birth and so it seemed fitting to put this mama in the center of the finger labyrinth that my friend made for me as a blessingway gift 🙂 She’s taken her journey and she is birthing her baby!

Crowning mama in the center of the fabric labyrinth that my friend Denise made me for a blessingway gift

And, the logical final sculpture in my “series” is a mama WITH her baby!

This mama is happy to finally have her baby to hold and nurse!

I wish I had put the baby in a sling, so it doesn’t look so much like it is desperately clinging on with no support! I didn’t think of it until today though (I made these last night).

Side view

I actually made this one while nursing my own baby 🙂

And finally, here is a picture of my little treasure trying out the Ergo for the second time today. She looks a little skeptical!

Close enough to kiss!

Birth Quotes of the Week

Jan29

“I believe that natural childbirth is a right and a privilege…Our country needs to step up to the plate in educating women about the benefits of natural birth, and we need to help women actually do it – not just hear about it.” –Mayim Bialik (via ToLabor Doulas Dallas)

“In the moments of labor and birth, all the forces of the universe are flowing through a woman’s body.” – Sister MorningStar (The Power of Women)

“These hands are big enough to save the world, and small enough to rock a child to sleep.” –Zelda Brown

“Birth is as vast and voluminous, as unfathomable and inevitable as the rising and setting of the sun. And true to the inexorable power and rhythm of their life-giving bodies, women will continue to birth with dignity, grace and courage.” —Mandala Mom

“In the sheltered simplicity of the first days after a baby is born, one sees again the magical closed circle, the miraculous sense of two people existing only for each other.” –Anne Morrow Lindbergh

‎”I feel the most important thing the birthing woman does is to listen to her own body and find out what her body is telling her she needs to do. And that neither the partner, nor the midwife, nor the doula, or whomever, should be giving orders, ‘Now do this’ or ‘Now do that’ because that interferes with what she is really trying to get from her body…” ~Marsden Wagner, M.D. (via Birth Without Fear)

‎”All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.” – Martin Luther King, Jr. (via Literary Mama)

“A baby, a baby, she will come to remind us of the sweetness in this world, what ripe, fragile, sturdy beauty exists when you allow yourself the air, the sunshine, the reverence for what nature provides…” – Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser (in Literary Mama)

 

 

My Baby Girl is Here!

Jan23

“A baby, a baby, she will come to remind us of the sweetness in this world, what ripe, fragile, sturdy beauty exists when you allow yourself the air, the sunshine, the reverence for what nature provides…”

– Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser (in Literary Mama)

Three generations!

Alaina Diana was born at 11:15 a.m. on January 19th, 2011! She only weighed 7lbs, 8oz and was 20 inches. (My other babies were 8lbs4oz and 9lbs, 2oz.) I’ve sent a short-version birth story to a couple of friends over the last couple of days and decided I could work it up into a short blog post as well (of course, a full-length birth story will eventually follow). I actually had a little trouble getting started in writing about her birth—it was pretty uneventful until the end and I felt like the best description would be: walked around the kitchen, sat on the birth ball, walked around a little more, more time on the ball, hummed and ooohhhhhed, seemed as if  suddenly things changed and I felt big, big things happening and then baby was born all at once! And, I caught her! Emotionally more than temporally, it felt like a long labor and I felt like I experienced less mind-body integration than with previous labors (the actual moment of birth was much more instinctive and powerful than with the other babies though). In general, lots was unexpected about this labor—-it lasted longer than I expected (about 5 hours that were serious, but some warm-up time before that too) and was somewhat erratic and I had quite a bit of back pain. Right before pushing, contractions were still 4-8 minutes apart and it was hard for me to assess where I was/how “active” of labor it was—I was thinking I could either be at the 3cm point OR the transition point! My water didn’t break until seconds before she was born and I felt like it REALLY needed to break, but wasn’t. My kids weren’t here, because her birth was during the day (also unexpected, and a Wednesday, not a weekend!). It was just Mark, my Mom and me.

I spent a lot of time on the birth ball and Mark would stroke my back in just the right way

After criticizing myself at length for being “too analytical,” “thinking too much,” and not letting “my monkey do it,” I experienced a spontaneous birth reflex and pushed her out in a kneeling position and it only took one contraction—her whole head and body came out all at once, no moment of crowning or head birthed and then body following, just a bloosh of entire baby. I caught her myself. Mom and Mark both missed seeing her come out, because the phone rang at the same time. My mom went to stop it and Mark was moving around to the front of me, and when they looked again, I was holding her (Mark says it was about 12 seconds). So, no birth pix 😦

I did tear again, exact same extra-delicate and non-“traditional” place from what I can tell. Feels better than previous births already though–I know how to heal from this (even though I wish I didn’t have to).

My plan for immediate postpartum worked out perfectly and just like we planned. The midwife came about 40 minutes after the birth and checked blood loss. My doula was here about 20 minutes after and fed me a bite of placenta—and, I ate it! No gagging or anything!

I have very different post-birth feelings this time around—though I still had the “I did it!” moment, I felt less euphoric and triumphant and more relief and the feeling that, “we survived!” Blog posts about this will eventually follow…

And, did I mention that I caught her myself?! 🙂

Shortly post-birth

  • My "40 weeks" picture--due date was Jan. 22nd, so took a picture on that day to show how she could (theoretically) still fit! (though she wasn't breech!)

    • Birth Quotes of the Week!

    Jan15

    Fabulous crocheted goddess from my mom as a blessingway gift 🙂

    “One thing you can depend upon is that your birthing with be powerful! Powerful pressure, powerful stretching, powerful pushing sensations and intense joy. Expect these powerful sensations and emotions, appreciate them for what they are; they bring your baby to you.” —Hypnobabies (Official)

    ‎”Birth is one of the most profound teaching experiences life offers. It touches us in the depths of our souls, the most private recesses of who we are. It requires that we respond with more creative energy, more conviction, more trust, than almost anything else we do. Birth requires an intensity that is rarely demanded by other experiences…And through it, we can learn more about ourselves, our strengths, our weaknesses, our relationship patterns, and our needs than through almost any other experience we will face in our life.” ~Nancy Wainer Cohen (Via: Peaceful Birth Project)

    “We need to take care with every message we deliver to women about birth, and ensure that each message honors the fact that every woman at every moment is making the best decisions she can for herself and her child, with the information she has. And the truth is…that can take a mountain of strength.” – Melissa Bruijn and Debby Gould (in Pathways to Family Wellness Magazine via Birth True Childbirth Education)

    “…if every midwife was able to work in the way that midwifery was originally intended, the modern doula’s role might be very different–with an increased focus on practical and physical measures perhaps, and much less requirement for advocacy and counseling.” –Adela Stockton (New – Gentle Birth Companions: doulas serving humanity )

    “…I have noticed that the subgroup of women who tend to choose [homebirth] often exhibit certain characteristics, such as comfort within their own bodies, a desire to have a birth experience that is more poetic than clinical, as well as a desire to return what we all feel is some seriously missing humanity to the experience of having a baby…” –Cara Muhlhahn

    ‎”It seems as if the birth is a story waiting to be played out, and the midwife is but one character in the play…There are many lessons that we all learn from birth…Not only do the woman and her family learn from the experience, but the midwife learns and understands, with more depth and clarity, the mysteries of life from each birth.” –Janice Marsh-Prelesnik (The Roots of Natural Mothering)

    “Birth is a mystery, and you never know what’s really going to happen – but if you don’t reach for the stars and plan to have the very best, you’re unlikely to get it. It’s important to have a vision for your birth and to work toward that vision.” ~ Suzanne Arms (via ICAN of Nashville)

    Adventures in Birth Art…

    Jan12

    Celebrating pregnancy mandala

    This has been my most art-full pregnancy and that has been so much fun! I’ve made polymer clay birth goddess sculptures galore, some womby finger labyrinths, drawn a number of black and white mandalas (see example to right!), made a specially decorated birth altar, and also made a belly cast. Each one of these projects has been meaningful to me in a special way. At my blessingway/mother blessing ceremony this past weekend, I was touched to be gifted with many birth art projects made for me by my friends. Really wonderful (more on this later, I promise!).

    A little while ago, I wanted to incorporate the labyrinth metaphor into one of my sculptures, but was unable to make a tiny enough labyrinth to stick on her belly the way I envisioned, so she ended up with a double-spiral instead:

    Spiral belly figure sitting on spiral birth symbol aromatherapy pillow gifted to me by my friend at my blessingway ceremony.

    My current “issue” that I decided to work on through art is with pushing the baby out. I have never found pushing an enjoyable part of labor and the feeling of the baby’s head crowning to me is intense and scary and has—in the past—resulted in injury to my body that takes a long and challenging time to recover from. This is not a part of my birthing time that I am looking forward to. During my birth with Noah, since he was so small (15 weeks) there was no physical harm resulting from pushing him out, but there was the new association formed with having to “let go” of my baby this time in a very emotionally painful way.

    So, I’ve been doing some mental work with myself about pushing, as well has having listened to my Hypnobabies CD about pushing the baby out. This baby is doing a very extreme cervical pressure thing every night and when I experience that, I consciously relax and release rather than hold tension in my pelvic floor. I’ve also been doing a birth visualization in which I envision the baby gently gliding out 🙂 So, I decided it was time for some Crowning Mother birth art. I made two sculptures, intending one as a doula gift and one for myself. I loved them while they were uncooked, but alas, I tried a new method—I mixed the polymer clay pigment with glaze and then I boiled them. Now, boiling has worked well previously, but I’d never done it with glaze before. They came out looking like they had peeling skin and were all mottled and discolored looking and very ruined to my eyes. I ended up deciding the one with gold pigment was still okay as she was (she has a peeling place on her back, etc. and you can see in the picture how her pigmentation is messed up/uneven):

    First attempt at a Crowning Mama...

    The second one was so discolored and bad looking, that I used acrylic paint to paint her pink:

    Pink mama

    She looks all right, but I still remember how she was supposed to look! (hmm. Do I sense a message here about how I might feel about my own unrepaired past tears? I remember how I’m supposed to look…)

    I know they look like they’re sitting on their babies’ heads, but that was the best way I could do it to make them be able to be stable and freestanding.

    I also made a three generations sculpture that was supposed to be a gift for my mom, but again had with the bad glaze/pigment issue. I ended up painting it green and don’t know if I will end up giving it to her or not (she saw it by mistake, because I had it sitting on the counter still when she came over):

    Triple figure

    Here all of them all together with my belly cast as backdrop 🙂

    While I was at the painting, I also painted a mother-baby figure that my friend Summer made for me as a blessingway gift (don’t I have nice friends?! This was one of her first attempts at creating birth art and I was touched that she gave it to me! She left it white, saying that I could paint it if I wanted to. So, I painted it sparkly purple :))

    I decided to redeem myself artistically by making a new Crowning Mama figure the following day. This one I applied pigment to in my usual way and decided to bake. Interestingly, I accidentally set the oven for 350 degrees, rather than the normal setting for polymer clay! Yikes! When I got her out, the tips of her hands were smoking! (I’m reaching now, but perhaps some kind of subtle “ring of fire” issue being manifested here…;))And, the pigment turned from purple to blue in some places, which actually isn’t a bad effect, but is also not normal! And, I am critical of the shape of her arms—too fat, long, and no graceful taper like some of my others.

    Now, I have to decide whether I’m going for round three or not! (Perhaps there is a lesson to be found here in that birth isn’t supposed to be perfect and neither is birth art.) I feel like accomplished my original goal, which was to make a positive crowning/pushing image for myself—I thought all kinds of helpful, “open” thoughts while creating this last one especially and imagined welcoming the feeling of the baby’s head, rather than feeling fearful of it! So, she reminds me of that feeling. And, maybe she—and thus, myself–are actually good enough after all.

    Birth Lessons from a Chicken

    Jan11

    Birth Lessons from a Chicken

    by Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE, CCCE

    Originally published in Midwifery Today, 2009 Spring;(89):49

    “Should we just let her sit on them?” my husband asked. He had been struggling to keep a broody hen off her nest for almost two weeks.

    “I always vote in favor of the mother,” I told him. So, we stopped trying to oust her. My husband gathered up six random eggs from the coop and put them under her and we let her sit.

    We consulted our book on raising chickens. The chicken book had very little encouraging advice about “natural incubation.” After reading it, we learned that she was likely to let the eggs get too cold causing them to die, or perhaps just chill a part of them causing the chicks to have deformed feet. If she did manage to hatch them, they will probably get bacteria in them from the “unsanitary” nest site and get “mushy chick disease.” This is, of course, if the eggs happen to be viable at all, which is improbable. It is recommended not to let her sit and if she persists to either cull her (kill her), or to just let her sit there until she dies of starvation trying to hatch infertile eggs (and therefore culls herself). The book also informed us that if she has feathery feet (she does), she will probably knock the eggs out of the nest by accident and break them. Also, she should definitely be sitting in the spring and not the dead of winter. After studying the book, we are left with a clear sense that incubating eggs artificially is the preferred way to go and that “natural incubation” is fraught with difficulty and dangers.

    However, there our chicken sat in the unheated, but well built and insulated chicken coop as the January temperatures outdoors reached -2F. We concluded that she probably had a 5% chance of actually hatching anything and I felt sad for her.

    Then, one morning when my husband went to feed the chickens, he heard a funny noise. He looked at the broody hen and from beneath her, a fuzzy head appeared. Then two. Eventually, four. In this cold, cold weather at the wrong time of year with the wrong

    The mama hen and two of her chicks

    kind of feet and the wrong kind of eggs, she did it! We didn’t trust her, or believe in her. Our book and the experts didn’t either. However, her inherent mothering wisdom won out—it trumped us. At the risk of excessive personification, it truly seemed that she had believed in herself and trusted her instincts (or perhaps, that Nature believed in itself).

    Perhaps we could have had the same result with an artificial incubator—a tray that rotates the eggs, instead of “clumsy” feathered feet; a properly temperature controlled unit instead of the heat of her own breast; a sterilized box instead of a wooden coop with an unscientific amount of possibly “germy” feathers plucked from her own body.

    My husband ran to get the rest of the family and as we watched that first small fuzzy baby with its eyes bright with life, I was awash with the parallels—the book tells her that her pelvis will be too small, labor will be too painful, her skin won’t stretch, she might have GD, there might be any manner of complications, maybe she should elect to have the baby surgically. Why all the fuss about doing it “naturally” anyway?

    Then, as we continued to stare in amazement, the mama hen clucked to her baby softly and fluffed her wings around it until it disappeared beneath her with the others. Isn’t this the birthright of every new baby of any species? To be snuggled immediately after birth into the warm embrace and near the breast of the female body that has given it life? The body that has cared for and nurtured it so lovingly so that its head may finally peek out into the world?

    If our chicken were to write a book about hatching babies—or about giving birth—perhaps her section about natural incubation would read:

    Maybe she knows what she’s doing.

    Maybe you should trust her.

    Maybe she can do a better job with her own body and her own babies than you can.

    Maybe she can do this all by herself.

    —

    Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE, CCCE is a certified birth educator and activist. She is editor of the Friends of Missouri Midwives newsletter, a breastfeeding counselor, and the mother of two young sons and a baby girl on the way. She loves to write and blogs about birth at https://talkbirth.wordpress.com, midwifery at http://cfmidwifery.blogspot.com, and miscarriage at http://tinyfootprintsonmyheart.wordpress.com.

    —

    This is a preprint of Birth Lessons from a Chicken, an article published in Midwifery Today, 2009 Spring;(89):49. Copyright © 2009 Midwifery Today. Midwifery Today’s website is located at: http://www.midwiferytoday.com

    Birth Quotes of the Week

    Jan10

    “In the midst of a world
    …marked by tragedy and beauty
    there must be those
    who bear witness
    against unnecessary destruction
    and who, with faith,
    stand and lead
    in freedom,
    with grace and power.

    There must be those who
    speak honestly
    and do not avoid seeing
    what must be seen
    of sorrow and outrage,
    or tenderness,
    and wonder.”

    –via Unitarian Universalist Association

    “One of the most important things I have learned about birthing babies is that the process is more of an unfolding marvel than a routine progression of events.” –Tori Kropp

    ‎”We are part of generations of women, one to the next. Teaching, mentoring, supporting, assisting, befriending, and so much more. Let us not lose those connections in our lives, in our births…” —Preparing For Birth

    ‎”There is no other organ quite like the uterus. If men had such an organ they would brag about it. So should we” ~Ina May Gaskin

    (this quote got the most “likes” of almost all the quotes I’ve ever posted on the CfM FB page!)

    “A woman’s confidence and ability to give birth and to care for her baby are enhanced or diminished by every person who gives her care, and by the environment in which she gives birth…Every women should have the opportunity to give birth as she wishes in an environment in which she feels nurtured and secure, and her emotional well-being, privacy, and personal preferences are respected.” —Coalition for Improving Maternity Services (CIMS)

    “Birth wisdom…comes most completely not from the outside but from deep within the woman’s physiology.” –Robbie Davis-Floyd (in intro to Gentle Birth Choices)

    “Hospital-based childbirth classes usually do not teach women about the wonder and mystery and sweaty, intense power of birth, but rather prepare them for each and every hospital procedure by educating their intellects instead of honoring their bodies.” –Robbie Davis-Floyd (in intro to Gentle Birth Choices book)

    (Let it be known before anyone gets their feelings hurt that I do understand that there are very good, complete, helpful, awesome hospital birth classes and hospital birth educators out there! This quote is a generality, but one that seems quite true in a number of cases [but not all, of course]).

    “…I have noticed that the subgroup of women who tend to choose [homebirth] often exhibit certain characteristics, such as comfort within their own bodies, a desire to have a birth experience that is more poetic than clinical, as well as a desire to return what we all feel is some seriously missing humanity to the experience of having a baby…” –Cara Muhlhahn

    “We can no longer sit back and debate whether maternity care is evidence-based. We have seen that over and over again, in most cases, it is not…” –Connie Livingstone

     

    Finishing Up!

    Jan5

    I have had a crabby and annoying day for much of the day, which is not the frame of mind I envisioned being in when writing this post! I originally set out to write about what a nice time I’ve been having the last couple of days, sooooo….going to just write and perhaps I’ll recapture some of the peace and sense of harmony that was prompting me to write in the first place!

    On Sunday, I had a very delightful time spontaneously working on the birth altar I planned to make. When I say spontaneous, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t know I was going to do it—I knew I was, someday—just that I suddenly started working on it and basically didn’t quit until I was finished and it came together in a perfect way for me. I felt so good and content after making it. Inspired by that experience, I then wrote down a list of my fears about the birth (this was also on my to-do-before-actual-birthing-day list) and then did a Hypnobabies “fear release” session after that. And, then I burned them all up in the kitchen sink. More good feelings!

    Also on Sunday, while the kids were at my parents’ house, I worked in the bedroom getting all of the baby’s clothes sorted and into the right boxes as well as assembling my special tub of birth supplies so that everything is easily available in one place and no one has to ask me for anything—I even put a box of raspberry leaf tea in, which could also easily just stay in the cupboard where it usually lives, but it is right there with everything else now. While I was doing this, Mark worked on sorting out his own clothes and decluttering the closet. We also decluttered some of the “hot spots” on our kitchen counters that attract random piles of nothing important. So, more good feelings about that!

    The next morning, I woke up before the kids and did the Hypnobabies “visualize your perfect birth” exercise (not a CD, my imagination). It suggested spending about 5 minutes and I spent almost 20 minutes—since I am having some strange “death” fears about this birth, I went ahead and carried the visualization through to my being 89 and then to the baby being 89 ;-D Maybe this was excessive, but I felt good about it—ending the visualization with just the initial “hi, baby!” moment didn’t feel like enough to me! So, then I felt really positive and complete about that 🙂 I also finished my birth altar that morning—I put a glaze over the images, took pictures, etc. I also listened to the pregnancy and birth affirmations from Hypnobabies while I did some of my other work. Later, we went on a nature exploration walk in the woods to enjoy the nice weather and when we came back, I read some of my kids’ homebirth books to them—Welcome with Love, Runa’s Birth, and We’re Having a Homebirth. They are excited and want to be there when the baby is born, but I’m strongly leaning toward only having them present if they happen to wake up. I don’t know that I want them woken up if they’re not ready (I realized this for sure after Z mentioned how he is going to be “screaming” when the baby is born. Um. No, thanks on that).

    Then, on Tuesday, I had some more belly pictures taken. It is fun to be “special” and get my pictures taken 🙂 I love all of the ones I’ve seen so far from this shoot, but these two are really good!

    Today, I had my first prenatal appointment with my midwife at our own house. I’ve spent the entire pregnancy not being able to picture her in our home and so, now, I can—because she’s actually been here. I hadn’t really realized before that she hasn’t really ever met Mark or my mom, other than very short introductions about 6 years ago! She seems to think I will have the baby early—baby’s head is very low (which I can feel, for sure!) and she said my amniotic fluid has decreased. She also thinks baby is on the small side, but I think I will fool people once again. I only measure 33 weeks, which is kind of funny, because I wonder what I would look like measuring 40 weeks—I guess pretty extreme! I have been having a lot of pre-birthing waves (trying out my Hypnobabies words!). I always do, but they’ve definitely increased in frequency to about every 15-20 minutes throughout the day. I also reminded her that I don’t expect to call her until near the end, because what I want from her is immediate postpartum help—I like being almost alone during my birthing time (more Hypnobabies words. I like this one especially—it isn’t “labor” it is my “birthing time.” :))

    After the midwife left, my mom stayed and we went through my box of birth supplies so she knows what is where. I also made sure she knows how to use my camera because she is on picture-duty. I also showed Mark and my mom the things I learned about neonatal resuscitation at the training I attended last month and we practiced with my resuscitation bag so that we all know how to do “positive pressure ventilation” and chest compressions on a newborn now. I know this might seem kind of over the top, but I find it very empowering to know how to do these things now—they always seemed “mysterious” and specialized before—and it doesn’t make me feel like I’m planning for a “worst case,” but that I’ve completely resolved any fear I had about things I wouldn’t know how to do for my own baby if I was giving birth alone! We’ve been talking about needing to do this since the end of Dec., so it felt very good to get everything all squared away in this manner.

    Really the only things left I’d like to get done now before she is born are the belly cast and my blessingway and to crochet one more hat for her! (Of course, I have non-birth/non-baby things in abundance that I’d also like to get done—double checking the exam questions for my online class, finalizing the FoMM newsletter, submitting two articles, finalizing some the blog posts in my drafts folder, etc., etc., etc. , <sob>), but right now my mind is on the specifically getting-ready-for-baby to-dos and I’ve done ’em! Go, me!

    Birth & Mystery

    Jan3

    “Birth is a great mystery. Yet, we live in a rational, scientific world that doesn’t allow for mystery. ‘In this day and age, there must be a better way to have a baby,’ implies that if you are informed enough, strong enough, you can control it. Any woman who has given birth, who can be honest, will tell you otherwise. There are no guarantees. It is an uncontrollable experience. Taking care of yourself and being informed and empowered are crucial, but so is surrender. Forget about trying to birth perfectly. Forget about trying to please anyone, least of all your doctor or midwife…” –Jennifer Louden (The Pregnant Woman’s Comfort Book)

    At Montana De Oro in 2009 (waves remind me of both mystery and surrender)

    I couldn’t fit this whole quote into my Facebook status today, so I’m sharing it here. I think it is a good reminder for all of us and especially for me as I get ready to do this again sometime this very month!

    Here is a previous post I wrote about surrender, birth, and control and here is one about distraction, concentration, and surrender (which is a concept I love).

    Every day I feel more ready to embark on my own new mystery!

    Edited to add, in response to a comment about whether it might be possible to have a perfect birth:

    I do think it is probably possible to have the “perfect birth” for you, but I have yet to read/see/experience a birth where the mother didn’t think of something that would have been nice to have different. Even with the very blissful stories, there’s usually some kind of “hiccup” or “wish I would have done…” (even if it as simple as, “wish I would have had the placenta encapsulated). I feel like with each of my own births I “improve” upon whatever it was that was less than perfect last time, but then there is usually a new surprise for me with the new birth—because each birth is its own journey and has its own lessons to impart! But, I feel like I spend a lot of energy prior to subsequent births thinking of ways to “fix” whatever the hiccup was with the preceding birth (with my current pregnancy the needed “fixes” for me are LIVE baby and minimizing postpartum bleeding. I expect there will probably be some kind of new “surprise” for me that will lead to me thinking that IF I had done something different maybe THAT element could have been perfect too!). What sounds perfect to me this time around is a very, very undisturbed (possibly unassisted) birth, but with IMMEDIATE postpartum assistance and bloody-towel washing! ;-D

    Happy New Year!

    Jan1

    I’m 37 weeks today and it feels exciting to now be in the baby’s birth month and birth year at last! I recognize this feeling of ”

    37 weeks!

    any time now” from other pregnancies—when you hit the official “full-term” mark, it makes you feel like the baby is seconds away, even though I truly expect her to be born right around (if not actually on) her due date three weeks from now. But, the sense of being full-term heightens a sense of awareness and expectation around, “could it be today? Or, today? How about today…” As I said, I do not expect to have her early, my past experiences don’t indicate such—my due dates are usually very spot-on. I am having a LOT of contractions lately. During the last three days or so they’ve picked up in both frequency and intensity. I also have a LOT of cervical twinges (the “baby-biting-my-cervix” feeling). This has been going on since about 31 weeks or so, which is much earlier than I remember from other pregnancies (seems like a 37 week+ feeling). This feeling is very strong at night and almost hurts—like she is twisting her head around/burrowing down. I weigh 168 pounds now—most ever! I’d kind of like to not pass 170…

    No swelling anywhere. Pretty good energy level. BP decent (slightly high at midwife’s, normal if I take it at Wal-Mart of my dad takes it). No more leukocytes in urine. Went to chiropractor last week because I have a persistent intuitive feeling of needing to get my pelvis aligned. So, that was good to check off my list. Midwife says baby is lined up in ideal position in utero/pelvis and estimates her to weigh about 5 pounds (which I think is wrong. I always surprise my care providers with the actual size of my babies. I think she’s pushing 7lbs right now, probably–6.5 or so).

    Feeling nesty and have been assembling box of birth supplies, sorting through baby clothes, and collecting expendable towels and receiving blankets. Feel like cleaning up and decluttering big time—in with new, out with old time of year! Finished crocheting an afghan for her and want to make a matching hat. Haven’t done belly cast yet—want to soon—and feeling the pressure to get it done! I also need to review the neonatal resuscitation stuff I learned at the training last month with my mom and with Mark, so that the only person at the birth who knows how to resuscitate a baby is not also the only person who is birthing the baby….!

    I also have collected materials to make a “birth altar” for this birth. It is a shadow box/shelf that I’m going to collage all over inside and out and then be able to set things inside on the little shelves 🙂 Going to have some additional pro pregnancy pictures taken on Tuesday! Haven’t really had any birth dreams. I am expecting her to be born at night (well, wee hours of morning) on a weekend within two days on either side of her due date. I’m also expecting her to be born very quickly. If I’m in labor for longer than four hours I don’t know that I’ll know what to think about that! I keep imagining a sort of “sudden” birth—like one of those 45 minute ones! I started reading Simply Give Birth again to get me in the birthy frame of mind. My mom is reading The Power of Women for the same reason. I am into week 4 with my Hypnobabies home study. Still having “issues” with the persistent and frequent use of the word “anesthesia,” but finding that the finger drop technique works amazingly well. I want to do a fear release exercise with myself soon—I’d like to write up my various birth/baby/postpartum fears and work them through on paper, maybe doing a drawing or art exploration, and then do a Hypnobabies fear clearing session.

    Looking forward to my blessingway next weekend! If she does for some reason end up being early, that could put a crimp in my party plans! I actually have a lot of plans for next week. I have this urge to “wrap things up,” which is making me run kind of high/frantic, rather than rest and relax and rejuvenate in anticipation of a nice, peaceful babymoon. My next online class starts on Jan. 10th and I’ve got some remaining prep work to do for it too!

    Didn’t update with a 36 week picture, so here it is too:

    36 weeks