What Am I Thankful For?

Nov24

Many people have been participating in the Facebook tradition of posting something they’re thankful for as their status throughout November. A friend of mine collected all of hers into a Thanksgiving blog post, noting that they seem more powerful when all collected into one place. I thought that was a great idea and so I’m following suit! I’ve written recently about how blogging counts as valuable writing and I also think that the seeds of many a good blog post can be found in Facebook statuses and comments. While usually written in a different, very casual manner, I often save things I’ve posted to Facebook to use as “kernels” from which to germinate new blog posts.

So, during November, I have been thankful for:

Bedtime. On a day, “where my kids were manic, wild little beasts and I was a frazzle-haired crabatron.”

a class full of (mostly) interested and engaged students who seem to really be *clicking* with the material. I really got a great group at FLW this session. I’m having lots of fun with them!
safe travels and for Kindle
when I got rear-ended this afternoon, it was just a little bump and nothing more serious!
well water–I always feel confused when people say they “don’t like water” or that they have to force themselves to drink water. Water is my favorite drink! But, then I go somewhere with city water and suddenly I understand!
On the second anniversary of the miscarriage-birth of my tiny son Noah. I’ve been thankful today for Alaina who fills our lives with such joy and I’m thankful that I got to spend his birthday on the “other side” of the pregnancy after loss journey with her, and I’m thankful for Noah and the gifts he brought to our lives–I feel like he made it possible for us to have her and I’m so thankful for that. We remembered him tonight with a candle by his tree and moonlit labyrinth walk while we listened to a special song.
smooth, safe travels and home sweet home.
that I had a flat tire at the geology museum parking lot today rather than at FLW last night! And, I’m thankful for my wonderful husband who dropped everything to come to the rescue (not only did he put on the spare, he traded cars with me so I took the kids home in his car, while he kept mine in town and is going to take it to get a new tire).
the military service of Mark’s late dad, LaRoy, who was disabled in Vietnam. He made many personal sacrifices in his service, but one of the gifts of that service was that Mark’s college education was paid for–meaning our family continues to benefit today by having no student loans. I often feel thankful for LaRoy for that!
an active, engaged online class this session.
quiet time alone to write!(and for a normal nap from baby girl today–I’m also thankful that she remains a precious, good-spirited treasure even on days when she doesn’t nap very well)
my mom, who keeps trekking to the Fort with me each week so that Alaina doesn’t have to be separated. I really appreciate it! (and her only reward, aside from spending time with the greatness that is A and me, is a salad from Panera)
pictures from our family photo shoot today! Feeling thankful for Karen today (see photo below).
my husband, who takes care of so many things each morning that I often overlook or take for granted (maybe because I’m busy still snoozing and snuggling in bed with the baby when he’s getting ready for work!) He takes care of the animals, makes me tea, does the dishes, etc. (Today got all of the towering mounds of recycling packed up to take to the recycling center.)
the past TEN months of baby girlness in our house!
my Kindle. I love being able to carry 600 or so books around with me wherever I go! It is like magic.
that I get to say things in my home like, “Lann! Those birth goddesses aren’t baked! Did you hear me? The goddesses aren’t baked!!” ♥ my boys and my life!
that the busyness of the day involves finally getting to meet an out-of-town friend’s new baby, celebrating a beautiful mama at a blessingway, and teaching a class tonight that I enjoy!
a great class tonight–I have some really fun students!
courageous birthing women, for midwives of all varieties, for magnificent babies, for loving fathers, for dedicated doulas, for committed birth activists, for inspirational childbirth educators, and for the everyday, transformative miracle of birth.

And, heck, I should add that I’m thankful for Facebook, because of how it allows me to maintain connections with friends who have moved away as well as for daily check ins with local friends and with family near and far. Also, for the idea-sharing, thought-provoking discussions, points of connection and inspiration, and being able to reach out to the broad birth activism world and to pregnant mamas through my business pages. That thankfulness makes me remember that I am thankful for this blog as well, which gives me the opportunity and avenue to reach out to touch the lives of many women and people around the world, rather than simply in my own little corner.

Some are mundane and some are more profound and there is some repetition, but all make up the texture of daily life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A lot of my thankfulness reasons all in one place!

Top Ten Things I Love About Having a Baby

Nov23

The winter holiday season remains linked with pregnancy loss for me. This time last year, I was entering the final stretch of my pregnancy-after-loss journey and feeling so hopeful that I would have a happy ending to my loss story. This time two years ago, I was reeling from Noah’s birth and it was so very difficult to experience the holidays without being pregnant after all. I feel like this whole first year with Alaina has represented another “circuit” in the labyrinth of pregnancy loss, pregnancy-after-loss, and then new baby. I feel like I have to make another complete “round” of the year, passing through all of those significant dates and milestones that I experienced first as a post-loss mama and as a PAL mama, but getting to take another lap, this time holding my new baby. Each time I pass another date, I feel almost like waving—here we go…together!

So, in this time of thanksgiving, I want to share the

Top Ten Things I Love About Having a Baby

Should have had Karen take a picture of the back of A's neck for me--as it is, this is the best I could do!

Morning lounge-nursing
The bent back of her neck as she seriously examines something.
The way she rides on my hip and snuggles her head in on my shoulder.
Being a little person’s one and only–the most loved and most desired companion. (To be fair, this is one of the hard parts too. It can be exhausting to be needed most of the day and night.)
How curious she is and how quickly she notices something new–and how closely and seriously she studies and examines and explores it.
Babywearing.
Her fuzzy hair. Smelling her head.
How she meets my eyes across the room, or while nursing, or in any instance when she is surprised or startled, or even just noticing something—she checks it out with her home base. It is an honor to be so trusted.
Experiencing the thrill of discovery through her eyes.
Having a baby! Being one of the babymamas. Being a mamatoto. It just feels really right to have a baby on my hip and at my breast.

Trusting gaze

Big girl! (but checking in to see if all is well--she's looking at me in this picture).

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ten Months Old!

Nov19

Today marks ten months of baby girlness in our home! I’m so glad she’s here! Quickie update in developments this month: she has seven teeth now! She cruises around furniture with impunity. She pinches your arms and then scream-squeals to demonstrate her empathy for your pain. She ate a gemstone, but it was recovered when we washed diapers. We successfully traveled to Chicago and back. She pinches and scratches while nursing and is a wild, twisting nurser. Naps have been bad lately, which can lead to commensurate maternal despair. She still sleeps on my arm all night long. She still smells like apricots. Has the bestest baby yogurt breath. She has the best eyes and eyelashes ever. While still even-tempered and brave when faced with new things, she has now thrown a big-time fit over dum-dum deprivation (also, has located and consumed entire blue dum-dum from the boys Halloween haul). Eats lots of things (some edible, some not) and likes broccoli the best. Is on a potty strike and stiffens back to make pottying impossible. Has been standing alone for brief moments. Has started going to visit like a big a girl with Baba and Tom (my parents) when the boys go over in the afternoon.

I still look at her with surprise and amazement multiple times a week—how did we get you? Are you really here? Oh my goodness, MY BABY! Feeling a weird sense of clock ticking as she approaches one year—is this really the last two months that I will ever spend with a baby of my own in my house? I’m trying to remember that…only two months of baby left…every single day so that I appreciate and marvel and cherish her every, single day. (Which, of course, all babies deserve, but which can be hard to remember—non-napping “schedule” also makes me “fail” in this arena some days as well.) I’m becoming more certain that she really is our last baby, though I still think maybe quite a lot. She needs a lot of me lately—lots of in arms, in baby carrier time. I’m sure in another *blink* she will be walking and won’t need me like that. I’m her favorite place right now still though. She says da da and mama and hi and bye. I’m only teaching one in-seat class this session and it is a lot easier on us all. I have signed on for three in January again though—it is three sections of the same class, so that is bound to be easier than the early fall session was, right?! I’m still plugging away on my own classes too—I’m taking six classes, but they are mercifully all self-paced (I’m over halfway done with several of them). I love them all—really amazing content. I love “stretching” my brain with them and thinking and pondering over and writing about complex ideas and issues.

We also had a family photo shoot this week:

Top 10 Kid Gadgets for Holiday Road Trips

Nov18

We recently returned from a train trip to the Chicago area. While it took a long time to travel by train (mostly due to having to get to the station early, etc.), I really appreciated this mode of travel with a baby! Check out some pictures:

Alaina watching the world go by!

Watching a movie on Daddy's laptop on the way--Amtrak has two outlets for each set of seats, which is awesome!

The boys on the commuter train on the way home--they both got a little bit of a fever/cold and ended up sleeping on much of the return journey. It was actually kind of "convenient"!

Conked out on the commuter train back into Chicago (see how she holds my necklace 🙂

One of the greatest benefits of train travel to me is the ability to hold and nurse the baby while traveling. I’ve said so many times how I wish I could invent a baby carrier that you could legally wear in a car. Traveling on the train allowed me to experience that imagining. It was great! She rode, she nursed, she snoozed, she checked things out.

Now THIS is how I like to travel with a baby!

When I got home, I coincidentally received the following guest post about keeping kids entertained on holiday road trips. For our own train trip, the most useful thing we had was the laptop. (I also had mine with me and actually managed to edit 81 pages of my miscarriage book on the trip home!) While we were at my in-laws, I also bought some fun little “blind bag” Playmobil and Lego figures and gave them to the kids to play with on the way home.

Guest Post: Top 10 Kid Gadgets for Holiday Road Trips

by Ashley Grimaldo
Talking on a cell phone while driving is dangerous. But a mid-transit chat pales in comparison to the distraction of driving with one (or two!) children wailing in the backseat. Nothing increases adrenaline and quick recall of four-letter words quite like crying kids.

As parents, we can mentally cope with crying kids to and from the grocery store. But long-distance trips need more finesse. Careful preparation and a few necessities can prevent a few glitches and keep your travel going smoothly. As you prepare for holiday travels, make the most of your trip with these handy gadgets.

1. Snack Container
A signature trademark of a kid-friendly car is a Hansel and Gretel-worthy crumb collection on every surface. If you can overlook this completely annoying parenthood perk, I applaud you; otherwise invest in some creative cups. Munchkin offers an ingenious design with handles and no spill rubber top–two for under $7. Sporting a similar design but with an attachable rope (and additional solid top) is the Spill-Proof Snack Buddy Cup from One Step Ahead.

2. Window Shade
Getting on the road is tough enough; stopping to shade a sunset shouldn’t be on your list of priorities. Grab a light-cutting window shade to curb the brightness. Measure your windows and buy the widest shade possible, making sure you have enough visibility in your back and rear passenger windows. Check out your options at Great Baby Products for window shade reviews.

3. Lacing Toys
Kids above age 3 (who don’t suffer from motion sickness) will work on lacing boards for hours. Growing Tree Toys has a fantastic range of simple lacing activities, like necklaces and ABCs, to complex connect-a-dot boards. Bring a bucket to set in your child’s lap so that she can contain the blocks without dropping them on the floor.

4. Finger Puppets
For the dramatic types in your crew, a set of finger puppets can be a space-saving lifesaver. My favorite are high-quality puppets that tell a familiar story, like Thumbelina or the Frog Prince from puppet master Folkmanis, but folks on a budget can definitely afford IKEA’s popular set of circus characters or animals for just $4.99.

5. Favorite Music
Not your favorite music, mind you. Junior may not appreciate the vocal stylings of Rihanna for hours on end (and, honestly, you shouldn’t either). Enjoy some traditional Disney favorites and throw in some award-winning movement songs from Hap Palmer and Joe Scruggs to keep the mood kid-friendly. Bring on talk radio when it’s time for a snooze.

6. Bubbles
So what if you have to clean up the residue later! Bubbles are total fun for all ages, especially when the road seems never-ending. Unless you have an older child, mom or dad needs to commandeer the liquid and blow them toward the back. The best bubbles on the market, hands down, come from Gymboree. These bubbles float forever and the solution never dries out.

7. Barf Bag
Close to 30% of people are susceptible to motion sickness, and kids are no exception. The barfies can strike at any time–there’s no guarantee that your child will or won’t get sick on a road trip. Prepare for the worst by investing in a few leak-proof barf bags with fun pictures printed on the outside and show your child how to “cough” into it if his tummy starts to hurt. And bring an extra couple of towels just in case.

8. Neck Pillow
This is a tricky one. Your younger child may or may not like the feeling of something so close to her neck. Try it on short stroller trips ahead of time to practice. If your kiddo will wear it, she’ll be far more comfortable during naps. Pillow companions like the Dora neck pillow attach to the straps of your car seat or stroller, making it a bit more accessible.

9. Small Baking Sheets
This ingenious idea from Family Fun keeps the ever-present I-dropped-it-on-the-floor wail at bay. Use a conventional (but smaller) lipped baking sheet as a drawing, magnetic and keep-it-all-in-one place surface. Glue one or two layers of foam shelf paper on the bottom to make it less likely to fall and affix white contact paper to the top for the drawing surface. Turn it into multiple activities by attaching magnets to buttons for checkers or bingo games. Older travelers might prefer a more sophisticated travel kit like this one from Martha Stewart.

10. iPad
No, I’m not a fan of hours of screen time for little eyes, but during a road trip this godsend is a total catchall. From apps for all ages to music and movies, the iPad is the perfect device for tiny travelers. Purchasing gift cards at a discount from sites like GiftCardGranny can help you pay for the pricey device at such retailers as Target and Walmart, who are currently offering deals on iPad 2 bundles. Then, let your kiddos learn letters with Starfall or everything nursery-rhyme cooky from Duck Duck Moose. When all else fails, strap it to the seat and watch a movie.

###

Ashley Grimaldo comes from a long line of penny pinchers and enjoys blogging on money-saving tips and advice for frugal-minded parents. She lives with her husband and three children in Bryan, Texas. Ashley has been featured among such media outlets as Redbook, The Chicago Tribune, Time.com, and CBS News-Houston.

For all media inquiries, please contact Ashley Grimaldo at ashley@kinoliinc.com.

Birth and the Women’s Health Agenda

Nov13

Ready to be on the agenda, dangit!

In the Fall issue of The Journal of Perinatal Education (Lamaze), there was a guest editorial by perinatologist Michael Klein called “Many Women and Providers are Unprepared for an Evidence-Based Conversation About Birth.” In it he notes:

Childbirth is not on the women’s health agenda in most Western countries…It never has been. Osteoporosis is. Breast health is; violence against women is. Why not childbirth? Because women, understandably, do not want to be judged only by their reproductive capacities. Women are multipotential people. Among many potentialities, they can rise to the top of the academic and corporate world. Giving birth is just one of many things women can do. But now is the time to add childbirth to the women’s health agenda; it is because of the lack of informed decision making that birth should be added to that agenda, lack of information, misinformation, and even disinformation. The time is now.

…What really matters is attitudes and beliefs, which are much more difficult to change than putting away the scissors and hanging some plants. These are systemic issues. (emphasis mine) It is all about anxiety and fear. The doctors are afraid…The women are afraid…Society is afraid and averse to risk.

So how can you make a revolution when so few individuals are unhappy with current maternity care practices? The most unhappy and well-informed women select midwives, if available. The most fearful women select obstetricians. Providers are not going to initiate the revolution to make childbirth a normal rather than high-risk, industrialized activity…Women are going to have to take the lead…

The problem is not that obstetricians are surgeons. They are. The problem is that society has invested surgeons with control over normal childbirth.

I keep wanting to write an article called, “is evidence-based care enough?” because we see this phrase used so often in birth advocacy work. It is kind of the companion phrase to the, “women just need to educate themselves” line of thought, that, quite frankly, is also just not enough. And, I think the reason it isn’t enough—all of our education, all of our books, and all of our evidence—is because it isn’t information itself that really needs to change, it is women’s feelings and beliefs about birth (and the medical system’s feelings and beliefs about it too, in addition to their practices) and changing those sometimes feel like an insurmountable task. As I’ve written before, much of the time it isn’t that we actually want women to know more, we want them to act differently. And, a choice made in a context of fear is not an informed choice at all.

A Writer’s Prayer

Nov13

I often use my blog as as a means of saving thoughts and ideas for “later” or for storing the ideas of other people for future reference or reflection. Sometimes I feel like it is silly to do this–why write a blog post that primarily consists of quotes that I want to remember or use in the future? Why not just trust that I can eventually go back to that book or article and re-find the good stuff then? I’ve often chided myself about it–don’t use your blog to “store” stuff, use it for original ideas. Quit writing short little posts and work on your books instead. And, more cruelly, don’t bother, no one cares. However, I’ve also realized that I don’t have the space in my life right now for the sustained concentration it would require for me to write my books. I have ideas for four of them. My miscarriage memoir is almost finished and I do plan to publish it this year, but the others are not and I’ve accepted that they won’t be likely to get any of my attention until my kids are older. I can barely find the time to write any articles lately, let alone books. But, then I realized that in a way, when I collect words and thoughts in my blog–whether just transcribed words from something that caught my attention, or fresh words of my own–I am working on my books. I’m preserving, collecting, storing, and refining ideas, words, memories, and thoughts, so that I will have a rich collection to mine when I’m ready to fully develop it. I might dismiss it as “just blogging” and some posts might just be short quotes from other writers, but I think there is good value to me in this collecting process after all.

From the anthology Sisters Singing, here is a quote from a longer poem called, A Writer’s Prayer, by Sarah Jones:

…The body of a writer
is a political action
with each swing of a letter
each truth written
the world is broken open,
a vein of truth exposed.
A writer’s prayer is for herself.
That she will hold to slowness
that she will hold to the beauty of a candle
that with the dirt and the grit of living under her nails,
she will write her body into language.

I write to remember. I write to share. I write to preserve. I write to collect. I write to store. I write for myself. I write for my children. I write for others. I write for perspective. I write to play my life’s music. I write because I just can’t help it.

The Beauty of a Nursing Mother

Nov13

“The beauty of a nursing mother can never be explained by a little oxytocin around the milk glands.”

—The Wisdom of the Body

(in a section discussing the biology and physiology of milk production and delivery)

I’ve mentioned before how very much I enjoy the Diane Wiessinger’s conference presentations. In 2007, I attended her amazing session called “Watch Your Language” that was about how we talk about breastfeeding. An example of a problem word when it comes to breastfeeding–using the word “special” to describe breastfeeding: a “special bond” a “special nursing corner” etc. and also using the word “perfect” (which communicates something that isn’t reasonable or that “real” people can’t do or live up to). She encouraged us not to “glorify breastfeeding” like this. Breastfeeding ISN’T special, it is NORMAL. A breastfed baby has a “normal bond” with its mother! Human milk isn’t the perfect food for babies, it is the NORMAL food for babies.

A long time ago I also marked the following quote to share from K.C. Compton in an article in Utne about baby boomers:

“We discovered firsthand the radical nature of simple acts: Sit in the front of the bus, ask that your husband be present during his son’s birth, decide to feed your infant with your own breasts, refuse the nuclear power plant being built just up the road. We also learned how much more effective those acts can be when compounded by the hundreds and thousands, their feet on the street…”

And, then this reminds me of a powerful editorial by Peggy O’Mara, urging women to see their mothering as a political act:

See your mothering as a political act. The way you talk to your child becomes his or her inner voice. The way you model acceptance of your own body becomes the way your daughter learns to accept hers. The way you model the distribution of chores in the household provides a blueprint for your children’s marriages. Bringing consciousness and awareness to the small acts of your life with your family can change the world. Your mothering is enough.

…As mothers, we think that our concerns are the concerns of the many. We have to make sure that they are. As mothers, we hope that our children are protected by society. We have to act when they are not. As mothers, we have authoritative knowledge about our own experience, an experience we have in common with millions of women. We can build a more just society on the ground of this common experience.

New Pictures!

Nov11

I took Alaina for a 9 month photo shoot with my friend Karen (of Portraits and Paws Photography) who also took my pregnancy photos. I really have fun getting high quality pictures that capture what our lives are like. She is able to catch expression, details, and feeling in a way that I can’t usually do with snapshots. So, even though we were thoroughly exhausted from having just returned from my sister-in-law’s wedding near Chicago), I’m really glad we did another photo shoot!

Here are a couple of my favorites from the day, including one of each of my boys (lest you think I only get pictures taken of the baby!):

This one might be my favorite--I see this little face all the time, but have never really preserved it in a picture (she always looks away, it is blurry, whatever).

Became very obsessed with this candy cane

What a cutie! (note, still has some candy cane)

My biggest boy!

My little Z! (He's got some pretty amazing eyelashes/eyes too!)

We're going to try to get some better family shots another day. This was at the end of the shoot and all were tired. I like it anyway though. I also think it somehow looks like a lot of kids and only one mom!

I thought this one was a cute one of me--A looks done with pictures though (and, still has some candy cane)

Guest Post: More Business of Being Born Mini-Review

Nov9

In conjunction with the More Business of Being Born giveaway I’m currently hosting, I’m also pleased to share this mini-review of the first installment (Down on the Farm) guest posted by my friend and colleague, doula Summer:

More Business of Being Born

Down on the Farm: Conversations with Legendary Midwife Ina May

Reviewed by Summer Thorp-Lancaster

http://peacefulbeginnings.wordpress.com
http://summerdoula.wordpress.com

The first installation of More Business of Being Born, Down on the Farm: Conversations with Legendary Midwife Ina May, is infused with loving scenes of midwifery care, loads of vital information and even a few jokes (such as a gift referencing Ina May’s infamous “sphincter law”). We are given an up close view of the well-known Farm in Tennessee, whose Midwives boast an exemplary track record of Midwife attended, out-of-hospital births. This record includes a less than 2% cesarean section rate in over 2500 births. Throughout the interviews, Ina May’s (and the other Midwives featured) reverence and respect for the Midwifery Model of Care is ever-present. Her passion for the safety and overall well-being of the motherbaby is palpable and stirring.

It would be impossible to cover the many aspects of birth, or even just Midwife attended out-of-hospital birth, in a full length film, let alone an episode, but this piece successfully touches on many topics and will (hopefully) lead to further discussion amongst viewers. As an activist, I found myself left with a renewed sense of action or purpose, a desire to do more and help more so that all mamas and babies have the opportunity to experience birth as the positive, loving and intimate experience it was meant to be as well as a deeper understanding of the crisis surrounding our medical model of birth. I would recommend this film to everyone, as the state of maternity care affects us all.

Sand Tray Therapy

Nov7

I hoped to finish Noah’s book before his birthday today, but I didn’t quite make it. I’m still editing the last half, adding resources to the appendix, and waiting for my husband to design the cover for me. Hopefully I will publish it by the end of the year! Instead, I wanted to share some pictures and thoughts from a sand tray therapy exercise that I did during a session at the ICAN conference in St. Louis in April. I’ve been meaning to post about it since then and haven’t found the opportunity, so in honor of his birthday seems very fitting and appropriate. The session was intentionally kept small for personal sharing and when we walked in the therapist, Maria Carella, asked if we were there to celebrate a birth or to grieve one. I said I was there for both (I had Alaina with me and she slept in the Ergo during the session). Each of us had a tray of sand and there were long tables at the front of the room full of objects and materials (like shells, feathers, and so forth). We were paired up and after arranging our items on our sand, we were asked to share our tray with the person next to us as well as the message, lesson, reflection, or insight we received from the process of making the tray. While some people used the sand in various creative ways—mounding it up, etc.—I just smoothed mine out and put stuff on top of it. The experience of sharing with my tablemate was very moving and profound. We had a lot of surprising similarities in our feelings about our births, though our stories were very different. And, our closing thoughts or insights about our trays were almost identical.

While it might be hard to see everything, I chose the bridge to symbolize my feeling of having crossed the bridge to the “other side”—meaning first the fact that after Noah and my second miscarriage, I felt separated from women who had not experienced loss by a bridge and as if I’d crossed over into new territory and left my old, happy, naive pregnant self behind (along with the other non-loss mamas. A little more about this bridge here). AND, that I also felt like with Alaina’s birth that I crossed a bridge into the unknown and to the end of the pregnancy-after-loss journey. Her birth represented the “other side” of PAL. So, at the end of the bridge I drew a question mark in the sand, representing all the questions I had to get past and over in order to get to my new baby. The little baby on the side of the bridge represents how I still had Noah with me. He didn’t get “left behind” on the other side of the bridge, but was next to me on my journey. The spiral on the other side represents the continuous, unfolding spiral of life. Sitting by the question mark is a sort of Kachina-type figure holding many babies. To me she represents all of the babyloss mamas and also reminds me of the jizos who protect lost babies. There is also a coffin on the other side of the question mark, summing up how the fear of the death was everpresent for me and I had to pass over that fear as well to get to my new baby—my light, the candle on the other side of death. The little sparkling gems also represent my joy at her birth and what a treasure she is to me. The bone on the side of the candle represents the places where the “meat was chewed off my bones” by all my births, including Noah’s (I had just attended Pam England’s birth story sharing session prior to this sand tray session). I placed the Goddess of Willendorf figure, that I had immediately snatched off the table as soon as I spotted her, at the top to represent how my sense of spirituality had surrounded and enfolded both my experiences—She is “holding” it all. And, I explained to my tablemate how the roundness of the tray to me also represented the full circle—how Alaina’s story and Noah’s are entwined and how her birth was the “end” (of sorts) of his story, but that they are part of one whole.