What Should I Feed My Baby? Answers through the ages…

“My doctor said since my baby is four months old, I can start giving him solid foods.”

“My mother-in-law said that if I give my baby rice cereal at night, she will sleep better.”

“My friend says her six month old eats three jars of baby food a day, but mine doesn’t seem interested.”

“At the La Leche League meeting I went to, no one seemed interested in starting their babies on solids and one mom told me that babies don’t really need rice cereal.”

A lot of conflicting advice and opinions about babies and solid foods swirls around the internet and in the opinions of others around us. Why is there so much concern and conflict about what babies should eat and why? What should you feed your baby? Interestingly enough, the answer depends very much on your time and place in history, rather than on any hard and fast rules about what a baby actually needs! If you were a mother at the turn of the twentieth century, you would get a much different answer than a mother in the 1930’s! Many contemporary people express a lot of concern about wanting their babies to try a variety of foods and sometimes a bit of a parental competition can emerge regarding whose baby has the most varied palate. However, if you were receiving advice as a parent in 1906, you would have learned from doctors at that time that eating many different foods would likely result in child death: “And how many [parents], after a time, do we hear lamenting the loss of this child saying: ‘Poor thing! He was eating everything when he died.’ They do not understand, unfortunately, that it was precisely this that caused the baby’s demise more than anything else.”* Something that doesn’t change is the value of watching your baby rather than the calendar and listing to your instincts rather than the experts.

So…what ARE the medical answers through the ages to the question of what should I feed my baby…

When should I introduce solids?

1906: 12 months, 10 at the earliest.

1927: Six to eight months old.

1932: Eight, or better yet 10, months.

1947: six months

1979: three months

2008: 6 months

2015: once baby has doubled birth weight and weighs at least 13 pounds and is around six month olds

What should I feed my baby?

1906: At one year old—3 breastfeedings per day, plus at night after midnight. Also, gruel made with flour only (no fats) at noon + breastfeeding for dessert. At 7:00 p.m., you may give 130 g of milk.

1927: First food should be a bread and garlic soup. At one, baby should be having four breastfeedings a day, plus salty soup at noon and sweet gruel at 7:00. Salty soup contains bread, salt, and garlic and sweet gruel contains oat or rice flour and milk.

1932: Garlic and bread soup.

1947: “salty soup,” which can include cheese, chicken, or fish. At 7-8 months old some children can tolerate half an egg yolk or a teaspoon of grated cheese or a teaspoon of butter, or a teaspoon of pureed liver. Offer a different food each day.

IMPORTANT: “At one year old, it is essential that the child eat more than just breast milk. If the child is raised only on this lacteal secretion, he will become white and flabby. These are ‘curd babies.’” ( 😉 )

1979: At three months, begin with two servings of flour and milk gruel and one serving of fruit. At four months, add vegetables. At six months give egg yolk and liver (you may possibly begin this at four months).

At six months to one year, for breakfast baby should have sweet gruel with crackers or bread. For lunch, soup or strained vegetables or potatoes with added meat, liver, brains, etc. Fruit for dessert or some cheese. Afternoon snack should be strained fruit or fruit yogurt or crackers. For dinner, offer sweet gruel with egg yolk or soup with egg yolk, ham, fish, or white sauce.

At one, you may begin to give cocoa, dried legumes, fruits, sauces, candies, and cakes.

2008: Cereal should be first food. Once your baby learns to eat cereal, gradually introduce other foods such as strained vegetables, fruit, and meat. Give one new food at a time, and wait at least 2-3 days before starting another. Give eggs last, because they occasionally cause allergic reactions.

Your baby can start drinking juice at this time also. Apple juice and white grape juice are well tolerated by most babies. You may want to dilute the juice with an equal amount of water, as undiluted juice can cause diarrhea, diaper rash, and excessive weight gain. Many babies are sensitive to orange juice and other citrus fruits, so they should not be given before 6 months of age.

Within 2 or 3 months of starting solid foods, your baby’s daily diet should include breast milk or formula, cereal, vegetables, fruits, and meat given over three meals.

Once your baby is sitting up, you can give him finger foods to help him learn to feed himself. Some examples include well-cooked and cut-up squash, peas, potatoes, and small pieces of wafer-type cookies or crackers.

2015: For most babies it does not matter what the first solid foods are. By tradition, single-grain cereals are usually introduced first. However, there is no medical evidence that introducing solid foods in any particular order has an advantage for your baby.

Though many pediatricians will recommend starting vegetables before fruits, there is no evidence that your baby will develop a dislike for vegetables if fruit is given first. Babies are born with a preference for sweets, and the order of introducing foods does not change this. (via Switching To Solid Foods – HealthyChildren.org.)

What should my 14 month old be eating?

1906: Once your baby is 14 months old, you can add one egg yolk to the morning gruel and give an additional serving of plain gruel in the afternoon.

At fifteen months, you can add egg yolk to both gruels.

1927: At 15 months, two servings of gruel made of flour, four nursings. An egg yolk may be added to the gruel once a day.

Between 15-18 months, you can introduce mashed potatoes, eggs, and pastas.

1947: four to five daily nursings, plus strained fruit with crackers in the morning and strained vegetables with liver at noon. You should also give one feeding of gruel with strained egg yolk. At 8:00 p.m., give wheat, tapioca, or oatmeal gruel and juice, plus additional gruel at 11:00 pm.The child may have 2 crackers per day or a small piece of bread.

2015: Generally, meats and vegetables contain more nutrients per serving than fruits or cereals. Many pediatricians recommend against giving eggs and fish in the first year of life because of allergic reactions, but there is no evidence that introducing these nutrient-dense foods after 4 to 6 months of age determines whether your baby will be allergic to them.

Within a few months of starting solid foods, your baby’s daily diet should include a variety of foods each day that may include the following:

Breast milk and/or formula
Meats
Cereal
Vegetables
Fruits
Eggs
Fish

via Switching To Solid Foods – HealthyChildren.org.

What should my 18 month old eat?

1906: At 16-18 months, add broth, legumes, and crackers (no more than once a day!).

1927: Between 18-24 months, meats and fish.

Pureed vegetables can be given in small quantity, they are not very nutritious.

At 18 months, you can give fruit, but only if it is cooked. Only during the 3^rd year will we authorize the use of fresh fruit in small quantities.

1932: You can start bread with butter, egg yolk, tomato, grape and orange juice, pasta and legumes.

When should I wean?

1906: At 20-21 months cease breastfeeding and give crackers three times a day. At 22-24 months, you may add chocolate, fish, and brains.

At 3 years, you may give whole egg and chicken croquettes (make sure to follow special recipe). Three 10 g servings of milk per day also.

At 3 ½ you may introduce fruit and vegetables at 4 years, but only a little, the same with veal

1932: You may give fish at 2 ½ years and chicken at age three.

1979: 10-12 months

2008-2015: Breastfeeding should continue for 12 months and then as long thereafter as desired by both mother and child.

*This tongue-in-cheek look at the solid food advice given by medical professionals during different decades of American history was gathered from information provided by the wonderful book My Child Won’t Eat by Dr. Carlos Gonzalez.

Fourmonthababy

Mar6

THIS BABY.

Sometimes that is all I can say. I hold him up and stare at him and show him to Mark: this baby. THIS BABY! He may be the most babiest of babies we’ve ever enjoyed.

It is hard to turn four months old for a baby who is born on Oct. 30th, because February only has 28 days. He managed though. Because, this baby!

I did a fourthmonthababy comparapic:

A month or so ago, I saw a picture of him that looked familiar and so I dug out one of my own baby pictures instead of the baby pictures of my other kids and did a side by side of both of us at two months old:

Yes, familiar!

So, I went ahead and did a four months one too!

Unfortunately, one thing this baby isn’t known for is sleeping without being held or in being put down in general, which makes it hard to write effusive blog posts about him (or any other blog posts at all). I jotted down the following notes in my notes app though…

He has more hair. Still blond. Sticks up. Twists heart. I’m trying not to miss anything. At same time, feel like I am missing things with my other kids—there are only so many hours in a day and I feel like I spend them on Tanner and my work mainly (poor Mark hardly rates on my “pay attention” scale at all!).

I use this meditation bracelet as I sit in my nursing chair feeling like I’m not getting “enough” done.

Alaina is still having a hard time with the adjustment/displacement, perhaps the hardest I’ve experienced with a kid. She can be relentless and exhausting and needy and also very intentionally push parental guilt buttons. She went with my mom to KS for four days recently to visit and I think the time and more focused attention was good for her. Speaking of heart-twisting though, watching her walk away in her little purple pants with her little skinny legs, I realized that I will never, personally spend four days alone with my four-year-old-daughter in my life. Feels sad.

My mom also crocheted her a mermaid tail!
Back to Tan-baby.

Has large levels of what we call: Intent to grab. This involves serious, devoted staring at an item, with spasmodic hand twitches towards it and a full-weight leaning body. ITG progressed over the last two weeks into actually grabbing and moderate reaching for things being handed to him, including skills in swiping/knocking things from counters, trying to chew laptop cords, and screeching with outrage when thwarted.

After having his neck and chest develop a horribly red, chapped, and chafed looking areas, I finally caved and started putting bibs on him to protect him from copious drool. I always feel kind of sad for babies wearing bibs for drool, like it is embarrassing somehow! He also super-freakishly chews own lips/tongue in a weird mouth movement that can only be seen to be believed (and he stops doing it as soon as you say anything or try to take a picture or video and instead smiles hugely).

Sleeps on me for naps and on my arm all night.

Rolls over both ways on 2/20. Plays Boo for first time on March 2—prior to this day, “boo’ing” was unamusing. March 2 produced laughter and kicks to keep playing the game.

We’ve been snowed in off and on for weeks. All hours filled with kids. Has been surprisingly “vacationish” feeling for a large part, with a sprinkle of oversaturation.

Seeing if UPS would deliver them to Baba and Tom’s house

I’ve made myself feel sad in advance to see the easy intimacy and connection of my kids now at their wide age ranges because in my own experience with my much younger siblings, it totally ended (as do all life stages). Seems like this is how it will be “forever.”

He definitely tries to be one of kids—watches the “show” (but wants to be on or with me while watching).

My babies have all gotten propped up in pillow nests so this prompted another comparapic:

Boogerectomies are an ongoing issue. This baby has the most terrible booger problem of any baby I have ever known. We had to buy a special device on Amazon to extract them and it is miserable torture for us all, but his nasal passages actually get so occluded at times that he cannot breathe well enough to sleep or to nurse and then a traumatic boogerectomy is required.

He intentionally gives kisses by responding the word “kiiiiissssses!” with an open-mouthed dive at your cheek. Weighs 16 pounds according to step-on-step-off-step-on scale method. He also seems to be getting ready to sit up and will actually stay balanced in a sitting up position for a few seconds instead of immediately flopping over. He likes to hear Daddy play the guitar. And, he still seems to say “hi.” It is funny and startling, because you will look at him and say “hi” and he looks right at you and says “hi” back.

I feel like in the last month particularly we’ve really been watching him develop…how he is grabbing, reaching, noticing stuff. It feels like we are watching it as it actually happens for the first time. Mark and I both stood there looking at each other and at Tanner as we watched him purposefully reach out for something for the first time in his whole baby life. And, the entire family gathered around just a few days ago and watched him grab his feet for the first time when he was getting his diaper changed. I’m kind of surprised that we have time to watch him so intensely and pay so much attention to these changes. Is it because there are more witnesses than ever in the house? Is it because it feels like a treat to get to watch someone new’s development unfold one more time? I’m not sure, but I do know that he has more attention paid to each developmental milestone he reaches than any baby who has lived in our house before!

Sporting an outfit he got for a Christmas present. The hat was amusingly out of proportion and cracked us all up!

Getting in on the sibling LARPing as a Ninjababy.

Tanner is now almost twice as old as he was when the three of us ventured off to class for the first time since his birth. Now, 8 weeks have passed and we successfully made it all the way through the session! The last week has been pretty stressful for me as I struggled to grade all the papers for both my classes as well as the final exams for the seated class, but I did it. Mainly like this:

We joke that he experiencing the world through eyebrows (in addition to mouthing things)…

What a most fabulous four-month old Tan Tan we have in our house!

Tuesday Tidbits: Postpartum Recovery

Feb17

I keep meaning to write another post about my experience with postpartum bellybinding using a traditional wrap. However, in case I don’t get around to writing that post, I want to mention that I think it was incredibly beneficial in helping me avoid a diastasis recti. During pregnancy, I noticed a separation in my muscles near my belly button and after past births I’ve had a 1/2 inch gap or so. Just a few weeks ago during my yoga practice, I noticed that I have virtually no gap at all now, even though I now have more kids than ever! While I still have a bit more of a “mummy tummy” than I’d ideally like to have following Tanner’s birth, the muscles underneath said tummy are strong and together. Anyway, today I enjoyed this helpful video and blog post about diastasis recti. It was very interesting and informative! Does Your Diastasis Recti have to Close For Optimal recovery? | Pregnancy Exercise.

And, this is a good article by a Facebook friend of mine about postpartum anxiety.

There is one thing I did know, that I now realize many others don’t, and this is a big one: “Postpartum” is not shorthand for a mood disorder. Nobody “has” postpartum, in the history of the world, ever. Postpartum is what you are after you have a baby, not something you have. Every woman who gives birth is postpartum immediately afterwards. That’s because postpartum, by definition, refers to the first few months after delivery. Postpartum = ‘after baby’ just like pregnant = ‘expecting a baby’.

via Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: What I Wish I’d Known.

I’ve noticed this as well, particularly in my college classes, women will actually mention “not having postpartum” or worried about “she might have postpartum.” I always correct them—all women who have had a baby are postpartum (some would say you’re postpartum for the rest of your life!) and in itself the term alone does not mean anything about mood disorders.

Speaking of having the right words for experiences, I also shared this quote about birth and mystery:

Birth is a great mystery. Yet, we live in a rational, scientific world that doesn’t allow for mystery. ‘In this day and age, there must be a better way to have a baby,’ implies that if you are informed enough, strong enough, you can control it. Any woman who has given birth, who can be honest, will tell you otherwise. There are no guarantees. It is an uncontrollable experience. Taking care of yourself and being informed and empowered are crucial, but so is surrender. Forget about trying to birth perfectly. Forget about trying to please anyone, least of all your doctor or midwife…

–Jennifer Louden (The Pregnant Woman’s Comfort Book)

via Plucking out the heart of mystery | Talk Birth.

And, what we often need is women’s care for one another:

Women around the world and throughout time have known how to take care of each other in birth. They’ve shown each other the best positions for comfort in labor, they’ve used nurturing touch and repeated soothing words, and they’ve literally held each other up when it’s needed the most… –The Doula Guide to Birth

via Tuesday Tidbits: Parenting, Help, and Early Motherhood | Talk Birth.

(Side note: when I first used this quote, I was also celebrating 400,000 hits on Talk Birth. Now, I’m thisclose to 800,000!)

As I’ve shared before, one of my favorite quotes about postpartum comes from Naomi Wolf, A mother is not born when a baby is born; a mother is forged, made. The quote I share in this past post about an article about “Rebirth” touches that place in me—that motherhood results in a total life overhaul and a new, enriched identity: Rebirth: What We Don’t Say | Talk Birth.

I shared this link about our cesarean birth goddess pendant in a different post, but I’m sharing it again anyway. Sorry if I am overusing it, but it really touched me and I feel like it belongs in this post too!

I wear both of these daily (I am currently wearing them.) The only time I take them off is to bathe and sleep. I am so madly in love with these; I feel so empowered when wearing them. I had a hard time with my new body after my cesarean and after a couple of years of feeling very close to depression, I finally found myself. I submerged myself into the body positive scene and fell in love with my body; (perfect) imperfections and all. I am now proud of my body and totally in love with it. I also treat it better now; Instead of just going with the flow, I make a point to give it what it needs. Matthew will be wearing these necklaces when I give birth because I can’t have them on; though I want them there…

Lauren Douglas Creative: Handmade Love; Reviews of Things We’ve Recently Gotten.

And, speaking of birth art, I just love this cool mother blessing mandala I found on etsy recently:

Custom Mother woman blessing mandala wall art by SusanaTavares.

And, this new meditative coloring book sounds extremely neat!

Blissful Birth Coloring Book – These Little Joys.

Switching topics slightly, I also enjoyed this article about why women criticize each other.

Approval from others has been our lifeline. For most of history, women couldn’t protect themselves through legal, political, or financial means. We didn’t have those options. We could ensure our survival only by adapting to what was desired and approved of by those with greater power. The legacy of that history is still alive in us and can make criticism or challenging the status quo feel like particularly high stakes.

via Why Women Criticize Each Other—Plus Ways to Play Bigger | Goop.

The author also points out that we don’t have to wait for confidence before we play big/reach bigger–I liked that. I am hard on myself sometimes about not being more confident, but if I take some steps back, I see that the things that I do and the ways in which I am vulnerable enough to put myself out there, are brave and that feeling insecure and yet moving forward anyway is perfectly fine. One does not have to eradicate self-doubt or insecurity–feel it and do it anyway! I’m also using the Inner Mentor meditation included in the post for our Red Tent Circle this week.

Speaking of Red Tents, she evolved into a Red Tent goddess after being cast with russet pigment, but this new sculpture design was originally a Winterspirit sculpt and she does look right at home in this week’s weather!

The Heart of Birth Quotes

Feb13

Fill your body with this breath
expand your heart with this message
you are such a good mother.

via International Women’s Day: Prayer for Mothers

Choosing to move beyond the painful disconnections of our culture, I do my best to support the breastfeeding mothers I meet. Our world must move beyond separating baby from mother, self from breath, and bodies from hearts.

–Amy Wright Glenn, In praise of breast milk.

I remain firmly convinced that the way we treat women in the birthplace reflects an overall cultural attitude towards women in general. I believe that peace on earth begins with birth. I believe that we can change the world with the way we greet new babies and celebrate new mothers and see the deep, never-ending work of parenting our children. I believe in rising for justice and I keep vigil in my heart every day for women around the world.

–Molly Remer, Rise for Justice

Birth doula work is not about double hip squeezes. It isn’t about birth plans. Birth doulaing at its heart is a spiritual path that will rip away your narcissism and your selfishness. It will restructure your values and strengthen your compassion and empathy for all people through pain and humility. It is about learning how to BE in the presence of conflict and the human experience of living at its most raw and gut wrenching…

–Amy Gililand

Midwives often forget that our beliefs in [mom’s] abilities can alter her accomplishments. It is important to check our hearts and push through any lack of belief that may inhibit her strengths. This may sound silly or ethereal, but I guarantee it can make a difference for a laboring mom and family.

~ Carol Gautschi (Midwifery Today)

Body opens
heart opens
hands open to receive

Birth mama
birth goddess
she’s finding her way
she’s finding her way…

via Birth as Initiation

…all those tasks and interactions of motherhood, a day full of which might make you feel you’ve ‘gotten nothing done’ because you’ve been in the cycle of care, are the heart and soul of the best brain building possible.

–Lauren Lindsey Porter

Magic mama. She who transforms body and blood into milk. Into life. Into the heartsong of another. Maternal sacrament. Shared freely. Flowing sweetly. Uniting. This thoroughly embodied stuff of motherhood. This physical commitment. This body-based vow to our young. She holds her baby. And she holds the world.

Mammal mama. Liquid love. Cellular vow. Unbreakable, biological web of life and loving.

She’s just feeding her baby. Is she? Or is she healing the planet at the very same time?

via Pewter Breastfeeding Mama Goddess Sculpture by BrigidsGrove

Open hearts, strong hands. Be present, listen, feel her, trust your instincts. And remember–I have birthed my children…she will birth this child her way, with her power, be with her and let her feel your faith in her.

–Jennifer Walker

The regular old birth books and charts of fetal development and nutrition facts and birth plan worksheets didn’t cut it anymore (do they ever?). I had the same experience in teaching birth classes–yes, I could cover stages of labor and birth positions, but what about the heart of birth. What about the “mystery”? What about those unknown lessons in excavating one’s own depths? What about that part of birth and life that only she knows?

–Molly Remer via Sacred Pregnancy Week 1, Part 1: Sacred Space

…birth, if she has her way, happens below the head. In the end, fantasies and images from the stories a woman holds in her heart are what emerge with power…

–Sister MorningStar (The Power of Women)

Birth is not a cerebral event; it is a visceral-holistic process which requires all of your self–-body, heart, emotion, mind, spirit.

–Baraka Bethany Elihu (Birthing Ourselves into Being)

A doula gives from the heart to help another woman discover what birth and life are really all about.

–Connie Livingston

…Like other involuntary processes, we cannot consciously control pregnancy and birth unless we physically intervene. Did you need to learn how to make your heart beat? How to breathe? How to digest your food? How to produce hormones?…You don’t have to do anything to make these processes work. You can support them, or you can intervene, but they will happen all on their own. You can trust them.

—Lamaze International

As doulas, midwives, nurses, and doctors, it’s important to never underestimate how deeply entrusted we are with someone’s most vulnerable, raw, authentic self. We witness their heroic journeys, see them emerge with their babies, hearts wide open…

–Lesley Everest (MotherWit Doula)

Children are the power and the beauty of the future. Like tiny falcons we can release their hearts and minds, and send them soaring, gathering the air to their wings…

–Skip Berry

Expectant mothers need to be mothered; their hearts need to be infused with love, confidence, and determination. I now see myself as ‘midwife’ to the gestation and birth of women as mothers.

–Pam England (Birthing from Within)

Listening to your heart is not simple. Finding out who you are is not simple. It takes a lot of hard work and courage to get to know who you are and what you want.

–Sue Bender

Understanding birth technology shouldn’t lull you into thinking you understand birth. The profound mystery and spirituality of birth can never be understood with the mind, they are known through the heart…

–Pam England

…fear has to be present in order for courage to exist. The English word ‘courage’ is derived from the French word for the heart, coeur. Finding the heart to continue doing the right thing in the face of great fear inspires others to become nobler human beings.

~ Gloria Lemay

Threemonthababy!

Feb2

Yesterday we had a celebration day for Brigid’s Day (our biz-aversary) and Tanner’s three-month birthday ceremony in which we touched his little feet to the Earth for the first time. We wrapped him in his silk painted “welcome” banner that we made this summer as part of my Sacred Pregnancy class and took him down to my special place in the woods (the very place that told me I was pregnant with him in the first place!). It was chilly and his poor little feet turned a little bluish-red during the feet touching! We touched his feet to rock, leaf-covered earth, and tree and I offered him a blessing of welcome and love. And, we sang two songs and drummed a little before fleeing through the sleety air back to the warmth of the house!

I wrote down some notes of things I want to remember about this threemonthababy. He weighs 14 pounds now and as I mentioned in a post a few days ago, he chews on his hands in a v. adorable fashion. Observe…

I planned to do our feet-touching ceremony on January 30th, but by the time we got home that day it was dark. I thought about dragging everyone out to do it anyway, but instead just gifted us all with waiting until Sunday for our little celebration.

Instead, that night I shared this picture taken McDonalds parking lot in Salem (a far cry from gentle feet touching Earth ceremonies!). When I handed Tanner back to Lann to put in the car seat, I noticed he was sporting one “smokey eye” make up treatment…

(Actually, hot fudge!)

I posted the following day that Tanner’s new three-month nickname might have to be No Nap Tanner. Whew. He has a tendency to get extremely stressed out in the car and it seems to then lead to feeling insecure the following day involving only sleeping in twenty-minute scraps and being fretful. As I’ve written before, happiness as a mother is in direct proportion to length of nap taken by baby and we had a really negative, cranky Saturday overall. Lucky, Sunday was lovely and repaired all our nerves.

Like most of the people in my house, Tanner is a homebody sort. He does pretty well out and about, but then he reaches a point where he is very stressed and I can just tell he is saying, “go home and sit in our chair!” to me (I’m saying it in my own head too.) This is especially when we are in a loud, chaotic setting such a homeschool co-op or when we are doing lots of in and out of the car (both things were involved on Friday). The second week of class, he got stressed too when Mark tried to go to Wal-Mart to spend some of the waiting time for me doing something “productive.” It was a little too much back and forthing in the car (and Wal-Mart overstim) and Tanner was noticeably jangled, cranky, and unsettled the following day. He missed me too and that night after nursing, instead of going to sleep, he stopped nursing, tipped his head back and just stared and stared and stared into my eyes with a little smile on his face until he fell asleep (like, “I got her back!”). That said, I’ve also reflected several times recently, usually while nursing him in the night or snuggling him, is that he is such a lucky baby! He is snuggled just about 24 hours a day. He has nice warm nonnies on tap whenever he wants. He has two parents at home to love him. He has three siblings who want to take care of him and play with him constantly. He has a grandma who visits him almost every day and longs for more and a grandpa who also likes to see him. And, he has Cousin Power with a three months older cousin. Just the other day Zander said mournfully, “Mom is sooooo lucky. She gets to snug Tanner all night long and no one else gets a chance.” We feel lucky to have him 🙂

Another thing I wanted to mention is about elimination communication. This little guy continues to rock it. My EC skills were a little rusty, but I’m picking it back up again. One of the most noticeable cues is when those little chubby legs start kicking in the night. He’ll still be asleep, but the legs start wiggling and…sure enough, this is a pee cue. This doesn’t usually happen until 6:00 in the morning and then again at 8:00. Pees each time and goes right back to sleep, snuggin’ down with no more random kicking. Also, pulling on and off and on and off nursing behavior is often about pee, not about milk and not about nursing. And, those random potty thoughts. Totally spot on every time. The flaw comes with naptime–if he doesn’t pee before going down for a nap, needing to go wakes him up in 30 minutes or less, so I have to be very strategic and pay good attention. (Not much has changed, except the baby, since I wrote this older blog post so I’m not making a new one: The Real EC | Talk Birth.)

I also wanted to share that I finished the final two assignments in my final class at OSC yesterday. I am now ABD (all but dissertation). I can hardly believe it! I’ve been working on this degree for a long time and I actually expected it to take me several more months from now to finish my final classes. Finishing my dissertation project is one of my biggest goals for the year (I have several others too). Today, I was reminded in multiple ways that I did just have a baby three months ago. It is okay to pace myself and to take my time. So close though! So close.

I have all the time I need.

(Right? I made this one of my mottoes for the year in my Shining Year workbook…)

“Fire and ice” trifle for Brigid’s Day. I am inordinately proud of these and we’re having another one tonight with the leftover supplies!

Tuesday Tidbits: Past Posts & Present Babies

Jan27

I’ve been working on a paper for my final class for my D.Min degree (I’m half a class and one dissertation away from finishing it now!). I was pulling in some quotes from past blog posts to use in my paper and I kept coming across old posts of mine with good stuff in them! So, this edition of Tuesday Tidbits consists of old posts from my own blog!

The first post addresses the question of whether we can actually help a woman give birth. While most of us are familiar with the negative impact unnecessary interference can have on birth, when does “hands off” become birth neglect?

“One cannot actively help a woman give birth. The goal is to avoid disturbing her unnecessarily.”

– Michel Odent

via Helping a Woman Give Birth? | Talk Birth.

The second takes a look at the “of course” response—the response that affirms that if you are part of a crazy system, of course you sometimes feel crazy! This post is about the systemic context in which women give birth and make choices about their lives.

“The ‘Of Course’ response affirms that those who feel crazy, powerless, alone, confused, or frustrated within unhealthy systems such as patriarchy are experiencing just what one would expect of them.” What the model of medical birth as an unhealthy social system reveals is that “no matter where one starts on the circle…one eventually comes round to one’s starting point. The circle operates as an insulated, closed system that, unchecked and unchallenged, continues uninterrupted…” How does one break free of an unhealthy system? “Getting the right beliefs by rearranging one’s thinking is an important part of the process, but it is not enough…”

The Of COURSE response… | Talk Birth.

The third is some tidbits about mother care:

“I watch her face become alight with joy and ecstasy. ‘You’re here, oh look, you’re here! You’re so beautiful! I love you! We did it!’ It hasn’t been easy, but it was worth it…She knows–in a way that can never be taken from her–the story of her own courage and strength.”

–Jodi Green in SageWoman magazine

Wednesday Tidbits: Mother Care | Talk Birth.

And the fourth looks at the ways in which we are brought to our knees by birth and also contains this treasure of a quote about our children as our poetry:

“As women connected to the earth, we are nurturing and we are fierce, we are wicked and we are sublime. The full range is ours. We hold the moon in our bellies and fire in our hearts. We bleed. We give milk. We are the mothers of first words. These words grow. They are our children. They are our stories and our poems.”

–An excerpt from “Undressing the Bear” by Terry Tempest Williams

Brought to our knees | Talk Birth.

And, finally, because I can’t resist…bringing it back to the present moment, I want to remember how this little buddy carefully chews on his hands lately.

Up to 14lbs now. Almost three months!

I had an attack this morning about these moments are also our past moments. “This is OUR PAST!” I exclaimed to Mark in an existential crisis. It feels so real right now, but before we know it, this baby will be a past memory, just like Lann’s baby self is. And, his 11 year old self is so here, how can even spend more than a few seconds thinking about his three month old self. We simply can’t. And, this little Tan Tan chewing on his hands will be our past before we know it too. I almost can’t stand it. ACK! And, yet, here spins the world!

Womb Labyrinth

Jan26

Birth journey. Each of us walks our own path. In the center, a baby waits. And, so too, wait deep truths about ourselves. Our own courage, our own fears, our own strength, our own power. One foot in front of the other. That’s how the journey is made. You set out for the threshhold, unknowing. Maybe a little fearful. Maybe intrigued. Maybe anticipatory. Maybe excited. And you start to walk. One foot in front of the other. Sometimes our journeys drop us to our knees. Sometimes we feel around in the dark, searching for something to hold onto. Sometimes we skip and twirl along the path. Sometimes we run. Sometimes we pause and sit down and wait. Sometimes someone walks with us, holding our hand. Maybe even giving us a little push from behind. But, ultimately, it is our own private journey. When we get to the center, we will discover what it is that we know that no one else does.

The journey of postpartum is a labyrinth too. Carrying our babies in our arms, past sleepless nights, through endless days. Through worry and tears, through sharp, sweet, timeless moments of a joy so bone deep it knows no words and in a love so endless that it defies description. And, we walk. Sometimes we bounce. Sometimes we sway. Sometimes we sing a little tune. Sometimes we beg. Sometimes we scream. Sometimes we sit down and say we can’t keep going. Sometimes we skip through the sunshine and dance in the moonlight. Sometimes we can’t believe how much fun we are having and how wonderful this is. Sometimes we feel so alone, we think we might break. And, yet, we keep going, and we emerge, blinking at the newness of it all…

Modified from a past post: Birth Labyrinth | Talk Birth.

Small Business Saturday: New Pewter Pendants

Jan24

I feel like I should apologize for only posting these short or business/product-updatey posts lately. I am at another one of those barely-keeping-up-with-life points and blogging keeps slipping off my list, even though I have multiple ideas for multiple different blog posts on multiple different blogs a day. It is really frustrating and I’m upset and stressed/sad feeling it about it lately, to be honest. I also recognize…this again…I always want to shut everything off during the first week of February. I’ve written about it lots of other times before! (See this post: The Ongoing Crisis of Abundance. Blah, blah, nothing new!) I have lots of writing energy lately, but almost no writing opportunities and it feels very stifling and “oppressive” almost. I have fragments of time, snips and snaps, dribs and drabs, but no long stretches of uninterrupted, focused, clear time to write. The posts I do manage are eeked out amidst what feels like constant noise and with a strained feeling of not doing the right thing—or, of not enjoying it. If someone else has to hold the baby for me to write, I feel like I “should” be holding him. If I hold the baby and write at the same time I feel like I “should” be smelling his head and when I have to jiggle him against my shoulder and type with one hand, it feels like I am doing neither thing well–writing or mothering. And yet, I can’t stop the wave of ideas and topics from building in me each morning and wishing to be expressed. It is exhausting and I cannot seem to actually figure out when my many big writing projects are going to be accomplished if I can hardly manage to even get one or two mediocre blog posts published each week. ::::::sob:::::: This is not what I set out to type at all! I’m just really tired of the pervasive sensation of not having enough time. It feels awful. Though, truly, all it takes is about two hours of sustained attention on something and bing! I’m back to feeling optimistic and fulfilled and full of promise instead of wrung out and not “caught up,” the way I feel at this actual moment.

I read this quote in an old post:

“I know that for me, writing has something in common with nursing the baby. I can’t do it if I don’t do it all the time. Put it aside to build up strength, the flow will dwindle and finally disappear. When the baby was at my breast ten times a day, I had a rare secret feeling that we were violating a law of nature, defying a form of entropy…One cannot hoard some things. The more I gave the baby, the more I had to give her, and had I tried to conserve myself, I would have found that I conserved nothing.”

via Writing and Nursing | Talk Birth.

And, it spoke to me again, as both the mother of a nursling and as a writer.

So, back to my quick biz updates. Despite the no writing and no time, we have been making some pretty stuff!

We’ve re-carved, re-molded, and re-cast our womb labyrinth pendant:

The original version was less symmetrical. The new one still isn’t perfect, but I like it better! And, life–and the labyrinth of life and birth–is also not perfect.

With an eye on my Red Tent projects this year, we also added some simple, pretty crescent moon pendants to the shop:

We also created a Reiki-inspired Cho Ku Rei pendant. I like the new rectangle design. Mark created this one entirely on his own.

And, finally, a customer requested this design for a new baby in my heart miscarriage memorial pendant.

We don’t usually take custom requests in pewter because of the time and energy required to mold and cast a new design–it just doesn’t make sense for a one-time use–but her image spoke to us and we knew it would speak to others also. So, Mark carved her design in linoleum block and then molded and cast it and the first few he has cast are now available in our shop.

Two Month Comparison

Jan16

Ever since Tanner was born and I’ve heard from various people how he looks like one or another of my kids, I’ve wanted to do a side-by-side picture. When I was getting ready to do it, I said, “now people will see they’re not as identical as they think.” After I actually did it I said, “or, I will see they are more identical than I think!” The above collage is each of the kids at around two months old.

Not related to matching babies, but on another subject that I shared on Facebook recently and might as well tack on here, how a ten week old goes all night with a dry diaper is beyond me, especially since he nurses several times. However, this is why I can’t not do elimination communication! They so know how to do it. And, once you know they know, you can’t not know!

Past blog post: The Real EC

Thursday Tidbits: The Return

Jan15

Two months after Tanner’s birth, I still feel like I’m “coming back” from this trip.

And, speaking of returning, last night I went back to teaching my in-seat class. I am grateful to have a husband who accompanied me to keep the baby close on site for nursing as well as for helpful parents who rearranged their schedules/lives to take care of our other kids while we were gone.

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At class last night.

As I mentioned in a recent post, I’d mentally prepared to be “off” until January and now that it is January, I have a feeling of being sped up in an unpleasant way. So, I appreciated reading this essay and the reminder: you just had a baby.

You just had a baby.

So, let’s stop pretending like that didn’t just happen.

And let’s give you some grace and permission.

You don’t have to answer every email, every text or every invitation that comes your way. You don’t have to keep your house clean or make fancy dinners this week or plan your family vacation for the year. You don’t have to take your toddler to the dentist or figure out how to save for college right now…

You Just Had a Baby | Ashlee Gadd.

While I do keep up with a large variety of projects, ideas, communication, and relationships, there is not a single day that passes that I don’t drop a ball, forget something, let something go (intentionally or not), or let someone down. There are emails I don’t answer, calls I don’t take, and text messages I don’t respond to as well as laundry I don’t fold and piles of clutter than don’t get put away, not to mention all the blog posts I don’t write. This simply has to be okay. I’ve joked with friends and with Mark that my “word of the year” should actually be “ruthless,” meaning that I must be ruthlessly assessing of how I spend my time, ruthless about cutting out non-essentials. Every day involves a pile of choices and some of them are hard to choose between, or to not choose. I must be ruthless in my discernment—choosing wisely, choosing carefully, choosing mindfully. My real word of the year is “grow,” while at the same time the message I’ve frequently been picking up in moments of synchronicity and surprising overlap is “let go.” So, maybe I’ve actually got a trifecta of words this year!

I already wrote about the breastfeeding brain in a recent past post, but it appears that there are permanent changes to the maternal brain as well:

The artist Sarah Walker once told me that becoming a mother is like discovering the existence of a strange new room in the house where you already live. I always liked Walker’s description because it’s more precise than the shorthand most people use for life with a newborn: Everything changes…

The greatest brain changes occur with a mother’s first child, though it’s not clear whether a mother’s brain ever goes back to what it was like before childbirth, several neurologists told me. And yet brain changes aren’t limited to new moms…

via What Happens to a Woman’s Brain When She Becomes a Mother – The Atlantic.

And, speaking of mothers and their childbearing brains, Childbirth Connection has produced two phenomenal new resources. There is a report by Sarah Buckley on the Hormonal Physiology of Childbearing and a companion booklet for mothers that simplifies the research into a user-friendly booklet on the role of hormones in a healthy birth. Great resources for childbirth educators and doulas.

For more see: Hormonal Physiology of Childbearing | Transforming Maternity Care.