Introversion

Feb23

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

That’s how the light gets in.

–Leonard Cohen, from “Anthem”

via A Meditation for the Weekend: How the Light Gets In – By Susan Cain.

Accidentally came across this quote via Facebook today and just loved it. It led me to the rest of Susan Cain’s website about introverts and her new book, Quiet.

During every session of my online class, I have my students take an online version of the classic Myers-Briggs personality inventory: Personality Type Explorer. Personally, I am an INFJ which is the result I also get when taking the paper version of the test as well as other online versions. So, it seems pretty consistent. I feel I am more accurately an “extroverted-introvert” (which isn’t a real category)—I really enjoy being around people and I’m friendly and social, but on the flip side I then feel very drained after people contact and need time alone to recharge. I find I am restored by being alone and drained by being with others (even though I like them!), hence my own self-labeling as “extroverted-introvert.” Though, of course, by definition it isn’t actually that extroverts “like people” and introverts don’t like people, it is a difference between whether they are fueled or drained by people contact. I’ve just observed that people seem to make an assumption that being introverted means someone is “shy” or “doesn’t like people,” so that’s why I choose extroverted-introvert for myself.

On the website above, I read Cain’s Manifesto, which contained these gems:

“1. There’s a word for ‘people who are in their heads too much’: thinkers.”

I have heard this phrase more times than I can count—“you think too much.” While often said with a teasing air, it is also tinged with a touch of shaming. Once, several years ago, I mentioned feeling “too busy” to an acquaintance. She responded with, “it is good to be busy, then you don’t have time to think.” I was stunned by the concept then and I remain stunned by it now—no time to think? What kind of life would that be?! Sounds hellish to me. When I begin feeling like I have no time to think or that I don’t have enough space in my own head, that is my personal cue that I need to make life changes. While I can “overthink” things or ruminate in pointless and self-berating ways, most of the time I really enjoy my own company. I like time to think and I love time spent in my own head. It is a pretty interesting and fun place to be. And, for me then, writing is thought made visible. (This brings me to Cain’s third point in her manifesto was: “3. Solitude is a catalyst for innovation.”)

And, finally, her fifth point appealed to the homeschooler in me:

“5. We teach kids in group classrooms not because this is the best way to learn but because it’s cost-efficient, and what else would we do with the children while all the grown-ups are at work? If your child prefers to work autonomously and socialize one-on-one, there’s nothing wrong with her; she just happens not to fit the model.”

(I love the casual acknowledgement that a primary purpose of government school is to provide publicly funded day care while parents are at work.)

My own kids love being home best of all (actually, they may love visiting my parents’ even better!). They always have each other for company though. I do not know if I’ve ever fully expressed how very much I love having this pair of boys. It is phenomenal. They pretty much play with each other from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed. Day in and day out each spends with his best buddy, his brother. Last weekend we had a family wide meltdown over something pretty silly, but the whole family ended up yelling about it and Lann ended up in his room for a while because the boys needed to be separated (besides being best buddies, they each have a “signature” behavior that leads to some challenges—L’s is to tease/taunt and then laugh in a horrible mocking way when Z gets upset, and Z’s is to throw massive “rage fits” that involve physical attacks). Z kept begging and begging for Lann to be able to come out of his room (L wanted to stay in because he was really upset and crying and mad) and then said to us, “you don’t understand, I HAVE to be with my BROTHER!” While it is an unfortunate example because of the family wide meltdown context, it was very telling about the depth and quality of their relationship and I just feel extraordinarily fortunate that they like each other so very much and are such an integrated and committed unit.

wearing their signature skeleton sweatshirts of awesomeness

This experience with a pair of brothers is one of the things that makes me want to have just one more baby—so A has a chance to have that intense sibling connection too. Of course, there are no guarantees that she would bond that well with a younger sibling—it could be a sibling rivalry torture fest that drives me screaming from my home with no scrap of time left to think. And, I know it is extremely ridiculous to plan to have kids to be friends for other kids (how would that hypothetical other baby feel to know that it was only born to be a buddy for someone else?!) And, of course, she has her two big brothers to be her friends. The boys are such a tight pair though and are enough older than she is that I don’t think she’ll ever be on the true friend level with either of them.

Okay, so I started on one topic and ended somewhere totally different. Ah, well.

Book Review: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Urban Homesteading & to Self-Sufficient Living

Feb13

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Urban Homesteading
Sundari Elizabeth Kraft
Paperback, 352 pages
Published by Penguin Group (USA)
ISBN: 9781615641048

And

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Self-Sufficient Living
Jerome Belanger
Paperback, 400 pages
Published by Penguin Group (USA)
ISBN: 9781592579457

Reviewed by Molly Remer

Written in clear, straightforward language and covering an impressive array of topics, Urban Homesteading and Self-Sufficient Living, are excellent resources to those on a sustainable living path. At first I expected them to be “too basic,” but discovered useful information and resources applicable to people at various stages and experience levels. Because they are so comprehensive, the books both serve primarily as a broad overview of relevant topics, rather than as in-depth how-to guides. They serve to whet your appetite for further resources for a sustainable lifestyle.

I’m not a fan of the title Complete Idiot’s Guide in general, finding it unnecessarily insulting rather than amusing, but that is a minor drawback to these thorough, useful guides.

Of the two tomes, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Urban Homesteading really shines. The focus is on micro-farming and self-sufficiency for the city dweller. It covers gardening (including options for those without yards), chickens and other small livestock, food preservation and preparation (including cheesemaking and various recipes for food prep), soapmaking, composting, foraging, and off-grid living. It also includes information about zoning laws and working with landlords. As someone who has homesteaded in a rural area for a number of years, I still found the Urban Homesteading book quite useful and informative.

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Self-Sufficient Living focuses on living a self-reliant lifestyle and on sustainable living. It covers topics such as gardening, kitchen coordination, raising animals, and self-sufficient housing.

—

Disclosure: I received complimentary copies of these books for review purposes.

What a nice day!

Feb3

Perhaps it is just a coincidence or simply due to the fact that Alaina took a lovely nap, but this no-Facebook retreat certainly seemed productive today! I decluttered/re-organized the hall closet, wrote two essays for one of my doctoral classes (the last two in this class as I already turned in my final paper earlier in the week), wrote a new blog post (and now this one), caught up on posts with my online classes, graded ALL my midterms (extra thanks to my parents for letting the kids visit for an extra 30 minutes so I could finish the last three), and made homemade spinach and mozzarella focaccia for dinner. Oh, and I did three loads of laundry too and made Nutella cocoa and later “Christmas crunch” candy. The boys worked on their movie, set up a Lord of the Rings scene with little toys, cleaned the living room, played with playdough, drew pictures, planned their party, and danced with Alaina while listening the radio. They also ate large quantities of mini pancakes. Alaina mashed playdough all over floor, human can-openered the lid off the vinegar, tried to get in the fridge, begged to go outside in the rain, gleefully watched small stray puppy eat some table scraps outside, tried to catch kitties, helped me poke the fire, nursed to sleep in Ergo, took nice nap, put playmobil into a houseplant, showed how big she was by picking up the footstool, sneaked into brothers’ room and collected small objects, had a bath, and whacked self in face with a toy horse making a bloody scratch/hole in eyebrow.

Showing eyebrow scratch.

Taking a nursing break in the closet I was cleaning.

Still haven’t done any work on the crocheted Yodas…

Time for a retreat!

Feb1

It is only when we silence the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of the truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts.

~ K.T. Jong (via Kingfish Komment)

Some time around November each year for the last three years, I’ve had a feeling of being “sped up” in my life and a desperate craving of stillness and rest. I begin to feel like pulling inward, “calling my spirit back” and re-integrating fragmented parts. Aside from my family members, I stop feeling like being “of service” to others and their interruptions of my space or requests for my time or attention begin to feel like impositions. I begin to hear the distant call to “retreat.” I crave stillness, rest, and being alone. I fantasize about broad expanses of silent time in which to think and plan and ponder. It then takes me until February to actually act on this urge. So, as of today, I now begin my annual week of retreat. In the past, I’ve done a computer-off retreat. This year, it is a Facebook-off retreat. I keep returning to the persistent feeling of having my life/brain full of digital noise/clutter and envision taking a sabbatical from the constant, hyperactive flow. My good friend wrote a blog post about her decision to take a FB break and that was the last little nudge I needed to take a break myself. The night before reading her post, I’d gone to bed thinking, “any day in which I think, ‘I didn’t have time to XYZ,’ but I DID check FB, is a day that I lied to myself.” I have a somewhat conflictual relationship with Facebook—in most ways I love it and in some ways I feel like it fosters a false sense of connection with others. I do love that it helps me keep up with and maintain real connections with real friends and with long distance family. I also appreciate the way it “smallens” the gap between people and I appreciate the opportunities it offers me to network. And, I appreciate how I am able to use it to support, encourage, and connect with other women I may never meet—it broadens my reach and impact. Finally, I most definitely appreciate it when someone shares one of my blog posts via Facebook! A good deal of my site’s traffic over the last year has come from Facebook.

Digital noise

What I wish to disconnect from it is ALL the digital “noise” in general—FB, email, e-newsletters, free Kindle books, etc.—all the requests for my time and attention. A lot of it originates from Facebook. I’ve mentioned before how if I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t even know about all the stuff I wasn’t doing–instead, it contributes to this false sense of urgency and immediacy about staying “caught up” with everything and everyone.

I still have to teach and parent, so this isn’t a full retreat, but I am taking this FB break. Yesterday, I deleted my FB apps and prepared to take a rest to focus on CREATING rather than consuming. Upon reflection, I realized it sounds like I mean I want to create digital noise, which isn’t what I mean. Though, I do want to spend more time writing blog posts and articles, so I guess that is kind of ironic. Also, I recognize that it is kind of annoying when people make big announcements/declarations about how they are QUITTING FACEBOOK, but I still feel compelled to explain it… ;-D I didn’t delete my account, just the iPhone/iPad apps that make it so easy to check in often. I’ll reinstall them when I’ve had at least a week of mental space. I value the connections I have via FB and don’t want to lose that, but I need some time away to re-clarify my boundaries. I also need to go on a fan page deleting spree as I am a fan of more than 500 pages. ;-D I need QUIET! Space in my head to hear myself think.

Past retreats

On February 1, 2010, the first year I took a personal retreat (this one was a computer-off retreat), I also started to miscarry for the second time. In my journal, I wrote:

At 4:00 this morning, I began to bleed red. I had allowed myself to become hopeful yesterday since there was no spotting increase (until evening)…Today, I am certain that is not the case and I feel dissolved. I am disconnected from this experience and feel unreal and unmoored…I feel SO foolish–WHY did I think I could do this again? Why did I open myself up to this again so soon?

…I cannot believe Zander was the last–last to nurse, to sleep in our bed, to be carried in the Ergo, to watch crawl and learn to walk, to hold in scrunchy newborness. I’m NOT DONE YET. Or, am I?

…I just want to say two things again:

1. I do NOT want people to feel sorry for me again so soon.

2. I feel DUMB.

I do not feel like I am handling this well or with strength. I just feel numb and dumb and done and done for. I am bottoming out right now. Bottom. Pit. Despair.

My nature-loving retreat buddy!

That retreat ended up being a meaningful and spiritually enriching time for me, but it was also full of a lot of darkness and tears.

On February 1, 2011, I had a 13 day old daughter and was enjoying my babymoon with a deeply thankful heart.

And, now on February 1, 2012, I have a robust one year old, whose boundless energy and drive also stimulate my interest in the stillness of retreat!

Why retreat?

Some time ago, I saved this list of why women need retreats (via Jennifer Louden):

I need retreats to remind me who I am.

I need retreats to come home to myself.

I need retreats to connect with the divine feminine.

I need retreats to renew myself.

I need retreats to connect with myself.

I need retreats to connect with others.

I need retreats to rest.

I need retreats to be alone.

I need retreats to find myself.

I need retreats to honor myself.

I need retreats to learn.

I need retreats to dance.

I need retreats to play.

I need retreats to sing.

I need retreats to laugh.

I need retreats to cry.

I need retreats to be myself.

I need retreats to Be.

Yeah. That pretty much sums it up! Though, actually, these are some of the things I wrote down when considering this year’s call to be on retreat:

Drum
Crochet Yoda for boys
Make craft projects with boys
Make doll for Alaina
Go outside
Snuggle!
Make more sculptures
Draw
Journal
Read
WRITE! Tons! Posts, articles, essays for classes.
Be still
Rest
Play!
Plan/brainstorm pregnancy retreats/birth art sessions/prenatal fitness classes—re-vision my plans for birth education
Clean out inbox
Clean up computer room and go through binders/filing cabinets/bookshelves
Declutter in general
Clean out closet and spare room
Review books (hmm. This is a “should do” rather than a want to. I’ve got about 6 that are staring at me and waiting their turn)

I’m no longer foolish enough to think that I’ll ever be able to get “everything done” (because I’m a fascinating, amazing person after all!), but I do feel confident that I can take some steps to gather the whole, improve my focus, and re-commit to my life’s priorities, as well as consider how to best prioritize my time and energy in order to fully “savor and serve” my family and the world.

A nice place to retreat--priestess rocks in the woods behind my house.

I love to sit in this stone "chair" to journal and think and feel. I sat here after my miscarriages. I sat here during my pregnancy. I took newborn Alaina here last February to "introduce" her to the earth. I bring the boys out here to play. I sat here today and thought about the ever-turning wheel of life.

Elemental Polymer Clay Goddesses

Jan30

Several months ago when I was experimenting with polymer clay goddess pendants, I also made four sculptures symbolizing earth, air, water, and fire. I used gemstones for the belly of each figure. (I’ve not used stones in any sculptures after these, because I don’t know that the mixed media quite works in the manner in which I originally envisioned.)

I also made this goddess (non-pregnant) for a friend who was experiencing a lot of stress and upheaval in her life. I was trying to communicate that she is powerful and strong, always. The figure is holding up a pink gemstone to symbolize the sparkle of new beginnings.

Earth sculpture:

Air sculpture:

Fire, water, air, earth:

The elemental goddesses with the new beginnings figure flanked by two attempts at pendants. (I actually really like the pendants and enjoy wearing them, even though they are kind of big/clunky and tend to twist to one side/be unbalanced on a chain.)

(I’m inordinately proud of myself when I manage to completely construct a post using my iPad)

Past birth art posts

My Tribe!

Jan25

This is perhaps the most long-overdue post in the history of my blog. Several years ago, The Feminist Breeder wrote a post in which she answered the question, “how do I do it?” I’ve lost the link for her original post, but the gist of her answer was, not alone. She also asked readers to consider who makes up their parenting tribe—who helps them hold it all together. So, I immediately knew that I needed to write about my parents. My original tribe of birth as well as a very significant part of my present-day tribe. Maybe I haven’t written it because I don’t like to feel dependent on other people. I like to feel like I can do everything on my own and that I don’t ever need help. That isn’t true, obviously. (It also isn’t healthy.) So, one of the ways in which I get it all done (which, of course, is actually another post, because I NEVER actually “get it all done”!) is because of my wonderful, amazing, helpful, altogether incredible mom and dad.

I feel in a somewhat unusual situation in that I’m a “second generation” attachment parent. My mom was a homebirthing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, babywearing, and homeschooling mother before there was even really a name for many of the concepts of gentle parenting, let alone an overarching parenting “philosophy” or, dare I say, dogma surrounding the ideas. (In some ways, I feel like that has added a complication to my own parenting journey—while many parents joyfully discover attachment parenting and then grow into it with the thrill of having found the right fit for their families, I chose attachment parenting before ever having children of my own and thus instead of growing into it, sometimes had to fall from the pedestal of imagined ideals or the pre-conceived ideas I had about what a great, attached mother I was going to be. Again, a subject for another post!)

Anyway, my mom’s own parenting past means I’ve never once had to deal with any kinds of comments questioning my own parenting—she would never dream of asking why I have homebirths or homeschool or when my baby is going to wean. Big grandparenting score right out of the gate! 🙂 Also, they live one mile away. That means my kids get to go visit their grandparents almost every day and I get two hours on my own to do all of my own work. Go ahead and swoon with envy. It is okay. If I didn’t have these two hours (sometimes closer to three), I don’t know how I would do it. I work in my online classes, I grade papers, I write blog posts, I write articles, I work on books, I write assignments in my own doctoral classes. I feel happy and “productive” when the kids come back home and they’re happy too. My parents also will babysit at other times if I need them (for example, having an LLL meeting or a birth class in town). My kids adore them. I don’t know what they would do without them either. It makes me so full of joy to know that my kids have other adults in their lives who love them almost as much as I love them (maybe the same—my dad told me recently that he had no idea he would love his grandkids as much as he loves his own kids).

My dad and my boys

My mom and my girl

Anyway, here’s to my tribe! I love you. I need you. And, I thank you.

</tears>

Embodied Prayer

Jan1

Sister, before you get all busy and serious about your new year resolutions,
take a moment to tune into that force which beats your heart,
which grows the leaves on the trees, which creates and tears down,
everything.
Tune into the captivating rhythm of evolution,
and dance your way into your holy calling.
The whole universe is dancing with you.

–Awakening Women Institute

This was Alaina and me in January 2011!

This year, I’d like to let go of shoulding myself. If I don’t truly have to do something, I’m only going to do it if I want to do it. If the word “should” enters the picture about anything, I’m going to use that as my cue to NOT do whatever it is I’m letting should me. Sound like a plan?

I enjoyed reading this post from Dreaming Aloud recently and the writer observes that she is only going to be able to be her for the new year: “I might even let myself mother to my own standards too! Wouldn’t that be nice, rather than failing every day because I don’t do everything the way the books say.” She also included this interesting idea about 3/4 baked: “Another influential book in my life…Zugunruhe… talks about the 3/4 baked philosophy, where the author urges us to do our work the best we can, but rather than spending all our energy in refining it ad infinitum, put it out to the world 3/4 baked and let the feedback and the inspiration it creates, and your own distance, do the final honing, because really there is no such thing as perfect.”

Embodied Prayer

My next intention for 2012 is a very personal one that I feel hesitant to write about. As soon as I read the gorgeous quote above, I knew I wanted to share something about it though. When I applied to graduate school in thealogy (not spelled wrong!) last year, I wrote in my application that I wanted my life to be a living prayer for social justice and women’s empowerment. Recently, based on my work in my graduate classes, I have been asked to write several articles for academic journals focused on women and religion. I have always felt very cautious and wary of sharing any of my ideas about spirituality or religion publicly and so this makes me nervous for a variety of reasons. However, if I’m actually going to be writing these articles, it is probably time to shed discomfort and speak my truth! I think my primary concept of living prayer is really about mindfulness. Being here and being aware. In September, the Awakening Women Institute offered via Twitter to give people “temple names”—you were asked to respond to the question about “your edge right now in your life. What is calling you, what is challenging, what is opening?” I was instantly intrigued and responded to the offer with the following: “I have multiple edges–I feel at the edge of being able to truly live my faith, having my life be a living prayer. I also constantly teeter on the edge between meeting my children’s needs and meeting my own needs–and trying to find the harmony in that; trying to find the place in which our family works in harmony to meet each member’s needs (not requiring ‘sacrifice,’ because we have a seamless integration!).” The temple name I received was: Embodied Prayer. At first I felt slightly disappointed, like, yeah, I said that already. But, as I “rested” with the name and stated it aloud—i.e. “I am Embodied Prayer”—it has become a very powerful daily practice for me. I have long sought strategies to integrate a sense of the sacred in daily life and have also known that at the root, what I’m really wanting is daily mindfulness. My “temple name” is serving as that mindfulness touchstone for me—as I go about my life, I ask myself what kind of “prayer” I’m offering in this moment. And, is this the kind of prayer I want to embody right now? (i.e. the other day I was stressed out and driving too fast and feeling annoyed with my kids and I stepped back slightly and looked at my “prayer” and realized that I wanted to embody a much different sort of offering to the divine, to the web of life, than a stressed out cranky prayer. This step back and self-reminder, immediately calmed my mood and allowed me to breathe more deeply and kindly.) That said, I also have a pretty deep-seated tendency to be extremely harsh with myself (see first New Year’s intention!) and I must also be mindful of not using this name in a self-flagellating way—i.e. what kind of prayer is THAT, you loser!—or to become angry at myself when I forget to use it, forget to be mindful.

To what/why is this prayer offered anyway?

Something that made me feel as if I belonged to our tiny little Unitarian Universalist church and like there was indeed a spiritual niche I fit into, was a hymn we sang during one of my first visits with a line of, “some call it evolution, and others call it God.” That notion that there is something widely felt by many, but called by different names and within vastly different systems of belief and understanding, is why I continue to identify as a UU. This force, this connecting “glue” that holds the universe together might be named by others “God” or “the Universe” or “Nature” or “Life Force” or “the Sacred” or “Divinity” or “the Tao”—I feel most satisfied when I personalize it as Goddess. I do also feel Her presence directly in my life—call it an energy, call it the sacred feminine, call it the divine, call it source, call it soul, call it spirit, call it the great mystery…I perceive a web of relatedness and love within the world and I choose to put a feminine form to that energy—to name it and know it as “Goddess.” When I am embodied prayer, it is mindfulness of this connection and relatedness of which I speak.

A Writer’s Prayer

Nov13

I often use my blog as as a means of saving thoughts and ideas for “later” or for storing the ideas of other people for future reference or reflection. Sometimes I feel like it is silly to do this–why write a blog post that primarily consists of quotes that I want to remember or use in the future? Why not just trust that I can eventually go back to that book or article and re-find the good stuff then? I’ve often chided myself about it–don’t use your blog to “store” stuff, use it for original ideas. Quit writing short little posts and work on your books instead. And, more cruelly, don’t bother, no one cares. However, I’ve also realized that I don’t have the space in my life right now for the sustained concentration it would require for me to write my books. I have ideas for four of them. My miscarriage memoir is almost finished and I do plan to publish it this year, but the others are not and I’ve accepted that they won’t be likely to get any of my attention until my kids are older. I can barely find the time to write any articles lately, let alone books. But, then I realized that in a way, when I collect words and thoughts in my blog–whether just transcribed words from something that caught my attention, or fresh words of my own–I am working on my books. I’m preserving, collecting, storing, and refining ideas, words, memories, and thoughts, so that I will have a rich collection to mine when I’m ready to fully develop it. I might dismiss it as “just blogging” and some posts might just be short quotes from other writers, but I think there is good value to me in this collecting process after all.

From the anthology Sisters Singing, here is a quote from a longer poem called, A Writer’s Prayer, by Sarah Jones:

…The body of a writer
is a political action
with each swing of a letter
each truth written
the world is broken open,
a vein of truth exposed.
A writer’s prayer is for herself.
That she will hold to slowness
that she will hold to the beauty of a candle
that with the dirt and the grit of living under her nails,
she will write her body into language.

I write to remember. I write to share. I write to preserve. I write to collect. I write to store. I write for myself. I write for my children. I write for others. I write for perspective. I write to play my life’s music. I write because I just can’t help it.

New Pictures!

Nov11

I took Alaina for a 9 month photo shoot with my friend Karen (of Portraits and Paws Photography) who also took my pregnancy photos. I really have fun getting high quality pictures that capture what our lives are like. She is able to catch expression, details, and feeling in a way that I can’t usually do with snapshots. So, even though we were thoroughly exhausted from having just returned from my sister-in-law’s wedding near Chicago), I’m really glad we did another photo shoot!

Here are a couple of my favorites from the day, including one of each of my boys (lest you think I only get pictures taken of the baby!):

This one might be my favorite--I see this little face all the time, but have never really preserved it in a picture (she always looks away, it is blurry, whatever).

Became very obsessed with this candy cane

What a cutie! (note, still has some candy cane)

My biggest boy!

My little Z! (He's got some pretty amazing eyelashes/eyes too!)

We're going to try to get some better family shots another day. This was at the end of the shoot and all were tired. I like it anyway though. I also think it somehow looks like a lot of kids and only one mom!

I thought this one was a cute one of me--A looks done with pictures though (and, still has some candy cane)

What Really Scares Me: Social Attitudes Towards Women

Nov2

The following items all came across my desk (top) last week and it seemed fitting to put them into one post.

The first is with regard to the Boxing Federation wishing to make the female boxers box wearing skirts:

That’s right, skirts. The AIBA has introduced a trial alternate uniform, asking female boxers to wear skirts because it will make the women easier to distinguish from the men, as if the completely different bodies wasn’t enough. Poland adopted the uniform, calling the uniforms more “elegant” and “womanly.”

via Boxing federation wants female boxers to wear skirts – Fourth-Place Medal – Olympics Blog – Yahoo! Sports.

As you might imagine, the comments on this article with alternately hilarious and maddening (seriously, reading comments on a news article is the quickest way to both cause my blood to boil and to simultaneously despair at the future of humankind). I liked this one though:

“So I guess the AIBA thinks Americans are so stupid that when they see ‘Women’s boxing,’ sports bras, longer hair, and oh yeah, women, we can’t figure out what gender it is until we see skirts.

‘What sport is this?’ ‘Boxing…but those don’t look like men…what the hell are they?'”

But, why stop at skirts?! Why not lingerie! That’s what the Lingerie Football League is in favor of:

The LFL claims its emergence in 2009 “formally shattered … the ceiling on women playing tackle football.” Thankfully, the visionaries at the LFL have devised a way to offer such athletic empowerment to our younger generation with their decision to start a youth league:

“With the growing popularity around the LFL, younger and younger girls are starting to dream of playing LFL football,” its website reads. “In recent months and years, parents of young ladies routinely contact LFL league offices inquiring about everything ranging from what size football do you use to what form of training should I place my daughter into now to prepare her for LFL Football. [sic]”

…Look, I know we can’t shield our little girls with a protective glass box and expect them to never be exposed to the harsh reality that at some point in their lives, probably sooner rather than later, they will viewed as sexual objects. But do we need them to feel it before they know how to multiply double digits? I can appreciate that the LFL youth league will be fully clothed, but just the mere association with the word “lingerie” will instill in the girls that one day, if they want to play with the big boys, they’ll be forced to strip down to do so.

via Talking Smack — Are you ready for some T&A? – espnW.

What an excellent concluding point. This article reminded me of the sexyfication of Halloween costumes for girls in recent years. And, also of conversations recently amongst my friends about “appropriate dress” and how restricting girls’ clothing choices is damaging too, just like clothing that objectifies girls/women is damaging. We usually conclude that dressing in a way that makes YOU feel good is what matters (and being able to make your own choices about what that is). When think about things like the LFL though, I just wonder if it is even possible to tease it apart anymore—are girls learning that there is any other way to feel good about themselves other than how they look while playing football in a bra?! Likewise, we’ve also had conversations about how little girls are often complimented on their clothes and how “cute” and “pretty” they are and much less often about how brave and smart and strong they are. But, likewise, sometimes it is also nice to be told you look cute or pretty—when I feel cute or pretty it feels nice to have that acknowledged rather than to be ignored PCishly. I think it is hard to tell where it comes from.

So, this brings me to my third disturbing experience. I frequently receive press releases about a variety of products related to pregnancy, birth, parenting, and women’s health. Some of them I write about, some of them I don’t. I usually refrain from posting about the ones I find ridiculous or insulting, because I don’t want to have this be a place in which I mock things and I also don’t want to insult or point fingers at the press people who contact me with these “news” items. However, in the context of the above, I cannot help but mention that I received a release about a new procedure for those of us who are seeking, “completely new buttocks” with just two quick, nearly painless doctor’s visits! According to the release:

Dallas, Texas, October 28, 2011 – A stitch in time can re-align. At least, that’s the concept behind a new minimally-invasive cosmetic procedure to lift and shape the buttocks called the Brazilian Thread-Lift.

“I’ve never seen anything this quick and this dramatic,” says Dr. Bill Johnson at Innovations Medical in Dallas. “After two simple, 45-minute procedures using only local anesthetic, a patient can completely re-shape her backside.”

During the first visit, while under local anesthesia, the patient has several specifically-designed sutures or plastic threads strung under the skin and across each buttock. The entire procedure takes less than an hour. The threads have a series of thin knots covered by tiny cones which can be placed easily and with minimal discomfort. The cones create small fibrotic areas that function like little ligaments. After three months, the patient returns for an equally-brief follow-up visit, during which the physician gently tightens each thread, providing a smooth, even lift… (emphasis mine)

While they term it “small fibrotic areas,” I read purposeful internal scarring in the name of “beauty” or sexiness and I find it deeply disturbing. What does it say about our cultural attitudes towards women that anyone would desire OR promote purposely creating scar tissue in your butt so that you look more “youthful”? Because, after all, nothing says youthful and sexy like fibrotic areas that help pull your butt fat into place.

And, this reminded me that on a recent trip out of town we passed a “women’s health office” of an OBGYN. In largest print on the clinic’s sign was, “laser hair removal.” Ah, yes, because the most pressing mission of a women’s health surgeon should be to rid the world of excess body hair. That really inspires confidence. And, it also makes me wonder what is happening socioculturally, that anyone would consider it appropriate to see a physician for hair removal. How could we possibly be having a national health care crisis when such fabulous services are available on every street corner?! Considering that being pregnant and giving birth are medical conditions requiring “delivery” via the medical model of care, I guess it is not such a leap to think that those pesky stray hairs could also warrant medical attention. Perhaps we will reach a point in the future where anything having to do with women and their messy, excess hairy, birthy, butt fatty bodies will be dealt with by professionals. Wearing skirts.