Talk Books: What Dying People Want

Apr19

I’ve mentioned before that sometimes I use my blog as a way to store stuff that I want to remember or have easy access to later. I also use it as a means of collecting information all in one place, so that it is easy for me to search and reference again in the future, rather than having to flip through stacks of books. This leads me to a tendency to leave huge stacks of books piled by computer waiting for me to have time to transcribe all of the important stuff out of them. Often, I get fed up and re-shelve them, thinking why bother re-typing someone else’s ideas anyway, shouldn’t I just be having my own ideas?! Or, I think, guess what Molly, there is a way for this information to be stored…it is called a book and the information will still be there if you want to go back to it. But, today I thought that maybe there is a happy medium—maybe as soon as I finish a book, I should do a quick wrap-it-up blog post in which I do simply transcribe the things I want to remember, no pressure to add a bunch of new insights of my own, and if at such time I want to transform any of those quotes into a longer post in the future they’ll be tidily saved and waiting for me. AND, the book can then be re-shelved, or even given away, promptly after being “processed” in this manner, rather than waiting by my computer with a sort of guilt-provoking air of expectancy and rebuke.

(Amazon affiliate link included in image)

Unfortunately, the subject of my most recent read isn’t really a cheerful one to kick off this little experiment! However, I’m doing it anyway. The book is What Dying People Want by David Kuhl, MD. Many people have observed that end-of-life care bears similarities to birth-care (beginning-of-life care) and in fact the content of most the sections I marked to share could very readily have the word “birth” or “pregnant woman” substituted. Of course, with end-of-life care, there is not the happy anticipation of the joyful hope and promise of a new baby, but then, with birth-care there is not actually always a guarantee of that either and many women experience grief and loss from a variety of sources/experiences mingled throughout their childbearing years.

With regard to doctors communicating with patients in a dismissive, brusque, or too no-nonsense of a manner:

“…he had no intention of hurting her and seemed not to realize that he could have spared her much suffering if only he had spoken with compassion.”

Seriously. How true is this. How basic. And, how often overlooked.

And then, when talking about the doctor-patient relationship:

It is my sense that people visit physicians expecting to be heard, taken seriously, and understood. Martin Buber speaking of the essence of relationship in his book I and Thou. He states that an I-Thou relationships is one in which both people meet and experience one another in the context of their wholeness, their personhood. Only then do the two become equals with regard to dignity, integrity, and power…

…When the doctor regards the patient only as a disease [or baby container]…the relationship is at risk of becoming the I-It variety. That is also true if the patient regards the doctor only as a body of knowledge, disregarding the impact the doctor-patient relationship might have on the doctor. Hence, the relationship may be reduced from I-Thou, to I-It, or perhaps even to It-It. The relationship is at risk of becoming ‘a disease speaking to a body of knowledge, a body of knowledge speaking to a disease…

I use this in my classes too, explaining that relationship is our medium and without it we can be technically correct, but therapeutically impotent. I caution against falling into a pattern of speaking of people as “cases” or even worse, “the food stamp case” or “the brain tumor in room three” (real-life example from my first MSW internship in an oncology clinic).

I also marked this Emily Dickinson poem, The Mystery of Pain:

Pain—has an Element of Blank—

It cannot recollect

When it began—or if there were

A time when it was not—

It has no Future—but itself—

Its Infinite realms contain

Its Past—enlightened to perceive

New Periods—of Pain.

Dr. Kuhl also writes about the important of touch, something that birthworkers also know well, explaining:

As Bill Moyers writes, “Touch is deeply reassuring and nurturing. It’s the first way a mother and child connect with each other…what a mother is saying to her child with that touch is ‘Live…your life matters to me.'” Remen also describes how people with cancer [or who are having babies] often feel when they’re touched by health care providers. They say they feel as though they are merely ‘a piece of meat.’ She reports that one woman said, ‘Sometimes when I go for my chemotherapy, they touch me as if they don’t know anybody’s inside the body.’

The first part of this made me think about what my mom is doing for my grandma right now, only in the reverse order. Once upon a time, her mother connected to her with that touch…Live…your life matters to me…and now my mom returns this original patient, loving, nurturing touch, only it is saying, I’m here…your life has mattered to me…go with peace.

I’d marked a couple of other things about family relationships and sharing stories, etc., but the last quote I actually want to type out does actually touch on birth:

There are two important things to remember with regard to your childhood and your family of origin. First, each pregnancy changes the family in that it will either result in a miscarriage, which is a death, or a birth, which marks the addition of a new family member…Second, your memory is your story and your truth. Your family members will have experienced the same events differently and will likely have different memories. Your experience and understanding of events is legitimate; the same holds true for other family members.

I wrote my grandma a letter and mailed it at the beginning of this week, but I don’t know that it is going to make it to her in time. So, a couple of days ago, I took this picture of the kids and texted it to my mom to give to her:

You can do hard things, I’ve told my mom. And, she is. Really hard, sad things. You feel like you can’t do it, but you’re doing it.

It applies to my grandma too.

Tuesday Tidbits: Parenting, Help, and Early Motherhood

Apr2

From The Doula Guide to Pregnancy and Birth’s website (book previously reviewed here), I learned about an upcoming free childbirth and parenting virtual conference. I keep signing up for things like this and not really “finding time” to actually participate in them, but this one looks like it has a pretty amazing line up! Making time to READ something is almost always possible for me (though I have a backlog there too), but making time to listen to or watch something just never seems to actually happen. I wonder if I’ll ever stop signing up for them though–so alluring, so intriguing, so free…and yet, then I get daily emails about the call/talk for that day and feel a nagging sense of “guilt” (or something) for not participating and also like I’m “missing out.” An exception is the Life Balance calls Renée Trudeau used to do from her book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal. I did make time for those and never regretted it! 🙂 (I should get that book back out again.)

Thinking about parenting and self-care and help brings me to several other posts that I’ve enjoyed recently:

To parents of small children: Let me be the one who says it out loud

There are people who say this to me:

“You should enjoy every moment now! They grow up so fast!”

I usually smile and give some sort of guffaw, but inside, I secretly want to hold them under water. Just for a minute or so. Just until they panic a little.

If you have friends with small children — especially if your children are now teenagers or if they’re grown – please vow to me right now that you will never say this to them. Not because it’s not true, but because it really, really doesn’t help.

The reason I liked this acknowledgement is because it is so true that they grow up so fast. It hurts my heart how fast. However, in the moments in which people choose to make this comment or when it is used against yourself or against others as a way of shaming or guilt tripping, it really, really doesn’t help. One comment on this post says, “I hear the first 40 years of parenting are the hardest.” 😉

And, speaking of things that DO help, actual help from actual people helps quite a lot. As a work-at-home mother that blogs, I particularly enjoyed this post from Girl’s Gone Child:

Girl’s Gone Child: Help is (not) a Four-Letter Word

So what’s this big secret we’re trying to keep and who do we think we’re fooling?

And what is it doing to people who read our blogs and books and pin our how-tos and think that all of these projects are being finished while children sit quietly on the sidelines with their hands in their laps.

What is it doing to you?

We write disclosure copy on posts that are sponsored, giveaways that are donated. We are contractually obligated to label and link but where is the disclosure copy stating how we work from home with small children?…

We have help, that’s how!

My help is naptime (quickly fading!), Minecraft, and grandparental cherishment (one mile away, two hours a day = good for kids, I hope good for grandparents, and great for mom!)

And, speaking of blogging, last week Talk Birth hit 400,000 hits. I celebrated by posting this on Facebook:

“Women around the world and throughout time have known how to take care of each other in birth. They’ve shown each other the best positions for comfort in labor, they’ve used nurturing touch and repeated soothing words, and they’ve literally held each other up when it’s needed the most…” –The Doula Guide to Birth

And…they’ve gone looking for support and information on the internet too. Talk Birth hit 400,000 hits today! Woohoo! Thanks, everyone 🙂

I very much enjoyed this quote that I saw on Facebook this morning:

I just finished reading the book The Art of Family and she addresses this tender transition in a way that also felt familiar to me from my own experiences:

What new parents lack most is perspective. They have no idea how fast they are to be catapulted through these early stages. How can they have a perspective of speediness when the nights are endless? It seems apparent to everyone as soon as the baby arrives that this is it—right now is what parenting looks like, and it looks pretty bad. It is a terribly tender, fragile time, akin to sex for the first time. Your first experience at parenting will haunt you in the same way.(emphasis mine)

Yes! I’ve written a lot about my postpartum experiences and I do feel “haunted” in some ways by my introduction to the parenting journey and the process of being forged into a mother. The author goes on to muse that perhaps it is more difficult to parent a boy first (as I did)…

But I had a philosophical breakthrough. Luckily I had a girl first, otherwise it might have taken me a few more years to work through to it. Forgive the tangent, but I have often wondered about the differing routes into parenthood, either having a girl first or having first a boy. Random accounts I have collected tend to confirm the easier route for moms is having a girl first. In part, I wonder if this reflects, as one mother stated, “With a girl I felt immediately in the driver’s seat. I knew all about being a girl.’’ Having a boy first, moms tend to talk about the strangeness of having a truly “other’’ little creature in their care and especially the fear of unintentionally emasculating a son.

And, she takes a look at something that, while not uplifting, was something that I also experienced very clearly in my first months of mothering…

These are, of course, just more thoughts to muse over in the rocking chair. Rocking, rocking, I kept thinking, “But if I am investing my total self in her so that she can take off and fly and reach her full potential, what happens when she becomes a mom, cut down in midflight, so to speak? It can’t be that I am pouring myself into her so that she can turn around and sacrifice herself to her children. Hey, what about my mom—what does she want for me? Was she secretly raising me just to reproduce? Is there life for me past parenting? It has to be that I’m worth more than the second I give birth and the rest of the time I’m downsized to slave.’’ Oh, yes, parenting is slave labor, but only for the opening act, and it’s a long, long play. Once I got a hold of the possibility that being a mom meant staying personally alive through all this, I got some relief from the voice, “It’s Over. My life is Over,’’ whimpering in my head…

–Gina Bria (2011-11-28). The Art of Family : Rituals, Imagination, and Everyday Spirituality (p. 159). iUniverse. Kindle Edition.

I really felt “deconstructed” by early motherhood and often found myself thinking thoughts of this type. I also used to pace around the house with my cranky son in a sling crying and singing, “who am I, I’m Lannbaby’s mama, who am I, I’m Lannbaby’s mama,” over and over again.

The “agony and the ecstasy” of parenting begins with birth. If you’re in the mood for a powerful birth story, here is a triumphant one that I enjoyed reading just tonight:

The Agony and the Ecstasy : The Birth of Santina Maria

“The natural process of birth sets the stage for parenting. Birth and parenting mirror each other. While it takes courage and strength to cope with labor and birth, it also takes courage and strength to parent a child.” –Marcy White

Tuesday Tidbits: Birth Research

Mar26

“Women around the world and throughout time have known how to take care of each other in birth. They’ve shown each other the best positions for comfort in labor, they’ve used nurturing touch and repeated soothing words, and they’ve literally held each other up when it’s needed the most…”

–The Doula Guide to Birth

New experiment with a business card holder!

A lot of things caught my eye to share this week. A Faceboook friend is conducting research about birth professionals for her master’s thesis for Sociology:

Ahmie Yeung is working on her Master’s thesis in Sociology at Cleveland State University, under the guidance of Dr. Linda Francis. Ms. Yeung’s thesis research is looking at the attitudes of professionals in the United States who provide care for women and infants during pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period – also known as “perinatal care providers.” This can be anyone who is normally paid for the services they are providing during that time period. Examples of kinds of professionals we want to hear from are: doulas, midwives, OB/Gyns, Family Practicioners, and Pediatricians. This research will hopefully provide some insight into differences between types of providers that may be of use to future families seeking maternity and newborn care. Please ask those who are or have provided care for you to take the brief survey at http://tinyurl.com/perinatalcaresurvey and forward this request on to any other expecting/new parents or perinatal care professionals you may know.

And via Citizens for Midwifery:

Researchers are developing a new tool to educate pregnant mothers about their birth options. They need your help to learn what matters most to pregnant mothers. Pregnant or planning another birth? Please share!

Childbirth Preferences Study

The Spring issue of the Friends of Missouri Midwives newsletter is finished and available online! The theme of this issue was Siblings and we’ve got a variety of articles about including siblings at births 🙂

I got a little crazy with my ScoopIt page and went through over 100 articles of possible things to “curate.” And, I found some good stuff!

Which included this gem:

“To paraphrase Simon, everybody loves mothers, as long as they restrict their fertility to the outlines demarked by the social and moral norms of the age they find themselves in, and don’t have the audacity to give birth too young, or too old, or too regularly, or at too great a cost to the state, or to a child that they share with another parent of the wrong race or gender…”

And, an interesting article debunking the idea that women “forget” the feelings of childbirth. Memories are affected by the “halo effect” of the euphoria following birth, but the feelings are not actually forgotten:

Medical myth: women forget the pain of childbirth – The Conversation

I also thought of a couple of older posts of my own:

Talk to Your Baby

“Babies are primed to hear their mothers’ voices after birth. They expect to be snuggled into the maternal nest. Mammal babies expect to receive a warm breast and to hear comforting words in their own language…”

Birth as a Rite of Passage & ‘Digging Deeper’

“All cultures believe that women become better and more generous through the process of giving birth. That is why some cultures use words such as ‘sacrifice,’ ‘suffering’ and ‘labour.’ These terms can seem overwhelming and to be avoided’ however, seen from a different viewpoint, childbirth helps us to become strong, resourceful and determined…”

Birth & Culture & Pregnant Feelings

“Giving birth is not an isolated event in a person’s life. A woman births with both her mind and her body and participates in the attitudes toward childbearing of her culture and her family…”

Where are the women who know?

“…the most important thing is to never bring fear into the room of a laboring woman. ‘A woman must be completely open to birth a child,’ she says, ‘and so she is unable to defend herself from the thoughts of those around her…’”

And, a funny story from a couple of weeks ago:

“Visiting kid working on costume: “why do you have all this red fabric?” Me: “I think I planned to make placentas out of it.” Later, same kid: “this is an interesting color of yarn.” Me: “I got that to knit uteruses.” Kid: “maybe I should dress up like a scary doula.” 😉

DVD Review: Pilates Pregnancy

Mar21

PILATES PREGNANCY WORKOUTS ($14.99)
Distributed by BayView Entertainment (and available for purchase online at Amazon.com).
www.mauipilates.net

Reviewed by Molly, Talk Birth

While I’ve maintained a yoga practice for over ten years, practiced yoga throughout all of my pregnancies, and I’m Certified Prenatal Fitness Educator (ICEA), I have no experience with Pilates. So, when the opportunity came up to review a prenatal Pilates DVD, I was happy for the opportunity to broaden my horizons! Pilates Pregnancy Workouts is a basic workout DVD that is both easy to follow (even for those unfamiliar with Pilates) and sufficiently challenging. I was surprised by how effectively strengthening the workouts were, while appearing on the surface to be very gentle and simple! While this is a prenatal program, there is no mention of the applicability of the exercises to labor or birth and only a tiny handful of references to the baby.

In addition to the gorgeous ocean setting, a highlight of the Pilates Pregnancy Workouts DVD are the manageable, short segments—you can choose a workout that is 6-10 minutes. We can almost always find time in the day for six minutes! You can also choose to watch the entire exercise series as one continuous practice of about an hour. Also handy is the option of voiceover narration or nature sounds for once you’re familiar with the program.

Some exercises from Pilates Pregnancy Workouts are familiar from yoga practice, but the overall style and form is different and it would be great to include both in one’s prenatal exercise program! This DVD is a worthwhile addition to the prenatal exercise resources of pregnant women as well as doulas, midwives, or childbirth educators.

Women’s (Birth) History Month

Mar18

…we need to grasp an honest understanding of birthing history – one that tells HERstory not HIStory. Because birth is about Women. It is a woman’s story. And we need to also understand why and how this herstory compels women to make the choices they make surrounding birth in the present day.

People become the product of the culture that feeds them.

It takes an immense amount of work to deconstruct cultural lies. Especially ones as insidious as the ones that we, as birthing women, have been fed for more than a century. We need to stop blaming women for their place in this System. Women are victims and by-products (not accomplices) of medicalized birth.

via That Joke Never Gets Old. Or Good

In honor of Women’s History Month, I’ve been considering the women in (recent) history who have changed the climate surrounding pregnancy and birth. While I’m sure Ina May Gaskin’s name would probably spring to the lips of most birth activists considering the theme, I felt like taking a quick look at the many other classic authors who have had a profound influence on my own ideas about birth. This thought, coupled with the fact that for some time I’ve wanted to write a post about “older birth books” that are still excellent reads today, has brought me to the present moment: a list of my favorite “old” birth books and the lovely women who wrote them. When I first started out in birthwork, I wanted to read “new” stuff—stuff that was “up to date” and “current.” After I read almost all of the “new” books, I started to cast my eye around for more and guess what I discovered? No surprise to many of you, but many of those “out of date” books with the retro-looking covers are still just as good and just as relevant as they were 20-30 years ago. Since medical information and science/evidence changes fairly rapidly and a pregnancy and childbirth 101 type book from 30 years IS more often than not completely inappropriate today, I had made the mistake of thinking ALL “old” birth books would be similarly irrelevant. Instead, many have a power and passion that is not easy to come by in any decade and that rouses the activism spirit, or stirs the heart, or challenges the psyche just as effectively today. Here are some of my recommendations (and of course, Spiritual Midwifery remains a good choice too, I just want to add some less usual recommendations!):

Transformation through Birth by Claudia Panuthos (also known for writing another great resource: Ended Beginnings: Healing Childbearing Losses). Written in 1984, this book “goes beyond” the scope of traditional birth books and really gets into some deep topics and insightful ideas. Previously written about here.
Special Delivery by Rahima Baldwin (another good, less well-known one from her is Pregnant Feelings, explored in depth in this post). Revised in 1986, this book is one of my favorite homebirth resource books. Though some segments are in fact, “outdated,” I still find this to be one of the very best (“old” or new!) resource books for women planning to give birth at home.
Open Season by Nancy Wainer (Cohen) in 1991 (how can 1991 be called “old”? Well, it is over 20 years ago and considering that many women giving birth today were born after that date, it IS old!). Nancy has a lot of FIRE and I love it. Some people have been known to call her “angry” or “bitter.” I call her…amazing. Her writing lights you up and calls you to action. She has incredible passion, fire, brightness, drive, and enthusiasm. One of her articles in Midwifery Today that is available online is also well worth the read: VBAC and Choice. And, I use some of her quotes in this post.
Birth Book by Raven Lang. This is the original counterculture birth book written in 1972 at the launch of what would become the modern movement to return birth to the hands of women.
Childbirth with Insight written in 1983 by Elizabeth Noble, is another one of the birth books that I say “goes beyond.” As a childbirth education, I especially benefited from her exploration of some of the failings of traditional approaches to childbirth education.
Lots of older books from Sheila Kitzinger are very good also. I particularly enjoy The Experience of Childbirth and Giving Birth: How it Really Feels.
My last recommendation for the moment is Mothering the New Mother by Sally Placksin (revised in 2000, which again sounds reasonably recent, but in reality is thirteen years ago–how is that possible?). It is classic must-read for doulas as well as any other birth companions. It is wonderful and I wish I would have read it before my own first child was born.

There are many more excellent books out there, both modern and “herstorical,” but I’ll leave you with these treasures for now. I’m grateful for each of these birth activists whose words and spirits helped deepen and refine my own passion for birth.

“I long to speak out the intense inspiration that comes to me from the lives of strong women.” –Ruth Benedict

—
(Adapted from a post originally made at CfM several years ago.)

Book list: Preparing Children for Homebirth

Mar16

The theme of our spring issue of the Friends of Missouri Midwives newsletter was Siblings. Happily, I got a lot of great content for this issue without having to write everything myself (sometimes I prepare issues that should be called “The Molly Issue”). Other than the letter from the editor, the only piece I contributed this time around was a short list of homebirth resources for children. If you have other good resources to add, I’ll gladly accept your contributions and update the list accordingly.

Here’s my list:

(Amazon affiliate link included)

Runa’s Birth by Uwe Spillmann and Inga Kamieth– my all-time favorite children’s homebirth book. The illustrations in this book are amazing; I love the tiny details like little shells/rocks on the windowsill and phone messages on the bulletin board.

Welcome with Love by Jenni Overend and Julie Vivas (also published as Hello Baby). It has nice, softly drawn pictures that glow with excitement and I really enjoy reading it to my kids.
Birth Day DVD by Naoli Vinaver—this one is great because the whole family is involved and older brothers join mom in the birth pool.
We’re Having a Homebirth by Kelly Mochel. This book is inexpensive, cute, and informative.
Being Born: The Doula’s Role by Jewel Hernandez and R. Michael Mithuna–really nice, detailed illustrations. Focus is on doulas and their job and the wide range of settings in which mothers give birth.
Mama Midwife: A Birth Adventure by Christa Tyner— this new children’s book about homebirth and midwifery is available to read for free online. It is cute, though kind of trippy. (I would have preferred it to be just people though, rather than a somewhat incongruous collection of animals.) LOVE the “birth song” at the end.
My Mommy’s Midwife by Trish Payne CNM—this one has children’s drawings as the illustrations. It isn’t about homebirth, but instead explains the role of the midwife and that she might come to a birth center, a hospital, or a home birth.

Books that I’ve not read, but would like to check out include:

Our Water Baby by Amy Maclean and Jan Nesbitt (water birth specific)
Mama, Talk About When Max Was Born by Toni Olson (home waterbirth)
Mama, Talk About Our New Baby by Toni Olson (companion book to the above about integrating new baby into the home)

Non-Advice Books for Mothers

Mar14

Mothering can involve a complicated and multileveled emotional terrain. What often speaks most clearly and helpfully to mothers is other women’s stories and experiences, NOT “advice,” prescriptions, promises, or admonishments.

I’ve noticed two types of “attachment parenting” mothers—those who discovered AP after having their baby or child(ren) and those who chose attachment parenting in advance, sometimes way in advance. While of course a host of factors are involved, both internal and external, I’ve also noticed that those who discovered, feel more content and are less likely to be hard on themselves about their AP-“failures.” If you discover something, you have an ideal to live up to. If what you start with is the ideal, essentially the only way to go is down! I’m one of the latter bunch, having envisioned my attachment parenting perfection and bliss for at least three years prior to actually giving birth to my first baby. After my first son’s birth, I dove into more and more and more parenting books, trying to make sense of my new life. And, to me totally honest, Dr. Sears books started to drive me out of my frickin mind, even though I agreed with the guy about almost everything. I still recommend him, I met him in real life in 2007 and consider him an excellent resource, however the subtext I perceived in his books was: “do it the right way and you’ll always be happy and baby will never cry” and that was really, really hard on me as a vulnerable, sensitive new mother of a pretty cranky baby. So, I practically collapsed with relief when one of the birth center doctors suggested reading the book Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf. After this, I became obsessed with what is somewhat dismissively referred to as “the momoir”—memoirs of motherhood written by real women. Loved them. Lived by them. Learned from them. They “heard” me when I really, really needed to be heard.

Recently, a lovely friend and first-time mom on Facebook remarked that she needed to stop reading “advice” books about motherhood and try something else (though, still interested in reading about motherhood). Her comment reminded me so much of myself and I swooped in, ironically, with “advice” about other books to read. As I thought about books to suggests, the piles upon piles of books that I devoured came back to me in a rush. This morning, I went through my bookshelf and made a list of those that were influential enough to make the cut and be kept, versus being resold or passed along in the giveaway box. It is a big list! And, it is only a fraction of what I actually read. What was also really interesting for me to realize was that I haven’t read a book like this in ages, there are probably dozens more now! I still have several unread on shelf, but I no longer feel as if I need them in the same “lifeline” way in which I combed the library shelves with my first baby in his little sling.

So, here are my tips and suggestions on non-advice-based books for mothers. In general, I vote ixnay on any kind of “how to” mothering/parenting books. I vote yes on parenting memoirs, books about self-nurturing and mother-care, and sociopolitical commentary on motherhood. Disclaimer: a lot of the books on my list are written by “mainstream” authors, many of whom are pretty critical, sometimes very harshly, of attachment parenting. I find that some of these books create a lot of polarization with regard to Amazon reviews. At the risk of sounding very snobby myself, I would suggest that you are unlikely to enjoy these books if you are any of the following:

Unable or unwilling to engage intellectually with topics surrounding motherhood/parenthood.
Uninterested in the larger social, cultural, and political context surrounding individual mothers and their parenting “choices.”
Dismissive of the role that sociopolitical influences have on the lives and experiences of individual women.
Unable or unwilling to allow other women to define their own experiences and to recognize that not everyone experiences things the same way, and that that is fine, even desirable.
Fond of describing maternal honesty as “whining” and prefer “suck it up” approaches to sometimes painful explorations of complex feelings.

Before I list my books, make sure to check out Brain, Child magazine! I DO still read and devour this and feel as if it “saved me” multiple times during the first three years of parenting. And, make sure to check out my What Kind of Mother Are You Quiz, based on a memoir called Inconsolable.

These books may include links to prior posts/reviews about them. A lot of them are a blend of memoir and sociopolitical commentary—I classified them according to my perception of their primary emphasis. For all book reviews I’ve ever posted on my site, see this page.

Memoirs:

Let the Baby Drive by Lu Hanessian. This is one of my very favorites. Nourishing and enriching and relevant. May have a small tinge of “do it my way.”
Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. This is a classic. A memoir of the author’s first year with her son. She is a single parent and so the book addresses some of the challenges involved with parenting solo. This book is incredibly funny at times.
Callie’s Tally by Betsy Howie. Very, very funny, though not particularly “AP” (so if you’re looking for that, read Let the Baby Drive instead). This book chronicles how much money the author has spent on her daughter during her first year of life.
A Better Woman by Susan Johnson this one is an often painful to read memoir of a woman’s experience with an obstetrical fistula
Fruitful by Anne Roiphe (also addressed in prior post: Motherhood, Feminism, and More). This is a good look at the tensions between feminism and motherhood and navigating new identities
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! A tale of mothering three sons.
The Blue Jay’s Dance by Louise Erdrich. Very lyrical, mild book. (Quoted or written about in these prior posts)
Dispatches from a Not-So Perfect Life–by a frequent contributor to Brain, Child magazine.
Inconsolable: How I Threw My Mental Health Out with the Diapers–memoir of a journey through severe postpartum depression. Darkly funny. Critical of attachment parenting, but in a manner in which I can identify.
Growing Seasons by Annie Spiegelman. This memoir is by a “sandwich generation” mother, caring for a toddler and for her own ailing mother.

Anthologies:

Mothers Who Think—collection of essays from writers for Salon.
The Bitch in the House–not all about parenting, about marriage, work, etc. Often angry.
Toddler–stories about parenting toddlers by one of the former editors of Brain, Child.
Beyond One—–collection of essays about adding a second child. I loved it. A friend I lent it to thought it was “horribly depressing.”
Real Moms—a surprising gem from MOPS. While I find many of their books too “surface” in emphasis and also very mainstream-Christian-mom directed, this one is great. One of my favorites.
The Fruits of Labor–about parenting at all stages of life. Some are tragic. This is more literary memoir than “tell all” memoir.

Sociopolitical commentary and analysis:

What Mothers Do (appears in Motherful) by Naomi Stadlen. I love this book! It takes a close look at how women mother and how skillfully they do so (so that on the outside it looks like they are doing “nothing”). This is not a “how to” book, but a book that tries to look below the surface and explore concepts that are very difficult to verbalize/articulate. She strives to put into words/give us language to describe what is it that mothers do all day–their often invisible contributions to life. Contributions that are often invisible even to ourselves. This is a very affirming and unique book. This is one of my top picks for tender new mothers. There may be some subtext about doing it “right” though.
Of Woman Born (included in this post: Motherhood, Feminism, and More). This is a classic sociological and personal exploration of the role, meaning, and cultural valuation (or devaluation) of mothers. This was my first exposure to the notion of motherhood as institution rather than simply as role/relationship.
Price of Motherhood by Ann Crittenden. Emphasis on economics, but very interesting analysis of multiple cultural, political, and social influences on mothers.
The Motherhood Manifesto—by Moms Rising. Showed me there is an actual “mother’s movement” afoot!
Paradox of Natural Mothering—academic in tone. I really enjoy this book. Lots of food for thought. It is a little uncomfortable to read too because she is so spot-on in her analysis of mothers like me. It is strange to feel “under the microscope.” The author herself is a “quasi-natural mother,” so the analysis isn’t harsh criticism, but it is a critical look at the “cult” (my word, not hers) of natural mothering and has a LOT of excellent discussion about feminism and natural mothering. She says–and I completely agree–that natural mothering represents the intersection of three ideological frameworks: voluntary simplicity, attachment parenting, and cultural feminism.
The Mask of Motherhood
Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf. As I mentioned, this was the first book that I ever read about a woman’s postpartum experience. It was suggested to me by the doctor at the birth center when I expressed some teary frustrations about adjusting to my new life and wondering if I would ever get “back to normal.” This book is on the “angry” side–it is not a nurturing and tender read and she is critical of things I value (like LLL). I did not identify with the author’s birth experiences or feelings about birth (I felt tremendous during birth and powerful, empowered, triumphant, and confident) and her conclusions seems mis-drawn, i.e. her birth was terrible, ergo, birth itself is terrible and those who tell you otherwise are lying, but her postpartum feelings closely match my own (weak, wounded, invisible, etc.)
Perfect Madness by Judith Warner. Included in this post: I just want to grind my corn! Fairly harshly critical of attachment parenting. takes potshots at LLL.
The Mother Knot by Jane Lazarre (included in: OBs and Normal)
Big Purple Mommy—about creativity and motherhood and still nurturing one’s creative self.
The Mother Trip (included in this post: Small Stone Birth Activism)–this one is written by Ariel Gore, original founder of the awesome zine, Hip Mama.
The Mother Dance by Harriet Lerner. This one focuses on the psychology of women primarily.

Mother nurturing/validating:

25 Ways to Joy & Inner Peace for Mothers
The Tao of Motherhood
The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood
Mother Nurture by Rick & Jan Hanson. This book is phenomenal. Very comprehensive. It addresses mothers of children from birth to age 5, so even if you are several years past the early postpartum weeks, this book has much to offer to you! One of the focus areas is on “Depleted Mother Syndrome” and addresses coping with it via all areas (body, mind, social/relational).
Mothering the New Mother–classic postpartum doula book! Highly recommended.
This isn’t what I expected—postpartum depression recovery.
After the Baby’s Birth by Robin Lim. This book is very holistic in approach and is one of my very favorite postpartum reads. It offers such gems as, “you’re postpartum for the rest of your life” (which some people have said they feel like is depressing, but I find a tremendously empowering statement!) and “when the tears flow, so does the milk” (with regard to the third day postpartum). It does have a large section on Ayurvedic cooking, which, personally, I don’t connect with, so be aware that that section is in there and depending on your belief system, might make perfect sense to you, or might seem inapplicable like it feels to me.
Mothers Guide to Self-Renewal

Novels/Others:

I Don’t Know How She Does It—fiction about an employed mother and the juggling act with which she tried to balance work and family.
Motherhood Confidential–this one is pretty weird. I almost didn’t include it and I also don’t know whether it is fiction or not. It is billed as “chicken soup for the spleen” and as an “anti-advice” book. I like the recommendation to scrape off the “dogma-doo” of parenting. It is about two best friends, one who becomes an attachment parenting homeschooling mother and the other who is a “detachment parent” and how rocky their relationship becomes.
Three Shoes, One Sock, and No Hairbrush by Rebecca Abrams. Primarily about adding a second child.

Red Tent Resources

Mar3

“Blood Mysteries recall the immense power of the bleeding woman. Power enough to share in great nourishing give-aways. Give-away from woman womb to earth womb, give-away from mother to matrix, give-away of nourisher to nourisher…bleeding freely, we know ourselves as women, as nourishers of life…” –Susan Weed

International Women’s Day is coming up on March 8th and I signed up for a cool sounding free online class about working with your moon cycle. I’m loving the focus and I hope to learn some useful things:

“What you do on the first day of your cycle radically affects your health and happiness for the next 30 (or so) days. It impacts your relationships, creativity, energy, spiritual connectedness, and self-confidence, just to name a few things…”

This class is part of a free online 28 day event about honoring our moon cycles that is already in progress—I wish I would have learned about it a little earlier!

Also, on International Women’s Day is a Red Tent Activation offering from Deanna L’am:

We’ve Birthed The world We Want To Live In…

Lets Re-Member, Re-Activate & Re-claim
Our cellular memories of The Red Tent!

I do a lot of work with women already. I have provided breastfeeding support and counseling for eight years now. I’ve been teaching and writing about birth and doing birth activism for just about as long. I help plan blessingway/rite of passage ceremonies and facilitate workshops and lead rituals (and occasionally, I do weddings). I hold quarterly women’s retreats and this year I’m doing a year-long monthly women’s spirituality class. But, I still want to do more! I envision having a fabulous red yurt out in the field that would always be available to any woman who wanted to come to it. I envision a “Women’s Temple” and nurturing, enriching, replenishing WomanSpace. I envision monthly full moon circles and seasonal ceremonies and plenty of time for celebration of Women’s Mysteries…

I also really, really want to host a screening of the Red Tent Movie (this is totally within my capacity for this year at least!)

While I also have a whole collection of favorite women’s temple/women’s mysteries resources, some of my favorite Red Tent specific resources on Facebook are:

Occupy Menstruation (my total favorite)

Your period is a vehicle for greater compassion in the world at large.

Your period is a universal language.

Yet, it’s one of the least understood by women today.

It’s one of the topics that is least talked about in our modern culture…

—Pleasurable Periods

Postpartum Survival Tips

Jan23

“In western society, the baby gets attention while the mother is given lectures. Pregnancy is considered an illness; once the ‘illness’ is over, interest in her wanes. Mothers in ‘civilized’ countries often have no or very little help with a new baby. Women tend to be home alone to fend for themselves and the children. They are typically isolated socially & expected to complete their usual chores…while being the sole person to care for the infant…” –Milk, Money, & Madness

I recently shared this quote on my Facebook page and a reader responded expressing her fear at preparing to face this exact situation. I responded that it is an unfortunately realistic fear and suggested she check out some resources for postpartum planning that might help work through the fear as well as plan for a nurturing postpartum instead of a stressful one. She then responded that she has a very minimal local support system and that got me thinking about postpartum survival tips for when one’s local support system is limited…

My ideas:

Suggest to your out-of-town friends and family that they contribute to a “babymoon” for you and all pitch in to hire a postpartum doula.
Tactfully remind people that even if they’re too far away to bring you a meal, they can certainly call up a local restaurant and order a delivery for you! I think a lot of us forget that is an option for a long distance family member (that we would bring food to if they were local). In my experience, getting enough food is a huge issue postpartum! I remember long distance friends having babies a variety of times and wishing I was close enough to bring them dinner. Duh. Many restaurants do, in fact, deliver food!
Be your own “best friend” by preparing and freezing meals and snacks now. I know I sound obsessed with food, but it is totally one the hardest things to take care of postpartum, but so important!
Put together a mama survival kit for yourself that you can then open up when you need it. Some ideas here and more ideas of variable quality here.
If you don’t have a sense of community work, actively work on building one—go to La Leche League meetings, Holistic Moms Network, Mothers of Preschoolers, Attachment Parenting International, or other mothers’ groups. Go BEFORE you have your baby if you can.

Other ideas for helpers:

In addition to my idea of ordering delivery for a postpartum family as a way of bringing them dinner long distance, is to order a dinner through the mail via the business Spoonful of Comfort. They will send fresh chicken soup, rolls, cookies, and a baby present via Priority Mail (packed with freezer packs). I send it with a note saying, “this is me, bringing you dinner!” Friendly tip from unfortunate personal experience: if you are doing this for a friend make SURE you enter THEIR address as the shipping address and not your OWN address, or you will then be forced to enjoy their postpartum meal and feel like a total idiot at the same time.
Don’t forget about other meals—breakfast = awesome. Muffins = awesome.
Pay it forward–I think sometimes people feel like they don’t know someone well enough to bring them food, or maybe they even do a mental “tally” and think, “well, she won’t be bringing me food ever, so why should I take time to bring it to her” or, “she didn’t make anything for me when I had my last baby, so I’m off the hook on this one.” When I had Alaina, a mother who had literally JUST moved to town and that I had not yet met, sent a hot breakfast casserole to me (that my lovely doula delivered to my lovely mother at the snowy end of my gravel road). I think of that generosity when I bring a postpartum meal to a mama from whom I will never end up getting a reciprocal meal. Who cares. She needs it. You can do it!
Another doula commented on my post: “Do you know a mom that is about to have a baby? Or maybe a momma who just gave birth recently? Don’t even ‘offer’ just show up with a bucket of cleaning supplies, a bag of healthy food, and maybe something nice for her. Go tuck her in bed with baby, and get to work on her home.. When she wakes, she has nothing to do but nurse that baby. (If she has other kids, delegate chores with them, if to young, call mutual friends to sit for them! Our Mom’s need this, up through 6-9weeks pp, Mom’s need help, even longer for some. There is a reason the US has the highest postpartum depression issues in the developed world… Create your community! DO IT!” I would add that if you do not know mom well, do not plan to engage in a deep cleaning project and stay for a long time doing such project.

I also posted to the Citizens for Midwifery Facebook page asking for contributions for postpartum survival tips when your local support system is limited. What beautiful, helpful women we have on that page! While I didn’t get many suggestions specifically for minimal local support systems, I did get a nice collection of survival tip ideas:

Trust your own instincts. Many women have great advice but if your heart is telling you something else, go with it.
Craniosacral therapy… one session for you and one for the baby.
In addition to lots of suggestions to hire a postpartum doula, there were lots and lots and lots of shout-outs for placenta encapsulation. I echo it myself.
Get out of the house alone! For me, it’s been crucial to my sanity to leave my home, by myself, even if only for an hour or two between nursings. Just a Target run was therapeutic!
Kangaroo care for high needs babies.
Lots of mentions of it being okay to accept help and okay to ask for help.
A lot of new moms get really overwhelmed by family and friends coming by to see baby, and it’s important for them to remember that they can always put out a sign that says “mom and baby sleeping!” (even if they aren’t) anytime they need a break.
Watch only positive stuff without violence on TV (cooking shows, home improvement) as regular TV is really violent for new mamas and she may be watching more with all the nursing/healing.
Have homemade high protein frozen meals (and snacks) in the freezer before birth so anyone can warm them up for the household after birth. If breastfeeding, get much more rest than you think you need from day one to ensure an abundant milk supply (*note from Molly: it is true that prolactin receptors are “laid down” during the first days of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding “early and often” makes sure that there are an ample supply of receptors in your brain.)
Have a sign up sheet for family and friends to choose which chores to help with, gift certificates to a cleaning service, stocking up on disposable plates and dinnerware…
A new mommy group can be a life saver. Just knowing that other mommies are going through the same thing help
Food registries such as mealtrain and mealbaby. Not enough families know about these amazing and free services. (*note from Molly: we often use Care Calendar locally.)
Plan ahead and freeze several of your favorite freeze-able meals. Let the clothes be a little wrinkled. Use paper and plastic ware instead of worrying over dishes. Stay laying down first 3 days postpartum (preferably naked: it gives a certain message and is better for baby anyway) and the first week stay in pajamas. Enjoy frequent rest times, even if you can’t sleep.
Baby wearing….lots of time in bed, sleeping cuddling and feeding babe skin to skin…brest friend nursing pillow
Send a subliminal message to the limited visitors you’ll have (set limits early with partner) by wearing your robe for several weeks
Eat well, accept all offers of help and food, get out of the house alone!
I loved getting meals brought by friends, but I didn’t always want to socialize. So, someone to run interference, or maybe a drop-off location for leaving food. (*note from Molly: my doula was the perfect person for this job.)
Ask for help! No one will know what you need if you don’t speak up.
Don’t go without showering for more than four or five days. Brush your teeth once a day no matter what, even if it ends up being at a weird time. Take your vitamins/ herbal supplements/tea. HYDRATE! Nap with baby if you need to, arrange childcare for older siblings sometimes, but also listen to your instincts—one of my worst baby blues moments was with my third when my older two were gone and I wanted them home!
LOVE yourself, nap when you can , Yes you are doing it right, No it’s no ones business (breastfeeding/cosleeping/pumping etc.) allow opinions and advice to slide off, drink lots of water , eat small snacks/meals, love your baby look into their beautiful eyes and connect, skin to skin whenever even with dad or siblings (safely) cherish these moments they don’t last forever, the laundry will get done, the dishes will be get cleaned …
Take a “babymoon”. Put on a robe when someone comes to the door–even if you have real clothes underneath. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Don’t answer the phone. Remember, self-care is essential for you to be able to care for your baby.
I loved having herbal soaked pad (frozen) to wear afterwards, felt soooo good. Have easy one-handed snacks available and a BIG water bottle.
In those last few months of pregnancy I prepare meals to freeze (I start about month 5 or 6). I make up 6 weeks worth of dinners (they always last longer since we have a great church family and friends that bring us meals). After baby is born I can put 2-3 dinners in the refrigerator (to thaw) a few days before I need them. Then all I have to do is pop one in the oven and BAM….dinner’s ready. I love “Don’t Panic, Dinner’s In The Freezer” I & II. The recipes are amazing and all freeze well. Hope that helps!
Skin-to-skin in bed for as long as possible; 40 days of rest, recuperation, establishing breastfeeding, bonding, limited visitors, and limited activity; drink when the baby nurses; sleep when the baby sleeps; nurse on demand; learn to wear your baby; and use a peri bottle when peeing! A postpartum herb bath and massage are nice, too.
Hot water bottle for afterpains
Placenta encapsulation and WishGarden Herbs ReBalance tincture!
Chiropractic adjustments, ASAP
Call in your mom. My mom’s job after my second was born was to keep me fed and to spend some quality time with my older child.
Drag oneself outside and BREATHE! 🙂
Water…..hot tub, shower, steam, pool, raindrops, snow, sauna, bath, river, stream, ocean, lake! If you can, immerse yourself, if you cannot, imagine yourself floating 🙂
Lots of water, lots of protein and healthy fats, placenta encapsulation and low expectations of anything other than bonding time with baby.
Don’t try to impress others with how quickly you can get up and going, even if you can, just take it easy!!!!
It’s not in the asking for help; its in the accepting…

Surround her with support!

Check out these previous posts:

Mothers Matter–Creating a Postpartum Plan

Planning for Postpartum

Some reminders for postpartum mamas & those who love them

and a great one for helpers written by my own doula:

The Incredible Importance of Postpartum Support

And, remember…

“The first few months after a baby comes can be a lot like floating in a jar of honey—very sweet and golden, but very sticky too.”

–American College of Nurse-Midwives

This article is crossposted at Citizens for Midwifery.

2012 Book List

Jan4

Some of the books I got for Christmas, waiting to be delved into!

More delights just longing for attention!

I actually got started in blogging through my now-defunct book blog. And, I used to keep a running list in a notebook of books I read each year and then transcribe it at the end of the year. That was a pain. So, I eventually I realized I could use Goodreads as my booklist AND save myself a lot of work and energy by copying and pasting from that list, rather than typing it all up by hand. Go, me! I usually read between 100-150 books a year. This is mainly because I have had a nursling for nine years now and I read at naptime and bedtime every day. I also naturally read very fast and always have. My reading was down this year though because I got an ipad last January and while I do use the Kindle app on it to read books, I also am much more likely to start poking around on the internet instead. This is something I’d like to change in 2013! I’m noticing my personal pendulum swinging back more to print books rather than digital books and at any one moment I have at least three stacks of books-in-progress, dotted around the house.

At the beginning of December I noticed that my 2012 book list at Goodreads only had 95 books read on it! Yikes! So, I picked up the pace and read five more, bringing my yearly total up to a nice, even 100 by the end of the year 🙂

Here’s my list! If there is an associated review already published here, that is noted in the review column. What were your favorite reads of 2012?

title	review/notes	date
Women’s Medicine Ways: Cross Cultural Rites Of Passage		Dec 27, 2012
Mother Wit: A Guide to Healing & Psychic Development		Dec 26, 2012
Desert Priestess: A Memoir	Loved this book! Beautifully written in a very honest manner the narrative includes her self-doubts and follies as well as her priestessly moments. My heart is yearning to take a pilgrimage to the desert now, as well as to further deepen and refine my own priestess path.	Dec 26, 2012
Woman’s Magic: Rituals, Meditations, and Magical Ways to Enrich Your Life	Mediocre.	Dec 25, 2012
Voices of the Goddess: A Chorus of Sibyls	Very good!	Dec 25, 2012
Living Goddess Spirituality, a Feminine Divine Priestess Handbook	This is a wonderful book! Lots of good resources and thoughtful commentary. Some critiques in that some of the print is extremely tiny, some material is repeated from the previous book, there is quite a bit of repetitiveness, and not all suggestions are fully developed (I.e. for each goddess there are multiple “workshops” suggested which include things like making various items. However, no further information or instructions for most of these things are included).I don’t usually connect strongly with individual goddess imagery, but the way in which this book was written brought in the significance of many different goddess images and I found myself learning and thinking about specific goddesses in different ways. I also loved all the different chants, ritual outlines, and invocations included. Really great pictures and some beautiful art enhance the book.Great circle resource and good resource for Priestesses!	Dec 23, 2012
Mothers of Thyme: Customs and Rituals of Infertility and Miscarriage	This book wasn’t what I expected or hoped for. It is all obscure historical and cultural “rituals” like eat three raw eggs mixed with bat dung while standing under the banana tree on the new moon, types of things. Some things are really interesting to read about from a historical perspective, but there is nothing of relevance to creating ceremony/acknowledgement for mothers today. It is definitely a history/anthropology book more than a miscarriage resource.	Nov 20, 2012
Sacred Circles: A Guide To Creating Your Own Women’s Spirituality Group	I’ve read this twice. It was the first book I bought on women’s spirituality/women’s circles and despite much MORE reading and training since originally buying the book, including ordination as a priestess, i still discovered new insights on second reading. Contains great quotes from various other authors also and good bibliography. My only critique is that the section on example rituals could use a lot more detail.	Nov 11, 2012
Hard Eight (Stephanie Plum, #8)	Listened to audio book version.	Nov 08, 2012
Ten Big Ones (Stephanie Plum, #10)	Listened to audio version. Evanovich books are perfect for audio–light and fun enough to keep you entertained on a commute and you don’t have to “waste” serious reading time on them, just already-wasted in the car time! These books are like “dessert” for me after all the nonfiction and academic reading I do. So, they’re a fun treat and I love Lorelai King’s reading of them!	Nov 08, 2012
Eleven on Top (Stephanie Plum, #11)	Listened to audio book version.	Nov 08, 2012
Ecofeminist Philosophy: A Western Perspective on What It Is and Why It Matters	Read for Ecofeminism class.	Nov 08, 2012
Reweaving the World: The Emergence of Ecofeminism	Read for Ecofeminism class.	Nov 07, 2012
Feed (Newsflesh, #1)	Read for book club.	Nov 07, 2012
Zoe & Zak and the Ghost Leopard	Read this aloud to my boys, ages 9 and 6. The six year old’s attention wandered during it, as did my own, and it took a long time to finish–the book has lots of, IMO, unnecessary description and repetitiveness. It was an interesting story overall though with a variety of twists and lots of action. The nine year old voted five stars very enthusiastically though saying he “loved it!”, so I told him that’s what I’d put in!	Nov 07, 2012
Casting the Circle: A Women’s Book of Ritual	Loved it! Great resource. Includes words to a variety of chants as well as outlines for a number of rituals for a variety of purposes. Differentiates between Women’s Spirituality and Wicca in a way that some pagan books seem to miss/ignore, though assumes more overlap/congruence between the two than I, personally, have experienced or perceived.	Oct 14, 2012
The Thundering Years: Rituals and Sacred Wisdom for Teens	Excellent resource! Empowering, insightful, and creative.	Sep 20, 2012
Shamanism: Guide for Life (New Life Library	Short and basic.	Sep 16, 2012
Grandmother Moon		Sep 14, 2012
The Queen of My Self: Women Stepping Into Sovereignty in Midlife		Sep 09, 2012
Walking an Ancient Path: Rebirthing Goddess on Planet Earth		Sep 03, 2012
Ethics & Professional Practice for Clergy		Aug 29, 2012
Pushing for Midwives: Homebirth Mothers and the Reproductive Rights Movement	Book Review: Pushing for Midwives	Aug 27, 2012
The Goddess Celebrates: An Anthology Of Women’s Rituals	Very good resource!	Aug 27, 2012
The Power of Ritual	Basic, but interesting and well-written.	Aug 20, 2012
Living In The Lap of Goddess: The Feminist Spirituality Movement in America	Read for a class.	Aug 18, 2012
Rituals for Our Times: Celebrating, Healing, and Changing Our Lives and Our Relationships	There were some good things about this book about the meaning, value, purpose, and role of ritual in family life. I lost interest about halfway through and ended up skimming the second half. While it does contain some planning lists/worksheets for considering your own family rituals, the overall emphasis is on short vignettes of how other families have coped with challenges or occasions in their own lives. Also, the focus is on very conventional, mainstream “ritual” occasions–birthdays, anniversaries, holidays–rather than on life cycle rites of passage and other more spiritual transitions in one’s life.	Aug 18, 2012
Walking Your Walk: A Woman’s Guide to a Spirit Filled Life	Totally forgettable.	Aug 16, 2012
Awakening To The Spirit World: The Shamanic Path Of Direct Revelation	Great that it comes with a CD! Tedious towards the end and I found myself losing interest/skimming. Not as readily practical as some other shamanic books.	Aug 14, 2012
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks	Read for book club. Extremely interesting book covering a subject I had very little to no prior knowledge of–written in a conversational style that is paced like a novel.	Aug 11, 2012
Ariadne’s Thread: A Workbook of Goddess Magic	Loved this book! Accidentally found it after accidentally finding Shekhinah’s cool Womanrunes system. Enjoying reading older books on Goddess spirituality lately. Lots of great stuff to be gleaned from less well-known works.	Jul 31, 2012
Sacred Ceremony: Create and Officiate Personalized Wedding Ceremonies	Excellent resource for officiants (couples too). Jumps right into the basics of wedding ceremonies (no long intro or background, immediately to the meat of the book). Clearly and concisely written. Contains “spiritual” (actually, Abrahamic religion oriented) and “non-spiritual” (humanist) examples for each segment of a wedding ceremony (I.e. opening words, declaration of intent, vows, rings, closing blessing…).	Jul 30, 2012
Joining Hands and Hearts: Interfaith, Intercultural Wedding Celebrations: A Practical Guide for Couples	Good resource with many ideas for couples and officiants. Skimmed second half which has examples of specific traditions/ceremonies.	Jul 30, 2012
Wedding Blessings: Prayers and Poems Celebrating Love, Marriage and Anniversaries	Short collection of primarily quotes/readings for use during weddings. Only one real example of vows/ceremony. Useful for browsing for love/marriage/anniversary quotes, not very useful for actually planning a wedding ceremony.	Jul 28, 2012
The Midwife of Hope River	Book Review: The Midwife of Hope River	Jul 27, 2012
The Heart of the Fire	Read for book club and have mixed feelings–could take it or leave for roughly first 200 pages and then got more enraptured and couldn’t put it down by the end. A bit erratic (and eccentric–is supposed to be the author’s past-life experiences) and sometimes extraordinarily romance-novel-esque what with all the heaving and bodice-ripping *Spoiler warning*For those who, like me, prefer to avoid horrible scenes of brutal rape and torture, I suggest skipping pages 466-490, at minimum.	Jul 10, 2012
Seven Up (Stephanie Plum, #7)	Listened to audio version. Hated the narrator of this one (different than the first six and the following books–obviously, I’m not the only hater). She also pronounces Eddie’s last name as “DeCooch,” which I found distracting.	Jul 07, 2012
New Age and Armageddon: The Goddess or the Gurus?: Towards a Feminist Vision of the Future	Very interesting look at the incompatibilities between “New Age” philosophies and thoughts and feminist spirituality and Goddess perspectives.	Jul 07, 2012
Laughter of Aphrodite	Subtitled, “reflections on a journey to the Goddess,” I was anticipating a more personal, chronological narrative. Instead, this is mainly a collection of essays/papers/presentations about various aspects of Goddess spirituality. Many of them are interesting, some are from other sources. I discovered a lot that was worthwhile in this book, but it wasn’t what I was anticipating reading and so I ended up feeling disappointed also.	Jun 29, 2012
Goddess Spirituality for the 21st Century: From Kabbalah to Quantum Physics		Jun 17, 2012
Goddess Matters: The Mystical, Practical, & Controversial	About half of the material seemed recycled from previous books?	Jun 17, 2012
The Gift of Giving Life: Rediscovering the Divine Nature of Pregnancy and Birth	Book Review: The Gift of Giving Life	Jun 15, 2012
Birth on the Labyrinth Path: Sacred Embodiment in the Childbearing Year	Review: Birth on the Labyrinth Path	Jun 12, 2012
Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement		Jun 11, 2012
Janet Evanovich: High Five, Hot Six (Stephanie Plum, #5-6)	Fun to listen to audio book versions on my commute!	Jun 07, 2012
Our Stories of Miscarriage: Healing with Words	Very good book. I wish I had read it when my miscarriages were in process rather than now, in retrospect. This is a collection of personal stories, essays, poems, and reflections about miscarriage and stillbirth (mostly miscarriage). Most of the stories are written by women and there are a handful written by fathers. The stories of other women reaching out across the page and across the years is a beautiful gift to all the women to follow who find themselves joining the same, unwanted “club.” I identified with the closing journal entry reflecting on, “all the women who comforted me with stories…a sorority of sorrow, these women, and now myself among them, moving past the pain to find a jagged peace in comforting another suffering sister.” (Edgren, p. 184)	Jun 04, 2012
Sacred Pregnancy: A Loving Guide and Journal for Expectant Moms	Book Review: Sacred Pregnancy	Jun 03, 2012
Goddess Meditations		Jun 03, 2012
Beloved	Read for book club. Kind of hated. Should have done two stars.	Jun 02, 2012
Relationship Status	Clever short story. Amusing and scary look at social media of the future–takes on a life of its own!	May 25, 2012
The Sidhe Princess	Didn’t realize it was a short story and was very caught off guard when it suddenly ended. Good character development in such a small size. Interesting story that kept me turning pages!	May 25, 2012
Semper	Really enjoyed this fast-paced YA dystopian novel. The main character is sometimes frustrating in his inaction/puzzlement, but overall it was a great read. Very quick with pacing–sometimes hard to keep up with everything that is going on. Keeps you on the edge of your seat and turning pages. Two great female characters and an interesting secondary character I didn’t expect to see continue as part of the action.	May 21, 2012
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter, #6)	Enjoyed listening to the unabridged audio edition in the car with my boys.	May 19, 2012
Moon Time	Delightful resource for the empowered woman! I read this one twice this year. Book Review: Moon Time	May 19, 2012
This Mother’s Life	Book Review: This Mother’s Life	May 16, 2012
The Memory Palace	Read for book club	May 09, 2012
To Err is Common	Book Review: To Err is Common	May 06, 2012
Threads That Bind	Interesting, fast-paced, and with some twists. Unresolved ending setting you up for book two.	Apr 29, 2012
Asenath		Apr 29, 2012
Minimalism: Essential Essays		Apr 27, 2012
Night of the Purple Moon		Apr 27, 2012
Latitude 38	I found this book very engrossing, suspenseful, and well-written. It is not a feel-good tale though. Pretty gruesome, violent, and ultimately hopeless/depressing. Don’t wait for a happy ending! It reminded me of Hunger Games in overall tone and structure, but was more depressing.I agree with other reviewers who have noted that you don’t find out any more about what is happening politically than you read in the Amazon description (which gives you actually more info than the book itself about the domestic situation).As a Missouri native, I enjoyed the element that Missouri is the line between the two halves of the nation and it is familiar Missouri topography that must be navigated on the characters’ flight from the oppressive half of the divided US. The implication is that it split along political lines, with the conservatives holding one half and the secular/liberal side holding the other half. Since we never actually spend any time in the secular half, we never know if it is really doing as good as they hope it is, but the conservative half as it evolved in this tale is certainly not a state that I would ever want to live in!	Apr 25, 2012
Goddess Initiation: A Practical Celtic Program for Soul-Healing, Self-Fulfillment & Wild Wisdom	Did not like at all. Sounded cool. Was not.	Apr 18, 2012
Pagan Family: Handing the Old Ways Down	I don’t really consider myself to be pagan, but I have been looking for ideas for family-friendly rituals and seasonal celebrations. This book was a good resource with a variety of ideas, readings, and rituals as well as some instructions for craft projects.	Apr 15, 2012
Trickster’s Choice (Daughter of the Lioness, #1)	Listened to unabridged audio edition during my commute and loved it. Kept thinking about the story in between drives. I was a huge fan of Alanna as a kid (my own daughter is named Alaina, actually!) and Aly is also an enjoyable character. As I listened, I kept being curious about the spelling of names, thinking that, based on hearing them pronounced, they’d certainly be difficult to decode while reading–from other reviews, I think I was right! Semi-predictable, but with some twists and intrigue and interesting characters galore!Some familiar Tortallan characters make small appearances, but don’t expect to spend too much time with the Lioness or anyone else from Alanna’s books.**I think the item description is supposed to say “impressive heritage,” right?! George and Alanna might have been hard on Aly, but they weren’t “oppressive”!	Apr 09, 2012
Women’s Rites, Women’s Mysteries: Intuitive Ritual Creation	Great resource!	Apr 08, 2012
On the Right Path: Walking Through God to Get to	Interesting personal memoir of the author’s spiritual journey. Good insights into a model of Christianity that doesn’t work (for her) and to a solitary Wiccan path that does. Writing style is a little erratic/uneven and some of the anecdotes were a little “out there.” The author is clearly very committed to her spiritual development and watching her progress was interesting and engaging.	Mar 31, 2012
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Other Tales of Terror	Read for book club.	Mar 30, 2012
Fire of the Goddess: Nine Paths to Ignite the Sacred Feminine	I really enjoyed this book overall. The first half was stronger than the second, but it picked up again by the end. Fire of the Goddess explores 9 goddess archetypes and includes visualization/meditation exercises for each, followed by an illustrative story, and then a combination of exercises/assignments/ritual. One of the best things about this book was that the ideas for activities were very creative and interesting and not just a rehash of other ideas. I enjoyed the visualizations, but did not find myself connecting with the goddess stories meant to illustrate the archetypes. The sections about the Dark Mother and the Priestess were especially good. High quality, original, useful, and informative, I think anyone interested in goddess spirituality would enjoy Fire of the Goddess and take away some practical ideas.	Mar 30, 2012
Sacred Groves	Read for a class.	Mar 30, 2012
Into These Hands: Wisdom from Midwives	A favorite this year! Book Review: Into These Hands	Mar 24, 2012
Earth Prayers: From Around the World: 365 Prayers, Poems, and Invocations for Honoring the Earth	Lovely collection of readings, poems, and prayers with a ecological emphasis. Some really spoke to my heart, others did not (mostly those that use traditional Judeo-Christian language), but it is such a large collection that there is something for everyone. I appreciate how many of the readings brought a sense of the sacred, a touch of the holy, to everyday, natural events and concepts. i.e. “thanks to the spirit of evolution…” Personally, I like the idea of “every day sacred” and I felt like this book put that feeling into words.I read this book over the course of a year, little-by-little, as I sat at my home altar each afternoon. A blog post I wrote inspired by one of the readings is here: https://talkbirth.me/2012/03/23/300-th…	Mar 24, 2012
More Than a Midwife	Book Review: More Than a Midwife	Mar 21, 2012
Gone (Gone, #1)	YA dystopian fiction.	Mar 15, 2012
Talking to Goddess	Nice collection of different readings, poems, prayers. Lots of voices are represented and some are more appealing than others–most will find something that speaks to them in this collection. Quality is somewhat erratic.	Mar 14, 2012
The Sex Club	Fiction, mystery.	Mar 13, 2012
Goddess Wheel Of The Year	Read for a class.	Mar 10, 2012
Way Back Home		Mar 04, 2012
Mockingjay (The Hunger Games, #3)		Mar 04, 2012
Catching Fire (The Hunger Games, #2)	Read the first one for book club in January.	Mar 02, 2012
Sisters Singing: Blessings, Prayers, Art, Songs, Poetry and Sacred Stories by Women	I read this book piece by piece over the course of the year during my morning meditation time. Some very beautiful and meaningful poetry and prose. Highly recommend!	Feb 24, 2012
Nobody Girl		Feb 24, 2012
I Am Woman by Rite: A Book of Women’s Rituals	Unimpressive.	Feb 19, 2012
Daughter of the Forest (Sevenwaters, #1)	Read this for book club and thoroughly enjoyed it. Little slow to get started, but I’m so glad I stuck with it. It was gripping! There was a very, very disturbing scene and I agree with other reviewers that I’m not sure why fantasy books always have the heroine suffer so grievously 😦	Feb 13, 2012
First World Problems: 101 Reasons Why The Terrorists Hate Us	Needed something lightweight and fun to read and greatly enjoyed this collection. A quick read that had me laughing hard enough that I experienced the first world problem of needing to wipe laughter-tears from my eyes on my pajama shirt.	Feb 10, 2012
Eve Hallows and the Book of Shrieks (Nightmare, #1)	I read this aloud to my 8 year old. His verdict: amazing, awesome, and all the stars. I enjoyed it also and we both laughed out loud on multiple occasions. Very funny and unusual tale about a human girl raised by monsters who is called upon to help the survival of both human and monsterkind. Ending was slightly weak, mostly because it was prepping for book two, rather than a story resolution.	Jan 31, 2012
Witchcraze: New History of the European Witch Hunts, a	An intense read that is not for the faint of heart. Important topic, but very difficult to read about. The violence against women was intense and profound. Deeply disturbing, but important to recognize, particularly the ongoing legacy in contemporary culture. Read for a class.	Jan 30, 2012
Dear Heart, Come Home: The Path of Midlife Spirituality		Jan 30, 2012
Meditation Secrets for Women: Discovering Your Passion, Pleasure, and Inner Peace	I spent a whole year gradually reading through this book. I highly recommend it to any woman who has felt like there was something “missing” in traditional approach to meditation and to a Zen living approach. Maurine clearly explains how traditional approaches are some antethical to woman’s natural ways of relating to the world and that traditions that encourage “transcending” the body, actually may mask hostility to the female body. This is a very earthy, grounded, practical, insightful book with a lot of great content.	Jan 18, 2012
Miss Minimalist: Inspiration to Downsize, Declutter, and Simplify	Much of the content was familiar and there was some repetition, but it lit my fire to get back to decluttering–closets, shelves, wardrobe, brain, and life commitments/schedule. I needed the reminder to choose the best and ditch the rest!I like the term “minimalist”–less cumbersome than “simple living advocate” and less confusing/potential bizarre than, “simple liver.” I immediately decluttered my stash of scarves, winter hats, and gloves. I like her idea to get rid of one thing every day. Could be a great 2012 challenge project! Friendly, clear writing style.	Jan 17, 2012
The Walk		Jan 15, 2012
Breathless (Jason and Azazel, #1)		Jan 15, 2012
Unknown Book 12391297	Still can’t remember what this one was–Goodreads deleted it from their library and since I was using Goodreads as my way to remember, of course, now I’ve forgotten!	Jan 14, 2012
Unfriend Yourself	Christian book about disconnecting from social media.	Jan 14, 2012
Her Wiccan, Wiccan Ways (Rhiannon Godfrey, #1)	Forgettable fiction.	Jan 13, 2012
Passionate Journey: My Unexpected Life	Book Review: Passionate Journey: My Unexpected Life	Jan 13, 2012
The Grimm Curse		Jan 13, 2012
Samael’s Fire (Apocalypto, #1)		Jan 13, 2012
Space Junque / Spiderwork (Apocalypto 1 & 2)		Jan 13, 2012
The Hunger Games