Tuesday Tidbits: Ceremonializing Loss

Jan20

When I am asked for resources for women experiencing miscarriage, my go-to link of choice is Stillbirthday, specifically their information on how to plan for a baby’s birth at any gestation and in any setting: How to Plan – Still Birth Day. I also recommend the resources available from The Amethyst Network, specifically the section on When someone you know miscarries » The Amethyst Network (my own thoughts on Miscarriage is a Birth are shared there as well).

This week I appreciated reading a detailed article on how to hold a ceremony for an unborn child (though I would prefer not using the term “unborn,” since the babies are still born!)

Shortly thereafter they induced her. Three hours later she changed her mind. She wanted a full naming ceremony. Could I come visit her right away? She held my hand tightly and said she was so glad I had dared to visit. Would I be there as soon as her baby was born? Before I left her husband shook my hand so hard I thought it would break.

At 2 a.m. my pager went off. It was a beautiful ceremony. They claimed this baby as their own, honoring her short life and what she had given them. They named her and prepared to let her go. The moment was tender, raw and love-filled.

via How to Hold a Ceremony for an Unborn Child | One Chosen Family.

Additionally, from the website Spirit Babies, there are some tips on organizing your own Spirit Babies Ceremony.

This article explains how friends helped “see” this mother in her miscarriage experience:

I reached out to other women who had miscarried and asked them to share their experiences. What emerged was not only a beautiful testimony of the power of friendship, but insight on how to be a better friend myself.

via When We Remember: A Story of Miscarriage | Kansas City Moms Blog.

When I lost my baby in 2009, my friends sent beads for a necklace for me (like those made for a mother blessing ceremony). It hangs on my wall above his birth certificate. One of my personal “ministries” or outreach efforts is to keep footprints-on-my-heart charms available for women in need. We added twin footprints charms to our etsy shop towards the end of last year as well. Each time we sell one of these charms, my own heart experiences a sinking feeling. I wish no one needed to buy these. It was especially sad to mail out the orders for them that came in around Christmas.

When we have leftover casting material from our larger figures, Mark quickly pours it into one of our pendant molds, making rough “scrap” birth goddesses or other pieces. We sell these at bargain bin prices in our etsy shop. We occasionally have “baby spiral” and “baby in my heart” scrap pieces as well and they are only $1 (they are rough and best used as a component of creating your own project).

And, finally, I had a student this week who needed to help a grieving parent ask me about my booklet, Talking to Someone Whose Child is Dying. I wrote it quite a few years ago when I worked at the Ronald McDonald House and I’d almost forgotten that I made the booklet available as a free download here: Free e-Booklets | Talk Birth

A Rainbow Girl Turns Four!

Jan19

Beginning at 4:00 this morning, Alaina started randomly exclaiming, “it’s my birthday!” and then conking back out. She didn’t actually get up until about 9:30 and we had an epic birthday day.

I don’t have time for a long birthday post and I almost decided not to make one at all, but I figured a couple of pictures can’t hurt (my weekly grades can wait just a little longer. It is still Monday, after all)!

We originally planned to have a tea party for her, but then I got out my American Girl Tiny Treasures book to give away a duplicate to a friend’s daughter and I fell in love with the tiny, tiny pies made in bottle caps (for dolls, not edible). So, I decided we’d make tiny foods and have a tea party. Then, we were at Wal-Mart getting groceries and I saw tiny pepperoni in the meat department. That was it. I suddenly became obsessed with also getting real tiny foods to eat at her party. I had to rein myself in when I was picking up fingerling potatoes to make tiny baked potatoes. We had (frozen) tiny waffles and pancakes for breakfast and we made tiny pizzas using english muffins and the tiny pepperoni for lunch. We also had tiny chicken noodle soup (lipton instant pack with those little noodles) in tiny bowls. I got petite baby carrots and tiny oranges (cuties) and mini candy bars and Ritz bits peanut butter crackers. Then, at the tea party we had mini cupcake strawberry shortcakes and ice cream cups and my mom made tiny whoopie pies with delicious nutella cream filling. It was really overplanning to try to make pretend tiny foods too, but we did it anyway and I still love the tiny pies. I want to start a new Facebook page called The Tiny Piemaker. 😉

Here’s the pictures I did get:

Tiny food prototypes

Real tiny cakes and whoopie pies waiting for tea party

Talented party guest made these!

Zander’s tiny cake

More cakes by Zander.

Tiny salad and cookies by Lann

After guests left, we had tacos for dinner and watched Frozen. When her aunts called to tell her Happy Birthday she yelled, “it is still my birthday and we’re having birthday tacos!”

This four-year old girl is funny and smart-alecky, and tough and trying, and smart, and brave, and cute, and sometimes bratty, and sunshiney. She likes My Little Pony and princesses and Spiderman and super heroes and felt food and Ben 10 and playmobil. She drinks cow milk like it is going out of style and balks at eating almost everything else. She loves her brothers and sometimes torments them, especially Zander. She is very, very, exhaustingly particular about her clothes. She still snuggles to sleep on my arm (or as close to it as she can get) every night. She loves having books read to her and playing babies with her friends. Her goals for the new year were to play with Tom (my dad) and to have cotton candy.

Happy birthday to my wonderful treasure of a rainbow girl! Here’s the link to her birth story:

“She was pink and warm and slippery and crying instantly—quite a lot of crying, actually. I said, “you’re alive, you’re alive! I did it! There’s nothing wrong with me!” and I kissed her and cried and laughed and was amazed. I felt an intense feeling of relief. Of survival. I didn’t realize until some moments later than both Mark and Mom missed the actual moment of her birth. Mark because he was coming around from behind me to the front of me when I moved up to kneeling. My mom because she went to stop the phone from ringing. I had felt like the pushing went on for a “long” time, but Mark said that from hands and knees to kneeling with baby in my hands was about 12 seconds. I don’t know. Inner experience is different than outer observation. What I do know is that the moment of catching my own daughter in my hands and bringing her warm, fresh body up into my arms was the most powerful and potent moment of my life…”

Alaina’s Complete Birth Story | Talk Birth.

Edited to add: of our tiny goods, Lann just exclaimed, “We love these! We’re going to keep them for a long time and our own kids can lose them later!” 😉 And, Alaina, “this is my first birthday in a year, so I’m so happy!”

Earlier in the day, I shared this bday anecdote on Facebook: Alaina and Zander clash kind of a lot lately. Just now after fighting over Alaina’s b-day playmobil castle: “Daddy! Come here. You need to blame Zander for something!”

Small Business Saturday: Of Treasuries and Tents

Jan17

We’ve been busy molding and casting new designs, some of which will be unveiled next week. The newest sculpture we’ve finished, but who isn’t ready to be sold yet, is our springtime/watergathering goddess sculpture. She joins our winterspirit/red tent sculpture. To me, she is kneeling by the riverside, joyful that the springtime thaw is here and the waters flow freely once again. She is welcoming the new—the buds, the blossoms, the tender new shoots, the newborns, the vibrant wellspring of creation and delight.

Our Womanrunes book has been available via Amazon domestically and internationally since August, but this week we added a separate listing for book and card sets on Amazon. We sell the sets in our etsy shop, but the books sold on Amazon ship directly from Amazon itself which means only books have been available there, since the cards are printed by a different company. However, for those shoppers who prefer to use Amazon, we now have a fresh Amazon listing that is for book and card sets.

I’ve been really delighted to get some great messages about women using Womanrunes in their Red Tent circles. The Red Tent in Lawrence, KS sent me a picture of the Womanrunes there:

Speaking of Red Tents, I registered with Red Tents in Every Neighborhood as a sisterhood tent in preparation for our first Red Tent Circle in February. So, now we have an official member badge 😉

If you are local and would like to join the Red Tent Circle, you can find us on Facebook here: Rolla Red Tent.

Hopefully, the Red Tent will be held at WomanSpace! This gathering place by women, for women that has been long dreamed about by our communit is finally becoming a reality in 2015!

Our cesarean birth goddess pendant was featured in a treasury: Pregnancy Affirmations by Lauren Oland on Etsy.

And one of our babywearing pendants in another treasury: The Goddess in Every Woman by Stacy Solmo on Etsy.

Baby is awake again and therefore this is all I have time for tonight!

Modeling sweet little sweater from Aunt Brenda!

Two Month Comparison

Jan16

Ever since Tanner was born and I’ve heard from various people how he looks like one or another of my kids, I’ve wanted to do a side-by-side picture. When I was getting ready to do it, I said, “now people will see they’re not as identical as they think.” After I actually did it I said, “or, I will see they are more identical than I think!” The above collage is each of the kids at around two months old.

Not related to matching babies, but on another subject that I shared on Facebook recently and might as well tack on here, how a ten week old goes all night with a dry diaper is beyond me, especially since he nurses several times. However, this is why I can’t not do elimination communication! They so know how to do it. And, once you know they know, you can’t not know!

Past blog post: The Real EC

Thursday Tidbits: The Return

Jan15

Two months after Tanner’s birth, I still feel like I’m “coming back” from this trip.

And, speaking of returning, last night I went back to teaching my in-seat class. I am grateful to have a husband who accompanied me to keep the baby close on site for nursing as well as for helpful parents who rearranged their schedules/lives to take care of our other kids while we were gone.

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At class last night.

As I mentioned in a recent post, I’d mentally prepared to be “off” until January and now that it is January, I have a feeling of being sped up in an unpleasant way. So, I appreciated reading this essay and the reminder: you just had a baby.

You just had a baby.

So, let’s stop pretending like that didn’t just happen.

And let’s give you some grace and permission.

You don’t have to answer every email, every text or every invitation that comes your way. You don’t have to keep your house clean or make fancy dinners this week or plan your family vacation for the year. You don’t have to take your toddler to the dentist or figure out how to save for college right now…

You Just Had a Baby | Ashlee Gadd.

While I do keep up with a large variety of projects, ideas, communication, and relationships, there is not a single day that passes that I don’t drop a ball, forget something, let something go (intentionally or not), or let someone down. There are emails I don’t answer, calls I don’t take, and text messages I don’t respond to as well as laundry I don’t fold and piles of clutter than don’t get put away, not to mention all the blog posts I don’t write. This simply has to be okay. I’ve joked with friends and with Mark that my “word of the year” should actually be “ruthless,” meaning that I must be ruthlessly assessing of how I spend my time, ruthless about cutting out non-essentials. Every day involves a pile of choices and some of them are hard to choose between, or to not choose. I must be ruthless in my discernment—choosing wisely, choosing carefully, choosing mindfully. My real word of the year is “grow,” while at the same time the message I’ve frequently been picking up in moments of synchronicity and surprising overlap is “let go.” So, maybe I’ve actually got a trifecta of words this year!

I already wrote about the breastfeeding brain in a recent past post, but it appears that there are permanent changes to the maternal brain as well:

The artist Sarah Walker once told me that becoming a mother is like discovering the existence of a strange new room in the house where you already live. I always liked Walker’s description because it’s more precise than the shorthand most people use for life with a newborn: Everything changes…

The greatest brain changes occur with a mother’s first child, though it’s not clear whether a mother’s brain ever goes back to what it was like before childbirth, several neurologists told me. And yet brain changes aren’t limited to new moms…

via What Happens to a Woman’s Brain When She Becomes a Mother – The Atlantic.

And, speaking of mothers and their childbearing brains, Childbirth Connection has produced two phenomenal new resources. There is a report by Sarah Buckley on the Hormonal Physiology of Childbearing and a companion booklet for mothers that simplifies the research into a user-friendly booklet on the role of hormones in a healthy birth. Great resources for childbirth educators and doulas.

For more see: Hormonal Physiology of Childbearing | Transforming Maternity Care.

Small Business Saturday: Womanrunes and Winterspirit

Jan10

“…the business is just a vehicle for sending out my stuff into the world. the real thing, the real magic… is in the creating.”

–Leonie Dawson

“The only domain where the divine is visible is that of art, whatever name we choose to call it.”

–Andre Malreaux (quoted in The Art of Ritual)

We received the second printing of our Womanrunes book this week! They arrived a week ahead of schedule and look beautiful! I’m thrilled to move forward with promotion and distribution of the book. It was a true labor of love and it feels really powerful to share this work with others.

You still have time to get our free digital “Womanrunes Starter Kit” by signing up for our newsletter at Brigid’s Grove. (Scroll down a little and the subscribe box is on the right hand side after our etsy box.) We are also hard at work on a new freebie for our February newsletter, so make sure you’ve signed up and you will automatically get our free “How to Draw a Calamoondala” handout when the newsletter is finished.

It has been on my list for some time to create seasonal goddess sculptures. I felt a wild burst of inspiration at the beginning of the month and created a ton of new sculptures! Only two of them are for the seasonal idea and the others are larger versions of my classic designs. I like the size of my original sculptures, because they fit nicely in the hand or on a birth altar, but I get quite a few requests for larger altar centerpiece figures, so I’m working on fulfilling that request.

When I made these, I was feeling really ready to be done with holiday mode. After feeling excited and energetic about our many plans for 2015, I got up on New Year’s Day feeling crabby, depleted, unfocused, and somehow defeated. After trying to “force” more planning and more decluttering, instead I sat down with my clay and all these new prototypes came out! There is the bigger pregnant goddess people keep asking for, a pendant intended to hold a placenta stone (or regular gemstone), a repair to my cesarean birth goddess sculpt, a grinding-my-corn goddess, and a winterspirit/meditation goddess. After creating them, I felt so happy and excited and back to being recharged. The next day, I created larger versions of my mama goddess and seated mountain pose goddess, plus a brand new springtime water goddess sculpt.

The new seasonal sculpts are very tricky to mold correctly. We’ve only cast the “winterspirit” figure so far. And…she’s evolved again. When we finished her with my favorite red pigment, I decided she might not be Winter after all, but she might be a Red Tent goddess sculpture instead. The feeling she is intended to convey is appropriate for both the Red Tent and for Winter though—she is drawing inward and reflecting, but she is also open to receive or to share as well (with a built in offering bowl in her lap). We plan to have these available in February.

Strength be with Mark! When I make something new, I want the mold ready like, NOW, and I can get really pushy and irritating about it.

We are working through our new Shining Year in Life and Biz workbook from Leonie Dawson. I meant to do a year-end business reflections post, but haven’t had time for it yet and the moment may simply be passing, but I want to share that one of the most powerful (and humbling) things we learned from 2014 was that the idea is only 1% of the process, 99% is in the work and commitment that follows the idea. Many people never make it past the idea phase and as we closed out 2014 we took some time to celebrate and acknowledge the rest of the 99% of doing it, instead of just thinking about or talking about it. Here are some pictures from our epic planning day shortly after Christmas. The far away picture of the table shows what happened when we really got going! The candles are our new intention candles for 2015. We had fun making them!

And, speaking of Shining Years, I’ve been meaning to post about keeping your pewter jewelry shiny. Mark hand finishes and polishes each of our pewter pendants by hand. After wearing for a while, especially if they are immersed in water (like being showered in), the pewter tends to become duller and darker. This is easily solved by just rubbing the pendant with a soft cloth or even just the hem of the shirt you are wearing! They brighten right up with just that simple buffing.

In other bizbits…

We’re happy to be a Gold sponsor of the StoneCrest Dance Center competition team.

And, we’re clearancing out our large triskele design. Only $10!

We’ve also got a few more of our teeny tiny, super cheap scrap goddesses, including one spiral goddess! These are fun for your own projects, tiny altars, or affordable doula gifts. They go fast. 🙂

TINY Nursing mama goddess birth art sculpture (birth altar, mother blessing, doula, midwife, childbirth educator)

And, finally in the work-at-home life, check out who kept me company this afternoon while I was taking new pictures for our shop listings…

He started to play a little nursing game and after having laughed for the first time on January 2nd (seems quite early for laughing!), he was actually cracking up today pulling away while I dipped him down and said, “moved your head!” I couldn’t get a picture or a video of it, but trust me, it was completely adorable.

Embrace Possibility…

Jan7

Usually when I create a new design for a pendant or figurine, I know who I’m making when I begin. Last spring, I created a new design who emerged as a mystery. When she was finished, I loved her. But, I didn’t know her name or what she represented. I asked on my facebook page for input and I got some suggestions…

Druid priestess. Seraphine. High Priestess. Tri-Goddess. Mother. Celtic goddess.

I took her to the woods and held her in my hand and spoke in a little sing-song of emergence…

She who unites body, mind and spirit. She who calls upon earth, sky, and river. She who speaks to oaks and mountains. She who sings with the ocean. She who opens arms to the sky and feels raindrops bless her brow. She who circles in the moonlight. She who gathers with her sisters. She who hears the drumbeat of the earth. She who tunes her heartbeat to this call. She who steps in time with the wind.

Of this earth, for this earth, on this earth.

She holds the vision. She holds the space. She holds an ancient wisdom.

Encoded in her cells, written on her bones…

The mantle settles around her shoulders.

Sinking into belly, bones, and blood,
until she knows,
without a doubt,
that this is who,
she really is.

The next afternoon, a friend who had a prototype version of the new pendant sent me a message suggesting a title: Embrace Possibility. I thought about what I’d written in the woods. I thought about how different women saw different names for her and I knew that THIS was it. Embrace Possibility. What message does she hold for you?

This experience returns to me as we greet a new year with all its potential. After the reflective mood of fall and the celebratory spirit of the holiday, I find that January has entered my life with a frosty attitude. When I was preparing to give birth to my new baby in October, I’d mentally prepared to be “off” until January, which felt far away at the time. Now that it actually is January, I recognize a tautness in my chest and mind at the return to “real life.” My body feels tight and constricted and I am increasingly irritable and frustrated, like an animal emerging from hibernation. At the same time, I have a lot of plans, visions, and ideas for the new year. I feel a brightness and aliveness and a deep excitement about the birth of a new year, but I notice myself struggling with a sensation of needing or wanting all of these things to be done right now, at this very moment. Hurry up! I suspect this is because at another level, I still actually want to hibernate in my rocking chair with my baby. The call of the hermit self remains strong, the call of the outside world is clamoring with increasing intensity for my attention, and the buzzing sparks of energy and vision in my mind say, set us free. Let us ignite! Can I allow myself to continue to sit for just a while longer, embracing possibility?

Mama Strut (by Pelv-Ice) review

Jan2

After learning about bellybinding during my Sacred Pregnancy course, I planned to try it after Tanner’s birth. In October before his birth, I got a message about reviewing a new product from Pelv-Ice: The Mama Strut, which is a postpartum support brace. Of course I said yes! What perfect timing! The actual Mama Strut arrived on the very day Tanner was born. How’s that for even more perfect timing?! While it isn’t as pretty as a traditional bellybind, it is very functional and has lots of beneficial extras that are not present on a traditional belly wrap.

The Mama Strut is a wearable soft brace that is uniquely engineered to deliver heat/ice therapy to reduce pain, swelling and cramping from vaginal deliveries, c-sections and vaginal prolapse, while also supporting the back and abdomen with medical-grade compression. The all-in-one shorts and abdominal/lower back support design is adjustable, fits comfortably and discreetly under clothing, and is made with moisture-wicking, anti-microbial fabric for supreme comfort. The Mama Strut offers women increased relief and mobility, as well as the ability to take care of baby without the need for heavy pain medication.

via PELV-ICE LLC

After the births of all of my other children, I distinctly recall the feeling of not being able to stand up straight for days after their birth. This isn’t just a psychological or emotional feeling of being “wrung out” from giving birth, it is physiological—core strength is really affected by pregnancy and our mama abdominal muscles do struggle to keep our bodies upright. I remember leaning on the sink, kind of hunched over, trying to brush my teeth. And, I remember leaning on the wall of the shower to support my body. After my daughter’s birth in 2011, my afterbirth contractions were centralized, very painfully, in my lower back as well.

One of the nifty things about the Mama Strut is how it is “customizable” for each woman. It has hot/cold packs that can be inserted into pouches for the lower back, abdomen, and perineum. My favorite thing about it was the back brace support though. It was just what I needed. I tried the Mama Strut for the first time about two days after birth and it felt amazing. And, after I took it off, I still felt like my core muscles were benefiting from the support. I could stand up straighter and my abdominal muscles felt like they had been brought back together. My only critique is that the perineal support strap was not removable (all the other additions velcro off and on) and since I didn’t want/need to use it, it just dangled down the back like a tail (it does tuck into a pouch on the back when not in use, instead of tail-dangling, but I found it then made a hard lump against my back, so I left it to dangle instead). Since I have labial tearing following births, rather than perineal tearing, the last thing I want is something tight against my tender body! For the same reason, I also wish the shorts were detachable. However, my type of tearing is unusual and I can see how many women would benefit from the perineal support, particularly those who experience the sensation of their insides “falling out” or their organs dropping.

The Mama Strut made a noticeable difference in my posture, the intensity of my afterbirth contractions (particularly in my back), and my sensation of core strength and support during the early postpartum period.

Here are some “before” pictures that my mom took of me at two weeks postpartum:

And, here are some pictures of me using the helpful support!

—

Disclosure: I received the Mama Strut as a complimentary product for review purposes.

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Twomonthababy!

Dec30

Babies. I highly recommend them.

My little Tan Tan is two months old today. As I snuggle him, two quotes often flit through my mind. The first when I nuzzle his head: “…his softly furred scalp.” The second when I experience those moments of amazement and delight in him and the desire to carefully preserve exactly what this sweetness is like in this very moment: “…the last baby trails his sweet scent like a soft flag of surrender.”

Today, I looked them up so I could use them in this post and behold they both come from the same author and the exact same passage of The Poisonwood Bible.

“A mother’s body remembers her babies–the folds of soft flesh, the softly furred scalp against her nose. Each child has its own entreaties to body and soul. It’s the last one, though, that overtakes you. I can’t dare say I loved the others less, but my first three were all babies at once, and motherhood dismayed me entirely. . . . That’s how it is with the firstborn, no matter what kind of mother you are–rich, poor, frazzled half to death or sweetly content. A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world.

But the last one: the baby who trails her scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after–oh, that’s love by a different name. She is the babe you hold in your arms for an hour after she’s gone to sleep. If you put her down in the crib, she might wake up changed and fly away. So instead you rock by the window, drinking the light from her skin, breathing her exhaled dreams. Your heart bays to the double crescent moons of closed lashes on her cheeks. She’s the one you can’t put down.”

― Barbara Kingsolver, The Poisonwood Bible

I know I already used them in a past post about Alaina (don’t judge!).

I guess another bonus of a bonus baby is that you get to have the sweetness of a “last baby” twice! I remember writing after I had Alaina that I finally felt about her the way I always imagined feeling about motherhood. It isn’t that I didn’t feel the deep love and attachment with my older boys, I definitely did. And, I had lots of moments of delight and cherishment with them as well, but I just don’t remember consciously enjoying their babyness so very much. I really very much enjoy the babyness of this new last baby.

We haven’t weighed him since seven weeks and he was a little over 12lbs then. Is certifiably adorbs. Is first baby to have smiled at me while nursing and awake at this young. Seems extra smiley in general for a baby this age, actually. And, has been successfully peeing in potty when I remember to take him. I haven’t exactly been taking off with EC this time around, but suddenly decided it was time to try. Here is a video of his heart-melting goos.

Showing off my Dragonfire trifle on Hobbit Day!

He seems even more mama-focused than my other babies. I pretty much still hold him 22 hours a day. He likes to smile at and look at other people and can sometimes be held by them while sleeping, but his limit on being carried around by most others is about five minutes. Sometimes with my mom he lasts longer than that if she can get him out of the kid-chaos-zone and into a quiet room and lay him down to talk with him one-on-one. I keep exclaiming about this to Mark, as in—“couldn’t you hold our other kids longer than five minutes at a time?”—when I remember that Tanner is the only baby for whom Mark has been home. I guess I didn’t notice how mama-fied the other babies was, because I was the only adult home with them during the days of their babyhoods. I did envision that with two parents home all the time, baby-care would be distributed more between us than with prior babies, but so far it isn’t working out that way. Its okay though, because…softly furred scalp.

Also, and perhaps this plays a part in the delight in the babyness of the baby, when you have multiple kids, sitting down and snuggling the baby feels like a break. It feels like delicious respite. It feels like vacation. When you have one baby and you hold it all the time and are on so constantly, sitting down with the baby feels like that is “all” you do. I remember wishing to be free to be a complete human again. Now, with three other complete-human kids needing things, sitting down with the baby does not feel like the ongoing work that it once may have felt.

He does like to sit on a knee and pump his legs with enthusiasm!

Some things also haven’t changed. As I posted to Facebook recently, this week I was on the elliptical while Tanner slept. I started talking about how I was looking forward to my oatmeal for breakfast and how I was fantasizing about eating it. Then I started laughing and telling the kids about how when Lann was a baby I used to wait all morning to eat my oatmeal, until he went down for his morning nap. I would walk around getting weaker and headachy and sort of depressed and imagining my bowl and how good it would be. “How sad is that?!”

Then, the realization: Oops! I guess nothing has really changed in 11 years!

(Except my oatmeal has lots more chocolate chips now…)

Here is a picture of Tanner “opening” his first gift on the Winter Solstice:

And, here is a picture of how I got my paper grading work done this session:

I knocked them out too! I really wanted to be drinking Nutella cocoa, making Christmas decorations, and brainstorming awesome biz plans for 2015 and not doing any grading at all, but I also tried to hold appreciation and gratitude for this work that I can do from my kitchen table with my baby listening to my heartbeat at the very same time.

(You might not be able to tell in the pic, but I also had an earbud in one ear because I was listening to Red Tent facilitator training recordings at the same time too! That’s how I roll. Later, I listened to audiobooks at 1.5 speed while grading. There may be nothing better than being able to read a book AND do something else at the same time. Dream come true!)

I also asked Mark to take a picture of some of my favorite accomplishments of 2014. Baby, M.Div degree, and finishing the facilitation of a year-long Rise Up curriculum with my women’s circle:

And, here are a couple of more pix from Christmas, including my cute new doll (Alaina got one too) in her crocheted boho vest made by my talented mom as well as lovely new handmade wine goblets. Also, the boys in their made-by-my-mom beard hats and Alaina in her princess hat and my brother in his Cthulu hat (which was too awesome not to include!):

We also got to experience more cousin power on Christmas!

2014 in Review (According to Facebook)

Dec22

Facebook did another auto-generated year-in-review feature this year and I think it is fun. Apparently, it is actually customizable rather than only auto-created, but I don’t see a “customize” option on my own page, so oh well! I like that it is a nearly ready-created year end blog post too. I’d like to do a year-end post of my own choosing and writing, but I may not actually get around to it, so this may have to do…

January 19

Well, my little sweetie pie, rainbow girl is THREE today! She wanted to have a tea party today and specified it be with “little girls,” so that’s what we did!

New baby announcement!

New baby nephew! 🙂

August 28

More fun progress! The printed book shipment came yesterday and so now the Womanrunes book AND cards sets are available in our etsy shop!

September 25

My heart is full of appreciation and gratitude and joy after my mother blessing ceremony last night (thanks so much to Barbara Johnson for holding the space…

October 4

Last month marked the third anniversary of our work party cooperative. Today the men moved our shed from all the way across the field to by the garden, cleared…

October 30

Tanner Matthias was born this morning at 10:20 after about six hours of labor. Is a tiny little one at only about 7lbs! Fourth homebirth, but first waterbirth…

November 7

Today marks the fifth anniversary of the death-birth of my third baby, the tiny four-inch boy we named Noah. I will never forget touching his face and seeing…